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    A Florida Man told police that he thought his girlfriend was “being rough like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’” when she began to slap him yesterday, but he eventually fled the couple’s apartment when the woman became more aggressive and left him “seeing stars” with a bump on his head, according to an arrest report.

    Cops say after Nicole Onque, 21, and the 40-year-old victim returned to their Largo home early Monday morning after attending a festival, the pair argued when Onque was unable to locate her phone.

    Though she would eventually find the device, Onque “was still upset.” The victim “attempted to sit at his desk and ignore the defendant,” an officer noted.

    Onque allegedly then “began to slap the victim on the arms and back.” The man told cops he “initially believed the defendant was being rough like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’” the book-turned-movie about a sadomasochistic relationship.

    When Onque’s blows became more aggressive, the victim said, he told her to stop. But Onque “continued to strike and scratch” him “hard enough to cause a sizable bump on his head” and “large scratches along his back.” The man said he told Onque he was “seeing stars” in an attempt to “get the defendant to stop” the 4:30 AM attack.

    Onque was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail, from which she was released this afternoon on her own recognizance. Onque--apparently wearing festival facepaint--is pictured in the above mug shot.

    Onque was charged last year with domestic battery for allegedly pushing her brother in the face during an argument. Prosecutors, though, declined to pursue the misdemeanor case.

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    A Wisconsin man is facing a felony charge after using his truck to T-bone a vehicle carrying two people who had just stolen a snow blower from his family’s garage, police report.

    According to cops, Corey Sanderson, 29, intentionally plowed into the driver’s side of the getaway car as it turned onto a street a few blocks from his Madison residence.

    The vehicle’s occupants, a man and a woman, suffered “serious, but non-life threatening injuries” and were transported late Monday night to a local hospital, investigators say.

    Sanderson (seen at right) told Madison Police Department officers that he “saw two people steal a snow blower from his garage and began following them in his truck.” He reportedly admitted intentionally t-boning the other vehicle, prompting cops to arrest him on a felony reckless endangerment charge.

    A police spokesperson said there is probable cause to arrest the theft suspects for burglary. “A snow blower was found in the trunk of the car that was involved,” according to a police incident report.

    In a police interview, Sanderson said his home “was involved in another recent burglary,” an apparent reference to an incident he detailed in a February 5 Facebook post. Sanderson told friends that “some ass clown” broke into his family’s garage and stole his father’s Briggs & Stratton snow blower. Sanderson added that he was monitoring online marketplaces and asked, “if you see anything being sold to let me know or just share with others.”

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    Meet Crystal Dishman.

    The 47-year-old Kentuckian was photographed at the Letcher County jail (where she has recently served sentences for methamphetamine possession and bail jumping.

    As seen in the above photo (click to enlarge), Dishman appeared displeased to be posing for yet another mug shot.

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    A drug suspect tried to convince cops that a plastic bag found in his backpack contained breath mints, not meth, according to an arrest report.

    Stephen Whalen, 32, was driving a PT Cruiser Thursday afternoon when a patrolman in Tarpon Springs, Florida spotted him behind the wheel. The officer knew Whalen from a “prior police related incident” and was aware his driver’s license had been revoked.

    Whalen, seen at right, was taken into custody and the Chrysler was searched. Inside Whalen’s backpack police say they found assorted drug paraphernalia and a baggie containing 2.6 grams of meth.

    When questioned about the seized narcotics, Whalen reportedly said that, “the meth was not meth and it was breath mints,” a cop reported. Whalen “would not elaborate on anything else” regarding his curiously strong mints.

    Charged with possession of methamphetamine, fentanyl, and drug paraphernalia, and driving without a license, Whalen was booked into the county jail on $4400 bond.

    Whalen’s rap sheet includes convictions for battery; burglary; narcotics sales; trespass; dealing in stolen property; narcotics possession; and providing a false name to law enforcement. Whalen was released from state prison in February 2020 after serving about 18 months in custody on multiple drug convictions.

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    Meet Austin Chapman.

    Despite appearances, the 25-year-old Missouri man has not been jailed for banditry or other similar offenses requiring a mask.

    No, Chapman has recently been collared for trespass in Springfield, where he resides. He was scheduled to be released yesterday from the Greene County lockup.

    There is no explanation available for why Chapman opted for the heavy eye makeup.

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    A drug suspect found with fentanyl and a bag of hypodermic needles told Florida police that he used the syringes “for fishing,” according to an arrest report.

    Police responding Saturday afternoon to a 911 call about a suspicious person encountered Eric Bennett, 30, on a Vero Beach street. An officer described Bennett (seen above) as “visibly intoxicated on an unknown substance.”

    Asked about large bulges in the pockets of his shorts--and whether he possessed any weapons--Bennett replied, “I have hypodermic needles for fishing.” He then removed “a plastic bag with syringes inside” from a pocket and placed the works on the hood of a squad car.

    Bennett also handed over a cigarette pack containing a baggie with fentanyl. “I don’t want to go to jail,” said Bennett, whose occupation is listed as landscaping in court records.

    The Vero Beach resident was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge and booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $7500 bond. Bennett, who is scheduled to be arraigned on February 25, has prior convictions for grand theft, DUI, driving without a license, possession of drug paraphernalia, and probation violation.

    When arrested on January 22, Bennett was not carrying any fishing equipment, nor did he expound on his purported use of tiny spears to impale a big catch.

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    A man who engaged in sexual conduct with a pair of “large stuffed animal toys” at a Target store in Florida was sentenced today to six months probation after pleading no contest to indecent exposure and criminal mischief charges.

    Cody Meader, 22, entered his misdemeanor plea before a Circuit Court judge who also ordered the St. Petersburg man to pay $725 in court costs and fines, according to court records.

    Meader, seen at right, was arrested in late-2019 after “willfully and maliciously” damaging Target goods “by ejaculating on the merchandise.”

    Meader, cops reported, initially took a stuffed unicorn to the children’s bedding department, exposed himself, and then “took the unicorn and placed it against his penis and began a sexual motion like the subject was trying to have sex with the unicorn.”

    Wearing shorts and a Star Wars t-shirt, Meader then proceeded to the front of the store and “picked up an Olaf snowman stuffed animal” from a display featuring characters from the Disney film “Frozen” and “began having sex with this stuffed animal and it was all on video,” according to a Target loss prevention officer interviewed by police. “The subject finished having sex with the stuffed animal and ejaculated on it and then wiped it off.”

    When confronted, cops say, Meader admitted to “doing ‘stupid stuff’ and admitted that he had ‘nutted’ on the Olaf stuffed animal.” As seen above, a store surveillance camera recorded Meader engaged with the Olaf doll, which he returned in its soiled state to a pile of other stuffed animals.

    The two stuffed dolls violated by Meader are pictured in the below police photos.

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    Meet Brandon Cihak.

    After police found a bag of methamphetamine in his pocket, the 37-year-old Minnesotan disavowed ownership of the drug, claiming that the sweatpants he was wearing were not his own.

    Cihak, who had been searched following a traffic stop Wednesday morning in Mankato, “attempted to blame the methamphetamine on another individual,” Officer Eric Lopez noted in a probable cause statement. Cihak, Lopez added, “stated he was wearing the other individual’s pants.”

    But the 5’ 11” Cihak’s bid to pin the drug rap on the unnamed fall guy/gal did not sway Lopez, who reported that “Cihak is substantially taller than the individual he claimed to be the owner of the pants.”

    The purported trouser owner is “only 4 feet, 1 inch tall,” according to Lopez.

    Cihak was charged with a felony narcotics possession charge and booked into the Blue Earth County jail. His lengthy rap sheet includes convictions for fraud; burglary; receiving stolen property; disorderly conduct; assault; DWI; theft; narcotics possession; check forgery; domestic assault; and driving with a revoked license.

    Cihak is seen above in a 2017 Minnesota Department of Corrections mug shot taken while he was serving state time for a felony drug conviction.

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    The Florida Man charged with swinging a stolen alligator around by its tail at 3:20 AM has copped a plea deal that carries no jail time, but bars him from “ownership of animals,” according to court records.

    William Hodge, 33, yesterday entered no contest pleas to felony and misdemeanor raps stemming from a bizarre July incident in Daytona Beach Shores.

    Asked by police why he was abusing the alligator, Hodge reportedly replied that he was “teaching it a lesson.”

    A Circuit Court judge sentenced Hodge, seen at right, to four years of probation and ordered him to undergo a mental health evaluation. Additionally, Hodge was barred from owning animals and directed to stay away from Congo River Golf & Exploration, a miniature golf course that offers patrons the opportunity to feed and hold small alligators.

    Hodge was arrested after cops spotted him trying to throw the purloined alligator onto the roof of a building. When his launch attempt failed, Hodge slammed the reptile to the ground and stomped on it. The alligator was subsequently returned to the general manager of Congo River (whose alligator enclosure is pictured below).

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    Meet Dalton Kyle Lunt.

    The 26-year-old was able to model his fashionable “Let’s Go Brandon!” t-shirt while posing for a mug shot following a recent arrest in Alabama for driving under the influence.

    Lunt, who was freed from custody after posting $1000 bond on the misdemeanor charge, is scheduled for a February 1 bench trial in Circuit Court in Huntsville.

    According to his Facebook profile, Lunt works as a helicopter mechanic with the Michigan Army National Guard.

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    From the holiday booking blotter:

    1) The Kentucky gentleman seen above in the Santa suit was arrested on Christmas for drunk driving, reckless driving, and several vehicular charges.

    He was scheduled to make a court appearance today, according to an online docket entry.

    It is unclear whether police confiscated the defendant's sleigh.

    2) The Alabaman pictured at right was collared on Christmas Eve for assault.

    At 6’ 3”, the tattooed elf likely towers over most of Santa’s other helpers.

    Christmas, Elf, Santa
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    A domestic argument over whether to purchase a Christmas tree turned violent, resulting in the arrest of a Florida Man for allegedly battering his girlfriend, according to a police report.

    Cops allege that Levi Metcalf, 31, intentionally elbowed the 36-year-old victim in the face “during an argument over a Christmas tree” Wednesday afternoon in the couple’s St. Petersburg residence.

    Metcalf’s girlfriend told police that “she wanted to buy a Christmas tree for their apartment and [Metcalf] did not want to buy a Christmas tree.”

    After being read his rights, Metcalf reportedly admitted to striking the victim in the face with his elbow during the tree dispute, but “claimed it was accidental.” The blow left the woman with “visible swelling on the right cheek of her face,” cops say.

    Metcalf, seen above, was arrested on a battery charge and booked into the county jail (from which he was later released on his own recognizance). Metcalf, who has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count, has been outfitted with a GPS monitor and ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.

    While the Christmas tree incident prompted “the second police response to the home of the couple for the day,” the report does not indicate why officers were at the residence earlier that day.

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    Two registered Republicans living in Florida’s sprawling The Villages retirement community have been separately charged with voting twice in the 2020 presidential election, according to court records.

    The defendants--Joan Halstead, 72, and Jay Ketcik, 63--have each been charged with a felony fraud count, according to court records. Halstead and Ketcik, seen in the above mug shots, were freed from custody last week after posting $2000 bond.

    Halstead and Ketcik are registered Republicans, according to Florida state voting records.

    Investigators allege that Halstead voted in person in Florida in late-October 2020, and “also cast a second ballot in New York via absentee ballot.” Halstead bought her home in The Villages in April 2020 for $250,400. At the time of the purchase, Halstead listed her address as a residence in Rochester, New York. Halstead sold the New York property after buying her Florida home.

    Ketcik has been charged with voting by mail in Florida in October 2020 and casting “a second ballot in Michigan via absentee ballot.” Ketcik and his wife Karen purchased their residence in The Villages for $345,200 in July 2019. At the time of the purchase, Ketcik listed his residence as a home in Lansing, Michigan. He sold that property in July 2020, according to Michigan property records.

    If convicted of the third degree felony count, the defendants could face a maximum of five years in state prison. Court filings do not reveal how investigators uncovered the alleged voter fraud.