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    “Meth is legal now.”

    That is what Enzo Zabala-Cardozo, 31, “advised” Florida cops who caught him, glass pipe at his lips, attempting to light up early yesterday in a St. Petersburg alleyway, according to an arrest affidavit.

    Upon spotting police, Zabala-Cardozo began walking away, but not before declaring that, “Meth is legal now.” He did not offer further details as to when lawmakers legalized use of the highly addictive stimulant.

    As it turns out, however, meth possession is still a crime in the Free State of Florida™. As such, Zabala-Cardozo was busted on a felony drug possession charge and a misdemeanor count of resisting police.

    Pictured at right, Zabala-Cardozo was booked into the county jail on $2150 bond. At the time of his 3:50 AM arrest Thursday, Zabala-Cardozo was free on bond in connection with his arrest in late-May for possession of meth and drug paraphernalia.

    Zabala-Cardozo’s rap sheet includes multiple convictions for narcotics possession, as well as convictions for trespass, disorderly conduct, obstruction, and assault.

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    A reputed Florida gang member is facing a felony charge for uploading a homemade rap video to YouTube, court records show.

    Tito Burney is a member of St. Petersburg’s Auburn Park crew, according to police who Tuesday arrested the 26-year-old on multiple felony counts. Burney, seen below, is locked up on $80,000 bond.

    Citing a law barring “criminal gang electronic communication,” police collared Burney for posting “Aint Duckin No Rec” to YouTube in mid-February. The 2:21 rap song, which has been viewed about 2100 times and has garnered four comments, is one of three videos on Burney’s YouTube page (which has 237 subscribers).

    Police allege that the song contains lyrics that “are being utilized to benefit, promote, or further the interests of the Auburn Park gang” and “intimidate or harass other persons.” Specifically, a police detective in an arrest affidavit noted that Burney rapped about handling “beef” with firearms and spoke of “doing a drive by shooting” with a TEC-9 submachine gun.

    In the video, which was filmed outside a St. Petersburg food market, Burney--who is wearing a balaclava and a Lacoste t-shirt--“appears to be holding real firearms,” Detective Michael Bletsch alleged.

    When Burney was apprehended Tuesday evening on the rap video count, he was allegedly carrying a stolen Beretta handgun, which allowed cops to charge him with three additional felonies.

    Burney’s rap sheet includes convictions for criminal mischief; grand theft auto; possession of drug paraphernalia; obstructing police; trespass; heroin possession; fleeing law enforcement; Ecstasy possession; and firearms possession by a convicted felon.

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    A Florida inmate charged with punching a corrections officer in the face said that she walloped the female victim because she “was bored” and “had nothing else to do,” according to a court filing.

    Investigators say the deputy yesterday was escorting Jazmyne Levesque, 23, to a pod inside the Pinellas County jail when Levesque attacked. The deputy was “taken to a walk in clinic for treatment,” an arrest affidavit states.

    After being read her rights, Levesque, seen at right, reportedly copped to the battery, saying she attacked the deputy “because she was bored, had nothing else to do, and was already in a couple of fights earlier in the day.”

    Levesque was charged with a felony count of battery on a law enforcement officer.

    Levesque was jailed earlier this month for allegedly throwing punches at a municipal bus driver and getting in a female cop’s face and yelling, “I am threatening you right now! Do your fucking jobs you idiot!” She was charged with assault on a law enforcement officer and assault on a public transit employee.

    At the time of her July 14 collar, Levesque was free on bond in a felony grand theft case (which remains pending). She has been charged with stealing nearly $2400 in merchandise from an Ulta Beauty store near her residence in Tarpon Springs, a Tampa suburb.

    After police found 87 cosmetic items stashed in her purse, Levesque reportedly copped to the theft, saying that she intended to use the stolen goods to “beautify” herself.

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    A “heavily intoxicated” Florida Man was arrested Saturday night for calling 911 to report that his girlfriend “wished to eat Sour Patch Kids” according to police.

    An arrest affidavit does not reveal why Joshua Larson, 37, allegedly phoned the police emergency number at 11:45 PM with the candy dispatch.

    When asked about the call by a sheriff’s deputy, Larson “smiled and walked away” from cops outside his residence in Madeira Beach, a city 10 miles from St. Petersburg.

    Seen above, Larson allegedly struggled with deputies as they sought to place him in handcuffs. An “electronic control weapon” was eventually used to take Larson into custody, according to the affidavit.

    Charged with misuse of the 911 system and obstruction, Larson was booked into the county jail, from which he was freed yesterday afternoon on his own recognizance. As part of his release conditions, Larson has been ordered by a judge to not consume alcohol and has been outfitted with an alcohol monitoring device.

    Larson was arrested in November for allegedly shoving his girlfriend and knocking her phone from her hand during an altercation in their Clearwater apartment. Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue a misdemeanor domestic battery count against Larson.

    It is unclear whether the alleged victim in the 2021 case is the same woman who sought to consume the Sour Patch Kids candy.

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    A New Hampshire man wearing a t-shirt bearing a mug shot of country singer Morgan Wallen posed for his own booking photo Friday evening.

    Zachary Horne, 20, was collared for underage possession of alcohol and booked into the Belknap County jail in Laconia.

    As seen at right, Horne was wearing a t-shirt with Wallen’s mug shot printed on the front.

    The country music superstar was arrested in May 2020 for public intoxication and disorderly conduct following a disturbance at Kid Rock's Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock N' Roll Steakhouse in Nashville, Tennessee (prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue charges against the 29-year-old performer).

    Shirts, hoodies, and socks containing the booking photo of Wallen--whose album “Dangerous: The Double Album” last year sold more units than any other release--are widely available online.

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    A woman found naked from the waist down told Pennsylvania police that snakes had eaten her pants, according to a court filing.

    Responding last Thursday afternoon to multiple 911 calls about a half-dressed woman walking in the middle of a road about 25 miles from Philadelphia, cops found Gloria Harpel, 35, “naked from the waist down and she was rambling.”

    Harpel, who police suspected of narcotics use, initially said that she had put her pants in a storm drain before contending that “snakes had eaten them.”

    Pictured at right, Harpel--who was reportedly “sweating profusely” and “making nonsensical outbursts”--was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness. She was booked into the Montgomery County jail on the misdemeanor counts.

    A probable cause affidavit does not provide a further description of the purported trouser snakes.

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    Perhaps a name change is in order for Le'Genius Williams.

    The 22-year-old Floridian--who has already served prison time for attempted murder and robbery--is back behind bars on an assortment of felony gun and drug charges following his arrest Monday night.

    Police allege that Williams struck his girlfriend in the face with a handgun and then fled the St. Petersburg crime scene in a Chevy driven by another man.

    Cops performed a pit maneuver to stop the vehicle and then arrested Williams and the driver. A search of the car uncovered a pair of loaded firearms, as well as cocaine and fentanyl, according to a court filing.

    Seen above, Williams was booked into the county jail for aggravated domestic battery, drug trafficking, narcotics possession, and weapons offenses. He is being held in lieu of $77,000 bond.

    In 2013, when Williams was 13, he was arrested for shooting a 15-year-old boy. He was subsequently sentenced to eight years in prison for attempted murder (as well as an unrelated robbery charge).     

    Five months after his release from state prison in late-2020, Williams was arrested for cocaine possession, driving without a license, and illegally possessing a handgun (he was freed last February on $12,000 bond). The 2021 case is pending and a judge this week revoked Williams’s bond in light of his latest arrest.

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    A trespassing suspect with “his pants opened and genitals exposed” explained to Florida police that he was “doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually” when he was discovered at 2:15 AM on the premises of a closed Mexican restaurant, according to a court filing.

    Cops say that Kenneth Grey, 29, tripped a silent alarm after jumping a fence early Monday at the Red Mesa Cantina in St. Petersburg.

    When officers arrived at the restaurant, Grey was seated inside a fenced area near the outdoor bar “with his pants opened and genitals exposed.” Grey, seen at right, was detained and subsequently charged with loitering and prowling, a misdemeanor.

    After being read his rights, Grey reportedly acknowledged trespassing and told police he was “doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually.”

    Grey is locked up in lieu of $250 bond and has been ordered to stay away from the restaurant. His rap sheet includes prior convictions for trespassing, obstructing police, and possession of an open container of alcohol.

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    Laughing as he recounted killing his father’s poodle, a Florida Man told cops that he buried the animal alive because “the dog was old, and he thought it was already dying,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Police report that Tyler Crevasse, 33, yesterday confessed to wrapping the 18-year-old pet “in a wet towel while the dog was still alive and buried” the canine in the backyard of the Clearwater home he shares with his 61-year-old father.

    “The defendant kept laughing while he was making these statements,” a cop reported. The poodle was later discovered in the area where Crevasse reportedly confessed to burying the animal.

    After learning that his dog had been killed, the victim confronted Crevasse, who then allegedly punched his father in the nose twice. Crevasse, cops say, said the pair argued “after he told his father that he buried his dog alive in the backyard.”

    Pictured above, Crevasse was arrested for animal cruelty and domestic battery. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $10,000 bond on the felony counts.

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    Meet Jacob Ryan Philbeck.

    The 29-year-old Florida Man made a series of 911 calls early yesterday to inform police dispatchers that President Joe Biden should be jailed, while convicted drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán should be freed from custody.

    In response to that legal advice--offered in three separate predawn calls--Philbeck was arrested for misuse of the 911 system, a misdemeanor.

    Dialing from an apartment in Palm Harbor, a Tampa suburb, Philbeck was initially informed that “the information he was providing was a non-emergency situation.” Philbeck was also warned not to use the 911 system in such a manner.

    Nevertheless, he persisted.

    Philbeck, a registered Republican voter, again called cops to say that, “President Biden needed to be placed in prison,” according to an arrest report. Philbeck also advised that, “El Chapo needed to be freed.”

    When deputies arrived at Philbeck’s residence, he was on the line with 911. That call was cut short by Philbeck’s 6 AM arrest. Seen above, Philbeck was booked into the county jail, from which he was released yesterday on $150 bond.

    With regard to Philbeck, the arrest report notes that there was an “Indication of Alcohol Influence.”

    In posts to his Facebook page, Philbeck has supported flying the Confederate flag, opposed gun control, and declared that “its scary to do research and find out how much todays democratic party and hitlers nazi germany have in common WOW.” In a 2018 post, Philbeck wrote, “for the record i am very conservative even more right than many republicans maybe im libertarian idk.”

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    The first rule of False Name Club is: You do not claim to be Tyler Durden.

    During a vehicle stop late Sunday night in Dunedin, a Gulf Coast city, Florida cops discovered a 9mm handgun, ammunition, and “a trafficking amount of narcotics” inside the auto.

    Since the gun and the drugs--heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, marijuana, and Xanax--appeared to belong to a male passenger, Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office deputies asked the man to identify himself.

    In response, the suspect “provided the name ‘Tyler Durden,’” according to an arrest report. Apparently unaware that “Durden” was a character in the 1999 film “Fight Club,” cops ran the handle through a police database and “were unable to locate a subject by that name.”

    Using a fingerprint scanner, police subsequently identified the passenger as Todd Michael Burns, 44, whose rap sheet includes numerous drug convictions, as well as convictions for grand theft, disorderly conduct, violating probation, and carrying a concealed weapon.

    Seen above, Burns is currently on probation for a 2019 conviction for meth possession. He is also facing burglary and grand theft charges in another Florida county.

    After Burns’s identity was confirmed by cops, he reportedly “admitted to giving a false name due to not knowing why he was being arrested.” Locked up in the county jail, Burns is facing an assortment of felony drug and weapons charges, as well as a misdemeanor count for providing a false name to law enforcement.

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    A Florida Woman suspected of drunk driving performed “multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves” while undergoing field sobriety tests after rear-ending a vehicle late Wednesday evening, cops report.

    Amy Ann Harrington, 38, was arrested on a DUI charge following a crash near her residence in Madeira Beach, a city 10 miles from St. Petersburg. Police allege that Harrington “showed multiple signs of impairment during roadside sobriety tests.”

    Harrington smelled of alcohol, had “slurred speech,” and “was unsteady on her feet,” police charge. When asked to perform one-leg stand and walk-and-turn tests, Harrington instead broke out her cross-disciplinary dance moves, according to an arrest affidavit.

    Harrington, who refused to take a breath test, was charged with a pair of misdemeanors and booked into the county jail (from which she was released yesterday on $650 bond).

    Pictured above, Harrington, who works at a St. Petersburg bar & grille, was arrested for DUI in 2019 following a car crash. She subsequently copped to a reduced charge of reckless driving and was sentenced to 12 months probation and 50 hours of community service.

    In the new case, a date has not been set for the roadside ballerina to appear for arraignment and enter a plié.

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    Faced with a locked bathroom at a convenience store, a Florida Man decided to instead relieve himself inside the business’s beer cave, ruining $113.36 in merchandise, police report.

    According to an arrest report, Clarence Patterson, 61, entered the Hop & Pop store Saturday afternoon and proceeded to the restroom, which was locked. Patterson “then entered the ‘beer cave’ making the appearance he was looking at the merchandise inside.”

    Patterson, who lives about two miles from the store in Rockledge, a city 50 miles east of Orlando, then “faced toward the alcohol cases on the shelves,” unzipped his pants, and began urinating.

    “There were six cases of beer total that were damaged and could no longer be sold,” a cop reported, adding that the beer cave incident was recorded by a store surveillance camera.

    Pictured above, Patterson was arrested Wednesday and charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor for which he posted $500 bond.