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    In a religious affront, a Halloween reveler dressed as Jesus sucker-punched a cop early today outside a bar in San Diego, California.

    Police say the assault occurred in the city’s downtown Gaslamp Quarter around 1 AM.

    The male suspect approached police as they were arresting a man who had been ejected from a nearby bar. The assailant, cops repoort, "ambushed the officer" and struck him in the face. Police were unsure whether the assailant punched or elbowed the patrolman, who suffered a one-inch laceration that required several stitches.

    The costumed attacker fled on foot and remains at large. He did not appear to have any accomplices or disciples in tow.

    The suspect was "described as a white male, 6'-00" to 6'-02" in a white robe, red sash, possibly with a fake beard and wig," a San Diego Police Department spokesperson told TSG in an e-mail.

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    With his criminal trial scheduled to open next week, Roger Stone is again casting about for suckers willing to reach into their pockets to pay for his living expenses.

    In an October 25 e-mail blast to subscribers on his mailing lists, the 67-year-old cuck whines that his criminal entanglements have been a “difficult and exhausting” ordeal, adding that the “pressure and stress is nearly unbearable.”

    Stone’s email solicitation--which includes four separate red “DONATE NOW” buttons--claims that the oily GOP operative and his wife Nydia “have lost our home, our savings” and “we're struggling to stay afloat.” The woe-is-me pitch from Stone assures prospective marks that his situation is “dire.” “I do not exaggerate in the slightest,” the inveterate liar added.

    Donations to the Stone Family Support Fund are not tax deductible and are considered “personal gifts to Roger and Nydia Stone for their unrestricted use,” according to an online donation page. Stone is also soliciting contributions to the Roger Stone Legal Defense Fund, gifts to which are also not deductible.

    While claiming to be broke, Stone has hired private defense counsel, instead of opting for representation by the Federal Defender Program, which handles cases for indigent clients. But to secure such free counsel, a defendant has to file sworn financial statements attesting to their destitution.

    Which would be difficult for Stone, who makes it seem that he had to apply for Section 8 vouchers when he recently “lost” his home.

    In fact, Stone’s former waterfront residence in Fort Lauderdale--where he was arrested by the FBI in January--was a rental. As were his prior two homes.

    Stone and his wife have recently relocated from the Coral Way property--which has a swimming pool and boat dock--to a brand new residence three miles away. But instead of renting at the Galleria Lofts development, the Stones bought an 1800-square-foot, three-bedroom townhome.

    According to Broward County property records, the condominium residence was purchased in late-March for $525,000 by the Bertran Family Revocable Trust (Bertran is Nydia Stone’s maiden name). Nydia Stone, records shows, is a trustee of the trust (and its sole creator).

    A quarter of the home’s purchase price--or $131,250--was in cash, with the balance being covered by a $393,750 mortgage secured by the Bertran trust and Roger and Nydia Stone individually.

    The loan was provided to the Stones by Russell Harris, 73, whose home address is listed on mortgage records as a small property in Sonoma County, California. Harris, however, is registered to vote from a Fort Lauderdale residence that he owns.

    The mortgage’s length and interest rate are not disclosed in property filings which reference a “Balloon Payment Promissory Note” entered into by Harris and the Stones.

    A further search of Broward County records show that the Stones have still not satisfied a series of Internal Revenue Service liens covering nearly $1.5 million in unpaid federal taxes.

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    This is a weird flex.

    Following his arrest early yesterday for drunk driving, an Illinois man struck an odd pose while his mug shot was snapped in front of a holding cell.

    Tyler Brann, 24, was collared on a DUI charge around 2:30 AM Tuesday following a car crash in Sandwich, a city about 60 miles west of Chicago.

    Brann was released from custody after posting bond and is scheduled for a November 27 appearance in the DeKalb County courthouse.

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    A 14-year-old Florida Girl walked up to a man dressed as Donald Trump and punched him in the jaw as her friends recorded the attack, police say.

    The victim and two family members were waiting in line Friday evening outside the Naples Haunted Gross House at the Collier County fairgrounds when he was slugged by the teenage assailant, according to a police report.

    After punching the man, the laughing girl returned to her place in line with several other minors, at least one of whom recorded the attack and posted video of it to Instagram.

    In a written statement, the victim told cops that, “I walked over to the girl and asked her why she had hit me. I told her I was with my family here to have a good time.” The man said he contacted a fairgrounds worker who then summoned police.

    Cops, who noted that the teenager’s “sole motivation was to strike ‘Trump,’” cited the girl for misdemeanor battery.

    The teen, whose name was redacted from an incident report released by the Collier County Sheriff’s Office, has been barred from returning to the fairgrounds. 

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    After telling a fellow bar patron who was wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat to “go back to Russia you fucking communist,” a Florida Man spit on the Donald Trump supporter, according to police who arrested the attacker for battery.

    Investigators say Robert Youngblood, 67, and two friends were seated Friday night at the bar in the Hurricane Grill & Wings restaurant in Vero Beach when they were approached by Matthias Ajple, a 43-year-old engineer.

    As reported in an arrest affidavit, Ajple told Youngblood, “You should go back to Russia you fucking communist.” Ajple then slapped the brim of Youngblood’s red MAGA hat and “spit on Youngblood and then left the scene.”

    Youngblood, cops say, wrote down the assailant’s license plate number and provided it to police. The tag came back to a car registered in the name of Ajple’s wife.

    After Youngblood positively identified Ajple as his attacker, Ajple told sheriff's deputies that, “I was just trying to protect you guys because I support law enforcement. Trump supporters are communist and racist.” He continued, “I don’t even care that I’m going to jail, this is actually exciting. Plus, I have more time on this earth than he does anyway, he probably feels so good about himself.”

    Seen above, Ajple was booked into the county jail on a battery count. He spent several hours behind bars before posting $500 bond to secure his release early Saturday morning.

    Ajple, who was born in Germany, is scheduled for a November 19 hearing on the misdemeanor charge.

    According to Florida voter records, Ajple is a registered Democrat, while Youngblood is a registered Republican.

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    Hard as it may be to believe, the Tennessee gentleman booked into jail Saturday under the name Tupac Shakur was not born with that handle.

    According to cops, Shakur, 40, was busted after he pulled a knife on officers seeking to arrest him on an outstanding probation violation warrant.

    When officers in Johnson City sought to place Shakur in custody, he allegedly pulled away from them and reached into his waistband, where he retrieved a knife. Shakur was quickly taken to the ground and handcuffed.

    A subsequent search of Shakur turned up a syringe and “multiple baggies of methamphetamine,” police reported. The suspect was booked into the Washington County Detention Center, where he is being held on $18,000 bond in advance of arraignment this afternoon.

    Shakur, seen above, was born Timothy Steven Oliver, according to public records. At some point during the past decade Oliver started using the Shakur handle, though it is unclear whether he formally filed for a name change (a check with courts in the counties where Oliver has resided turned up no record of a name change application).

    Tennessee’s Department of Correction lists Timothy Steven Oliver as a current felony probationer who uses the alias Tupac Amaru Shakur. Criminal court records--of which there are many for the defendant--alternately list Oliver with the Shakur alias and Shakur with the Oliver alias.

    The combined Oliver/Shakur rap sheet spans more than two decades and includes collars for assault; public intoxication; resisting arrest; passing bad checks; burglary; theft; vandalism; obstruction; filing a false report; narcotics possession; and trespassing.

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    A seven-year-old boy was caught vaping last week during class at a Wisconsin elementary school, police report.

    The second-grader, cops say, was spotted by a teacher last Tuesday using a SMOK Novo vaping device inside Country Dale Elementary School in Franklin, a Milwaukee suburb.

    When questioned by school officials, the boy said that he took the device, which measures about three-and-a-half inches in length, from his mother’s purse.

    During a police interview, the boy’s mother said that the vaping device contained CBD oil. It is unclear how the child knew how to use the device, which retails for less than $20.

    The boy was removed from school by child protective services workers who transported him to a local hospital for an examination. The child was subsequently returned to his mother’s care.

    No charges were filed in connection with the vaping incident, police report.

    School administrators, however, took the opportunity to email parents to express their “concern about the national vaping epidemic.”

    vaping, Wisconsin
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    The elderly Florida kook who used a water pistol filled with his own urine to squirt a female neighbor in the face has been convicted of battery, but will only serve a month in jail for the vile attack, records show.

    Joel Benjamin, 71, entered a no contest plea to the misdemeanor charge during an appearance last Thursday in Circuit Court. He was sentenced to 30 days in jail and a one-year probation term that will commence upon his release from the Pinellas County lockup.

    Seen at right, Benjamin was also fined about $1000 and ordered to have no contact with the 50-year-old victim, who was attacked in mid-April while walking her dog one evening outside the Gulfport housing complex where both she and Benjamin reside.

    As detailed in a criminal complaint, Benjamin approached the woman and “pulled out a water gun that contained his own urine” and squirted her “several times.”

    In an interview with TSG days after his arrest, Benjamin admitted that, “I lost my fucking temper and shot her in the face with my squirt gun filled with piss.” Describing the attack as an “egregious thing to do,” Benjamin claimed he targeted the woman because she had been spying on him as part of a purported government surveillance campaign.

    During police questioning, Benjamin showed no remorse, saying that he would “do it again,” according to the complaint.

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    A North Carolina teenager who posted a threat on his Instagram page to “shoot up” a movie theater has been arrested on a felony cyberstalking charge, police report.

    Nikolai James Dixon Jr., 16, was arrested Friday after “local citizens and the media” apprised cops of the post, which warned of an October 8 shooting at an AMC theater in Wilmington (where “Joker” is playing on four screens).

    The author of the post, which appeared on the “cheezeclazone” Instagram page, wrote “My name is Nikolai Dixon” and included the name of the Wilmington high school Dixon attends.

    In announcing Dixon’s arrest, police noted that the teenager did not “have the means to carry out any threat.” After being booked into the New Hanover County jail, Dixon was released on a $2500 unsecured bond.

    Along with a redacted copy of the posted threat, cops also released a photo of Dixon from his 144-follower Instagram page (which is now private). Seen above, the image shows Dixon wearing an Infinity Gauntlet and a box of Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar Goldfish crackers.

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    An Alabama woman concerned that her methamphetamine may have been tainted with another drug asked police to test her stash, a service request that resulted in her arrest for possession of a controlled substance.

    Cops report that Jennifer Colyne Hall, 48, called police dispatch Wednesday seeking assistance.

    When Limestone County Sheriff's Office deputies subsequently arrived at Hall’s residence in Toney, a Huntsville suburb, she presented them with a clear plastic bag she had removed from a baby wipes container.

    “I want this dope tested,” declared Hall, who added that she was concerned that her speed was somehow tainted.

    The baggie proffered by Hall contained meth, cops report. As a result, Hall, seen above, was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and booked into the county jail. She is being held in lieu of $2500 bail.

    And, yes, this has happened before and before.

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    UPDATE: No, it was not a fraternity prank. Steven Franzreb, 43, has been indicted on a pair of felony charges for allegedly menacing the Delta Gamma and Alpha Phi sororities at Kent State University. Franzreb has also been charged with a pair of misdemeanor public indecency counts. Franzreb--who lives about an hour from Kent State and works as a bartender--is locked up in lieu of $50,000 bond. Seen here, Franzreb’s rap sheet includes a prior conviction for public indecency.

    Ohio police are seeking to identify a Speedo-clad man who prowled around a Kent State University sorority house early Monday morning.

    The suspect, who was recorded by a doorbell cam, had phrases like “Laugh At Me” and “Shrimp Dick” inked on his chest. The word “Pervert” was also written on his chest, while arrows pointed to his genitalia along with the phrases “4 Inches” and “So Tiny.”

    While walking on the porch this week, the man appeared to be recording with his cellphone.

    According to cops, the suspect first showed up at the Alpha Phi house in late-August. At that time, the trespasser was naked and danced on the sorority’s front porch. Investigators believe that the man has also sent a nude photo and messages via social media to sorority members.

    If apprehended, the "Loser" could face public indecency charges, police say.

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    A Florida Man dialed 911 to report that he “had narcotics on his person,” according to police who say that the suspect told them he “wanted to go to jail.”

    After Joshua Simmons, 21, called police late Sunday night, officers contacted him near a park in St. Petersburg. Simmons reportedly “stated he had marijuana in his front pocket and produced it to officers on scene.”

    Pictured at right, Simmons was then taken into custody, according to an arrest affidavit, which noted that the defendant “spontaneously stated he was transient and wanted to go to jail.”

    The seized marijuana weighed about one gram, cops reported.

    Charged with pot possession, a misdemeanor, Simmons is being held in the county jail in lieu of $150 bond.

    Simmons’s rap sheet includes three convictions for trespassing 

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    Meet Heather Mayeux.

    The 43-year-old was arrested last night for domestic battery after allegedly stubbing out a cigarette on her boyfriend’s forehead during an argument in their Florida residence.

    Cops allege that Mayeux got into a “verbal altercation” with the 46-year-old victim upon his return home from work. After pushing the man several times, Mayeux “took her lit cigarette and extinguished it on the victim’s forehead,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    After being read her rights, Mayeux reportedly copped to using her beau as an ashtray. “Mayeux admitted to being frustrated” and said she “may have put the cigarette out on the victim’s forehead,” police noted.

    The victim, cops say, sustained minor injuries and declined medical treatment.

    Mayeux was booked into the county jail on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim.

    Mayeux’s rap sheet includes a pair of felony theft convictions and a misdemeanor theft conviction. Following a grand theft collar earlier this year for swiping clothing and costume jewelry from a Bealls department store, Mayeux told cops that she copes with stress by stealing.