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    Meet Layton Paul Nauman.

    The 60-year-old sound engineer went to the beach Saturday afternoon hoping to arrange a sexual encounter or “maybe just go home with someone’s phone number,” according to court records.

    While such goals may be commonplace, Nauman’s unusual tactics resulted in his arrest at Blind Creek Beach, a clothing optional spot in Jensen Beach, Florida.

    In response to prior complaints about lewd behavior occurring on beach pathways, a sheriff’s deputy was on foot patrol when he came upon a naked Nauman “seated in a recliner chair” with a hat over his face around 12:30 PM.

    An arrest report offers an explicit account of the “genital presentation” observed by the cop. Click here to read the document, with its description of multiple rings, a metal chain, and a note advising passerby to “Please feel free to investigate! Gently.”

    But you can read the document.

    While the beach allows nudity, police reported that the pathways are accidentally frequented by “parents with children as well as other beachgoers” and that Nauman’s “scenario” was “unacceptable at a public beach.”

    Seen above, Nauman was busted for indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. He was released later that day upon posting $500 bond.

    The officer’s “complete interaction” with Nauman on March 9 was recorded on a body worn camera, the report notes.

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    A Wisconsin man who legally changed his first name to “Deez-Nuts” has been arrested following a violent domestic confrontation, police report.

    Deez-Nuts Kroll, 42, was busted Tuesday night for battery and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, according to a criminal complaint which includes a Green Bay Police Department officer’s observation that, “Deez-Nuts appeared to be highly intoxicated.”

    Police allege that Kroll punched and shoved his daughter and tangled with her boyfriend at the E. Walnut Street residence where the trio resides. According to the complaint, Kroll accused his daughter of failing to do small household chores and care for their puppies.

    At one point, cops allege, Kroll--who was unencumbered by a shirt--pulled out a BB gun that resembled a pistol.

    Kroll was booked into the Brown County jail, from which he was released Wednesday after posting $1000 bond.

    Born with the first name Derrick, Kroll originally changed his name to “Dez-Nuts” in 2011, according to court records. Then, six years later, he successfully petitioned to add an “e” to his first name, making it Deez-Nuts. “It was not spelled right,” Kroll noted in a handwritten 2017 name change application.

    Pictured above, Kroll has stuck with the middle name “Lee.”

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    Meet Connor Litka.

    The 21-year-old last week walked into a Porsche dealership in Louisville, Kentucky and sought to purchase a car with a $78 million check.

    When told by employees at Blue Grass Motorsport that “they were not going to sell him the vehicle,” Litka allegedly walked to the parts department “looking for keys.”

    Litka (seen at right) ignored requests to leave the dealership “until he got his vehicle,” according to a police citation.

    Fearing that “something bad was going to happen because of [Litka’s] behavior,” a worker called cops, who arrested Litka after he again refused to depart the Porsche dealership.

    Charged with criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, Litka is scheduled to appear this morning in District Court.

    A day before trying to pass the $78 million check, Litka attempted to purchase a vehicle from a nearby Land Rover dealership. He was only carrying a check for $12 million that day.

    The citation lists Litka’s residence as an apartment complex in Bloomington, Indiana, which is about 100 miles from Louisville. According to his LinkedIn page, Litka is a business student at Indiana University, where he enrolled in 2021.

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    Police report that a suspect made off with a 16-figure haul after burglarizing a Pennsylvania residence earlier this month.

    Investigators say that the Bedford home was broken into on February 6 by “an unknown individual” who made off with several pieces of jewelry, silver dollars worth $20, and 2,000,000,000,000,000 in currency.

    Zimbabwean currency.

    According to a police report, “twenty Zimbabwe 100 trillion dollar bills” were swiped by the burglar.

    For some reason, the report values the stolen currency as worth $1 million U.S.. However, the Zimbabwe bills--issued during a period of hyperinflation--are essentially worthless as currency. Instead, they are sold as a numismatic oddity for around $10 apiece.

    The burglar also escaped with $30 in loose change.

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    The female victim, 64, was covered in grits when officers arrived, according to a police report.

    An argument over kitchen usage turned violent Monday afternoon when Jakiela Mobley, 28, “grabbed some of the grits” being cooked by her mother and “hit her in the face” with the porridge.

    The victim, Ila Johnson, told Florida cops that Mobley had been drinking and using drugs, and that “when she does this, she becomes aggressive towards her.” Johnson added that she did not want to contact police since “the matter was juvenile at its core.”

    A sheriff’s deputy who responded to the Ocala residence noted that he “observed dried grits on the side of the victim’s face,” as well as matching grits on the kitchen counter and in a nearby dustpan.

    Pictured above, Mobley was arrested for battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Marion County jail, where she is being held in lieu of $2500 bond.

    Mobley, who told police she had been sleeping on the streets, “has multiple battery arrests but does not have any convictions.”

    battery, grits
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    After being arrested again for trespassing on the grounds of an Ohio library, a suspect explained to police that “a higher power allowed him” to be on the property at 1:20 AM.

    Specifically, Carnel Gittens claimed he had “checked with Christ” and secured permission, according to a police report.

    Gittens, 28, was arrested early Saturday outside the public library in Sandusky, a city an hour outside Cleveland. Gittens (right) was using an exterior outlet to charge his phone, cops reported.

    Gittens--who had twice previously been busted trespassing at the library--cited Christ when a patrolman asked what he was doing on the property. Charged with criminal trespass, Gittens was booked into the Erie County jail, where he remains locked up on $1750 bond.

    Following a 2023 arrest, Gittens, who is nicknamed “Cloud,” told police he “was from Canada and he has been wandering Ohio for the past year.”

    Christ could not be reached for comment.

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    As Trevor Noah prepares to host this weekend’s Grammy Awards, here is a look at his 2023 tour rider, which emphasizes the importance of throat lozenges and the comedian’s devotion to a certain flame-grilled chicken.

    Along with “100% sole star billing in all advertising and publicity,” the 39-year-old performer reserves the right to cancel a gig if something better comes along, like a movie role, TV series, or “any Las Vegas, Reno, Tahoe or Atlantic City type engagement.”

    Noah’s dressing room, promoters are told, needs to be stocked with with Throat Coat tea, Vocalzone lozenges, Entertainer’s Secret throat spray, a box of Grether’s Pastilles lozenges, and Manuka honey. Also an assortment of Larabar energy bars and four “Muscle Milk protein shakes.”

    Compared to some stars, Noah’s demands are moderate and he seeks to dissuade the stuffing of his dressing room with extra grub: “We do not like to waste food. We appreciate your kindness but please don’t provide more perishable food than is requested.”

    While Noah’s “talent party...will always want to order from local restaurants,” there is one exception: “UNLESS there is a Nando’s Peri Peri Chicken in your city. Nando’s will always supersede any other artist and crew catering.”

    Nando’s, founded in South Africa, is a multinational chain known for its flame-grilled chicken and hot sauces. While Nando’s has opened more than 1200 restaurants worldwide since 1987, the firm’s U.S. outlets number only a few dozen (with none in New York or Los Angeles).

    Noah likely discovered the majesty of Nando’s while growing up in Johannesburg.

    As seen below, the rider also includes one of the “Trevor Renderings” produced to show how Noah’s stage and lighting are to be set up.

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    The Mississippi woman whose toddler was wearing only a diaper when she took the boy to Walmart on a freezing day was arrested for child neglect, records show.

    Kambria Darby, 26, was busted last Wednesday morning following the troubling incident at the Walmart Supercenter near her home in Byram, a Jackson suburb.

    Darby was charged with contributing to the neglect or delinquency of a minor and booked into the Hinds County jail.

    In a viral video recorded by a Walmart worker, the boy’s lips are trembling as he sits in a shopping cart on his mother’s coat. At one point, Darby tosses a bag of frozen food atop the child’s exposed legs.

    When a man confronts Darby and asks, “What’s wrong with you?,” she tells him to lower his voice before twerking in his direction.

    Later in the video, a female shopper is seen putting pants and a shirt--which she obtained from a Walmart rack--on the boy. While a stranger is clothing her toddler, Darby stands by scrolling on her phone.

    Temperatures on January 17 hovered around the freezing mark. The day before, city government offices were closed due to icy road conditions.

    According to a Byram Police Department report, officers seized a 9mm handgun described as Darby’s “personal property.” Darby, the report notes, was arrested after “taking her 2 year old in the store without clothing.”

    In a post-arrest Facebook post, Darby denied being a neglectful parent, but said that her children “were taken away from me by CPS.” The “deformation of character is hurting my heart,” she wrote, adding, “They did Jesus the same way.”

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    A woman punched her father in the head during an argument Christmas morning about the beeping sound made by the 73-year-old victim’s oxygen machine, police allege.

    According to an arrest affidavit, Christina Granados, 49, admitted striking her parent when questioned by cops who responded around 5 AM to the Lady Lake, Florida home that Granados shares with her father.

    The victim told officers that he argued with his daughter “about the oxygen machine making a beeping sound” before Granados “punched him in the left side of his head” on December 25.

    Granados, cops reported, said the pair quarreled “over his oxygen machine and due to the way her father was speaking to her.”

    As first reported by Villages News, Granados, seen above, was arrested for battery on a person over 65, a felony. She spent Christmas in the county jail, from which she was released the following afternoon upon posting $1000 bond.

    Granados, scheduled for a January 22 arraignment, has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with her father.

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    A wanted woman who police recently discovered hiding inside a hotel couch has been sentenced to serve two years in prison for drug dealing, records show.

    Stacy Usher, 39, was arrested last year after she sold fentanyl to a police informant in Citrus County, Florida.

    Earlier this year, Usher pleaded no contest to a pair of felony counts and was sentenced to 24 months of probation, as well as drug offender conditions that included random testing and a prohibition against consuming alcohol.

    In late-October, Usher was accused of violating terms of her probation, and a judge subsequently issued an arrest warrant for her. Usher would later beg not to be violated, since she claimed her life would be in danger if sent to prison (Usher said she had once been a “primary witness” against someone who received a 20-year sentence).

    Cops caught up to Usher last month at the Bella Oasis Hotel, which advertises itself asthe best hotel in Homosassa Springs, Florida.” As seen in the above police photo, Usher had actually burrowed into a couch in a bid to hide from sheriff’s deputies.

    After being extracted from the furniture, Usher was booked into roomier accomodations at the county jail.

    Usher, whose rap sheet includes worthless check, fraud, and grand theft convictions, appeared earlier this month in Circuit Court, where a judge revoked her probation and sentenced her to 24 months in state prison.

    Usher will soon be committed to the custody of Florida’s Department of Corrections, which does not outfit its dormitories or cells with love seats.

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    Claiming that his food order was not properly cooked, an aggrieved customer struck a Wawa worker with a piece of chicken “covered in a spicy Nashville sauce that got into the victim’s eye,” say cops who busted the alleged poultry pelter.

    The 1:20 AM confrontation yesterday at a Wawa convenience store in St. Petersburg, Florida resulted in the arrest of Daniel Palomino, 32, on a misdemeanor battery charge, according to court records.

    Palomino, police say, became upset “because he believed that [the chicken] was not cooked completely.” He then confronted the worker “and responded by throwing the chicken on the victim.”

    While the “chicken was covered in a spicy Nashville sauce that got into the victim’s eye,” the Wawa employee did not suffer “bodily harm,” noted cops.

    Palomino, who lives about a mile from the Wawa, was under the influence of alcohol when confronted by sheriff’s deputies. Seen above, he was booked into the county jail, from which he was released Sunday afternoon upon posting $500 bond.

    The chicken was not seized as evidence, though police did confiscate a baseball bat from Palomino, whose rap sheet includes convictions for cocaine possession; aggravated assault; theft, possession of drug paraphernalia; criminal mischief; marijuana possession; and probation violation.

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    A man wearing a shirt declaring “I just got out of prison” was locked up anew Sunday after police responded to a 911 call about a male suspect entering a parked car and stealing a wallet.

    Michael Gordon, 46, pleaded no contest yesterday to a misdemeanor obstruction charge and was sentenced to five days in custody and fined $500, Florida court records show.

    The criminal count against Gordon stemmed from his refusal to identify himself to deputies probing the reported auto break-in. A portable fingerprint scanner was used to identify Gordon, who told cops to “Call my lawyer.”

    Gordon’s shirt accurately reflected his most recent scrape with the law.

    Gordon, who is listed as a transient, was convicted in late-July of trespass after he unsuccessfully tried to enter a Dodge van parked in a St. Petersburg lot. Originally charged with attempted burglary, a felony, Gordon copped to a reduced misdemeanor count and was sentenced to 115 days in jail (which he had already spent behind bars following his late-March arrest).

    When he posed for a December 3 booking photo, Gordon, seen above, had changed out of his “prison” shirt into his orange jail smock.

    Gordon’s rap sheet includes convictions for burglary; narcotics possession; trespass; theft, prowling; criminal mischief; and obstructing police.

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    Meet Max Alexander Krejckant.

    The 33-year-old Floridian was arrested Saturday after he allegedly refused to pay for a $250 tattoo he received from the Ink Godz shop in St. Petersburg.

    Krejckant was reportedly under the influence when he got the Waffle House logo tattooed on his right calf.

    While the restaurant chain’s emblem is yellow and black, Krejckant’s tattoo--about five inches wide--was gray and black since he did not want to pay an additional $100 for yellow ink, said Ink Godz owner Neil Marcus.

    When it came time to pay for the tattoo, Krejckant (seen at right) “refused all options to satisfy his debts,” cops reported. A police frisk of Krejckant turned up only “six dollars and a driver’s license in his bag and nothing on his person.”

    Charged with theft, Krejckant, who lives in nearby Clearwater, bonded out of jail last night after posting $150. He has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count.

    In addition to his fresh Waffle House art/piece of evidence (seen below), Krejckant has several other tattoos, including a black and white tribute to Insane Clown Posse on his forearm.

    Marcus said customers occasionally try to walk out without paying for tattoos, but that usually occurs during Spring Break, not the holiday season.