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    A woman found naked from the waist down told Pennsylvania police that snakes had eaten her pants, according to a court filing.

    Responding last Thursday afternoon to multiple 911 calls about a half-dressed woman walking in the middle of a road about 25 miles from Philadelphia, cops found Gloria Harpel, 35, “naked from the waist down and she was rambling.”

    Harpel, who police suspected of narcotics use, initially said that she had put her pants in a storm drain before contending that “snakes had eaten them.”

    Pictured at right, Harpel--who was reportedly “sweating profusely” and “making nonsensical outbursts”--was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness. She was booked into the Montgomery County jail on the misdemeanor counts.

    A probable cause affidavit does not provide a further description of the purported trouser snakes.

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    Perhaps a name change is in order for Le'Genius Williams.

    The 22-year-old Floridian--who has already served prison time for attempted murder and robbery--is back behind bars on an assortment of felony gun and drug charges following his arrest Monday night.

    Police allege that Williams struck his girlfriend in the face with a handgun and then fled the St. Petersburg crime scene in a Chevy driven by another man.

    Cops performed a pit maneuver to stop the vehicle and then arrested Williams and the driver. A search of the car uncovered a pair of loaded firearms, as well as cocaine and fentanyl, according to a court filing.

    Seen above, Williams was booked into the county jail for aggravated domestic battery, drug trafficking, narcotics possession, and weapons offenses. He is being held in lieu of $77,000 bond.

    In 2013, when Williams was 13, he was arrested for shooting a 15-year-old boy. He was subsequently sentenced to eight years in prison for attempted murder (as well as an unrelated robbery charge).     

    Five months after his release from state prison in late-2020, Williams was arrested for cocaine possession, driving without a license, and illegally possessing a handgun (he was freed last February on $12,000 bond). The 2021 case is pending and a judge this week revoked Williams’s bond in light of his latest arrest.

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    A trespassing suspect with “his pants opened and genitals exposed” explained to Florida police that he was “doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually” when he was discovered at 2:15 AM on the premises of a closed Mexican restaurant, according to a court filing.

    Cops say that Kenneth Grey, 29, tripped a silent alarm after jumping a fence early Monday at the Red Mesa Cantina in St. Petersburg.

    When officers arrived at the restaurant, Grey was seated inside a fenced area near the outdoor bar “with his pants opened and genitals exposed.” Grey, seen at right, was detained and subsequently charged with loitering and prowling, a misdemeanor.

    After being read his rights, Grey reportedly acknowledged trespassing and told police he was “doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually.”

    Grey is locked up in lieu of $250 bond and has been ordered to stay away from the restaurant. His rap sheet includes prior convictions for trespassing, obstructing police, and possession of an open container of alcohol.

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    Laughing as he recounted killing his father’s poodle, a Florida Man told cops that he buried the animal alive because “the dog was old, and he thought it was already dying,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Police report that Tyler Crevasse, 33, yesterday confessed to wrapping the 18-year-old pet “in a wet towel while the dog was still alive and buried” the canine in the backyard of the Clearwater home he shares with his 61-year-old father.

    “The defendant kept laughing while he was making these statements,” a cop reported. The poodle was later discovered in the area where Crevasse reportedly confessed to burying the animal.

    After learning that his dog had been killed, the victim confronted Crevasse, who then allegedly punched his father in the nose twice. Crevasse, cops say, said the pair argued “after he told his father that he buried his dog alive in the backyard.”

    Pictured above, Crevasse was arrested for animal cruelty and domestic battery. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $10,000 bond on the felony counts.

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    Meet Jacob Ryan Philbeck.

    The 29-year-old Florida Man made a series of 911 calls early yesterday to inform police dispatchers that President Joe Biden should be jailed, while convicted drug lord Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán should be freed from custody.

    In response to that legal advice--offered in three separate predawn calls--Philbeck was arrested for misuse of the 911 system, a misdemeanor.

    Dialing from an apartment in Palm Harbor, a Tampa suburb, Philbeck was initially informed that “the information he was providing was a non-emergency situation.” Philbeck was also warned not to use the 911 system in such a manner.

    Nevertheless, he persisted.

    Philbeck, a registered Republican voter, again called cops to say that, “President Biden needed to be placed in prison,” according to an arrest report. Philbeck also advised that, “El Chapo needed to be freed.”

    When deputies arrived at Philbeck’s residence, he was on the line with 911. That call was cut short by Philbeck’s 6 AM arrest. Seen above, Philbeck was booked into the county jail, from which he was released yesterday on $150 bond.

    With regard to Philbeck, the arrest report notes that there was an “Indication of Alcohol Influence.”

    In posts to his Facebook page, Philbeck has supported flying the Confederate flag, opposed gun control, and declared that “its scary to do research and find out how much todays democratic party and hitlers nazi germany have in common WOW.” In a 2018 post, Philbeck wrote, “for the record i am very conservative even more right than many republicans maybe im libertarian idk.”

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    The first rule of False Name Club is: You do not claim to be Tyler Durden.

    During a vehicle stop late Sunday night in Dunedin, a Gulf Coast city, Florida cops discovered a 9mm handgun, ammunition, and “a trafficking amount of narcotics” inside the auto.

    Since the gun and the drugs--heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, marijuana, and Xanax--appeared to belong to a male passenger, Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office deputies asked the man to identify himself.

    In response, the suspect “provided the name ‘Tyler Durden,’” according to an arrest report. Apparently unaware that “Durden” was a character in the 1999 film “Fight Club,” cops ran the handle through a police database and “were unable to locate a subject by that name.”

    Using a fingerprint scanner, police subsequently identified the passenger as Todd Michael Burns, 44, whose rap sheet includes numerous drug convictions, as well as convictions for grand theft, disorderly conduct, violating probation, and carrying a concealed weapon.

    Seen above, Burns is currently on probation for a 2019 conviction for meth possession. He is also facing burglary and grand theft charges in another Florida county.

    After Burns’s identity was confirmed by cops, he reportedly “admitted to giving a false name due to not knowing why he was being arrested.” Locked up in the county jail, Burns is facing an assortment of felony drug and weapons charges, as well as a misdemeanor count for providing a false name to law enforcement.

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    A Florida Woman suspected of drunk driving performed “multiple ballet and Irish folk dance moves” while undergoing field sobriety tests after rear-ending a vehicle late Wednesday evening, cops report.

    Amy Ann Harrington, 38, was arrested on a DUI charge following a crash near her residence in Madeira Beach, a city 10 miles from St. Petersburg. Police allege that Harrington “showed multiple signs of impairment during roadside sobriety tests.”

    Harrington smelled of alcohol, had “slurred speech,” and “was unsteady on her feet,” police charge. When asked to perform one-leg stand and walk-and-turn tests, Harrington instead broke out her cross-disciplinary dance moves, according to an arrest affidavit.

    Harrington, who refused to take a breath test, was charged with a pair of misdemeanors and booked into the county jail (from which she was released yesterday on $650 bond).

    Pictured above, Harrington, who works at a St. Petersburg bar & grille, was arrested for DUI in 2019 following a car crash. She subsequently copped to a reduced charge of reckless driving and was sentenced to 12 months probation and 50 hours of community service.

    In the new case, a date has not been set for the roadside ballerina to appear for arraignment and enter a plié.

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    Faced with a locked bathroom at a convenience store, a Florida Man decided to instead relieve himself inside the business’s beer cave, ruining $113.36 in merchandise, police report.

    According to an arrest report, Clarence Patterson, 61, entered the Hop & Pop store Saturday afternoon and proceeded to the restroom, which was locked. Patterson “then entered the ‘beer cave’ making the appearance he was looking at the merchandise inside.”

    Patterson, who lives about two miles from the store in Rockledge, a city 50 miles east of Orlando, then “faced toward the alcohol cases on the shelves,” unzipped his pants, and began urinating.

    “There were six cases of beer total that were damaged and could no longer be sold,” a cop reported, adding that the beer cave incident was recorded by a store surveillance camera.

    Pictured above, Patterson was arrested Wednesday and charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor for which he posted $500 bond.

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    A Florida Man masqueraded as a Drug Enforcement Administration agent to secure a discount at a Wendy’s restaurant, according to police who yesterday arrested the suspect for impersonating a law enforcement officer.

    Investigators say Jesse Stover, 57, had been receiving the half-off discount for more than two years at a Wendy’s in Bunnell, a city about 20 miles north of Daytona Beach.

    But yesterday, when Stover (seen above) again sought the discount, a Wendy’s manager asked to see his credentials. Stover, cops say, flashed a badge. When the manager asked to examine the badge, Stover reportedly became argumentative, prompting Wendy’s workers to call 911.

    The manager told police that Stover claimed to work undercover for the DEA, adding that he threatened to report employees to Wendy’s corporate office for denying him the 50 percent discount.

    When officers responded to the restaurant, Stover denied claiming to be a cop or a federal agent. A police frisk of the Wendy's regular recovered a gold badge with the words “Concealed Weapon Permit.” A photo of the confiscated badge, seen at right, was released by police.

    Charged with falsely impersonating an officer, Stover was booked into the Flagler County jail on the felony rap. He was released from custody last night after posting $2500 bond.

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    Who sucks now, Chad?

    An Arkansas man wearing a “Joe Biden Sucks” t-shirt was arrested Tuesday on narcotics charges, according to police.

    Chad Spencer Sharp, 50, was busted by cops following a traffic stop in Decatur, a city about 15 miles from his residence in Bella Vista.

    Seen above, Sharp was charged with drug possession with intent to distribute, a class A misdemeanor, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a seatbelt. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $5000 bond.

    While the full message on Sharp’s shirt was cropped in his mug shot, a jailer confirmed to TSG that “Sucks” appears below the 46th president’s name.

    In related garment news, a 71-year-old Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was busted Friday for drunk driving, while a 26-year-old man wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon” t-shirt was recently arrested in Alabama for drunk driving.

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    While many MAGA devotees are law-abiding citizens, a Florida Man wearing a Donald Trump t-shirt was arrested yesterday for domestic battery and methamphetamine possession, records show.

    Police responding to a call about a disturbance at a residence in Cove Springs arrested Joseph Sweet, 37, for allegedly striking his wife with a cell phone charger. The blow, cops say, left the 39-year-old victim with a “welt across her chest.”

    During post-arrest searches, officers found meth, marijuana, and assorted drug paraphernalia in Sweet’s pockets and backpack. When asked about hitting his wife, Sweet reportedly said that he threw the charger at her “a little hard.”

    Pictured above, Sweet was booked into the Clay County jail on domestic battery and narcotics charges. He is being held in lieu of $12,760 bond.

    Sweet’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft; battery; domestic battery; violating a protective order; possession of drug paraphernalia; driving with a suspended license; marijuana possession; and violating probation.

    A police inventory of Sweet’s tattoos notes that he has a “rebel flag” inked on one leg and the words “Crazy White Boy” on an arm.

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    Who’s the idiot now, Randy?

    A Missouri man wearing a “Biden Is An Idiot” t-shirt was arrested Friday for drunk driving, according to police.

    Randall Westveer, 71, was collared by state troopers and booked into the Boone County jail, where he posed for the above mug shot. Westveer, who lives in a neighboring county, was later released on $500 bond on the misdemeanor DWI count.

    Westveer pleaded guilty to DWI in 2020 and was fined $500, according to court records. Westveer’s t-shirt, available online for around $20, uses the presidential seal as the “O” in idiot.

    In related garment news, a 26-year-old man recently arrested for drunk driving was wearing a “Let’s Go Brandon!” shirt when Alabama cops stuffed him into a squad car.

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    Hours after exchanging vows, a North Carolina couple exchanged blows at a Florida hotel, according to police who found the bride in a wedding dress covered in blood and the groom with injuries to his face.

    Police were called early Sunday morning to the Hilton in Naples, where they encountered Stefanie Ginas, 32, in the hotel’s Salon room. Ginas’s wedding dress had “several blood spots down the front, and the left strap of her dress was torn,” according to a Naples Police Department report.

    Ginas’s “face and chest were covered in blood, and she was crying,” cops noted.

    Ginas’s mother told officers that the newlywed was involved in “some sort” of altercation with John Gerhard, 43, the man Stefanie had married earlier that evening.

    Ginas told cops the couple had quarreled about her brother while in their hotel room, and that the dispute turned violent. Ginas suffered a “bloody nose, busted upper lip, and swollen eye during the altercation,” police reported.

    Gerhard, who said that his wife head-butted him, had a cut on the bridge of his nose, swelling on his face, and dried blood on his pants.

    Since Ginas and Gerhard each claimed to be the dispute’s “primary aggressor,” both were arrested for domestic battery. The couple, who live in Newport, North Carolina, were booked into the Collier County jail on the misdemeanor count.

    Ginas and Gerhard were each released yesterday on $1000 bond.