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    BIZARRE: Car lover pleads guilty to autoerotic encounter with parked vehicle

    Meet Hermes Callijas-Gasperin.

    The 22-year-old Floridian was arrested for allegedly pelting his mother with sausages inside the kitchen of their Bradenton residence.

    Cops charge that Callijas-Gasperin battered his 41-year-old mother after asking her to make him some food around 8 PM Monday. The victim agreed to prepare a meal, but asked her son “to give her a few minutes due to being busy.”

    The unemployed Callijas-Gasperin became angry when asked to wait, according to a probable cause statement. Callijas-Gasperin “threw the remaining sausages” at his mother, with one sausage striking her in the right eye. He also allegedly pushed the victim backwards and placed his hands around her neck (but did not restrict her breathing).

    During police questioning, Callijas-Gasperin claimed that his mother walked up and “bumped” him while he was eating in the kitchen. “The defendant stated that he got mad, so he threw the remaining sausages at her.” Callijas-Gasperin contended that he had done nothing wrong, adding that he would not have tossed the sausages if his mother would have “said sorry.”

    Callijas-Gasperin was busted for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where he remains locked up on $750 bond. Upon his release, Callijas-Gasperin has been ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from his mother.

    Callijas-Gasperin was arrested earlier this year following a physical confrontation with his stepfather, who found Callijas-Gasperin smoking pot on his front porch. Callijas-Gasperin subsequently pleaded no contest to misdemeanor marijuana possession and resisting police charges.

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    A South Carolina man shot his cousin after the victim ignored the gunman’s warning not to eat his potato chips, police allege.

    Ryan Langdale, 19, was charged today with attempted murder, weapons possession, and obstruction of justice in connection with the September 29 shooting of his 17-year-old relative at a rural property about 60 miles from Charleston.

    Langdale told responding officers that the victim accidentally shot himself while cleaning a hunting rifle. That claim was not initially refuted by the victim since he required emergency surgery after being rushed to the hospital with life-threatening injuries.

    But when the victim’s health improved enough for a police interview, he told investigators Langdale shot him after warning him not to consume his salt and vinegar potato chips.

    During a search Monday of Langdale’s home, police seized what they believe was the weapon used in the shooting. Seen above, Langdale is locked up in lieu of $55,000 on the felony counts.

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    America’s reigning Hickey King™ was sentenced this week for his latest run-in with the law, court records show.

    Kentuckian Micah Musser, 19, was placed into a five-year diversion program and ordered to enter a rehab treatment facility once a bed becomes available.

    Musser pleaded guilty last month to burglary and criminal mischief charges filed after his arrest in late-March. He has been locked up in the Montgomery County jail since his collar.

    Musser first appeared in these pages last year when he was arrested by Louisville cops who discovered him and several teenage runaways inside an abandoned building. Police reported that the floor of the boarded-up property was strewn with “empty alcoholic beverage containers.”

    When booked into the Louisville Metro Corrections jail last June, Musser’s neck was adorned with an array of fresh hickeys (as seen in the above mug shot). When busted in his most recent criminal case, Musser’s neck had returned to a pristine state.

    hickey, Kentucky
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    After police found methamphetamine “in plain view” on a nightstand in his home, a Louisiana man claimed that a ghost placed the narcotics in his residence, according to an arrest report.

    Responding to a reported stabbing, sheriff’s deputies early yesterday encountered Michael Auttonberry, 59, at the door of his West Monroe residence. Auttonberry, seen at right, cursed at cops and “people who were obviously not there.”

    Deputies quickly determined that Auttonberry had not, as he claimed in a 911 call, been “stabbed on the head by an axe.” Nor were there any intruders inside his home.

    While making sure that Auttonberry’s residence was clear, a deputy spotted “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine.” A subsequent search of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing another gram of meth.

    Auttonberry surmised that a "ghost or intruders" placed the meth on him and were exiting the home through a nearby window. “Which was not accurate,” investigators noted.

    Auttonberry was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and a misdemeanor criminal mischief count. He is being held in the Ouachita Parish jail in lieu of $5000 bond.

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    An argument between brothers over “who had eaten the last of the ribs” turned violent early Saturday, with one sibling stabbing the other in the stomach, Iowa police say.

    Investigators allege that Cale Jymm, 34, stabbed his 35-year-old brother Daniel during a dispute inside a room at the American Inn hotel in Council Bluffs.

    Officers responding to a 911 call found a bloody pocket knife outside the hotel room door. Inside, Daniel--who was tending to an abdominal wound--told cops that he had been arguing with his younger brother over "who had eaten the last of the ribs" when the beef turned physical.

    The victim, who was transported to a local hospital for treatment, told police that he did not want to press charges against his brother. The younger Jymm, however, was arrested on felony and misdemeanor assault charges.

    Jymm, seen above, is being held in the Pottawattamie County jail in lieu of $20,000 bond. Next due in court on October 8, Jymm faces a maximum of 12 years in prison if convicted of the knifing.

    The brothers, who live in New Mexico, moved into the hotel a month ago when they began working at a nearby power plant.

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    While dining Saturday at a Florida café, Pedgie Georges thought it would be funny to send her boyfriend a text falsely claiming that “people were robbing the restaurant.”

    But what Georges, 22, did not anticipate when planning her “prank” was that her beau would call 911 to report that an armed robbery was in progress at Alabon Bakery, a Fort Pierce eatery specializing in Haitian cooking.

    After receiving the 911 call, cops raced to the restaurant, running red lights with their sirens blaring. With their weapons drawn, officers subsequently entered the business and discovered no crime in progress.

    But they did find Georges, who explained that she texted her boyfriend “as a prank that people were robbing the restaurant,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Since she had “created a dangerous environment” that could have resulted in harm to police or members of the public, Georges was arrested for misuse of the 911 system, a misdemeanor.

    Seen above, George was released early yesterday from the county jail.

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    After her boyfriend repeatedly declined to have sex with her, a Florida woman grabbed a kitchen knife and slashed him multiple times in the face, according to police who arrested the alleged attacker on a felony battery charge.

    In response to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Vero Beach apartment, cops arrived at the residence around 3:30 AM Thursday and encountered Katherine Nieves-Tavarez at the front door. Nieves-Tavarez, 27, had blood on her clothing and hands, an arrest affidavit notes.

    Inside the apartment, cops reported, Nieves-Tavarez’s boyfriend was spotted falling to the floor “with blood covering his face.” Asked what happened to him, the man replied, “She hit me with a knife. I can’t see.”

    The victim went on to tell officers that Nieves-Tavarez, his live-in girlfriend, had been drinking and "asked to have sex, which he declined." The man added that “after declining multiple times,” Nieves-Tavarez “became angry and started yelling at him.”

    Nieves-Tavarez then allegedly retrieved a “large, silver kitchen knife” and followed the man outside to the patio. There, Nieves-Tavarez allegedly slashed the victim with the knife. When police questioned the man, he had “multiple lacerations to his face,” a torn shirt, and “redness around his neck and chest area.” The victim was subsequently transported to a hospital for treatment of his injuries.

    Seen above, Nieves-Tavarez was arrested and booked into the county jail on a felony charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. She is being held in lieu of $15,000 bond and is scheduled for arraignment on October 31. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim.

    Nieves-Tavarez was arrested in April 2017 on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge, but that case--which involved the same man--was eventually dismissed by prosecutors.

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    A domestic dispute over a pimple became so heated Saturday that cops were called to a Florida home to break up the altercation, a police report notes.

    According to investigators, a 75-year-old man and his 55-year-old spouse “were involved in a argument over the husband wanting his wife to pop a pimple on his back.”

    The quarrel got heated enough for someone to call 911. When a sheriff’s deputy arrived at the Bradenton residence, the couple advised that “the altercation was just verbal and never turned violent.”

    The cop reported observing no injuries to either party, each of whom was provided domestic violence pamphlets.

    A brief police report does not reveal if the pimple ever got popped.

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    The New York City man charged with setting a massive blaze that damaged more than 135 vehicles at a Brooklyn shopping center told investigators that he was “motivated to start the fire by his belief that others used the parked vehicles for sexual activity.”

    Evon Stephens, 23, was named yesterday in a federal complaint charging him with starting Monday’s seven-alarm blaze inside the garage at the Kings Plaza Shopping Center. The garage was used by car dealerships to store vehicles for sale.

    Stephens, investigators allege, initially torched a Mercedes-Benz, with the fire spreading to other vehicles. As he departed the garage Monday morning, Stephens “made an obscene hand gesture” towards a surveillance camera.

    After being apprehended Monday afternoon, Stephens told police that he routinely went to the garage and “accessed vehicles” owned by auto dealers. He reportedly confessed to starting the fire because he thought the parked autos were being used by “others” for sexual liaisons.

    The Brooklyn blaze--which took hours to extinguish--was battled by hundreds of New York City firefighters. According to city officials, six civilians and 22 firefighters suffered minor injuries in connection with the fire.

    Stephens, facing a felony arson charge, is being held at the federal detention center in Brooklyn. The accused firebug is pictured above in a surveillance photo from the Brooklyn garage.

    arson, Brooklyn
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    Casdorph The Destroyer is again behind bars.

    West Virginia cops last week busted Glenn Allen Casdorph, 30, after he allegedly assaulted his mother with a spatula during a confrontation in their suburban Charleston home.

    In addition to a malicious wounding count, Casdorph was also charged with huffing spray paint (an addiction that resulted in his prior appearance in these pages).

    The 6’ 4” Casdorph, mouth ringed with silver paint, is pictured in the above mug shot. He is locked up in lieu of $10,000 bail.

    As TSG reported in 2015, the origin of the defendant’s “Casdorph The Destroyer” nickname is unclear. He was previously known as “Squirrel,” a handle Casdorph reportedly did not embrace.

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    Considering the crimes of creepy Jared Fogle, perhaps a felon should think twice about wearing a Subway t-shirt when posing for his latest sex offender registry photo.

    Daniel Audie Wayne Smith, 29, is seen at right in a recent picture taken by Alabama authorities. Smith, a Birmingham resident, is on the state’s sex offender list due to his 2009 conviction on attempted sexual abuse charges. The victim was a seven-year-old boy.

    Smith, who was released from prison in 2013, is currently unemployed, according to the state registry. He previously worked for an HVAC firm in Bessemer, a city 20 miles south of Birmingham.

    Fogle was Subway’s spokesperson until his 2015 arrest for possessing child pornography and paying a teenage girl for sex. Sentenced to 15 years and eight months, Fogle is imprisoned at the federal lockup in Englewood, Colorado. The 41-year-old degenerate has a July 2029 release date.

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    A man arrested early yesterday for masturbating in public told police that engaging in such illicit pleasure sessions “helps with his anxiety,” according to an arrest report.

    Cops allege that Carlos Salvador, 20, was naked from the waist down when a witness spotted him around 2:30 AM inside a 24-hour laundromat in Clearwater, Florida. In a 911 call, the witness reported that the male suspect had an erect penis and was masturbating “out in the open.”

    When police arrived at the laundromat (seen below), Salvador was seated inside and “masturbating while watching pornography on his phone.”

    During police questioning, Salvador reportedly admitted to previously masturbating in public, saying that it “helps with his anxiety.”

    Salvador was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. He was later released on his own recognizance.

    Perhaps someone should introduce Salvador to exercise, fidget spinners, or the benzodiazepine family before he gets into further legal trouble.

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    9/12 UPDATE: Cops have interviewed the man seen in the video and believe that he was not associated with the teens who robbed the store. Investigators are continuing their attempts to locate and apprehend the juvenile suspects.

    Police have identified the man and the two teenagers who did not call for help when a clerk collapsed Saturday afternoon inside a Washington convenience store. The youths, however, took the opportunity to raid the cash register and steal merchandise while the stricken man was on the floor.

    A surveillance camera recorded the incident at a Shell gas station in Auburn, a city 25 miles south of Seattle. The video, seen above, prompted multiple members of the public to contact police with the identities of the trio.

    As seen in the video, a clerk named Zarif appears to argue with one of the teens about items consumed in the store. After the clerk came out from behind the counter, he collapsed into a SmartWater display stand (at the 2:20 mark of the video).

    After staring at the prone worker for a few seconds, the man accompanying the teens left the store. The youths opted to start stealing. After removing money from the hand of the fallen clerk, one teen jumped the counter and tried to open the cash register.

    The teen, wearing a dark jacket, proceeded to go in and out of the store several times, stealing items on each occasion (and repeatedly stepping over the unconscious Zarif). The teen wearing an orange jacket succeeded in getting the register open and each of the young thieves then tore bills from the drawer.  

    The clerk remained on the floor for several minutes before another customer arrived and called 911 for help. According to a GoFundMe campaign, Zarif, a married father of three small children, has been hospitalized in critical condition since September 8.

    Police have yet to announce the arrest of the thieves (or what charges they will face).