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    Faced with a locked bathroom at a convenience store, a Florida Man decided to instead relieve himself inside the business’s beer cave, ruining $113.36 in merchandise, police report.

    According to an arrest report, Clarence Patterson, 61, entered the Hop & Pop store Saturday afternoon and proceeded to the restroom, which was locked. Patterson “then entered the ‘beer cave’ making the appearance he was looking at the merchandise inside.”

    Patterson, who lives about two miles from the store in Rockledge, a city 50 miles east of Orlando, then “faced toward the alcohol cases on the shelves,” unzipped his pants, and began urinating.

    “There were six cases of beer total that were damaged and could no longer be sold,” a cop reported, adding that the beer cave incident was recorded by a store surveillance camera.

    Pictured above, Patterson was arrested Wednesday and charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor for which he posted $500 bond.

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    A Florida Man masqueraded as a Drug Enforcement Administration agent to secure a discount at a Wendy’s restaurant, according to police who yesterday arrested the suspect for impersonating a law enforcement officer.

    Investigators say Jesse Stover, 57, had been receiving the half-off discount for more than two years at a Wendy’s in Bunnell, a city about 20 miles north of Daytona Beach.

    But yesterday, when Stover (seen above) again sought the discount, a Wendy’s manager asked to see his credentials. Stover, cops say, flashed a badge. When the manager asked to examine the badge, Stover reportedly became argumentative, prompting Wendy’s workers to call 911.

    The manager told police that Stover claimed to work undercover for the DEA, adding that he threatened to report employees to Wendy’s corporate office for denying him the 50 percent discount.

    When officers responded to the restaurant, Stover denied claiming to be a cop or a federal agent. A police frisk of the Wendy's regular recovered a gold badge with the words “Concealed Weapon Permit.” A photo of the confiscated badge, seen at right, was released by police.

    Charged with falsely impersonating an officer, Stover was booked into the Flagler County jail on the felony rap. He was released from custody last night after posting $2500 bond.

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    Who sucks now, Chad?

    An Arkansas man wearing a “Joe Biden Sucks” t-shirt was arrested Tuesday on narcotics charges, according to police.

    Chad Spencer Sharp, 50, was busted by cops following a traffic stop in Decatur, a city about 15 miles from his residence in Bella Vista.

    Seen above, Sharp was charged with drug possession with intent to distribute, a class A misdemeanor, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a seatbelt. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $5000 bond.

    While the full message on Sharp’s shirt was cropped in his mug shot, a jailer confirmed to TSG that “Sucks” appears below the 46th president’s name.

    In related garment news, a 71-year-old Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was busted Friday for drunk driving, while a 26-year-old man wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon” t-shirt was recently arrested in Alabama for drunk driving.

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    While many MAGA devotees are law-abiding citizens, a Florida Man wearing a Donald Trump t-shirt was arrested yesterday for domestic battery and methamphetamine possession, records show.

    Police responding to a call about a disturbance at a residence in Cove Springs arrested Joseph Sweet, 37, for allegedly striking his wife with a cell phone charger. The blow, cops say, left the 39-year-old victim with a “welt across her chest.”

    During post-arrest searches, officers found meth, marijuana, and assorted drug paraphernalia in Sweet’s pockets and backpack. When asked about hitting his wife, Sweet reportedly said that he threw the charger at her “a little hard.”

    Pictured above, Sweet was booked into the Clay County jail on domestic battery and narcotics charges. He is being held in lieu of $12,760 bond.

    Sweet’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft; battery; domestic battery; violating a protective order; possession of drug paraphernalia; driving with a suspended license; marijuana possession; and violating probation.

    A police inventory of Sweet’s tattoos notes that he has a “rebel flag” inked on one leg and the words “Crazy White Boy” on an arm.

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    Who’s the idiot now, Randy?

    A Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was arrested Friday for drunk driving, according to police.

    Randall Westveer, 71, was collared by state troopers and booked into the Boone County jail, where he posed for the above mug shot. Westveer, who lives in a neighboring county, was later released on $500 bond on the misdemeanor DWI count.

    Westveer pleaded guilty to DWI in 2020 and was fined $500, according to court records. Westveer’s t-shirt, available online for around $20, uses the presidential seal as the “O” in idiot.

    In related garment news, a 26-year-old man recently arrested for drunk driving was wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon!” shirt when Alabama cops stuffed him into a squad car.

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    Hours after exchanging vows, a North Carolina couple exchanged blows at a Florida hotel, according to police who found the bride in a wedding dress covered in blood and the groom with injuries to his face.

    Police were called early Sunday morning to the Hilton in Naples, where they encountered Stefanie Ginas, 32, in the hotel’s Salon room. Ginas’s wedding dress had “several blood spots down the front, and the left strap of her dress was torn,” according to a Naples Police Department report.

    Ginas’s “face and chest were covered in blood, and she was crying,” cops noted.

    Ginas’s mother told officers that the newlywed was involved in “some sort” of altercation with John Gerhard, 43, the man Stefanie had married earlier that evening.

    Ginas told cops the couple had quarreled about her brother while in their hotel room, and that the dispute turned violent. Ginas suffered a “bloody nose, busted upper lip, and swollen eye during the altercation,” police reported.

    Gerhard, who said that his wife head-butted him, had a cut on the bridge of his nose, swelling on his face, and dried blood on his pants.

    Since Ginas and Gerhard each claimed to be the dispute’s “primary aggressor,” both were arrested for domestic battery. The couple, who live in Newport, North Carolina, were booked into the Collier County jail on the misdemeanor count.

    Ginas and Gerhard were each released yesterday on $1000 bond.

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    An Ohio man is facing drug charges after police found a large amount of marijuana and THC wax in his car during a traffic stop yesterday afternoon.

    Antonio Stanley, a 40-year-old Cincinnati resident, was busted on felony trafficking and possession counts after he was pulled over on Interstate I-75, police report. Stanley, pictured at right, is being held in the Butler County jail on the narcotics raps.

    As seen in the above evidence photo (click to enlarge), along with the narcotics, cops seized drug paraphernalia, cash, a phone, and an individually wrapped Freestone dill pickle.

    According to the Bangor, Michigan-based Freestone Pickle Company, its products are a “great, salty snack alternative” that are low in calories and fat- and cholesterol-free.

    The confiscated pickle has an estimated street value of about $1.

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    Meet Kathy Kidd.

    The 64-year-old Georgian was arrested last month on a warrant charging her with battering a female relative. Police say Kidd and two other women punched and kicked the 41-year-old victim, who is the mother of Kidd’s granddaughter.

    Kidd, free on $2000 bond, was scheduled to be arraigned yesterday on the misdemeanor battery count.

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    Turns out Roger Stone is not the only Florida cretin with an image of a disgraced Republican president tattooed on his back.

    Jeffrey Wayne Coker, 34, was arrested Saturday afternoon for fighting in public in Leesburg, a central Florida city. He was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor charge and released from custody early Sunday morning after posting $1000 bond.

    But before leaving the lockup, Coker posed for a series of mug shots that recorded his head-to-toe body art.

    As seen above, Coker’s back includes a large U.S. flag atop which sits images of Donald Trump, the Statue of Liberty, a swastika, and a Nazi Eagle with SS bolts.  

    Coker, whose rap sheet includes a half-dozen felony convictions, was released from state prison in September 2020 after serving three years for obstruction and being a felon in possession of a firearm.

    Coker registered to vote as a Republican in 2012, according to Florida state records.

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    Meet Kenneth Clark Carlyle.

    For unknown reasons, the Florida Man, 64, walked “fully naked” up the driveway of his next-door neighbor and proceeded to defecate atop a glass table on the victim’s porch, according to police.

    Carlyle, seen at right, was arrested Friday afternoon for criminal mischief and booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor charge.

    Carlyle, cops say, was captured relieving himself in broad daylight “on two separate angles of the victim’s home security video footage.”

    When officers arrived at the Clearwater crime scene, Carlyle was spoken to “through the door of his RV camper and he was still visibly naked and highly uncooperative.”

    Bond on the criminal mischief rap is $250, but Carlyle remains behind bars since he is already facing several criminal charges stemming from a December arrest. Carlyle was busted for drunk driving and discharging “multiple firearms” into a lake near his residence.

    According to police, Carlyle fired the guns while seated in his car. A subsequent police search recovered “multiple shell casings scattered around the vehicle.” Charged with DUI, a misdemeanor, and two felony firearms counts, Carlyle had been free on $11,500 bond.

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    A Florida Man told police that he thought his girlfriend was “being rough like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’” when she began to slap him yesterday, but he eventually fled the couple’s apartment when the woman became more aggressive and left him “seeing stars” with a bump on his head, according to an arrest report.

    Cops say after Nicole Onque, 21, and the 40-year-old victim returned to their Largo home early Monday morning after attending a festival, the pair argued when Onque was unable to locate her phone.

    Though she would eventually find the device, Onque “was still upset.” The victim “attempted to sit at his desk and ignore the defendant,” an officer noted.

    Onque allegedly then “began to slap the victim on the arms and back.” The man told cops he “initially believed the defendant was being rough like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’” the book-turned-movie about a sadomasochistic relationship.

    When Onque’s blows became more aggressive, the victim said, he told her to stop. But Onque “continued to strike and scratch” him “hard enough to cause a sizable bump on his head” and “large scratches along his back.” The man said he told Onque he was “seeing stars” in an attempt to “get the defendant to stop” the 4:30 AM attack.

    Onque was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail, from which she was released this afternoon on her own recognizance. Onque--apparently wearing festival facepaint--is pictured in the above mug shot.

    Onque was charged last year with domestic battery for allegedly pushing her brother in the face during an argument. Prosecutors, though, declined to pursue the misdemeanor case.

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    A Wisconsin man is facing a felony charge after using his truck to T-bone a vehicle carrying two people who had just stolen a snow blower from his family’s garage, police report.

    According to cops, Corey Sanderson, 29, intentionally plowed into the driver’s side of the getaway car as it turned onto a street a few blocks from his Madison residence.

    The vehicle’s occupants, a man and a woman, suffered “serious, but non-life threatening injuries” and were transported late Monday night to a local hospital, investigators say.

    Sanderson (seen at right) told Madison Police Department officers that he “saw two people steal a snow blower from his garage and began following them in his truck.” He reportedly admitted intentionally t-boning the other vehicle, prompting cops to arrest him on a felony reckless endangerment charge.

    A police spokesperson said there is probable cause to arrest the theft suspects for burglary. “A snow blower was found in the trunk of the car that was involved,” according to a police incident report.

    In a police interview, Sanderson said his home “was involved in another recent burglary,” an apparent reference to an incident he detailed in a February 5 Facebook post. Sanderson told friends that “some ass clown” broke into his family’s garage and stole his father’s Briggs & Stratton snow blower. Sanderson added that he was monitoring online marketplaces and asked, “if you see anything being sold to let me know or just share with others.”

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    Meet Crystal Dishman.

    The 47-year-old Kentuckian was photographed at the Letcher County jail (where she has recently served sentences for methamphetamine possession and bail jumping.

    As seen in the above photo (click to enlarge), Dishman appeared displeased to be posing for yet another mug shot.