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    A man arrested for drunk driving told police that his dog was at the wheel when officers spotted the vehicle weaving across lanes on a Florida roadway, court records show.

    State troopers last month pulled over a 2005 Nissan after spotting the auto being driven erratically on Interstate 95 outside Port St. Lucie.

    When cops contacted the driver, they detected the “obvious and distinct odor” of booze “coming from inside the vehicle.” The motorist, Scott Garrett, 56, was lethargic, slurring his words, and had “red, very glassy, and blood shot” eyes. On the car’s front passenger seat was an open bottle of Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum.

    Before performing a series of field sobriety tests, Garrett, pictured above, asked troopers to give him a ride to his Jupiter home. Garret then sought to pin the dangerous driving on another party: “He then stated he wasn’t driving the vehicle but it was...actually his dog,” an investigator noted.

    Despite Garrett’s alibi, he was arrested for drunk driving (a breath test recorded his blood alcohol content at more than three times the .08 legal limit). A Florida Highway Patrol report noted that Garrett’s rap sheet includes three prior DUI convictions.

    Troopers reported that Garrett “was the only occupant” of the Nissan.

    Garrett, who has pleaded not guilty to the DUI count, is next due in court on July 30.

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    A South Carolina man who has a giant gun tattooed on his forehead has been charged with weapons possession after he was spotted disposing of a firearm following a car crash, cops report.

    Michael Vines, 24, was collared Saturday evening after slamming a Toyota Camry into a power pole near an intersection in Greenville. Firefighters responding to the crash site told police that they saw Vines toss a handgun into the grass.

    Officers subsequently recovered a loaded Smith & Wesson .38-caliber revolver from the area where firefighters said Vines discarded the weapon.

    Vines, a convicted felon, is barred from possessing a firearm. His rap sheet includes multiple narcotics convictions.

    In addition to a weapons count, Vines was charged with reckless driving and driving with a suspended license in connection with the recent crash.

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    A man concerned that he had been rooked by a methamphetamine dealer contacted Florida police and asked them to test his drugs and “press charges” against the dealer if he had “been given the wrong narcotics,” according to an arrest report.

    On Tuesday afternoon, Douglas Peter Kelly, 49, called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and told a deputy that he had a “violent reaction” after smoking what he thought was “speed.” Kelly told cops that he believed that the drug in question was actually Flakka, the notorious synthetic stimulant.

    After speaking with cops, Kelly drove to the sheriff’s office "because he wished to have the illegal narcotics tested." Kelly subsequently provided cops with a piece of aluminum foil that contained a “clear, crystal-like substance.”

    A field test of the substance provided by Kelly resulted in a “positive reaction for the presence of methamphetamine,” police reported. While perhaps relieved that his dealer was not cheating him, Kelly’s mood likely changed when police arrested him on a felony narcotics possession charge.

    Seen above, Kelly was booked into the county jail, from which he was released last night after posting $2500 bond.

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    A Kentucky man found driving through the Sunshine State with a hatchet hidden in his car told police that he needed the weapon “for protection” from “scum bags in Florida,” according to a court filing.

    Travis Byerly, 23, was arrested following a traffic stop last week in Clearwater. Byerly’s license was suspended in April due to a drunk driving conviction in Kentucky, where he lives in the city of Danville.

    During the traffic stop, a Clearwater Police Department officer found a “concealed hatchet/axe shoved between the driver’s seat and the door, hidden from sight.” When asked about the weapon, Byerly referred to unnamed Florida scum bags.

    Seen above, Byerly was charged with carrying a concealed weapon and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. He was freed from jail after a relative posted $400 bond.

    Byerly, whose rap sheet includes multiple arrests, is currently serving a probation term in connection with a 2016 felony conviction for possession of a forged instrument.

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    Getting arrested for relieving yourself in public is bad enough, but Gabriel Bravo was also forced to remove his extensive facial ornamentation upon being booked into a Miami jail.

    Busted last month in Miami Beach, Bravo has had his face pierced dozens of times. As seen in the above mug shot, Bravo is partial to silver balls.

    Upon being booked into the Metro West Detention Center, Bravo’s jewelry collection was inventoried and placed in storage (to be returned when he is released). Locked up in lieu of $100 bond, Bravo has asked for a jury trial, which is scheduled for early-July.

    Bravo has twice been arrested this year--for disorderly intoxication and drinking in public.

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    A man arrested Monday for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by Florida police, according to court records.

    The perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted around 11:20 AM vigorously “stroking his penis that was under his shorts,” reported a Clearwater patrolman. The action “corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency,” alleged investigators.

    After the defendant stroked himself for more than two minutes, a cop asked what he was doing. “The defendant stated, ‘I’m scratching myself.’”

    Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a “wants/warrant check” on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results.

    Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that “Kirk” was actually James Roger Bundrick, 56. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond.

    Pictured above, Bundrick is a convicted felon who was released from state prison in August 2016 after serving nearly four years in custody on multiple felony charges.

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    In what the arresting officer described as a “coupon conundrum,” a patron allegedly attacked a Burger King worker who would not accept several coupons for discounted Whoppers, according to an arrest affidavit.

    Police say Miguel Latorre, 23, tried to use his coupons at a Burger King in Largo, Florida Saturday afternoon. However, there apparently was some kind of problem with Latorre’s coupons.

    When Burger King worker Charlotte Price “attempted to explain the coupon conundrum,” reported Officer Stephanie Blitz, Latorre, seen at right, became “engaged and frustrated by the Whopper coupon situation.”

    Latorre allegedly grabbed Price by the wrist and attempted to pull her over the counter. “A physical altercation ensued,” said Blitz, who noted that several witnesses observed Latorre’s coupon meltdown.

    Charged with battery, Latorre was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. He was released from custody after a relative posted $500 bond.

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    Meet Terri Havens.

    The 49-year-old New York State resident--a convicted sex offender--has been jailed for violating parole terms, investigators report.

    Havens, who spent more than a decade in prison for sodomizing a five-year-old girl, was placed on parole last September, according to state corrections records. Havens allegedly violated his release terms by ignoring his curfew and using a smartphone to get online.

    The phone was discovered during a search of Havens’ residence in Mount Morris, a town about 40 miles south of Rochester. The search was prompted after a local woman reported to cops that Havens had posted a Craigslist ad seeking a personal aide (Havens is barred from using the internet).

    Havens, pictured above in a March 2018 sex offender registry photo, is locked up in the Livingston County jail in advance of a parole violation hearing.

     RELATED: Chicago man once wore disguise for his sex offender photo

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    A Virginia man who was twice spotted sauntering through a park wearing high heels and stockings--but no pants--has been arrested on indecent exposure charges, police report.

    Cops say Jeffrey Battaglia, 37, was observed sans pants on two separate occasions in March at Gypsy Hill Park in Staunton, a city about 40 miles from Charlottesville.

    A male witness reported seeing a man with his genitals exposed wearing a black hat, black dinner jacket, and high heels on March 8. A week later, a female witness also got a look at the private parts of the suspect, who was wearing a black jacket, high heels, and stockings.

    Police subsequently identified Battaglia, who lives about seven miles from Staunton, as the pantsless stroller.

    Battaglia, seen above, was charged with two counts of misdemeanor indecent exposure.

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    Hours after exchanging vows on a Florida beach, a newlywed couple was arrested after they got intoxicated and began battering each other inside a hotel room, police report.

    Daniel Gillen, 61, and GeGee Riposta, 49, were married Sunday on Clearwater Beach. The couple is seen at right in a wedding photo.

    According to arrest affidavits, Gillen and Riposta subsequently “became intoxicated” and “were arguing throughout the day.” Matters subsequently turned violent inside the couple’s room at the Clearwater Beach Hotel, police charge.

    Gillen told cops that Riposta “physically started to attack him by scratching him on the chest.” Gillen “had noticeable scratch marks and injury to his torso which was consistent with his statements,” investigators noted.

    Riposta said that Gillen grabbed her by the neck and pushed her to the ground. Riposta’s claim was supported by “noticeable scratches and scrape marks on her knee,” police reported.

    Gillen was arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery and was later released from custody on his own recognizance. Since Riposta had a prior battery conviction, she was charged with felony battery (and had to post $500 bond to get out of jail).

    A judge has ordered the newlyweds (seen in the below mug shots) to have no contact with each other. Court filings list the couple’s residence as a home in Davenport, a city about 90 miles inland from Clearwater Beach.

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    A Florida woman who was awakened early yesterday by the “sounds of loud moaning” discovered a naked man sprawled out on her deck with massage oil and a sex toy nearby and “bodily secretions on her patio window,” police report.

    Cops responding to a 2:15 AM 911 call found Christopher Worrell, 30, “completely nude” near the woman’s Largo residence. The woman told officers that she was “startled” by the presence of Worrell, whom she did not know.

    After being detained by police, Worrell said that he wished to speak to investigators, reported Officer Marissa Curry. However, subsequent attempts to question Worrell “were unsuccessful,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Pictured above, Worrell was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, a misdemeanor. He is being held in lieu of $250 bond at the county jail.

    While court records list the defendant’s residence as a home in Cape Coral--more than 130 miles from Largo--it appears that Worrell has recently been living as a transient in Largo. Worrell was arrested last month in Largo for stealing clothing and trying to break into a trailer. He was locked up on those felony counts until about three weeks ago, when prosecutors declined to pursue charges.

    Worrell’s rap sheet includes convictions for burglary, criminal damage, theft, dealing in stolen property, trespass, reckless driving, and narcotics possession.

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    4/20 UPDATE: Hammond was arrested last night on a pair of felony charges and booked into the Camden County jail, where he is being held without bond.

    Georgia police have identified the man who burglarized a GameStop store while wearing the world’s worst disguise--the plastic wrapping used to package water bottles.

    Cops report that Kerry Hammond Jr. is wanted in connection with last Friday’s burglary of the video game store in St. Marys, a city in Georgia’s southeastern corner.

    Investigators allege that the 22-year-old Hammond sought to hide his identity by wearing the plastic wrapping around his head. But Hammond--who is 6’ 1” and 275 pounds, did a poor job obscuring his face, as seen in video surveillance stills released by police. A distinctive tattoo on Hammond’s right forearm can also be seen in GameStop security video.

    Hammond, last spotted driving a white 2006 Ford Taurus, has two other active felony warrants charging him with burglary and criminal damage to property.

    Hammond--who has been dubbed “Big Dasani” by one Georgia wag--is seen in the below mug shot snapped after a prior arrest. In seeking the public’s assistance St. Marys police have noted that, “You can help us catch him, once you stop laughing.”

    dumbass, Georgia
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    Federal agents intercepted $2 million worth of crystallized methamphetamine that had been transported from Mexico inside wax figurines of Disney characters like Pluto, Donald Duck, and Winnie the Pooh.

    The 500-pound narcotics haul was seized by Drug Enforcement Administration agents working in Atlanta.

    Each of the figurines contained about a pound of crystallized meth that apparently was manufactured in Mexico.

    The knockoff wax figurines, seen in the above and below DEA photos, were shipped along with hundreds of legitimate ceramic Disney figurines, investigators say.