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    A Pennsylvania man who allegedly threatened to kill his wife told police that he had “been doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great,” according to a criminal complaint.

    Eric Farnack, 46, was arrested Sunday night at the Lehigh Valley home he shares with his spouse. Cops arriving to the residence were met by Farnack’s panicked wife, who said that he was “out of control” and had threatened her life.

    Farnack, seen at right, then exited the home “in a state of rage,” police reported. As he approached officers, the screaming Farnack was warned that he would be tased if he did not follow police directions.

    Complying with orders, Farnack got on the ground and declared that he had “been doing meth and masturbating all day, and it feels great.” Cops noted that Farnack appeared “highly under the influence.”

    Charged with making terroristic threats, harassment, and disorderly conduct, Farnack was booked into the Northampton County Prison, where he is being held in lieu of $15,000 bail.

    Farnack has previously been convicted for meth possession, resisting arrest, and making terroristic threats. His Facebook page includes a profile image (seen below) that purports to be the logo of the “National Crystal Meth Hallucination League.”

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    A Florida Man known as “Mr. Perfect” is in jail for literally battering a female victim, police report.

    Cops charge that Dwayne Zimmerman, 45, was intoxicated late Friday night when he insulted the victim, who was on the porch of Zimmerman’s mobile home preparing to make pancakes for dinner.

    After Zimmerman flung a cooking pan, cops say, he picked up a bowl filled with pancake batter and threw it at the victim. The bowl shattered, with its contents landing in the woman’s hair and on her clothing. Batter also caked portions of the screened-in porch.

    Pictured at right, Zimmerman was arrested at the scene on a felony battery charge. He was booked into the Hernando County jail early Saturday morning and remains locked up in lieu of $2000 bond. A judge has ordered Zimmerman to have no contact with the victim.

    Zimmerman’s rap sheet includes arrests for grand theft; disorderly intoxication; battery; narcotics possession; criminal mischief; drunk driving; and assault. In criminal court filings, his alias is listed as “Mr. Perfect.”

    In October 2017, Zimmerman was arrested for battery after allegedly striking his sister in the chest with a thrown gallon of ice cream. Zimmerman, who reportedly was intoxicated at the time, attacked his sibling inside his mobile home. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the misdemeanor case.

    Zimmerman was arrested in mid-February for striking his brother in the face. The battery took place at Zimmerman’s mobile home in Brooksville, a Tampa suburb. Zimmerman, who dismissed the blow as a “little tap,” was convicted earlier this month of misdemeanor battery and was sentenced to the three days he had already served in jail and was ordered to pay $1003 in fines and court costs.

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    A Pennsylvania man named Sober was arrested for...well, you know where this is going.

    Daniel Sober, 44, was busted Saturday evening for drunk driving following a police stop near his home in Lower Burrell, a Pittsburgh suburb.

    A breath test, cops say, recorded Sober’s blood alcohol content at .194, more than twice the legal limit.

    Sober, pictured at right, was charged with drunk driving and careless driving, according to court records. After being booked, Sober was released on his own recognizance. He is next scheduled to appear in court on March 20.

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    After being caught having sex in a hot tub at an Ohio water park, a couple was arrested Tuesday evening on trespassing and disorderly conduct charges after they fled from security personnel.

    Cops allege that Kamden Mack, 25, and Taylor Coats, 22, were trysting in a spa at the Kalahari Resort when they were spotted by a lifeguard. When the lovebirds, who live in Michigan, refused to leave, police were summoned to the water park, which advertises “hair-raising waterslides, world-class spas, kids’ play areas, and diverse dining options.”

    During Mack’s and Coats’s 8 PM hot tub frolics, cops noted, “several families” were “seated at surrounding tables with young children.”

    After cops arrived at the resort, Mack and Coats (seen above) allegedly took off running from security guards. Mack was subsequently tackled, handcuffed, and placed in the rear of a police cruiser, from which he later bolted due to a malfunctioning lock. He was again tackled, this time by a cop, and returned to the squad car.

    Coats, who was apprehended inside her hotel room, was charged with two misdemeanors--persistent disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing--and released from jail on her own recognizance.

    Mack was charged with the same misdemeanors as Coats, but he was also hit with a felony escape count for running from the patrol car. He was freed from the Erie County jail after posting $21,000 bond. While Mack told cops he was a lawyer, his Facebook page identifies him as a sales manager for UGG, the footwear company.

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    Sometimes test photos taken at county lockups find their way into the regular stream of mug shots published online.

    This happened Wednesday when personnel at Florida’s Columbia County jail photographed a male arrestee named Test T. Test (seen above).

    Test, 32, was released without bond, according to the jail web site.

    Test’s arrest joins prior noteworthy collars of defendants like Juan Llama, Donald Duck, a KFC Double Down sandwich, a squirrel, and a disguised cop.

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    The Florida Man who denied ownership of three syringes found in his rectum during a jail strip search will not face criminal charges in connection with the keistered contraband, according to court records.

    Wesley Dasher Scott, 40, was busted in early-January on separate warrants charging him with possessing marijuana and drugs without a prescription. While being frisked by an arresting officer, Scott denied having any illegal items hidden on (or in) his body.

    However, during a subsequent strip search at the county lockup, Scott "removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them" to a jailer. But while he had fished the items from inside his body, Scott claimed the syringes “were not his.”

    Seen above, Scott did not reveal who purportedly owned the needles (or where he supposedly found them). In addition to the existing drug counts, Scott was charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony.

    But prosecutors subsequently opted not to pursue the contraband charge against Scott. The brief declination notice came as Scott agreed to a plea deal on the pot and prescription drug charges. Scott was sentenced to 40 days in jail and ordered to pay $550 in fines in connection with the misdemeanor convictions.

    Scott was arrested again two weeks ago for allegedly swiping merchandise worth $56.51 from a Walmart near his residence in Largo, a Tampa suburb. Scott, who spent about 20 hours in custody before posting a $150 cash bond, had no drug paraphernalia inside any body orifice when apprehended.

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    A Florida prosecutor today released court records detailing Robert Kraft’s two visits last month to a Florida massage parlor where the billionaire allegedly paid for sex acts.

    Kraft, owner of the NFL’s New England Patriots, has been charged with two misdemeanor counts of soliciting prostitution in connection with his trips to the Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, not far from his winter residence in Palm Beach.

    Kraft, investigators charge, visited the massage parlor on January 19 and again the following morning, January 20 (the day of the AFC championship game between the Patriots and the Kansas City Chiefs). Kraft, 77, was recorded on both days by surveillance equipment surreptitiously placed inside the business by police.

    During the January 19 visit, Kraft had his genitals manipulated by two female workers, one of whom subsequently “can be seen wiping Kraft’s penis with a white towel.” Investigators confirmed Kraft’s identity after he departed the spa in a chauffeur-driven white Bentley that officers pulled over during a traffic stop ruse.

    The following morning, Kraft arrived at the spa in a 2015 blue Bentley. While inside a massage room, a female employee was recorded "manipulating Kraft's penis and testicles." She “then put her head down by his penis. This went on for several minutes.” The woman later “wiped Kraft in the area of his genitals with a white towel.”

    A Kraft spokesperson has denied that the tycoon "engaged in any illegal activity."

    Lei Wang, 39, and Hua Zhang, 59, were charged last week with operating the Orchids of Asia spa as a house of prostitution. In a probable cause affidavit, Kraft is referred to as “Male 8” and “Male 13.” While Wang’s name is redacted from the Kraft criminal complaints, the probable cause filing reveals that she received payment from Kraft at the spa’s front desk. On January 19, Wang and a 59-year-old employee “took turns manipulating Male 8’s genitals.” A short time later, investigators noted, “Wang began to clean Male 8’s genitals with a towel.”

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    An ex-con is back behind bars after allegedly striking his girlfriend in the forehead with a “hard piece of cookie,” Florida cops report.

    Wade Smith, 41, was arrested yesterday on a misdemeanor charge following the alleged battery in the couple’s residence in Zephyrhills, a Tampa suburb.

    According to a criminal complaint, the victim told cops that Smith “threw a hard piece of cookie and hit her in the forehead.” Smith reportedly “admitted to throwing the cookie at the victim without her consent.”

    Police noted that the woman had a red mark on her forehead, but suffered no further injuries.

    Smith, locked up in the Pasco County jail in advance of a court appearance today, has a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for grand theft, trafficking stolen property, fraud, and weapons possession. He has served three separate terms in state prison (totaling five years in state custody).

    Smith is seen in the above mug shots, a pre-tattoo image and a photo taken following Sunday’s collar.

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    A Chicago grand jury has indicted R&B singer R. Kelly for the alleged sexual abuse of several underage girls.

    The 52-year-old performer is accused of ten felonies involving four victims, three of whom, prosecutors charge, were minors at the time they engaged in sexual contact with Kelly. The fourth victim, a hairdresser, was 24 at the time she was attacked by Kelly, investigators allege.

    According to the indictment, the allegations span a 12-year period beginning May 1998 and continuing until January 2010. Charged with aggravated criminal sexual abuse, Kelly could face a maximum of seven years in prison on each count.

    During a February 23 court appearance, a judge set Kelly’s bond at $1 million, which will require him to post $100,000 to secure his release from the Cook County lockup.

    In advance of the hearing, prosecutors filed a graphic four-page bond proffer document detailing Kelly’s alleged crimes. According to the filing:

    * Kelly had sex on multiple occasions with a girl whom he met when she was celebrating her 16th birthday at a restaurant. After Kelly’s manager gave the girl a business card containing the singer’s phone number, the teen’s mother told Kelly’s associate her child was only 16. During a one-year period beginning May 1998, the girl had a series of sexual encounters with Kelly, who was 32 at the time, at his Chicago recording studio.

    * Investigators recently obtained a videotape showing Kelly having sex with a 14-year-old girl. The tape was provided by an unnamed witness who “identified the scenes from the video as having been from” Kelly’s residence in Olympia Fields, a Chicago suburb. In the video, “the victim repeatedly says she is 14 years old” and Kelly is seen “penetrating the victim orally and vaginally.”

    * In 2003, the hairdresser arrived at Kelly’s studio expecting to braid his hair. Instead, the singer “had his pants pulled down” and sought to forcibly have the woman perform oral sex on him. When the woman resisted, Kelly “masturbated and ejaculated on the victim and spit in her face several times.” The shirt worn by the woman was tested by the Illinois State Police and was found to contain semen. “The male DNA identified in the semen sample is a match to Robert Kelly’s DNA profile,” according to the bond proffer.

    * A 16-year-old girl who met Kelly while attending the singer’s 2008 criminal trial had sex with the performer “multiple times” at his Olympia Fields home. The girl, prosecutors say, told Kelly “how old she was.” During their sexual encounters, Kelly "would spit on her, slap her in the face and choke her." The victim “saved one of the shirts she was wearing when Robert Kelly ejaculated on her and gave that shirt” to police. “The shirt was submitted for DNA testing and semen was identified on the shirt,” according to the proffer, which does not indicate when the testing occurred or whether the the semen sample identified matched Kelly’s DNA profile.

    Steve Greenberg, Kelly’s lawyer, contends that the four accusers are all lying. He described Kelly as “shell-shocked” and “extraordinarily disappointed and depressed” about the charges. 

    chicago, R. Kelly
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    In some U.S. lockups, inmates are provided with a shirt so that they do not have to appear in booking photos wearing a jail uniform. For example, an Arkansas sheriff photographs inmates wearing a black Nike Athletics t-shirt.

    This accommodation leads to scores of defendants--both men and women--in Pasco County, Florida donning the same striped shirt golf shirt over their orange jail togs.

    The shirt, which presumably is laundered on occasion, appears to be of a size that fits most detainees (some of whom choose to pop that collar). The manufacturer of the garment is unknown.

    If inmates are not partial to teal and aqua blue, a second, less popular, golf shirt is also available for booking photo sessions.

    The inmates seen here were in custody during the past few weeks.

    Mug Shot
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    A judge today issued an arrest warrant for a woman accused of “removing and unnecessarily tormenting a live lobster from the tank” of a Florida seafood restaurant.

    When Kimberly Gabel failed to show this afternoon for a pre-trial hearing at a Clearwater courthouse, a judge ordered the arrest of the 42-year-old.

    Gabel was arrested in November for disorderly conduct after she allegedly caused a scene at a Red Lobster in St. Petersburg. A manager told police that he asked Gabel, seen at right, to leave the restaurant “for disturbing other customers.”

    Before departing Red Lobster (seen below), Gabel allegedly “proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant,” according to a police report. When cops subsequently tracked down Gabel--who appeared intoxicated--she denied knowledge of the lobster’s whereabouts, adding that she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong.”

    In a misdemeanor information filed last month, prosecutors accused Gabel of disorderly conduct, “to wit: removing and unnecessarily tormenting a live lobster from the tank of an establishment.”

    By failing to show up in court, Gabel forfeited the $100 bond she posted following her bust. When apprehended on the failure to appear warrant, Gabel will have to post $513 to secure her release from the county jail, according to court records.

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    For the second time in five months, a couple has been arrested for having sex on a Florida sidewalk--this time in the vicinity of a children’s parade, police allege.

    Fort Myers cops Sunday afternoon arrested Bernadette Colatarci, 47, and Phillip Daley, 58, for lewd and lascivious behavior.

    As detailed in a police report, an off-duty cop first spotted the homeless duo having sex on a downtown sidewalk around 5 PM. At the time, the officer was driving home several children who had participated in the Edison Festival of Light Junior Parade (which included floats, marching bands, clowns, and a fun run).

    On-duty cops subsequently located Colatarci and Daley unclothed and lying on a Main Street sidewalk. The pair, who appeared intoxicated, had their genitals exposed and Daley was seen “thrusting his hips,” the report alleges.

    Daley denied that the couple was having sex, instead claiming that they had only been “dry humping.” He subsequently told cops that he did not think that the pair was in the wrong, adding that they enjoyed having "Sexy sexy."

    Seen above, Colatarci and Daley are locked up in the Lee County jail. They are each facing a felony charge since, investigators say, children saw them having sex.

    The couple was arrested in September 2018 after a bicycle patrol officer witnessed Colatarci performing oral sex on Daley on a Fort Myers sidewalk on a Monday afternoon. They were both subsequently convicted of misdemeanors and received identical sentences: 25 days in jail and an order to pay $370 in court costs.

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    What kind of a degenerate dresses up in a dog costume and then records himself performing sex acts on his Siberian Husky?

    Police allege that Christian Nichols, 21, did just that in his residence outside Tampa, Florida.

    Nichols, seen at right, was arrested yesterday on aggravated animal cruelty and obscenity charges. He was locked up in the county jail in lieu of $10,000 bond in advance of a court hearing this afternoon.

    Investigators were able to track back vile video and photos posted on the internet to Nichols. Officials last month learned of the online material from an out-of-state tipster.

    A search of the unemployed Nichols’s home yielded multiple videos of him sexually abusing dogs (one 5:16 video was labeled “sexslave.wmv”). Another video, a court filing reveals, “depicts an adult male dressed in an animal costume having anal sex with a German Shepherd dog.”

    Police say that Nichols was “dressed in a black and white Husky dog costume” while he had inappropriate contact with one canine.

    Nichols abused one dog, named Ember, with multiple sex toys. At one point during a video, Ember, cops say, "appeared to be in distress" and tried to run away. Nichols responded by “striking the dog with a sex toy.”

    When confronted yesterday by police, Nichols reportedly confessed to abusing the Siberian Husky. After Nichols was taken into custody, Ember and a second dog were removed from the defendant's home and placed in the custody of animal welfare workers.