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    Responding to a 911 call about a domestic disturbance, a Florida cop discovered that the purported combatants were actually involved in a noisy “romantic situation with one another on the living room floor,” according to a police report.

    When an officer arrived early Sunday morning at the Bradenton residence, the couple “came outside and were both smiling and adjusting their clothing,” noted Officer James Savaglio.

    The duo explained that the home did not have air conditioning, so the windows were opened, which allowed confused neighbors to get an earful. “Neither party alleged anything physical other than the romance that took place.”

    Before departing, the cop “asked the parties to keep the noise down.”

    Florida, sex
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    A 69-year-old woman was charged with battery after she sprayed her adult son in the face with Febreze during an argument in the family’s Florida home.

    Jenny Ellis was arrested early Friday after an argument with her son--who suffers from mental illness--turned physical. According to cops, Ellis twice spit in her son’s face and doused him with the household odor eliminator. Ellis reportedly became angered when her son called her a derogatory name.

    When interviewed by deputies, Ellis said she was “frustrated with the mental health system in Florida and just wants her son gone,” according to a police report. Ellis reportedly told police, “Just take him out of here. Make him disappear, shoot him or something.”

    Charged with misdemeanor battery, Ellis was released from jail after posting $1000 bond. She is scheduled for an October 14 court appearance.

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    After stealing $600 worth of merchandise from Walmart, a Michigan woman made her getaway on one of the store’s motorized wheelchairs, according to cops who collared her two miles from the retailer.

    Shirley Mae Mason, 46, was arrested Monday night and charged with the theft of the $1200 electric cart and six bags stuffed with clothing.

    During questioning by police, Mason said that she decided to swipe the motorized cart after failing to secure a car ride from the store. Mason, according to a police report, said she just “didn’t feel like walking.”

    Mason, seen above, was booked into the Muskegon County jail, from which she was later released after posting bond.

    Last month, an 18-year-old New Mexico man was arrested for stealing a similar Walmart cart and driving it to a meeting with his probation officer at an Albuquerque courthouse.

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    The steakhouse where mobster Paul Castellano was gunned down has asked a judge to direct Yelp to identify the individual who posted a review claiming to be an employee who spits on food at the Manhattan restaurant.

    In a New York State Supreme Court filing, Sparks Steak House seeks a judicial order compelling the online review site to turn over details about the user who, in a mid-July post, wrote that, “I have personally spit my own saliva into dishes.” The reviewer added, “Our manager actually condones it to guests who give us attitudes. Just double check your food next time you eat here.”

    The review was purportedly posted by “Besfort Shala.” According to the September 8 court filing, a man by that name recently interviewed for a waiter’s job at the East 46th Street eatery. When informed that his name was attached to the Yelp review, Shala--who was not hired by Sparks--filed a police report. The 23-year-old Bronx resident told cops that an imposter had posted the Sparks review in his name.

    The “malicious and defamatory” Sparks review has been removed from Yelp and the related “Besfort S.” user account appears to have been deactivated, according to the restaurant’s court petition.

    Sparks is one of New York City’s top-ranked--and most expensive--steakhouses. It was also the site of the December 1985 rubout of Mafia boss Paul Castellano, who was whacked in front of the midtown eatery. The murder of Castellano and Gambino underboss Thomas Bilotti was the brainchild of John Gotti, who succeeded Castellano atop the Gambino gang. Gotti, who was subsequently convicted of orchestrating the hit, died in prison in 2002.

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    A few days ago, we asked for input as to what was on this Florida inmate’s face.

    Analysts were split on whether Arie Patterson, 36, was covered in paint; eggs; mustard; creamsicles; pudding; Velveeta cheese; or even Big Bird ejaculate.

    According to cops, however, the theft suspect is covered in Sabre pepper foam, which Broward County jailers use to gain compliance from uncooperative inmates. According to Dani Moschella, a sheriff’s spokesperson, Patterson was sprayed three times when he tussled with deputies seeking to fingerprint and photograph him.

    “The foam is similar to pepper spray, but it doesn’t shoot as far, which is useful in close quarters such as a jail,” noted Moschella.

    After the foam blasting, Patterson became cooperative. But he refused to be decontaminated or treated by emergency medical personnel.

    “In an effort to safely and quickly complete the fingerprint and mug shot process and return him to his cell, deputies took his photo immediately,” said Moschella, who added, “They later took a new photo.”

    Frankly, we preferred the Big Bird theory.

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    An upstate New York man is facing narcotics charges after cops found marijuana, cocaine, and LSD hidden inside a stuffed animal wearing a D.A.R.E. t-shirt.

    Gregory Bolognese, 22, was arrested Monday at the Greyhound bus station in Plattsburgh, a city about 20 miles south of the Canadian border. In announcing Bolognese’s bust, New York State Police officials did not detail how they came to discover the drugs inside the bear in Bolognese’s possession.

    As seen in the above evidence photo, cops seized the stuffed animal.

    The lion in question is “Darin,” the official mascot of D.A.R.E., who wears a black t-shirt with the group’s logo and the words “To Resist Drugs And Violence.” The Drug Abuse Resistance Education program aims to educate students about the dangers of narcotics, gangs, and violence.

    Bolognese, seen at right, was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance, as well as marijuana possession. The Plattsburgh resident, who was booked into the Clinton County jail in lieu of $500 bail, is scheduled for a September 11 court hearing.

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    A Florida woman arrested for setting her boyfriend on fire after dousing him with rubbing alcohol claimed that the victim had been participating in the so-called fire challenge when “things went awry,” police report.

    According to cops, Marcos Fuentes suffered burns to twenty percent of his body early Sunday morning in the Bradenton home he shares with Necole Stephens, 35.

    As Fuentes was being loaded into an emergency medical helicopter, he told Manatee County Sheriff’s Officer deputies that Stephens became jealous when she saw him texting on his phone. Fuentes added that Stephens “threw ‘medical’ alcohol all over him before igniting his clothes on fire with a lighter.”

    Stephens, who was not home when cops arrived, was later contacted by phone by deputies, who reported that Stephens claimed Fuentes “was participating in the ‘alcohol challenge’ and things went awry.” Stephens added that she left the residence because she was “scared.”

    Stephens, investigators noted, declined repeated requests to return to the home and provide “proof that she did nothing wrong.” She was subsequently located at another Bradenton residence and arrested. Stephens is locked up in lieu of $15,000 on a felony aggravated assault charge.

    Fuentes suffered second-degree burns “on his left side from his shoulder down past his waist,” reported deputies. Stephens and Fuentes are pictured above in a Facebook photo uploaded to her page in late-June.

    The “fire challenge,” which has been popularized by Facebook and YouTube videos, involves a participant pouring rubbing alcohol on their skin and then setting the liquid on fire. The flames are then supposed to be quickly extinguished. However, many individuals have suffered serious burns as a result of the dangerous online trend.

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    An overweight Missouri man had a glass meth pipe hidden inside a roll of stomach fat when he was recently booked into jail on narcotics charges, according to court records.

    Richard Evans Fotopulos, 45, was charged yesterday with two felonies in connection with his alleged attempt to smuggle narcotics and drug paraphernalia into the Christian County jail following his May arrest.

    Following a traffic stop, Fotopulos was arrested when a cop found marijuana and methamphetamine in his vehicle.

    While Fotopulos was being booked into custody, he was subjected to a strip search in the inmate shower. As first reported by the Springfield News-Leader, jailers seized bags of meth and pot in his socks. They also discovered that Fotopolus had a glass meth pipe stashed under a “stomach skin fold,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

    Fotopulos is scheduled for an October 7 Circuit Court arraignment. He is pictured above in a photo uploaded last September to Facebook (where his account includes the handle “lilfoto”).

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    Two high school students arrested Saturday night for breaking into a Florida home told police they were not there to steal anything, but just planned to have sex in the owner’s bedroom.

    Police were summoned to the Bradenton residence after a neighbor spotted the duo entering the home, whose owner currently resides in Michigan.

    After entering the home via an unlocked door, a sheriff’s deputy with his gun drawn announced his presence in the residence. From behind a closed bedroom door, a “male offender replied ‘alright we are coming out.’”

    As detailed in a police report, Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18, emerged from the bedroom with their hands up. The couple was then detained and made to sit on a couch in the living room, where they “both admitted that they were not there to steal anything, they were there to have ‘sex.’”

    A police examination of the residence showed nothing out of place or missing, though “a few things” had been “disturbed” inside the bedroom. Jones said he was provided the garage’s security code by a friend who cuts the homeowner’s lawn.

    The owner “made it very clear” to deputies that he wanted to press charges against the teenagers. Riddle and Jones (pictured in the above mug shots) were then arrested for burglary and booked into the county jail. Jones was freed yesterday after posting $7500 bond, while Riddle remains in custody.

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    Is there someone out there who can explain what is on this guy’s face?

    Arie Patterson was arrested Thursday in Hallandale, Florida on a misdemeanor theft charge. When the 36-year-old posed later for a jail booking photo, he looked like this.

    TSG has not yet been able to determine from cops what is on Patterson’s face, neck, hair, and jail smock (not to mention the back wall). Could it be egg? Pepper spray? Paint? An orange smoothie?

    We’ll update this story when we find out. In the meantime, please put all your educated/uneducated guesses in the below comments section.

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    The Texas teacher arrested for giving a 15-year-old boy a “full contact lap dance” in front of her entire class has been sentenced to three years probation following her guilty plea to having an improper relationship with the student.

    Felicia Smith, 42, copped a plea yesterday in connection with the late-February incident at Stovall Middle School. Smith, seen in the adjacent mug shot, no longer works at the Houston public school. She was named last month in a felony indictment charging her with touching the student’s genitals with her buttocks.

    Smith claimed that she was coaxed into the four-minute dance by the boy’s classmates. According to a probable cause affidavit, the educator gave an energetic performance (which was videotaped by one student).

    When the boy entered her classroom, Smith “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her desk,” investigators reported. With music playing, Smith sat on the teen’s lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis while she began to move back and forth.” Smith also “fondled him with her hands by touching him all over his body.” Cops noted that the assorted contact caused the boy to “have an erected penis.”

    During a police interview, the teenager admitted that he “slapped Ms. Smith buttocks a few times.” At the dance’s conclusion, Smith “got on her two knees and placed her head between” the boy’s legs, police charged. As she hugged the birthday boy, Smith said, “I love you baby, Happy Birthday.”

    While Smith remains licensed to teach English Language Arts and Reading in grades 4-8, Texas state records note that she is “currently under review” by the State Board for Educator Certification’s professional discipline unit.

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    In settlement of a civil rights lawsuit, the City of New York will pay three Brooklyn men a total of $33,000 in connection with their arrests last year after NYPD officers mistakenly identified Jolly Ranchers as methamphetamine during drug busts.

    Two of the men, Love Olatunjiojo, 26, and Omar Ferriera, 23, were collared after cops approached them shortly after the pair left It’Sugar, a Coney Island candy store where they had bought various sweets, including Jolly Rancher candies.

    While searching the duo, police recovered a “quantity of methamphetamine” from both men, according to misdemeanor criminal complaints. Police initially reported to Brooklyn prosecutors that the suspected meth field-tested positive for the presence of narcotics.

    In sworn criminal complaints filed against Olatunjiojo and Ferriera, Officer Jermaine Taylor declared that he “has had professional testing as a police officer in the identification of methamphetamine.”

    However, a subsequent NYPD lab analysis revealed that the red and blue “crystalline rocks of solid material” contained no controlled substances. As a result, charges against Olatunjiojo and Ferriera were dismissed.

    A third man, Jimmy Sano, 27, was busted when he protested the arrest of his two friends. Sano, who was with his three-year-old daughter at the time of his arrest, was charged with obstruction and resisting arrest. In April, Sano’s case was adjourned in contemplation of dismissal.

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    A Florida middle school student was arrested this week for refusing to leave bed and go to school.

    The 14-year-old boy’s mother called police Tuesday morning for assistance when her child refused to go to R.J. Murray Middle School in St. Augustine (where the school year opened August 18).

    When St. John’s County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrived, the teen’s 42-year-old mother said that she had taken away her son’s laptop and cellphone, and disconnected Internet service in their residence in response to her son’s refusal to attend classes.

    The teenager--who recently moved to Florida from New York with his mother--did not appear concerned when deputies told him he faced arrest. “Do what you gotta do,” the teen said. “I’m not going to school.”

    Deputies then arrested the boy--who was sitting on his bed--for resisting without violence/obstruction of justice, a misdemeanor. The child was handcuffed and transported to the county jail (from which he was later released into his mother's custody).

    The woman told deputies that her son “failed grades in New York for skipping school, as well as being in trouble with the law.”