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    A New Jersey man is facing a lewdness charge after fellow beachgoers spotted him wearing a “homemade, clear plastic wrap bikini, where his genitals were clearly exposed.”

    Stephen Wojciehowski, 59, was arrested Monday in connection with his alleged indecent exposure earlier this month on a Long Beach Island beach.

    Wojciehowski, seen at right, is free on bond in advance of court proceedings on the misdemeanor charge.

    According to the Beach Haven Police Department, several witnesses reported that the suspect “spent two days on the beach” wearing the Saran bikini. The subsequent police investigation resulted in Wojciehowski’s identification and arrest.

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    New York City police are seeking the public’s help in identifying a woman who used her high-heeled shoe to bloody a 75-year-old man during an attack last month on a Manhattan subway train. 

    According to cops, the suspect was arguing with the victim as their train pulled into the Times Square station before noon on August 19. The attacker, cops allege, removed one of her shoes and slashed the pensioner across the face.

    The victim suffered a laceration during the assault and was transported to a local hospital for treatment.

    In a bid to identify the suspect, police released the above photo, a still from a cell phone video recorded by a passenger. Investigators estimate that the stiletto attacker is about 25 years old, weighs 120 pounds, and is 5’ 7” tall.

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    An accused thief’s distinctive “man bun” helped lead to his apprehension in connection with the swiping of video surveillance cameras from a Florida business, according to a court filing.

    Police charge that Landon Hall, 26, last week stole four video cameras from the Villa Laundromat in St. Petersburg. Hall allegedly removed the cameras from their mounts while concealing his face with a “yellow colored pocket square” and a shirt.

    Hall’s efforts to hide his face were not successful, according to a sheriff’s deputy who noted that, “The defendant also had a very distinct ‘man bun.’”

    Seen above, Hall was identified by a cop with whom the suspect had multiple prior contacts. Hall was collared Sunday afternoon for grand theft. He is locked up in lieu of $2000 bond on the felony charge.

    Hall’s lengthy rap sheet includes busts for trespassing; retail theft; narcotics possession; robbery; loitering; credit card fraud; burglary; and possession of drug paraphernalia. Prior mug shots indicate that Hall’s “man bun” is a recent tonsorial touch.

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    A California man attacked several victims with stolen crucifixes during an early morning rampage that ended with his arrest on robbery, burglary, and assault with a deadly weapon charges, cops report.

    According to the Ventura Police Department, Forrest Brantley, 35, broke into the gift shop of a Spanish mission early Thursday morning and stole a pair of crucifixes.

    Brantley, seen at right, then attempted to rob a victim of their phone in the mission’s parking lot. “When the victim refused to give Brantley the phone, Brantley hit that victim with one of the crucifixes,” police charge.

    Brantley then began walking down Ventura’s Main Street “and did the same thing to two more victims, striking them with the crucifix,” cops reported. He subsequently broke the car window of a 75-year-old man who was seated inside the vehicle and “struck the man, causing him injury.”

    After breaking into a thrift store and stealing a bicycle, Brantley “approached another victim...and battered that victim by striking him with the crucifix.”

    Officers subsequently apprehended Brantley and booked him into the Ventura County jail on an assortment of misdemeanor and felony charges. Locked up in lieu of $202,500 bail, Brantley is scheduled to appear in Superior Court this afternoon.

    The victims targeted in the crucifix attacks sustained minor injuries, said cops, who added that the 75-year-old victim was treated at a local hospital for a “moderate injury to the face.”

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    Two Georgia residents are locked up on charges that they phoned 911 with false reports about evil clowns lurking outside a van.

    According to the Troup County Sheriff’s Office, investigators were dispatched last night to investigate a report of “unknown persons dressed as clowns standing outside a white van.”

    After the van’s owner gave deputies permission to search the vehicle, no clowns or costumes were found.

    During a subsequent interview with deputies, Brandon Jerome Moody, the man who placed the 911 call, initially claimed to have seen “clowns around a white van parked on Hammett Road.” Moody, 26, then changed his story before admitting that he fabricated the clown tale.

    Moody, pictured above, confessed that he was aware of “all the complaints about clowns and the schools being on lock down.” This week, local cops reported receiving several calls about “clowns in a van and in wooded areas trying to talk to children.” Police warned that “this behavior is not cute or funny” and could result in criminal charges.

    During questioning, Moody also told deputies that his sister-in-law had also placed phony 911 calls about clown sightings. Rebecca Moody, 27, was later apprehended.

    Charged with obstruction and unlawful conduct during a 911 call, the duo was booked last night into the county jail.

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    Meet Cindy Jean Underwood.

    The 39-year-old West Virginian is locked up on $10,000 bail after she allegedly put out a cigarette in her boyfriend’s eye, according to court records.

    The attack, cops say, occurred Monday as Underwood and Jeremy Hughes were arguing in the home they share in St. Albans, a city in Kanawha County.

    As the pair squabbled, Underwood jammed a lit cigarette into her beau’s eye, police charge. When cops arrived at the residence in response to a destruction of property complaint, they summoned an ambulance, which transported Hughes to a local hospital for treatment of an injury to his left eye.

    Hughes complained to police that he "did not have sight in his eye."

    Pictured above, Underwood--who is facing a felony malicious wounding charge--is being held at the South Central Regional Jail in Charleston. She is scheduled for a September 22 preliminary hearing.

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    A career criminal with the surname Coffee was charged yesterday with throwing hot coffee on a fellow inmate at a Florida jail, according to an arrest report.

    Investigators allege that Andrew Coffee, 53, admitted to dousing the 21-year-old victim with coffee, but denied punching the younger inmate in the head (as victim Chauncey Jones claimed). Throwing the coffee, Coffee explained, was “better than actually ‘beating his ass,’” the report notes.

    Coffee reportedly told investigators that he has “been getting annoyed by Jones because he is much younger.”

    Seen above, Coffee is a repeat felon with a lengthy rap sheet that includes an attempted murder conviction for which he served more than 11 years in state prison. Coffee is being held in the Vero Beach jail without bond following his arrest last year for allegedly attempting to kill a sheriff’s deputy.

    During a traffic stop, Coffee sucker punched Deputy Christopher Lester and then shot the cop in the leg, an attack that was recorded by Lester’s dashboard camera. Lester returned fire, striking Coffee in the legs and torso.

    The coffee battery, a misdemeanor, is the least of Coffee’s abundant judicial troubles.

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    After breaking into a home on Martha’s Vineyard, a Massachusetts man removed a four-month-old puppy from its crate and then doused the animal in purple paint, according to police who busted the man on a variety of criminal charges.

    Investigators allege that Felix Reagan burglarized a home in Oak Bluffs Saturday afternoon and later stole an automobile that he subsequently crashed.

    The burglary victim, Tamara Gemme-Crawford, said that a ground level window had been forced in and several items were taken from her residence. Additionally, cops noted, “the victim’s dog had been painted with purple paint.”

    In a Facebook post directed at Reagan, Gemme-Crawford wrote that, “you took my 4 mo. old puppy out of the safety of his crate where he was no threat to you and poured paint all over him, you put him outside in a strange area like a dirty shoe, and for That I will NEVER forgive you !!”

    When police received a description of the disheveled burglar from a neighbor, they immediately suspected Reagan, who was busted in June for a similar break-in. When cops located Reagan, he was in possession of “prescription pills, a driver’s license and credit cards” taken from the burglarized home.

    Reagan (seen at left) was charged with breaking and entering, auto theft, destruction of property, cruelty to animals, narcotics possession, and assault on a police officer.

    In her Facebook post, Gemme-Crawford called Reagan a “cruel low life animal abuser,” and pledged, “I will be there in the court to watch you cry like a baby when you are not allowed to go home!!!!” Gemme-Crawford's dog, a border collie named Grayson, is seen above.

    Gemme-Crawford told TSG that her puppy was in his crate in a closed, air-conditioned room. “He had water and his toys and he was not a threat to anyone,” she said.

    Gemme-Crawford surmised that the dog--who was not injured by the paint--was barking since Reagan appeared to have given the animal a bag of apple fritters before dousing him with paint found in a cabinet. Reagan, Gemme-Crawford added, then “threw him out the door.”

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    What’s not to love about a guy who decided to have “HOLLA!” tattooed on his forehead?

    So, meet Charles Easter.

    The 38-year-old Easter posed for the above mug shot early Tuesday morning following his 1:46 AM arrest for disorderly conduct. Police allege that Easter became unruly while visiting a friend who was being treated in the emergency room at a Fort Lauderdale hospital.

    While being escorted from the hospital by a cop, Easter yelled at a nurse, “Fuck off you cunt,” according to a complaint affidavit. Then, “in a fit of rage,” he “maliciously threw coffee over the floor and wall.”

    The complaint--which lists Easter’s address as “At Large, Fort Lauderdale, FL”--notes that he has the words “I Bet You Won’t” inked on his back and teardrops tattooed on his face.

    Easter, a Brooklyn native with a lengthy rap sheet, has been known to wear a pink bikini while performing sidewalk dance routines in search of gratuities.

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    Florida police have arrested Vladimir Putin for trespassing.

    Putin, 48, was collared last week after cops responded to a 911 call about a man causing a disturbance at a Publix supermarket in West Palm Beach.

    According to the store manager, Putin had "screamed at employees."

    Seen at right, Putin was subsequently arrested by police and charged with trespassing and obstructing officers without violence. After being handcuffed, he yelled "Venezuela!" several times while being led to a patrol car.

    Putin, who has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor counts, was freed early this afternoon from the Palm Beach county jail (where he was locked up in lieu of $1000 bond). A judge has ordered Putin to undergo a mental health assessment, according to court records.

    Putin is scheduled for a September 26 court appearance.

    A West Palm Beach Police Department report identifies the suspect as “John Doe,” so it appears that the "Putin" handle surfaced at some point post-arrest.

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    A U.S. Postal Service employee stashed nearly 50,000 pieces of undelivered mail in her California home, according to a criminal information filed against the worker.

    Federal investigators charge that Sherry Watanabe hid "approximately 48,288 pieces of United States mail" in her apartment. The mail was intended for delivery to customers along Watanabe’s route in Placentia, an Orange County city.

    Watanabe, 48, was named in a one-count felony criminal information filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. In a plea agreement with prosecutors, Watanabe has admitted to the mail hoarding.

    According to the plea agreement, Watanabe was hired as a mail carrier in June 2006, and she began collecting “large quantities of such mail” in her Placentia residence in 2011. While the undelivered mail was seized by law enforcement agents in late-2013, court filings do not indicate why more than two years passed before Watanabe was charged.

    Though Watanabe faces a statutory maximum of three years in custody, prosecutors have agreed to recommend that a term of imprisonment not exceed “the low end of the applicable Sentencing Guidelines range.”

    In similar previous prosecutions, mail carriers have claimed that the volume on their routes was so onerous that they opted to hide the mail instead of delivering it.

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    A burglar who broke into an Ohio adult novelty store through a ventilation pipe gathered up an assortment of sex toys and lubricant before departing with the upper half of a $2000 sex doll that he topped with a $46.99 blond wig, according to police.

    Investigators allege that Ellis Doyle, 26, broke into Cirilla’s, a shop in Elyria, around 2:45 AM Saturday and stole several items before leaving. Surveillance video shows the intruder then sought to re-enter the business through the front doors, but they had locked behind him.

    Doyle, cops say, came back into the building “through the roof and ceiling over the cash register.” During his second pass through the store, Doyle “walks around the store again and then walks over to the ‘Eva’ mannequin and strips the clothing off of it and takes the top half of the mannequin and takes a blond and burgundy wig off a display and places it on its head and walks out the front door.”

    Thanks to the surveillance video, police were able to identify Doyle, who was collared on a breaking and entering charge. Doyle, who was arraigned yesterday on the felony count, is free on $5000 bond.

    The owner of Cirilla’s, the business targeted, told police that the stolen goods were valued at about $2650. The most valuable item--the $2000 “Eva” mannequin--was found discarded outside a Red Roof Inn near Cirilla’s (which declares that it is “Where Fun & Fantasy Meet”).

    Doyle is scheduled for an August 29 preliminary hearing in Elyria Municipal Court.

    Ohio, sex toy
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    After issuing an appeal to the public, Ohio cops have identified the woman who allegedly threw a container of nacho cheese at a 7-Eleven owner who caught her stealing merchandise.

    In a Facebook post yesterday, the Toledo Police Department included three surveillance images of the suspect, who was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt, shorts, and blue socks with white stars.

    According to a police report, after being confronted by Jitendra Singh, 49, the woman attacked the 7-Eleven owner, tearing money from his hands before throwing "a container of nacho cheese" at him. The woman then “fled in a maroon Chevy with a black male.”

    Upon posting an “Attempt to identify” notice, cops determined that the suspect in the August 18 incident was Derrickka Dixon, a 28-year-old Toledo resident. In comments on the Toledo Police Department’s Facebook page, Dixon’s husband Tray, 33, claimed that the police account was “all wrong. She didn’t steal nothing.” He added that, “The media lie every day.”

    In addition to issuing a robbery arrest warrant for Dixon, cops are also seeking to collar her spouse, who allegedly threatened to kill Singh during the 7-Eleven incident (and was driving the Chevy). Dixon is seen below in a mug shot taken after an arrest last year.

    Singh was not injured by the airborne nacho cheese.

    The police reference to the liquid gold was met with glee by Facebook commenters, several of whom offered a variation on this remark: “He said hey give that cheese back. That NACHO CHEESE that NACHO CHEESE it my cheese.” One man appeared exasperated that the suspect used the nacho cheese container as a weapon: “Christ, what a world we live in.”