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    A Florida Man upset that his baked potato was undercooked allegedly stabbed a woman in the head with a fork in a domestic spud rage incident early this morning, cops report.

    Kenneth Crumpton, 36, was busted today on a felony aggravated battery with a weapon charge in connection with the 12:30 AM attack inside a Jacksonville-area residence. Crumpton, seen at right, is being held in the Nassau County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

    Investigators charge that Crumpton, displeased with the preparation of his potato, repeatedly stabbed the victim in the head with a fork. Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.

    During questioning, Crumpton told cops that he did not stab the woman. Instead, he claimed to have thrown the fork, which "glanced off her head."   

    The woman was not seriously injured and declined a police offer of medical assistance, according to an arrest report. Deputies seized the fork used in the attack and a bloody shirt as evidence.

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    A Pennsylvania mother drove two miles with her 12-year-son on the hood of her car, according to police who yesterday arrested the woman on a pair of endangerment charges.

    As alleged in a criminal complaint, Shaurice Jones and her son quarreled last week when she drove the boy to a local dentist. The child, cops say, refused to go into the office. Instead, he climbed atop his mother’s automobile.

    Jones, 36, responded to her son’s protest by getting into her car and driving two miles to a police precinct. The speed limit on the road Jones traveled is 40 mph.

    Upon arriving at the Colonial Regional Police Department, Jones admitted to officers that she had been driving with her son on the vehicle’s hood. It appears Jones went to the precinct in the hopes that cops would mediate the family dental dispute.

    Pictured above, Jones has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a felony, and reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor. She was freed from custody after posting $1000 bail and is next due in court on December 4 for a preliminary hearing.

    Court records show that Jones last year pleaded guilty to driving without a license. She was arrested in 2014 on the same charge, but that case was eventually withdrawn by prosecutors.

    Jones lives in Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.

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    An intoxicated Florida Woman plucked a live lobster from a tank at a Red Lobster and bolted from the St. Petersburg restaurant with the purloined crustacean, according to police.

    Kimberly Gabel, 42, was drunk and “causing a scene” Saturday at the eatery, prompting a manager to ask her to leave “for disturbing other customers.”

    Gabel, pictured at right, was cursing as she headed to the Red Lobster’s front door, an arrest affidavit notes. But before departing, Gabel “proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant.”

    Responding to a 911 call about the lobster heist, a sheriff’s deputy located Gabel, who smelled of booze and was slurring her word. Continuing to curse, Gabel denied knowledge of the pilfered lobster’s whereabouts. Gabel explained that since she was “blacked out drunk,” she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong” at Red Lobster (seen below).

    Busted for disorderly intoxication, Gabel was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. She was subsequently released on $100 bond.

    Gabel’s lengthy rap sheet includes arrests for trespass; theft, drug possession; loitering; burglary; carrying an open container of alcohol; exposure of sexual organs; violating probation; domestic battery; defrauding an innkeeper; disorderly intoxication; drunk driving; and resisting an officer.

    Jailers have noted that Gabel has tattoos on her back of “Dragon and Koi fish.”

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    A Pennsylvania man was all smiles yesterday after he was arrested for allegedly threatening to shoot up a polling place after being told that he was not registered to vote.

    Police charge that Christopher Queen, 48, sought to cast a ballot Tuesday morning at the South Franklin Volunteer Fire Department in suburban Pittsburgh. But a check of voter rolls by election workers revealed that Queen was not registered.

    Upon learning that he would not be able to vote, Queen became irate and warned that he was going to get a gun and “shoot up” the polling site, cops allege.

    Queen, pictured above, then left the fire department, but was soon apprehended by police. He was charged with disorderly conduct and making terroristic threats, a felony, and booked into the Washington County Prison on $10,000 bail.

    According to court records, Queen’s rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving; harassment; reckless endangerment; disorderly conduct; and criminal mischief.

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    An Indiana man yesterday contacted police to lodge a complaint about his crack dealer, records show.

    According to an Evansville Police Department report, Kenneth Dewayne Woods, 62, came to the police records department and disclosed that he “bought some crack cocaine over a period of time on credit” from a female dealer and her boyfriend.

    Woods told police that he has not paid the duo the $400 he owes for the crack cocaine.

    In light of his unpaid narcotics bill, Woods said, his dealers are now threatening to run him out of town, vandalize his car, and shoot him. Additionally, owing to interest, the dealers now contend that they are owed $500, said Woods.

    Woods said the assorted threats occurred earlier this month.

    crack, Indiana
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    After being arrested for groping a female passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight, a Florida man announced that “the President of the United States says it’s ok to grab women by their private parts.”

    According to a criminal complaint, Bruce Alexander, a 49-year-old Tampa resident, was a passenger Sunday afternoon on a plane traveling from Houston, Texas to Albuquerque, New Mexico. During the flight, Alexander allegedly “made sexual contact” with a woman seated directly in front of him.

    Investigators charge that Alexander twice reached forward and touched the breast of the female victim. The woman told the FBI after she was touched the second time she stood up and confronted Alexander, saying that he “needed to stop.” At the woman’s request, a flight crew member then moved her to another seat.

    Alexander, who was arrested after the flight landed, told agents that he had not been drinking during the trip. He added that “the woman in front of him spoke to him and was then reseated to another part of the aircraft.”

    While handcuffed in a squad car, Alexander, who has worked as a heavy equipment operator, asked “what the sentence was for the charge he was being arrested for.” In an affidavit, FBI Agent Michael Hopkins noted that Alexander later “stated that the President of the United States says it’s ok to grab women by their private parts.”

    Charged with abusive sexual contact, Alexander faces a maximum of two years imprisonment and a $250,000 fine if convicted of the felony. Alexander remains in custody in advance of a detention hearing scheduled for this morning in U.S. District Court in Albuquerque.

    Alexander is seen above in a mug shot snapped last year after his arrest for drunk driving. He subsequently pleaded guilty to a reduced charge of reckless driving and was fined, placed on probation, and ordered to attend DUI school.

    Alexander is registered to vote from his Tampa residence, but his registration includes no party affiliation.

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    An Iowa man who was being treated at a hospital after consuming a Tide Pod is accused of trashing more than $7500 in medical equipment during a rampage earlier this month, police report.

    As detailed in a court affidavit, Brandon McVay, 26, became “out of control” while being treated around 1 AM in the critical care unit of Mercy Hospital in Council Bluffs.

    When police arrived at the facility on October 4, McVay, seen above, was pinned to the ground by security. A nurse subsequently told police that “hospital staff were treating Brandon in Critical Care 102 for eating a Tide Pod.”

    At one point, McVay got out of his bed and “started throwing and breaking things in the room.” Yelling loudly, he then went into the hallway and began to “throw and break other items.”

    Investigators estimated that McVay damaged or destroyed four desktop computer systems, leaving broken glass “everywhere inside the Critical Care Unit.” The hospital, cops added, faced a bill of more than $7500 to “replace the items damaged and to clean up the unit.”

    McVay was charged with felony criminal mischief and booked into the local jail (from which he was later released on $5000 bail).

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    BIZARRE: Car lover pleads guilty to autoerotic encounter with parked vehicle

    Meet Hermes Callijas-Gasperin.

    The 22-year-old Floridian was arrested for allegedly pelting his mother with sausages inside the kitchen of their Bradenton residence.

    Cops charge that Callijas-Gasperin battered his 41-year-old mother after asking her to make him some food around 8 PM Monday. The victim agreed to prepare a meal, but asked her son “to give her a few minutes due to being busy.”

    The unemployed Callijas-Gasperin became angry when asked to wait, according to a probable cause statement. Callijas-Gasperin “threw the remaining sausages” at his mother, with one sausage striking her in the right eye. He also allegedly pushed the victim backwards and placed his hands around her neck (but did not restrict her breathing).

    During police questioning, Callijas-Gasperin claimed that his mother walked up and “bumped” him while he was eating in the kitchen. “The defendant stated that he got mad, so he threw the remaining sausages at her.” Callijas-Gasperin contended that he had done nothing wrong, adding that he would not have tossed the sausages if his mother would have “said sorry.”

    Callijas-Gasperin was busted for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where he remains locked up on $750 bond. Upon his release, Callijas-Gasperin has been ordered to stay at least 500 feet away from his mother.

    Callijas-Gasperin was arrested earlier this year following a physical confrontation with his stepfather, who found Callijas-Gasperin smoking pot on his front porch. Callijas-Gasperin subsequently pleaded no contest to misdemeanor marijuana possession and resisting police charges.

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    A South Carolina man shot his cousin after the victim ignored the gunman’s warning not to eat his potato chips, police allege.

    Ryan Langdale, 19, was charged today with attempted murder, weapons possession, and obstruction of justice in connection with the September 29 shooting of his 17-year-old relative at a rural property about 60 miles from Charleston.

    Langdale told responding officers that the victim accidentally shot himself while cleaning a hunting rifle. That claim was not initially refuted by the victim since he required emergency surgery after being rushed to the hospital with life-threatening injuries.

    But when the victim’s health improved enough for a police interview, he told investigators Langdale shot him after warning him not to consume his salt and vinegar potato chips.

    During a search Monday of Langdale’s home, police seized what they believe was the weapon used in the shooting. Seen above, Langdale is locked up in lieu of $55,000 on the felony counts.

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    America’s reigning Hickey King™ was sentenced this week for his latest run-in with the law, court records show.

    Kentuckian Micah Musser, 19, was placed into a five-year diversion program and ordered to enter a rehab treatment facility once a bed becomes available.

    Musser pleaded guilty last month to burglary and criminal mischief charges filed after his arrest in late-March. He has been locked up in the Montgomery County jail since his collar.

    Musser first appeared in these pages last year when he was arrested by Louisville cops who discovered him and several teenage runaways inside an abandoned building. Police reported that the floor of the boarded-up property was strewn with “empty alcoholic beverage containers.”

    When booked into the Louisville Metro Corrections jail last June, Musser’s neck was adorned with an array of fresh hickeys (as seen in the above mug shot). When busted in his most recent criminal case, Musser’s neck had returned to a pristine state.

    hickey, Kentucky
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    After police found methamphetamine “in plain view” on a nightstand in his home, a Louisiana man claimed that a ghost placed the narcotics in his residence, according to an arrest report.

    Responding to a reported stabbing, sheriff’s deputies early yesterday encountered Michael Auttonberry, 59, at the door of his West Monroe residence. Auttonberry, seen at right, cursed at cops and “people who were obviously not there.”

    Deputies quickly determined that Auttonberry had not, as he claimed in a 911 call, been “stabbed on the head by an axe.” Nor were there any intruders inside his home.

    While making sure that Auttonberry’s residence was clear, a deputy spotted “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine.” A subsequent search of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing another gram of meth.

    Auttonberry surmised that a "ghost or intruders" placed the meth on him and were exiting the home through a nearby window. “Which was not accurate,” investigators noted.

    Auttonberry was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and a misdemeanor criminal mischief count. He is being held in the Ouachita Parish jail in lieu of $5000 bond.

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    An argument between brothers over “who had eaten the last of the ribs” turned violent early Saturday, with one sibling stabbing the other in the stomach, Iowa police say.

    Investigators allege that Cale Jymm, 34, stabbed his 35-year-old brother Daniel during a dispute inside a room at the American Inn hotel in Council Bluffs.

    Officers responding to a 911 call found a bloody pocket knife outside the hotel room door. Inside, Daniel--who was tending to an abdominal wound--told cops that he had been arguing with his younger brother over "who had eaten the last of the ribs" when the beef turned physical.

    The victim, who was transported to a local hospital for treatment, told police that he did not want to press charges against his brother. The younger Jymm, however, was arrested on felony and misdemeanor assault charges.

    Jymm, seen above, is being held in the Pottawattamie County jail in lieu of $20,000 bond. Next due in court on October 8, Jymm faces a maximum of 12 years in prison if convicted of the knifing.

    The brothers, who live in New Mexico, moved into the hotel a month ago when they began working at a nearby power plant.

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    While dining Saturday at a Florida café, Pedgie Georges thought it would be funny to send her boyfriend a text falsely claiming that “people were robbing the restaurant.”

    But what Georges, 22, did not anticipate when planning her “prank” was that her beau would call 911 to report that an armed robbery was in progress at Alabon Bakery, a Fort Pierce eatery specializing in Haitian cooking.

    After receiving the 911 call, cops raced to the restaurant, running red lights with their sirens blaring. With their weapons drawn, officers subsequently entered the business and discovered no crime in progress.

    But they did find Georges, who explained that she texted her boyfriend “as a prank that people were robbing the restaurant,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Since she had “created a dangerous environment” that could have resulted in harm to police or members of the public, Georges was arrested for misuse of the 911 system, a misdemeanor.

    Seen above, George was released early yesterday from the county jail.