Optimistic Texas Shoplifter Steals Penis Enlargement Pills And, Of Course, Oversize Magnum Condoms

An optimistic shoplifter who swiped “male enhancement” pills from a 7-Eleven in Texas also made sure to steal a box of jumbo-sized condoms, police report.

The unknown perpetrator walked out of the Dallas business early Sunday morning with a $31.14 package of ExtenZe, the purported penis enlargement supplement, and Magnum condoms valued at $19.16, according to a Dallas Police Department report.

According to Trojan, which manufactures the Magnum brand, describes the prophylactic as “Larger than standard latex condoms for extra comfort.”

The suspect, who remains at large, also took assorted food items and Alka-Seltzer.