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    Meet Alyssa Breanne Zebrasky.

    The 27-year-old Ohioan is being held in the Mahoning County jail following her arrest yesterday for theft and possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia.

    Zebrasky was busted after allegedly stealing merchandise from a Walmart. A subsequent police search of her purse turned up a hypodermic needle, methamphetamine, and Suboxone (which is prescribed to treat opioid addiction).

    Zebrasky is locked up in lieu of $6000 bond.

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    The self-described "World's Dumbest Criminal" pleaded guilty today to stealing a lawnmower and a weed trimmer from a Walmart in Florida, court records show.

    Michael Taber, 46, signed a plea agreement copping to a grand theft charge during an appearance in Circuit Court in Nassau County.

    Taber was arrested in late-April after he wheeled a shopping cart out of Walmart without paying for a $258 Snapper lawnmower and a $148 Murray weed trimmer. After driving away with the stolen goods, Taber was pulled over and arrested by a sheriff’s deputy.

    Seen above, Taber told the cop he planned to pawn the items, adding that “pain makes you do stupid things.” Taber claimed that he needed to shoplift in order to afford his medications. “Mr. Taber also said he is ‘the world’s dumbest criminal,’” a deputy reported.

    Taber, a Jacksonville resident, was booked this morning into the Nassau County jail following his plea. Online court records do not indicate whether Taber was sentenced upon entering his plea.

    Taber has recently been working at Willard’s BBQ in Jacksonville. In a character reference letter to the court, the eatery’s owner noted that Taber “takes his job serious and does it quite well.”

    Taber’s rap sheet includes a 2005 grand theft conviction for which he spent 15 months in state prison.

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    A South Carolina cop escaped injury Monday night when a deer, struck by another motorist, went airborne and crashed through a patrol car window, landing in the cruiser’s front seat.

    According to cops, a Dorchester County Sheriff's Office deputy spotted the deer approaching the road on a highway outside Charleston. As the deputy stopped his vehicle, another car hit the deer, sending the animal into the air.

    As seen in these police photos, the deer smashed through the cop car’s windshield, landing in the passenger seat.

    Neither the deputy or the other driver sustained serious injuries. The deer was killed in the collision.

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    A Florida Man arranged to receive oral sex from an undercover female cop “in exchange for a hamburger,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Frank Caponi, 57, was collared Saturday afternoon after allegedly striking the burger-for-sex arrangement with a St. Petersburg cop. The affidavit does not indicate whether Caponi possessed the hamburger or was prepared to procure one pre-fellatio.

    When questioned by arresting officers, Caponi reportedly acknowledged that “he and the female spoke of sex.”

    Charged with a misdemeanor prostitution count, Caponi was booked into the county jail (from which he bonded out Saturday evening after posting $250).

    Caponi’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft and battery on a law enforcement officer. Cops noted that Caponi, who operates an auto body shop, has a Death Before Dishonor tattoo on his right arm and a grim reaper inked on his forearm.

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    An Iowa man was arrested today for allegedly exposing himself in an Uber car and telling the driver that he “liked to masturbate in front of Uber drivers,” according to a court complaint.

    Christopher Jensen, 27, was charged with a serious misdemeanor in connection with an incident several months ago in Iowa City.

    Police charge that Jensen, seen above, called for an Uber around 4:45 AM and got into the front seat when the vehicle arrived. During the ride, Jensen “took his penis out of his pants and began to masturbate in front of the driver.”

    After explaining that he enjoyed such illiicit activity, Jensen allegedly asked the driver, “Do you want to touch it?” The Uber driver, cops say, stopped the car and told Jensen to get out.

    Investigators, who identified Jensen through Uber records, noted that the suspect “acknowledged taking an Uber but stated he did not remember masturbating in the cab.”

    Jensen was released from the Johnson County jail this morning.

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    A Florida Man upset that his baked potato was undercooked allegedly stabbed a woman in the head with a fork in a domestic spud rage incident early this morning, cops report.

    Kenneth Crumpton, 36, was busted today on a felony aggravated battery with a weapon charge in connection with the 12:30 AM attack inside a Jacksonville-area residence. Crumpton, seen at right, is being held in the Nassau County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

    Investigators charge that Crumpton, displeased with the preparation of his potato, repeatedly stabbed the victim in the head with a fork. Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.

    During questioning, Crumpton told cops that he did not stab the woman. Instead, he claimed to have thrown the fork, which "glanced off her head."   

    The woman was not seriously injured and declined a police offer of medical assistance, according to an arrest report. Deputies seized the fork used in the attack and a bloody shirt as evidence.

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    A Pennsylvania mother drove two miles with her 12-year-son on the hood of her car, according to police who yesterday arrested the woman on a pair of endangerment charges.

    As alleged in a criminal complaint, Shaurice Jones and her son quarreled last week when she drove the boy to a local dentist. The child, cops say, refused to go into the office. Instead, he climbed atop his mother’s automobile.

    Jones, 36, responded to her son’s protest by getting into her car and driving two miles to a police precinct. The speed limit on the road Jones traveled is 40 mph.

    Upon arriving at the Colonial Regional Police Department, Jones admitted to officers that she had been driving with her son on the vehicle’s hood. It appears Jones went to the precinct in the hopes that cops would mediate the family dental dispute.

    Pictured above, Jones has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a felony, and reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor. She was freed from custody after posting $1000 bail and is next due in court on December 4 for a preliminary hearing.

    Court records show that Jones last year pleaded guilty to driving without a license. She was arrested in 2014 on the same charge, but that case was eventually withdrawn by prosecutors.

    Jones lives in Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.

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    An intoxicated Florida Woman plucked a live lobster from a tank at a Red Lobster and bolted from the St. Petersburg restaurant with the purloined crustacean, according to police.

    Kimberly Gabel, 42, was drunk and “causing a scene” Saturday at the eatery, prompting a manager to ask her to leave “for disturbing other customers.”

    Gabel, pictured at right, was cursing as she headed to the Red Lobster’s front door, an arrest affidavit notes. But before departing, Gabel “proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant.”

    Responding to a 911 call about the lobster heist, a sheriff’s deputy located Gabel, who smelled of booze and was slurring her word. Continuing to curse, Gabel denied knowledge of the pilfered lobster’s whereabouts. Gabel explained that since she was “blacked out drunk,” she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong” at Red Lobster (seen below).

    Busted for disorderly intoxication, Gabel was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. She was subsequently released on $100 bond.

    Gabel’s lengthy rap sheet includes arrests for trespass; theft, drug possession; loitering; burglary; carrying an open container of alcohol; exposure of sexual organs; violating probation; domestic battery; defrauding an innkeeper; disorderly intoxication; drunk driving; and resisting an officer.

    Jailers have noted that Gabel has tattoos on her back of “Dragon and Koi fish.”

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    A Pennsylvania man was all smiles yesterday after he was arrested for allegedly threatening to shoot up a polling place after being told that he was not registered to vote.

    Police charge that Christopher Queen, 48, sought to cast a ballot Tuesday morning at the South Franklin Volunteer Fire Department in suburban Pittsburgh. But a check of voter rolls by election workers revealed that Queen was not registered.

    Upon learning that he would not be able to vote, Queen became irate and warned that he was going to get a gun and “shoot up” the polling site, cops allege.

    Queen, pictured above, then left the fire department, but was soon apprehended by police. He was charged with disorderly conduct and making terroristic threats, a felony, and booked into the Washington County Prison on $10,000 bail.

    According to court records, Queen’s rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving; harassment; reckless endangerment; disorderly conduct; and criminal mischief.

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    An Indiana man yesterday contacted police to lodge a complaint about his crack dealer, records show.

    According to an Evansville Police Department report, Kenneth Dewayne Woods, 62, came to the police records department and disclosed that he “bought some crack cocaine over a period of time on credit” from a female dealer and her boyfriend.

    Woods told police that he has not paid the duo the $400 he owes for the crack cocaine.

    In light of his unpaid narcotics bill, Woods said, his dealers are now threatening to run him out of town, vandalize his car, and shoot him. Additionally, owing to interest, the dealers now contend that they are owed $500, said Woods.

    Woods said the assorted threats occurred earlier this month.

    crack, Indiana
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    After being arrested for groping a female passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight, a Florida man announced that “the President of the United States says it’s ok to grab women by their private parts.”

    According to a criminal complaint, Bruce Alexander, a 49-year-old Tampa resident, was a passenger Sunday afternoon on a plane traveling from Houston, Texas to Albuquerque, New Mexico. During the flight, Alexander allegedly “made sexual contact” with a woman seated directly in front of him.

    Investigators charge that Alexander twice reached forward and touched the breast of the female victim. The woman told the FBI after she was touched the second time she stood up and confronted Alexander, saying that he “needed to stop.” At the woman’s request, a flight crew member then moved her to another seat.

    Alexander, who was arrested after the flight landed, told agents that he had not been drinking during the trip. He added that “the woman in front of him spoke to him and was then reseated to another part of the aircraft.”

    While handcuffed in a squad car, Alexander, who has worked as a heavy equipment operator, asked “what the sentence was for the charge he was being arrested for.” In an affidavit, FBI Agent Michael Hopkins noted that Alexander later “stated that the President of the United States says it’s ok to grab women by their private parts.”

    Charged with abusive sexual contact, Alexander faces a maximum of two years imprisonment and a $250,000 fine if convicted of the felony. Alexander remains in custody in advance of a detention hearing scheduled for this morning in U.S. District Court in Albuquerque.

    Alexander is seen above in a mug shot snapped last year after his arrest for drunk driving. He subsequently pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of reckless driving and was fined, placed on probation, and ordered to attend DUI school.

    Alexander is registered to vote from his Tampa residence, but his registration includes no party affiliation.

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    An Iowa man who was being treated at a hospital after consuming a Tide Pod is accused of trashing more than $7500 in medical equipment during a rampage earlier this month, police report.

    As detailed in a court affidavit, Brandon McVay, 26, became “out of control” while being treated around 1 AM in the critical care unit of Mercy Hospital in Council Bluffs.

    When police arrived at the facility on October 4, McVay, seen above, was pinned to the ground by security. A nurse subsequently told police that “hospital staff were treating Brandon in Critical Care 102 for eating a Tide Pod.”

    At one point, McVay got out of his bed and “started throwing and breaking things in the room.” Yelling loudly, he then went into the hallway and began to “throw and break other items.”

    Investigators estimated that McVay damaged or destroyed four desktop computer systems, leaving broken glass “everywhere inside the Critical Care Unit.” The hospital, cops added, faced a bill of more than $7500 to “replace the items damaged and to clean up the unit.”

    McVay was charged with felony criminal mischief and booked into the local jail (from which he was later released on $5000 bail).

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    BIZARRE: Car lover pleads guilty to autoerotic encounter with parked vehicle

    Meet Hermes Callijas-Gasperin.

    The 22-year-old Floridian was arrested for allegedly pelting his mother with sausages inside the kitchen of their Bradenton residence.

    Cops charge that Callijas-Gasperin battered his 41-year-old mother after asking her to make him some food around 8 PM Monday. The victim agreed to prepare a meal, but asked her son “to give her a few minutes due to being busy.”

    The unemployed Callijas-Gasperin became angry when asked to wait, according to a probable cause statement. Callijas-Gasperin “threw the remaining sausages” at his mother, with one sausage striking her in the right eye. He also allegedly pushed the victim backwards and placed his hands around her neck (but did not restrict her breathing).

    During police questioning, Callijas-Gasperin claimed that his mother walked up and “bumped” him while he was eating in the kitchen. “The defendant stated that he got mad, so he threw the remaining sausages at her.” Callijas-Gasperin contended that he had done nothing wrong, adding that he would not have tossed the sausages if his mother would have “said sorry.”

    Callijas-Gasperin was busted for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where he remains locked up on $750 bond. Upon his release, Callijas-Gasperin has been ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from his mother.

    Callijas-Gasperin was arrested earlier this year following a physical confrontation with his stepfather, who found Callijas-Gasperin smoking pot on his front porch. Callijas-Gasperin subsequently pleaded no contest to misdemeanor marijuana possession and resisting police charges.