Here Is What Happens When You Allegedly Make "Repeated Attempts" To Grab a Federal Agent's "Wiener"

A Colorado man who allegedly made “repeated attempts” to grab the “wiener” of a federal ranger who had stopped him for operating an unregistered ATV is now locked up and facing a stiff prison term.

While on patrol Friday afternoon, Bureau of Land Management (BLM) rangers spotted three unregistered ATVs driving along the Alpine Loop Backcountry Byway, a narrow, winding mountain road in San Juan County.

According to a court affidavit, rangers Logan Briscoe and Tyler Fouss decided to “cut the group a break” and issue a single violation. When they asked who was resposible for the unregistered ATVs, up stepped Jeffrey Brondum. The 28-year-old, who was driving a red Honda ATV carrying his wife and three-year-old son, is pictured at right in a Facebook photo.

Brondum quickly went from compliant to “directly defiant” when the rangers prepared to issue the violation, according to investigators. When it appeared that Brondum was set to drive off, the rangers struggled to get him off the ATV. During that tussle, Brondum allegedly struck Briscoe in the head.

After being handcuffed at Taser-point, Brondum “made repeated attempts at grabbing my ‘wiener’ by reaching towards my groin area,” reported Briscoe, who added that he had to “physically push Brondum’s hand away from my groin area.”

Brondum then told the rangers, “I will give both of you an invitation to come visit me in my cell. At the same time. I will fuck your world up. Especially for you, I have a hard on for you, big boy.” The latter comment was apparently directed at Briscoe, who reported that Brondum made another attempt to “reach for my groin” while saying “Just a little touch.”

Brondum was named yesterday in a criminal complaint accusing him of assaulting a federal officer, a felony carrying a prison term of up to eight years (and a maximum $250,000 fine). Locked up since Friday, Brondum is scheduled to appear in U.S. District Court in Denver tomorrow for a detention hearing.

In a Facebook post today, Brondum’s wife contended that her family was “assaulted” by BLM rangers. “We all need to make a stand and let the world know that our country was founded on equal rights and just because you have a uniform on dies [sic] not make it ok to brutalize others,” Teran Brondum wrote. “A revolution is coming!!”