This Ashlee Simpson gal really cracks us up. The singer's rider describes her four-piece band's "orchestration" thusly: "Drums, Bass, 2 Guitars, and pre-recorded sequences operated by the drummer." Along with keeping the beat, Ashlee's poor bandmate also has to press the play button (an indignity never suffered, of course, by Max Roach, Charlie Watts, or even the Spinal Tap drummers). The rider also includes the 20-year-old performer's dressing room demands, which include a jar of pickle relish and a "Ubiquitous Deli Platter with appropriate condiments." We're pretty sure someone besides Ashlee came up with (and spelled) the word ubiquitous. The Simpson document, which was updated a month after her "Saturday Night Live" October 2003 lip sync debacle, also requires Throat Coat tea, a favorite of singers who actually sing. (9 pages)

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