We will never understand what possesses America's fast food workers (like these two clowns) to place foreign objects in the grub of customers wearing a badge. Wouldn't a doctor or street sweeper be, legally speaking, a better choice? Here are some reports from Ohio's Reynoldsburg Police Department detailing what Officer Tim Kessler recently found in his cup after devouring a McDonald's lunch. Shawn Barker, a 15-year-old burger flipper, was later arrested on a "contaminated substances" rap. (5 pages)

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