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    Alex Jones, the unhinged conspiracy theorist behind InfoWars, was arrested early this morning for drunk driving near his Texas home.

    The 46-year-old Jones was collared on a misdemeanor DWI charge around 12:30 AM, according to police. Jones spent about four hours in custody before bonding out of the Travis County jail in Austin just after 4 AM.

    Jones revealed his bust during an InfoWars broadcast today, claiming that his blood alcohol content registered below the legal limit of .08 when he took a breath test.

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    Meet Brian Baer.

    Angered that another man referred to him as “Drew Carey,” the 34-year-old North Carolinan allegedly punched the victim in the face, triggering his arrest for battery early yesterday morning.

    Police say Baer walloped Casey Simons after leaving a bar in St. Pete Beach, Florida. Baer told cops that “the victim called him Drew Carey which made him mad and he struck the victim once in the face.”

    The confrontation left Simons with a cut lip. Simons also suffered “scratches on his right knee from being tackled onto the ground” outside Jimmy B’s Beach Bar at The Beachcomber resort.   

    Baer was charged with battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. Baer, who lives in Fuquay-Varina, a town outside Raleigh, was released on $500 bond after about eight hours in custody.

    An arrest report does not indicate whether Baer and Simons know one another, though it does note that there was an “indication of alcohol influence” in connection with the incident. Which occurred outside a bar. At 1:40 AM.

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    A Florida Woman told police that her Mercedes-Benz was vandalized in a Walmart parking lot due to an anti-Donald Trump bumper sticker, according to an incident report.

    Kimberly Underwood-Solarte, 59, reported that she discovered an “8-inch deep scratch on the rear of the vehicle that was not there before” when she returned to the car Sunday after spending about an hour inside a Walmart near her Sarasota residence.

    “The victim believes this was due to having a ‘I hate TRUMP’ sticker on her vehicle,” a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy reported. The report notes that the “estimated repair cost is unknown and thought to be under $1000.”

    The bumper magnet on the Mercedes did not read “I hate Trump,” said Underwood-Solarte, who told TSG that she has dozens of 3” x 11” political stickers that she rotates on her vehicle. Underwood-Solarte’s collection includes stickers declaring “There’s a psychopath in the White House,” “Blue Wave,” and “There’s a dangerous thin-skinned narcissist in the White House.”

    Cops, who have classified the auto vandalism as an incident of criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, noted that it is “unknown if Walmart has footage of this incident.”

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    A Maryland man charged with poking a woman in the rear end with a syringe was found in possession of syringes containing semen when he was arrested, according to police.

    Thomas Stemen, 51, is facing assault and reckless endangerment charges in connection with a February 18 incident at a grocery store in Churchton, a community about 40 miles from Baltimore.

    Police allege that Stemen approached the victim from behind as she was returning a shopping cart. Surveillance video shows Stemen jabbing something at the woman, who recoils in pain. Stemen then can be seen placing an item in a pocket of his hoodie.

    After cops released surveillance images, tips from the public helped them identify Stemen as the stabbing suspect.

    Katie Peters, the woman attacked last week, lives near Stemen’s Churchton residence. Peters told police that, after being jabbed, she asked Stemen whether he had touched her with a lit cigarette, according to statement of charges filed in court. Peters said Stemen replied, “Yeah, it felt like a bee sting didn’t it.”

    When he was apprehended earlier this week, Stemen (seen at right) was carrying one syringe, while a second needle was found in his car. Police today announced that the seized syringes contained semen, the source of which may be determined via additional testing.

    Investigators are unsure if the syringe used in the February 18 stabbing was one of the two confiscated at the time of Wednesday’s arrest of Stemen (who is locked up without bond).

    An examination of other surveillance footage showed Stemen unsuccessfully trying to stab two other women, say detectives who believe that “there may be additional victims who have yet to report similar incidents.”

    Stemen, who is scheduled for a March 25 preliminary hearing, is in the midst of divorcing his wife, according to court records.

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    Cops are hunting for a pair of burglars who ransacked a medical marijuana dispensary in Clearwater early Friday morning.

    The break-in, of course, occurred at 4:20.

    After stealing items from a storage room at Trulieve, a “medical marijuana treatment center,” the masked men--both of whom were dressed in black--fled the scene in a black Camaro driven by an accomplice. Surveillance footage revealed that the suspects spent about five minutes inside the dispensary.

    In their haste to flee, the thieves dropped numerous containers, leaving a debris field in their wake as they sped away around 4:25 AM.

    About 40 minutes before the 4:20 AM heist, cops report, the suspects burglarized a Trulieve dispensary in nearby Clearwater Beach.

    Police have not specified what was stolen by the suspects or the value of the pilfered marijuana products. Trulieve, a public company, describes itself as “the first and leading medical cannabis company in the state of Florida,” where it operates 45 dispensaries.

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    A 36-year-old Ohio woman who called 911 to complain that her parents had shut off her cellphone service is facing a felony charge, records show.

    Seloni Khetarpal was arrested Thursday for disrupting public services after twice dialing the police emergency line and asking for cops to be dispatched to her family’s spacious Canton residence, which abuts the 18th hole at the Glenmoor Country Club.

    According to a criminal complaint, Khetarpal called 911 demanding that cops come to her home since her parents had disconnected her cell service. An operator advised Khetarpal, seen at right, to “only call for police assistance for legitimate purposes.”

    Despite the warning, a "belligerent" Khetarpal called 911 two hours later to again report her cell phone woes (which she thought should be of concern to law enforcement).

    Khetarpal was subsequently arrested and booked into the Stark County jail, from which she was released on $2500 bond. Khetarpal, who is a licensed real estate salesperson, is scheduled for a February 27 preliminary hearing in Massillon Municipal Court.

    The court filing does not reveal why Khetarpal’s parents--dad is a gastroenterologist, mom is a pediatric dentist--cut off their daughter. Khetarpal is pictured below in happier times.

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    Meet David Marcel-Lewis Johnson.

    The 26-year-old Michigan resident was arrested early Friday after relieving himself on the bumper of a marked police car, according to Florida cops who captured him mid-stream.

    Police say that Johnson was in downtown St. Petersburg around 1 AM when he was observed “approaching a sergeant’s police vehicle.” He then “removed his penis from the front of his pants, and urinated on the rear bumper of the vehicle.”

    An arrest affidavit reports that Johnson was “taken into custody while still in the commission of the crime.” Johnson was busted on a block with several popular bars and nightclubs.

    Johnson, who was “uncooperative with questioning,” was charged with disorderly conduct for urinating in the “view of members of the public.” He was freed from custody after a relative posted $250 cash bond.

    Johnson, who lives outside Detroit, has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count.

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    After pulling a car over for speeding late Saturday afternoon, Florida cops searched the vehicle and discovered an array of narcotics--cocaine, Ecstasy, meth, fentanyl, and GHB--stashed inside a pouch labeled “Bag Full Of Drugs,” investigators report.

    According to police, the 2020 Kia was being driven by Ian Simmons, a 34-year-old Orlando resident. The only passenger in the sedan was Joshua Reinhardt, 34, who lives in Windermere, a town outside Orlando. The auto was pulled over on Interstate 10 in the state’s northwestern corner.

    The above police photos show the narcotics, drug paraphernalia, and “Bag Full Of Drugs” bags seized by state troopers and Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office deputies.

    Simmons and Reinhardt (seen below) were each arrested on multiple felony drug charges and booked into the county jail, where they are both locked up in lieu of $117,000 bond.

    Reinhardt was sentenced to two years probation in September 2018 in connection with a grand theft conviction for stealing $1500 from a Kohl’s department store where he worked as an assistant manager. His rap sheet also includes a 2010 drunk driving conviction in Nevada.

    The “Bag Full Of Drugs” bags, which measure 12.5” x 8.5”, are available online for $22.99. The pouches are “perfect for travel, carrying tech gear and tablets, art supplies and cosmetics,” according to one retailer, who adds that, “There's nothing more fun than walking around town with your ironic bag full of drugs. Perfect for getting a laugh or a stare out of passers by and to take advantage and poke fun at profilers looking to judge you for you amazing swag.”

    In a somewhat related story, a Louisiana woman was arrested in late-December on a felony drug charge after cops discovered her alleged methamphetamine stash in a plastic container labeled “Dope.”

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    Meet Jack DeBrabander.

    The Michigan State University student was arrested early Saturday morning on two battery counts after allegedly urinating off the balcony of a Florida nightclub and striking two women below “in the face, mouth, head, hands, and arms.”

    The 20-year-old DeBrabander, cops say, was intoxicated when he “stepped to the railing” of a balcony above the 260 First club in St. Petersburg around 12:25 AM. He then “removed his penis from his pants, and proceeded to urinate on” the two victims, who were seated downstairs on a sidewalk bench.

    Each of the women, criminal complaints state, was “struck in the face, mouth, head, hands, and arms” with DeBrabander's urine when they looked up to see what was hitting them. Court filings do not indicate whether either victim needed medical attention.

    DeBrabander, cops noted, was “found to be intoxicated and was uncooperative with questioning.” He was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor raps, and was subsequently freed from custody after posting $1000 bond.

    According to social media accounts, DeBrabander, a Michigan native, is a member of MSU’s Class of 2021 studying engineering.

    On a somewhat related note, a 260 First patron was arrested last year after relieving himself into the club’s commercial ice maker. The urinator, Michael Williams, 29, subsequently was convicted of disorderly conduct and fined $500.

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    A time-strapped United States Postal Service worker who was unable to complete deliveries on his Virginia route rented a $49-a-month storage unit into which he dumped about 5000 pieces of undelivered mail, according to a U.S. District Court filing.

    Jason Delacruz, who began working as a postal carrier in June 2018, has pleaded guilty to a charge of delaying the delivery of mail. The 38-year-old Delacruz, who resigned his USPS job last year, is scheduled for a February 12 sentencing on the felony count.

    Delacruz’s scheme was disrupted when he was spotted "unloading mail into a public storage facility" in Virginia Beach. A witness “snapped several photographs of the postal employee and a picture of the license plate of the employee’s vehicle” and provided the images to postal officials.

    When confronted by federal investigators, Delacruz said he “can’t make time” and felt “pressured” to complete his route, but was unable to do so. He then admitted to “renting the public storage unit for $49 per month for the sole purpose of storing mail he could not deliver.”

    Delacruz, who denied stealing any mail, claimed that he “first intended to deliver the mail when he found time, but fell behind and was never able to do so.”

    Delacruz, who is free on a personal recognizance bond, faces a maximum of five years in prison for the mail stashing scheme.

    Imprisonment, however, seems unlikely for Delacruz based on similar criminal prosecutions.

    A postal worker who hid nearly 50,000 pieces of undelivered mail in her California apartment was sentenced in 2017 to three years probation after pleading guilty to the same count as Delacruz. And a New York City mailman who failed to deliver about 40,000 pieces of mail (which agents found stashed in his car, Brooklyn home, and work locker) had the felony case against him dismissed by prosecutors in 2016.

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    At the conclusion of “Cheer,” the docuseries about a Texas junior college’s cheerleading squad, viewers learned that one of the Netflix show’s stars, Lexis Brumback, 20, caught a drug charge and was booted from the squad.

    Brumback, who is known as Lexi, was arrested on April 25, three weeks after the Navarro College team won its 14th national championship. Seen in the above mug shot, Brumback was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana (less than two ounces).

    In the “Cheer” epilogue, a friend of Brumback’s said she had been traveling with friends when their car was pulled over by cops in Corsicana, a city about 60 miles south of Dallas (and home to Navarro College). Brumback’s friend said the cheerleader claimed ownership of pot found in the vehicle.

    Brumback, who was freed on $500 bond, was subsequently named in a misdemeanor complaint charging her with possessing “a usabale quantity of marihuana in the amount of two ounces or less, against the peace and dignity of the State.”

    The criminal case against Brumback remained on the County Court docket until early last month, when prosecutors filed a motion to dismiss the matter in the “interest of justice.”

    The case’s dismissal appears to have cleared the path for Brumback’s return to Navarro (which she announced in a January 14 Instagram post). While a second season of “Cheer” would surely include an arc on Brumback’s bust, it is unclear whether Netflix is planning to follow Navarro’s 2020 march to the mat in Daytona, Florida.

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    A Florida Woman is facing an assault charge after throwing a Bible at her boyfriend’s head, according to police who say the victim “had to duck to avoid being hit with the Holy Book.”

    During an argument Sunday afternoon in the St. Petersburg home she shares with the man, Terry Slaughter “picked up a Bible and threw it at the victim, almost striking him in the head,” police charge.

    The man, cops say, “was in fear of being hit in the head with the Bible, and had to duck to avoid being hit with the Holy Book” tossed by the 51-year-old Slaughter (who is also accused of breaking her beau’s cell phone).

    Seen at right, Slaughter denied throwing the Bible, claiming that the victim was “making this up to get her in trouble.”

    Charged with assault and criminal mischief, both misdemeanors, Slaughter was booked into the county jail and released yesterday afternoon on her own recognizance. She was ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.

    Slaughter, however, returned to her residence and “confronted” the victim, cops say. During an ensuing argument, she allegedly “scratched the victim’s neck, causing a visible injury.” Slaughter was arrested for domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where she is being held in lieu of $5000 bond.

    Slaughter was freed from a Florida state prison in March 2018 after serving about 20 years for a second-degree murder conviction.

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    A homeless man was rescued from inside the hopper of a garbage truck after the dumpster he was sleeping in was emptied into the vehicle, South Carolina police report.

    According to Myrtle Beach cops, Mark Mencini, 62, yesterday morning “had been in a dumpster and when the truck picked up the dumpster, he had become trapped in the trash compartment.”

    Around 4:20 AM, officers responded to a 911 call from a witness who was near a T.J. Maxx store. The caller told police dispatchers that he “heard someone yelling for help from the truck’s trash compartment.”

    Police subsequently discovered Mencini inside the garbage truck. EMS workers transported Mencini--who complained of chest pain and hip injuries--to a local hospital for further treatment.

    Mencini told cops that he did not recall anything about the incident, and “only remembered being in the dumpster with his girlfriend.” A Myrtle Beach Police Department report only indicates that Mencini was expelled from the dumpster into the garbage truck.

    The report does not indicate how long Mencini was inside the garbage truck, or whether he was injured due to compacting or from falling from the dumpster.