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    After paying $350 for a private dance at a gentlemen’s club, a Montana man called police to complain that the stripper did not have sex with him. 

    William McDaniel, 53, paid for the dance Saturday evening at Sagebrush Sam’s Exotic Dance Club and Casino in Rocker, a Butte suburb.

    But when he did not get the expected sex, he dialed 911 to register a consumer complaint.

    This was a mistake on McDaniel’s part.

    After questioning McDaniel, police arrested him for offering money for sexual favors, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Butte-Silver Bow Detention Center, from which he was released Sunday morning after posting $550 bond.

    It is unclear whether McDaniel (seen in the above mug shot) allegedly sought the sex in the Champagne Room at Sagebrush Sam’s, which has only one review on Yelp. In March, “Dan M.” complained that the club “is dirty and smells like vomit” and needed a “complete makeover.” He added, “Even the stripper pole looked like it was going to break loose from the floor. Cleanliness and attitude need to be addressed. I will not go back.”

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    In a marvelously meta moment, a 19-year-old last week posed for a jail booking photo while wearing a t-shirt with a reproduction of the mug shot taken of him after a June arrest for drunk driving.

    Robert Burt was busted for operating under the influence and driving without a license. Burt, a resident of the central Maine town of Pittsfield, posed for a June 14 booking photo (seen below) at the Somerset County Jail. He was wearing a white t-shirt and held a slate in his right hand.

    After copping a drunk driving plea, Burt was ordered to spend two days in custody, beginning August 8 at 6 PM. “Going to do my 48 hours whoo,” Burt announced on Facebook two hours before surrendering.

    When he later arrived at the jail, Burt was searched, directed to pose for a mug shot, and shown to a cell. He was especially prepared for the booking photo session.

    As seen in the above mug shot (click to enlarge), a coworker of Burt’s at a Pittsfield restaurant created a shirt with a reproduction of the booking photo taken following his mid-June arrest. The t-shirt photo was captioned “Burt Family Reunion 8/8-8/10/2014” and “sponsored by Bud Light and Somerset County Sheriff.”

    Beneath Burt’s mug shot was a second image showing a cat sitting on a couch flanked by a TV remote and a bottle of Bud Light. The cat photo, sadly, was too far down the shirt to be captured by the jail’s mug shot camera.

    Burt, who happily wore the orange shirt for his jail photo, subsequently wrote on Facebook that corrections officers made him hold the slate in a way “so you could see the shirt.” He added, “They laughed there asses off haha.” The shirt’s mention of a family reunion is an apparent reference to an incarcerated Burt relative.

    Following his 48 hours in the clink, Burt emerged from the Somerset County lockup last Sunday evening and went to Facebook to share the good news with friends. “I’m out bitchs,” he wrote. Two days later, he delivered a glowing review of his jail photo. “Probably the best mug shot ever haha,” Burt decreed.

    DUI, Maine, meta, Mug Shot
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    A Washington woman who was wearing a short dress and no underwear is facing an indecent exposure charge after allegedly “humping” lawn chairs, exposing herself to a woman and two children, and urinating in public, according to police.

    Sila Hans, 33, was arrested earlier this month by cops responding to a report of “an intoxicated female exposing herself and urinating on the lawn” of a Seattle residence.

    A female witness told officers that Hans, seen above, “had come onto her lawn and was ‘humping’ the lawn chairs,” according to a Seattle Police Department report. The woman added that she and her two children--ages 15 and 11--watched Hans’s late-afternoon performance from a window in their home.

    After grinding on the lawn chairs, Hans allegedly “exposed her vagina,” and then “smacked” her genitals “with her hand multiple times.” Additionally, the witnesses reported that Hans relieved herself on the lawn and “bent over and exposed her bottom.”

    Cops who confronted Hans reported that she was “extremely intoxicated” and “displaying erratic behavior.” She was “wearing a short dress with no underwear,” noted Officer Nicolas Olsen, who arrested Hans for indecent exposure.

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    During an argument with his girlfriend inside their trailer home, a Tennessee man allegedly threw a car seat--with the couple’s baby inside--at the woman, cops allege.

    According to criminal complaints, John Woodley Jr., 37, punched the victim in the eye Saturday night, prompting her to try to leave the Clarksville residence with the couple’s seven-month-old son.

    At that point, Woodley, seen below, “took the child’s car seat that still had the child in it and slung it” at the woman, reported Officer Coz Minetos. As first reported by The Leaf Chronicle, Woodley told the woman to “take the baby and leave the trailer.”

    The baby was not harmed in the tossing, though investigators have referred the incident to the state’s Department of Children's Services, according to a Clarksville Police Department spokesperson. The woman was treated for an eye injury at a local hospital.

    Charged with domestic violence and child abuse, Woodley was booked into the county jail, where he was later released after posting $7500 bond. Woodley, who works at the Tilted Kilt bar, is scheduled for an August 18 arraignment in Montgomery County Circuit Court.

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    Like Microsoft and Google, Verizon is also scanning its customer accounts for evidence of child pornography

    As detailed in a U.S. District Court filing made last week by federal prosecutors, the telecommunications giant can identify illicit photos passing through its system via sophisticated software that relies on a “hash database of such images.”

    A reference to Verizon’s scanning abilities is contained in court records related to the prosecution of a California man named last month in a six-count felony indictment accusing him of possessing and receiving child pornography.

    According to federal prosecutors, Verizon last year detected a customer attempting to upload an illicit image using the firm’s V CAST service, which allows users to “store, manage, and access content from a remote storage server on their V CAST enabled devices.”

    Upon identifying the file as “possibly containing illegal images of minors,” Verizon submitted a report to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The organization, in turn, contacted law enforcement authorities.

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    Instead of a simple firing, Walmart wants police to arrest one of its employees who was twice spotted eating Cheez-It crackers from a box he did not purchase, according to South Carolina police.

    Summoned Friday to a Spartanburg store, cops met with loss prevention manager Angela Hewitt, who reported that worker Stacy Peake, 21, was recorded on surveillance cameras last month noshing on the crackers.

    Hewitt told police that Peake admitted to taking the Cheez-Its, “but stated that he forgot to pay for them.” The Walmart worker claimed that Peake also copped to swiping diapers, but that alleged theft was not recorded by store cameras.

    Walmart--seeking Peake’s arrest for misdemeanor breach of trust--provided investigators with a copy of their video surveillance tapes. A police officer noted that an arrest warrant would be sought for Peake (seen at left) once his exact address could be obtained.

    A 13.7-ounce box of classic Cheez-It crackers costs $2.50 at Walmart.

    And, yes, Walmart has done this before. Over Oreo cookies.

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    A 78-year-old traveler hid more than $20,000 in her girdle--and another $5000 in her blouse and bra--in an attempt to skirt laws requiring the disclosure of large amounts of cash being carried by air passengers, federal investigators allege.

    Victoria Faren and her 48-year-old daughter, both Florida residents, were stopped earlier this year by Customs officials as they attempted to fly from the Detroit airport to the Philippines, according to an August 7 U.S. District Court filing.

    After agents noted discrepancies between what Faren declared on a Customs form and what she told inspectors during screening, agents searched her carry-on bag and recovered more than $12,000, which had been placed in multiple wallets and sewn into a pouch.

    When asked if she was carrying any additional cash, Faren admitted there was $3000 inside her blouse. During further questioning, she copped to having $2000 sewn into a bra strap. Then, after agents detected a bulge near her buttocks, Faren removed another $5000 from her girdle. When investigators found a second bulge at the front of the septuagenarian’s girdle, Faren “began to cry” and confessed she had more cash there.

    “Approximately $21,000 was secreted in her girdle,” according to a complaint seeking forfeiture of Faren’s entire $40,977 stash. The government filing does not disclose why the two Floridians were traveling to the Philippines from Detroit.

    When questioned by federal agents, Faren (pictured above) claimed that the cash represented part of the proceeds of the sale of her home (for $120,000) to her son. Faren, who said that she recently retired, added that she had previously wired some of the sale’s proceeds to the Philippines, but that, this time, “she thought it was safer to carry the money.”

    According to Florida property records, Faren sold a Clearwater home to her son Reshley and his wife in April 2013. The sales price was $215,000.

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    A Massachusetts homeowner was arrested Monday for “open and gross lewdness” after passing motorists spotted him--leaf blower in hand--doing yard work in the nude, according to cops.

    As Richard Capra, 69, worked on the curb appeal of his Shrewsbury home, “several vehicles were slowing down taking photographs,” according to the Shrewsbury Police Department.

    Responding to 911 calls, Officer Timothy Charland spotted Capra “completely nude, blowing off his driveway with a leaf blower.” Capra was “intoxicated and belligerent towards police” when questioned.

    Capra, arrested on a misdemeanor charge, was later released from custody after posting $500 bail. He is scheduled for an August 15 appearance in Westboro District Court.

    Future arrestees will be happy to learn that Capra was “issued clothing” prior to being placed in a Shrewsbury patrol car.

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    A South Carolina woman yesterday summoned cops to her home after she discovered that her 15-year-old son had been watching pornography on the living room television.

    According to a police report, Chavonda Gallman, 40, told sheriff’s deputies that she returned to her Spartanburg home yesterday at 3 PM with her two-year-old daughter and a client (Gallman is a real estate agent). Her son was in his room when the trio arrived.

    Upon entering the home, Gallman’s daughter “turned on the TV and there was porn on.” Gallman told investigators that “they immediately turned off the TV” and took the child out of the room.

    While watching porn remains legal, Gallman explained that she called 911 because her son “has been having behaviors issues.” Gallman (seen above) added that she wanted to file a report to document her “son’s behavior and due to her daughter being exposed to porn.”

    The report does not indicate what the teen was doing in his room.

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    A woman who went on a shopping spree using a stolen credit card actually posed for a photo with the purloined plastic after a Florida store clerk became suspicious when the woman was unable to provide a state identification card, police report.

    According to cops, when the suspect sought last month to pay for more than $400 worth of items at an Ocala beauty supply store, a 21-year-old clerk asked for the shopper’s state ID. The customer explained that she did not have the government ID, but instead provided a photo of her bearing the name seen on the credit card.

    However, the worker at the Looking Good Beauty Supply store "still did not feel comfortable with the transaction so he requested to take a photo of the subject with the card," according to an Ocala Police Department report.

    Because, who in their right mind would agree to such an image if they were engaging in felony credit card fraud, right?

    As seen above, the shopper agreed.

    Two sales totaling more than $430 were processed at the beauty store. The suspect, Ocala cops noted, also used the stolen card to make purchases at a Family Dollar store ($3.18) and a Citgo gas station ($60).

    The credit card was stolen last month from a 74-year-old woman as she shopped at Walmart. The victim contacted cops Sunday after noticing the fraudulent transactions on her credit card bill.

    Police have asked for the public’s help in identifying the suspect. Though she seems to have done most of that work herself.

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    In an apparent attempt to explain why a woman twice spotted him pleasuring himself in his apartment window, an Iowa man told cops that the indecent exposure was an accident, adding that he was “on an adult website at the time of the second incident.”

    Despite that explanation, Dustin Hills, 35, was arrested last night and booked into the Johnson County jail, where he remains locked up on a serious misdemeanor charge.

    A female victim told cops that, on two separate occasions last month, she was “outside in a parking lot” when she “noticed a man displaying his penis and pleasuring himself while standing in a nearby apartment window.” The man hid when she yelled at him, the woman reported.

    When questioned by investigators, Hills, seen in the adjacent mug shot, “admitted to accidentally displaying his erect penis to others outside” his Iowa City home, according to a criminal complaint. Hills added that he was “on an adult website” when the woman spotted him the second time. 

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    The Florida grandmother, 68, who was recently caught having sex in public in a town square at her retirement community has been sentenced to six months in jail after copping a plea to indecent exposure and disorderly conduct charges.

    During a court appearance Wednesday, Margaret Klemm pleaded to the misdemeanor charges filed following her June 2 arrest at The Villages, a sprawling 55-and-older community in central Florida.

    According to a police report, Klemm and David Bobilya, 49, were having sex “on the stage” in the middle of a village square. Responding to a 911 call about “two people having sexual intercourse in public,” cops found Klemm and Bobilya, who both appeared intoxicated, inside a gazebo around 10:30 PM.

    Klemm’s pants, cops noted, “were completely removed and her shirt was pulled down exposing both her vagina and her breasts.” Bobilya was in a similar state of undress. The Sumter County Sheriff’s Office deputy who discovered the duo “having sexual intercourse,” noted that they both appeared intoxicated.

    Klemm, seen above, lives at The Villages with her husband Frank, to whom she has been married for 50 years. The couple has four children and 14 grandchildren.

    Bobilya, who lives about 10 miles from The Villages, pleaded no contest earlier this month to indecent exposure and disorderly conduct charges. He was sentenced to 180 days in custody and is currently locked up in the Sumter County jail.

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    The band TLC--well, 2/3 of the band TLC--are at the outset of a reunion tour marking the group’s 20th anniversary, so promoters everywhere will have to figure out how fulfill Chilli’s nightly demand for sushi from Nobu, the high-end Japanese restaurant.

    According to the group’s 2014 tour rider, Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas’s food requirements include yellowtail sashimi and shrimp tempura with avocado from Nobu, which has restaurants in New York, Las Vegas, London, Beijing, Monte Carlo Dubai, Milan, and other fashionable outposts.

    It is unclear how concert promoters in less glamorous locales like Tulsa, Buffalo, or Akron will source “Chilli”’s sushi. They will, presumably, have less trouble securing the 43-year-old singer’s “sugarfree raisins” and smoked almonds.

    Like Thomas, Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins bans pork from her dressing room, but appears to enjoy turkey sandwiches on wheat bread with Miracle Whip in her dressing room. Watkins, 44, also needs two “Ace bandages for knee wraps” and “(1) Oxygen tank.”

    As for lodging, the duo requires suites in a “5 Star Hotel.” But a “4 Star Hotel” will have to suffice “if a 5 Star Hotel is not available in the applicable location.” The rider also notes that the performers would not accept “motels, inns or Courtyard Marriot’s.”