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    Meet David Kimbrough.

    The 43-year-old Tennessee man is not your ordinary pervert. No, when Kimbrough sets out to engage in some indecent exposure, he goes all out.

    Around 9:45 AM Tuesday, the police chief in Surgoinsville (pop. 1801) spotted Kimbrough exiting a Dodge minivan at the town’s Riverfront Park. Kimbrough, seen at right, was pulling up his pants as he walked toward the fishing pier, according to a complaint affidavitit sworn by Chief James Hammonds.

    Upon reaching the pier, Kimbrough “undone his pants and began to expose his genitals and masturbate,” reported Hammonds, who exited his vehicle to confront Kimbrough as the perp walked back to his van.

    Kimbrough, the investigator noted, was carrying a tube of Vaseline and had “several pair of panties stuffed and rolled up and placed at his chest area” to mimic female breasts. Kimbrough was also wearing pantyhose and a pair of thong underwear.

    After taking Kimbrough into custody, the suspect “began to act like he was in pain,” Chief Hammonds noted. It was at that point that Kimbrough “informed me that he had an enema bottle inserted in his rectum and that he needed to remove it,” Hammonds added.

    Kimbrough was booked into jail for indecent exposure. He pleaded guilty to the charge yesterday and was fined $500, according to court records.

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    After being denied a “happy ending” at a South Carolina massage business, an aggrieved customer took matters into his own hands, according to cops who are searching for the sexual exposure suspect.

    As detailed in a police report, the suspect received a $68 massage and a $20 “table shower” Saturday evening at Tai Chi Massage in Myrtle Beach.

    At the conclusion of the treatment, the man asked a masseuse for a “happy ending.” The employee, cops noted, was “unsure of what that meant,” so the suspect “made a stroking/masturbating motion with his hand near his genital area.”

    When a “happy ending” was not forthcoming, the man “got upset, put his clothes on” and walked into the lobby of the massage business. The suspect then sat on a bench and “pulled his penis out” and began masturbating in front of the masseuse.

    The man demanded that the victim look at him while “he was conducting the sexual act and stated that he wanted a ‘happy ending,’” police allege.

    The suspect--who did not pay for the massage and shower--then departed the business and drove away in a red van with North Carolina license plates.

    Police describe the masturbator as a white male between the ages of 40 and 50. The suspect, who has shoulder-length hair, weighs between 150 and 170 pounds, and is of average height.

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    Twin brothers are facing theft charges after they stole identical items yesterday from a Walmart in South Carolina, cops allege.

    Malik and Shamel Toppin, 17, were nabbed Wednesday night after a store secuurity officer spotted them each swiping two items from the health and beauty department.

    When subsequently confronted by police, the Toppins each removed a container of facial cream and deodorant from the pockets of their shorts, according to a police report. The brothers were arrested for shoplifting, the second time in recent months that they were busted for retail theft.

    Seen above, Malik (left) and Shamel were booked into jail on the misdemeanor charge. They were released from custody around 4:30 AM today.

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    A McDonald’s worker who doused a homeless man with liquid after luring him to the drive-thru window with the promise of a free sandwich has been fired by the owner of the Detroit franchise.

    Video of the incident--shot by a passenger in an auto at the drive-thru window--went viral in the past few days. The NSFW video includes cursing and the use of racial slurs.

    As seen in the above clip, the McDonald’s employee says to the homeless man, “Hey, Willie, come here. You want a sandwich?” While dangling a burger out the window, the worker adds, “I’m about to help you.”

    But when “Willie” approaches the window, the worker pulls back the food and instead throws a cup of liquid on him. This causes great delight for the car's passengers, one of whom gleefully responds with the obligatory, "WorldStar! WorldStar!"

    After getting drenched, “Willie” asks, “Oh, why you do that?”

    In announcing the worker’s termination, franchise owner Wise Finley today issued a statement saying that he was “very disturbed by the inappropriate behavior of this employee." He added that workers are expected to “treat everyone with dignity and respect.”

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    Have you seen this twerker (or her equally scantily-clad cohort)?

    Police in Washington, D.C. today released the above store surveillance video in an attempt to get the public’s help in identifying two suspects in a third-degree sexual abuse case.

    According to cops, the women were videotaped accosting a male customer around 4 PM on Wednesday, October 7. One woman can be seen attempting to “twerk” upon the victim, while the other suspect repeatedly grabs at the man’s crotch and attempts to kiss him.

    The “persons of interest” are each dressed in the kind of revealing outfits that would not be out of place at a strip club.

    Anyone with details about the suspects is asked to call police at (202) 727-9099. Information leading to the arrest and conviction of the duo could result in a reward from Crime Solvers of Washington, DC.

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    A Florida man pushed his 82-year-old grandmother to the ground Saturday night after he was denied a “debit card he needed to buy cake,” police allege.

    Adam Tanzer, 26, was arrested for battering the elderly victim during a dispute inside a residence in Palm Harbor, a community about 25 miles west of Tampa.

    According to cops, Tanzer pushed Barbara Bliss to the ground “in an aggressive way,” causing her to fall on her hands and hip.

    Tanzer was allegedly angry that his mother “took away his debit card he needed to buy cake.” Bliss, cops noted, was yelling at Tanzer, so he “pushed her away from himself and caused Bliss to fall on her hip.”

    The report does not indicate what injuries were suffered by Bliss, who required medical treatment.

    Tanzer, pictured above, was charged with battery on a person 65 or older, a felony. He was released from jail yesterday afternoon, and has been ordered to have no contact with his grandmother.

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    A couple is facing criminal charges after repeatedly calling 911 yesterday to report that possums and people were “jumping out of their refrigerator and microwave,” according to a police report.

    Brandon Terry, 32, and Casey Fowler, 28, were collared Sunday morning for unlawful use of the police emergency system. The duo was busted at their rented South Carolina home (where they had just moved to from North Carolina).

    In addition to their claims about appliances, the pair told police that they had “pictures of worms coming out of the floor of their vehicle,” as well as images of “midgets and other people camouflaged.” Upon review of the photos, a cop noted that they actually showed “a basketball goal and a tree.”

    While both Terry and Fowler denied being under the influence of any narcotics, cops concluded that the couple’s five 911 calls were likely triggered by the synthetic drug “flakka,” which often has hallucinatory effects on a user.

    In addition to the misuse of 911 charge, Terry has six outstanding felony narcotics warrants in North Carolina.

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    Meet Courvoisier McDaniel.

    The 26-year-old was arrested Tuesday in El Dorado, Arkansas on battery, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct charges.

    According to police, McDaniel was involved in a fight that pitted two groups of women against each other inside an El Dorado convenience store (that got torn up during the melee).   

    Jailed on $2500 bond, McDaniel is scheduled for a December 16 court appearance.

    Her alleged crimes were not cognac-related, police say.

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    A Florida man whose videotaped theft of a Confederate flag went viral has received a slap on the wrist for the heist, according to court records.

    In a deal with prosecutors, Dejerrian Dequan Murray has entered a pre-trial intervention program that, upon successful completion, will result in the dismissal of a misdemeanor charge filed against the 24-year-old.

    Murray was eligible for the program because he has “neither a prior adult criminal record nor a significant juvenile record,” a deferred prosecution agreement notes. As part of the diversion deal, Murray (pictured at right) has to stay out of trouble until late-December and must pay restitution of $54.96 to the flag’s owner.

    As seen in the above video, Murray ran up to the front door of Robin Eaker’s Bradenton home and ripped down the flag. Murray’s giddy getaway driver filmed the theft, and video of the heist subsequently was uploaded to the Facebook page of a Murray friend.

    It is unclear whether the driver has been charged in connection with the July 11 flag theft.

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    A belligerent man who fought with cops after he was found trespassing inside a South Carolina home told officers that his name was “Lee Oswald Trump,” according to a police report.

    The suspect was collared yesterday afternoon inside a Spartanburg home, where police also arrested three other trespassers.

    After initially refusing to identify himself, the man was transported to jail, where he was immediately placed in a holding cell due to his unruly behavior and apparent intoxication. While behind bars, cops noted, “He finally yelled out that his name was Lee Oswald Trump.”

    Of course, jailers could find nobody with that name in their computer systems. So, police issued the man a ticket “under the name Lee Trump” while they sought his actual identity.

    Eventually, investigators determined that “Lee Oswald Trump” was actually Christopher Kelly, 21. In addition to the trespassing rap, Kelly (seen above) is facing charges for resisting arrest and providing a false name to law enforcement.

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    After being arrested for drunk driving, a Halloween reveler wearing only a trench coat and “a piece of cloth that looked like a penis” attempted to eat toilet paper in a bid to foil a Breathalyzer test, Iowa police report.

    Cops yesterday pulled over Ross McDonald, 39, after they spotted him driving the wrong way on an Iowa City street around 3 AM. According to a criminal complaint, McDonald was “extremely confused” and could not tell officers “what bar he was coming from.”

    McDonald, who claimed to have consumed two drinks, had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and unsteady balance, cops noted. He also appeared to be dressed in a “flasher” costume: “Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece of cloth that looked like a penis.”

    Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald “attempted to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with” the Breathalyzer. McDonald had initially refused the breath test, but “changed his mind after attempting to eat the toilet paper.”

    Despite McDonald’s cunning plan, his blood alcohol content was measured at .165, twice the legal limit.

    Since McDonald has prior drunk driving convictions, he was hit with a felony charge carrying a maximum five-year prison sentence. Seen in the above mug shot, McDonald was released from jail yesterday afternoon after posting $5000 bond.

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    An Uber driver was arrested yesterday afternoon for exchanging a ride in return for oral sex from a woman who pleasured him inside his vehicle, according to Florida police reports.

    Cops spotted driver Jason Lynch, 42, picking up a woman Wednesday in a St. Petersburg area “known for prostitution activity.” After driving to a parking lot, Lynch was spotted by undercover officers “receiving oral sex in his vehicle” from Elizabeth Santos, 41.

    Lynch, the reports allege, had “his penis exposed” in “full view of the public.”

    After Lynch was detained, he reportedly admitted “exchanging a ride in his vehicle for oral sex.” Lynch, cops noted, "advised he was an Uber," and said that he asked Santos how she intended to pay. Santos, he added, “agreed to perform oral sex on him for the ride.”

    Both driver and passenger were arrested on prostitution and lewd and lascivious behavior counts. Lynch posted $500 bond and was released from custody late last night.

    Since Santos has prior prostitution convictions, she was charged with a felony for allegedly servicing Lynch. She is locked up in lieu of $5250 bond.

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    An Indiana man is facing a domestic battery charge after allegedly throwing his girlfriend to the ground during an argument over toilet paper, cops say.

    According to a Muncie Police Department report, the victim told cops that Bryan Alwine, 27, pushed her so hard that she “flew” and landed in the street outside the home they share with their daughter.

    The duo had been arguing, the victim said, “over toilet paper.” Alwine was allegedly upset because the victim had not purchased his preferred brand of toilet paper.

    As first reported by The Star Press, the woman “further stated that Bryan is very specific on what he likes to use and that he began yelling at her while they were still inside the home.”

    Officers responding to a 911 call Sunday night noted that the woman, who appeared “very frightened and nervous,” had a bloody elbow and a scratched knee. A witness who called police said that she saw Alwine “put his hands on” the victim and throw her to the ground.

    Alwine, pictured above, was arrested for felony domestic battery. He was freed from jail Tuesday after posting $5000 bond. Alwine has previously been arrested for threatening to kill the victim, who told police that a “history of violence” between the couple has “gone on for several years.”