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    A Florida Man who was being investigated for causing a drunken disturbance yesterday at a public library was arrested after he gave cops a bogus social security number and a fake name--Jason Bourne.

    Cops say that Jonathan Chapman, 45, was asked several times Tuesday afternoon to leave the Pinellas Park library, but he refused. Chapman, who was reportedly intoxicated and smelled of alcohol, was subsequently asked to identify himself by a patrolman.

    Instead of providing his actual name, Chapman claimed to be Jason Bourne, the title character in a series of Robert Ludlum thrillers that were adapted for film (and which starred Matt Damon).

    The Bourne identity, however, was fabricated.

    Cops eventually identified Chapman and charged him with resisting an officer, a misdemeanor, for providing the phony name and invalid social security number.

    Pictured above, Chapman is being held in the county jail in lieu of $150 bond. His rap sheet includes prior collars for trespassing, public intoxication, and dealing in stolen property. A criminal complaint lists Chapman’s residence as a private home in St. Petersburg.

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    A Florida teenager is accused of striking his stepsister in the head with a thrown potato after she failed to pay him enough attention, cops say.

    Tyler Scott Parker, 18, was busted Sunday afternoon on a domestic battery charge following a spud tossing incident at his family’s Tampa-area residence.

    Parker, seen at right, began yelling at the victim and threatened to throw a potato at her if she “did not stop ignoring him,” according to a criminal complaint.

    After Parker’s stepsister “replied to the defendant,” he allegedly threw the potato, which struck his kin in the head. Parker was subsequently arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge.

    The victim does not appear to have been injured in the potato attack.

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    The version of the Mueller Report released this morning contains 855 separate redactions, the bulk of which appear in the section devoted to the Russian government’s actions to influence the 2016 election for the benefit of Donald Trump.

    The redactions were made by Attorney General William Barr in the weeks after Special Counsel Robert Mueller provided him with the 448-page report on March 22.

    The redactions range from single words and footnotes being blacked out to entire pages of the report being shielded. Of the total redactions, 730 appear in the report's section examining Russian intereference in the last presidential election (and contacts between "the Russian government and individuals associated with the Trump Campaign").

    Barr’s redactions cover four categories:

    * Material gathered via grand jury proceedings

    * Information that, if disclosed, could reveal sources and methods used by intelligence agencies in the U.S. and abroad

    * Details that could affect ongoing criminal investigations

    * Information that could infringe on the privacy rights of peripheral, third-party individuals somehow involved in the Mueller investigation

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    A Pennsylvania man who was high on bath salts when he opened fire on fireflies that he mistook for “green laser lights” has been sentenced to a maximum of six years in prison following a plea deal with prosecutors.

    Jesse Shields, 31, was arrested last June after he and his girlfriend broke into a Clinton County residence. Claiming to have been attacked, Shields said “there was something on his skin that was burning” and asked the homeowner if he could use the shower. After disarming Shields, the homeowner allowed the intruder to use the bathroom.

    When cops arrived at the residence, Shields and Katherine McCloskey, 23, were taken into custody. Seen above, Shields and McCloskey are parents of a one-year-old child.

    During police questioning, Shields said the couple had been driving around in a truck when McCloskey “started seeing green laser lights coming from the sky and was hearing voices.” Shields added that he also “began to see and hear the same,” claiming that “the truck began to shake.”

    In an effort to scare off the pursuing laser lights, Shields said he used a .357 Magnum revolver to fire a warning shot.

    McCloskey told police that she and Shields “started seeing a lot of green lights that are similar to fire flies, but they were not fire flies because they were blinking twice.” Shields, she added, grabbed her father’s handgun and “fired the gun to scare whoever was messing with them.”

    Shields was sentenced Monday after pleading guilty to felony weapons and criminal trespass charges. He was ordered to serve between three and six years behind bars. Shields’s rap sheet includes convictions for narcotics distribution, theft, making terroristic threats, criminal mischief, and assault.

    McCloskey pleaded guilty in November to disorderly conduct and driving under the influence of a controlled substance. Sentenced to a maximum of six months in custody, McCloskey is currently locked up at the Muncy State Correctional Institution.

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    Incensed that a St. Louis hamburger joint had run out of chocolate ice cream, a female suspect went on a 2:25 AM rampage, breaking out the restaurant’s windows with a baseball bat and spitting on employees, according to police.

    Officials are seeking the public’s help in identifying the woman who trashed the Rally’s Hamburgers outlet on March 27.

    According to a St. Louis police summary, investigators classified the incident as a burglary and listed three women as victims. The suspect, cops say, became “enraged after ordering her food” and “then used an aluminum baseball bat to break the glass windows of the business” and threaten the victims (none of whom were injured).

    Investigators say the woman went ballistic after Rally’s workers informed her they only had vanilla ice cream available. Upon learning that there was no chocolate ice cream in stock, she spit on employees and then set upon the business’s windows with a baseball bat

    It is unclear whether the woman entered Rally's with a baseball bat or retrieved it from her car upon learning that no chocolate ice cream would be forthcoming.

    The suspect fled in a gray SUV before police responded to 911 calls from the restaurant (seen above).

    Police described the suspect as a black woman between the ages of 25 and 35. She was wearing blue jeans, a green jacket, and a yellow shirt during the attack.

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    Angered by the noise coming from a union picket line across frome their home, an Ohio couple allegedly made sugar cookies spiked with a laxative and gave the baked goods to striking school employees, police allege.

    According to investigators, Bo Cosens, 29, and Rachel Sharrock, 25, are both facing a felony contamination charge. Seen above, Cosens and Sharrock are each locked up in lieu of $1 million bond.

    The couple lives on the same street where workers have been protesting since going on strike in late-March. Picketers on the line outside the Claymont Primary School in Uhrichsville are often saluted by passing motorists with a honk of a horn.

    That repetitive noise, cops say, prompted Cosens and Sharrock to target the workers.

    Police began investigating the pair upon receiving a tip about vides on Cosens’s Facebook showing the couple preparing the laxative-spiked treat. Additionally, video captured the couple discussing the delivery of the cookies to the strikers.

    A union official told cops that no strikers ate the cookies, which were apparently delivered by a friend of the accused couple. The cookies were turned over to police and have been sent to a laboratory for testing.

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    While not illegal for an Olive Garden enthusiast to dine while “not wearing a shirt...and shoveling spaghetti into his mouth using his hands,” a Florida Man was collared Sunday after drunkenly causing a disturbance at the popular Italian food joint.

    Cops allege that Ben Padgett, 32, badgered Olive Garden patrons for money and yelled "various expletives" inside the Naples hotspot. Padgett, who smelled of alcohol, was tucking into some pasta while seated on a bench outside the eatery when police arrived.

    Pictured above, Padgett was busted for disorderly intoxication. Before handcuffing Padgett, cops directed him to “wipe his face and hands from the debris of eating the food.”

    The complaint against Padgett was lodged by Olive Garden manager Ronald Worst.

    Padgett is being held in the Collier County jail in lieu of $3500. He has been ordered to stay away from Olive Garden (seen below), where you’re only considered family if you use utensils and wear a shirt.

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    Meet Jeremiah Bullfrog Robison.

    The Oklahoman, 30, is back behind bars following his arrest this week on firearm and theft charges.

    Robison’s rap sheet includes convictions for robbery, weapons possession, domestic battery, and violating probation, and he has served several years in state prison. He is currently being held on $10,500 bond in the Tulsa County lockup

    Robison’s parents were presumably fans of the Three Dog Night hit “Joy to the World.” Which, of course, is no excuse for saddling a kid with the middle name Bullfrog.

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    A Florida Man charged with killing a Chihuahua with a floor scraper told cops that there was a “strong magnetic force between him and the dog and the dog had to go,” according to a police report.

    Aaron Merwine, 27, was arrested Saturday evening for killing the dog, named Lucky, at his residence in Venice, a city outside Sarasota. Merwine, who works as a packer at Walmart, is locked up in the county jail on multiple felony charges.

    The dog’s owners adopted the dog from Merwine’s family and had brought the eight-pound canine back to the residence for a visit.

    A witness told cops that Merwine used the scraper to stab the Chihuahua five times. “The scraper still had blood and dog’s fur on it,” reported cops, who obtained the item from a neighbor who took the scraper from Merwine, who is pictured above.

    Merwine “appeared under the influence of unknown intoxicant,” the police report states. Merwine is expected to undergo a court-ordered competency evaluation in advance of his May 10 arraignment.

    Outfitted with a steel blade, a broom-length floor scraper can be used to remove old flooring, tiles, and adhesive residue.

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    A week after paying $8 million for a private island in the Florida Keys, a real estate developer was arrested for stealing $300 in merchandise from a department store, police report.

    Andrew Lippi, 59, was busted Saturday on a felony grand theft rap for allegedly swiping coffeemakers, linen, and light bulbs from a Kmart in Key West.

    According to a Key West Police Department report, Lippi purchased the household goods and then returned the items to Kmart, where employees discovered that the boxes no longer contained the new items.

    For example, cops say, a box that was supposed to hold a $165 Keurig coffeemaker instead had a basketball inside. In another package, a used coffeemaker replaced a new $55 Hamilton Beach model.

    During police questioning, Lippi denied swapping out the merchandise, which investigators valued at $300.59.

    Lippi was collared Saturday evening at Kmart and charged with grand larceny. He was nabbed shortly after returning a $27.99 bed skirt that he bought earlier in the day. However, police reported, “the bed skirt had been replaced by a pillow case.”

    Lippi was booked into the Monroe County Detention Center, from which he was freed the following morning without bond.

    Lippi’s bust came days after he closed on the $8 million purchase of Thompson Island, a gated island adjacent to Key West.

    Pictured in the above mug shot, Lippi--who has been barred from returning to Kmart--is scheduled for arraignment on April 18.

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    Meet Mustafa Demiray.

    Until yesterday, at least, the 25-year-old Floridian was employed at a 7-Eleven on Court Street in Bradenton.

    Late Saturday evening, Demiray--two weeks into his job at the convenience store--was in the 7-Eleven along with a female employee with whom he had not previously worked. The woman, Demiray would reportedly tell cops, kept saying that she was bored and wanted to go home.

    At one point, the woman sat down on a chair in a “small office/storage room” behind the cash registers. Demiray followed her inside.

    Demiray, an arrest affidavit notes, told investigators that “since the woman was bored, he pulled out his penis and asked the victim if she wanted to give him a blowjob.” You know, as a way for them to jointly pass time on the lobster shift.

    When the female worker declined to fellate him, Demiray “pulled his pants up.” Before exposing himself, Demiray advised, the woman gave him “a look” while she was on her cell phone.

    Demiray was arrested early Sunday morning on a misdemeanor exposure charge. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $150 bond. Demiray is scheduled for a court appearance on Wednesday.

    The 7-Eleven where Demiray presumably used to work is pictured below.

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    After rolling over her car in a two-vehicle collision and getting arrested for drunk driving, Shannon Moore appeared not to have a care in the world when she posed for the above mugshot.

    Moore, 22, was collared by cops in West Springfield, Massachusetts around 11 PM Wednesday.

    No injuries were reported at the crash scene, police say.

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    A man who surmised that a ghost may have planted methamphetamine in his Louisiana home eventually admitted that he, and not an otherworldly force, was responsible for the drug being in his residence, court records show.

    Michael Auttonberry, 60, was arrested in October after police arrived at his home in response to a purported assault. Auttonberry, cops say, had called 911 to claim that he had been “stabbed on the head by an axe.”

    When officers arrived at Auttonberry’s West Monroe home, they determined that he was not suffering from any axe wounds (and there were no assailants in sight). Cops did, however, spot “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine,” according to a probable cause affidavit. A subsequent pat down of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing an additional gram of meth.

    Quizzed by cops, Auttonberry said that "a ghost or intruders" planted the drugs before climbing out a bedroom window. This claim, investigators determined, “was not accurate.”

    Charged with narcotics possession and making a false report to police, Auttonberry subsequently pleaded guilty to the felony drug charge. He was sentenced to serve “six (6) months at hard labor,” which is Louisiana for time in state custody (where nobody is breaking rocks in the hot sun).

    Pictured above, Auttonberry, whose lengthy rap sheet includes prior drug collars, was released from the Ouachita Correctional Center two weeks ago.