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    While today’s NFL indictment charging Tom Brady with conspiracy asserts that New England Patriots brass was unaware that the star quaterback and his codefendants were deflating balls, the team engaged in some obstruction of justice as league investigators zeroed in on targets.

    According to the report authored by attorney Theodore Wells and his Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrrison cohorts, Patriots lawyers repeatedly refused to make locker room attendant Jim McNally available for a crucial follow-up interview.

    The Wells report offers compelling evidence that McNally deflated footballs before January's AFC Championship Game, and that he did this in conjunction with Brady (seen in the above mug shot) and John Jastremski, the team’s equipment assistant.

    The 37-year-old Brady was interviewed once and was accompanied to the Q&A by his “agents and lawyers,” Wells reported.

    Since McNally was one of the first Patriots employees interviewed by Wells & Co., the investigators sought a second meeting after they had conducted a series of subsequent interviews and developed other information. In fact, NFL investigators made five separate written requests to the Patriots for a follow-up interview with McNally.

    The Patriots, however, declined to produce McNally and even “communicated an unwillingness even to advise McNally of our request for a follow-up interview.” The Wells report adds that, “We do not know definitively whether McNally was, in fact, informed of our request.”

    The team’s stonewalling ran counter to its “public pronouncements of full cooperation with the investigation,” and amounted to a violation of league rules, Wells concluded.

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    As if getting arrested for drug smuggling was not bad enough, a Jamaican man had to pose for the above evidence photo showing two packages of cocaine wedged between his underwear and a pair of bicycle shorts.

    Romario Lewis was arrested April 16 after traveling on a Fly Jamaica flight from Kingston to John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York. Lewis, carrying a non-immigrant visitor visa, was selected for examination by U.S. Customs and Border Protection, according to court records.

    Lewis, investigators reported, appeared nervous and avoided eye contact and was fidgeting as his baggage was examined. Agents then conducted a pat down of Lewis and felt a “hard object in the area of the defendant’s groin.” A further search revealed that Lewis was “wearing bicycle shorts under his pants” that “concealed two transparent bags containing a white powdery substance.”

    Before testing the white powder, agents photographed Lewis from behind, showing the diaper-like bulge in his bicycle shorts (as seen below). They then had Lewis lower the shorts to reveal the cocaine packages nestled under his red drawers.

    A subsequent field test showed the packages contained half a kilo of cocaine.

    Lewis, who has been locked up since his arrest, was named last Wednesday in a two-count federal indictment charging him with possession and importation of cocaine.

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    Florida police last week investigated whether a kiss exchanged by seven-year-old elementary students amounted to “lewd and lascivious” behavior, according to an incident report.

    Responding to “allegations” that the children kissed “on the lips” during class last Tuesday, a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy was dispatched to the school to investigate, according to the report, which includes a charge description as “unnatural and lascivious.”

    The report, which contains redactions, does not indicate the source of the kissing “allegations.”  

    Deputy April Culbreath reported speaking with a teacher who “witnessed the incident.” Thereafter, Culbreath concluded that there was “no indication that there was anything sexual about this incident” and no evidence that Florida state law had been violated.

    “This case should be closed unfounded,” Culbreath noted.

    Florida, Kiss
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    A woman wearing a t-shirt with the words “Won't Be Caught” is being sought by police in connection with the theft last month of nearly $1500 worth of merchandise from a beauty supply store in Florida.

    Police today released store surveillance images of the suspect and a female accomplice in an attempt to generate information from the public as to the identity of the two women.

    According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, the women swiped $1478 in cologne and perfume from Tampa’s Ulta Beauty Supply store during the March 15 heist. The stolen goods were placed in a bag that one woman had stashed in her purse.

    Investigators report that the duo “fled the scene in a newer model bright blue Hyundai.”

    The suspects are each described as 5’ 5” tall and 200 pounds.

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    Meet Bahunti Williams.

    According to cops, the Florida woman battered her live-in boyfriend during an argument over how she was frying chicken.

    Williams, 40, and Christopher Waters were in their Bradenton apartment Sunday evening when the fried chicken dispute turned violent. Seen above, Williams “punched the victim with a closed fist over the left eye causing the skin to split open,” police reported. She also allegedly scratched Waters’s chest.

    When cops arrived at the couple’s residence, Waters--who has been with Williams for nine years--said that he did not want to press charges.

    Williams was busted for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the Manatee County jail, from which she was released yesterday. Williams’s rap sheet includes two prior domestic battery arrests, though neither resulted in a conviction.

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    A man wearing a wolf’s mask is being sought by police in the knifepoint robbery of a New York beauty salon.

    According to cops in Spring Valley, a village 35 miles north of New York City, the wolfman walked into Kelly’s Unisex Salon Tuesday at 4 PM and demanded cash from an employee.

    With a knife in his right paw, the robber directed the worker to place the money in a backpack he provided the 31-year-old woman (who was unharmed during the stickup). After the man left the business, the worker scrambled to call 911.

    In a bid to help generate tips from the public, police yesterday released surveillance video of the armed robbery. Stills from that clip are above and below.

    Police said the suspect was between 5’ 4” and 5’ 7” with a medium build.

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    WNBA star Brittney Griner and her girlfriend were arrested yesterday for assault and disorderly conduct following a fight in the couple’s Arizona home, police report.

    Griner, 24, and fiancee Glory Johnson, a fellow WNBA player, were busted after cops were called to their Phoenix residence Wednesday afternoon. Griner and Johnson each suffered minor injuries during the fight.

    Griner, seen in the above mug shot, and Johnson, 24, were booked into the Maricopa County jail, from which they were released early today.

    The 6’ 8” Griner stars for the Phoenix Mercury, while Johnson plays for the Tulsa Shock. The couple had been planning to get married next month.

    As a result of her arrest, Griner now joins dozens of other top athletes in TSG’s mug shot Hall of Shame.

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    A burglary suspect used an infant as a human shield as he fled yesterday from warning shots being fired by an Alabama homeowner, police report.

    According to cops, two men were stealing items from a home in Adamsville, a town outside Birmingham, when a next-door neighbor spotted the pair in action. The witness called the homeowner at work, prompting the man to race home.

    Upon arriving at his residence, the homeowner interrupted the burglary in progress. The suspects fled in different directions as the man fired warning shots into the ground, cops noted.

    One suspect was believed to be carrying a gun, while the other was armed with a baby.

    Police apprehended Ronnie Lee Williams, 24, about 30 minutes after the burglary, according to Adamsville Police Chief R.W. Carter, who added that Williams was found with a gun holster, but no weapon, when he was nabbed.

    Cops have identified the second suspect as Rickie Rashee Walls, 30. As Walls fled the crime scene, Carter said, he held out his baby son “between the victim and himself.” Pictured above, Walls, who is on probation, remains at large.

    Investigators interviewed the child’s mother, who was unaware that the one-year-old had been used as a “shield” by the suspect. The child was not injured during the burglary.

    Like Williams, Walls has been charged with felony burglary and theft.

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    A Colorado man who has been “fighting with his computer for the last several months” unloaded a volley of shots into his Dell tormentor, resulting in the death of the computer and him being cited for discharging a firearm, cops report.

    According to the Colorado Springs Police Department, officers responding last night to a 911 call about shots fired discovered that a “fed up” Lucas Hinch took his computer into a back alley and “fired 8 shots into the computer with a handgun, effectively disabling it.”

    Hinch, 38, was cited for discharging a firearm within city limits, according to a police blotter entry that includes the summary description “Man Kills His Computer.”

    When asked about the shooting, Hinch told TSG, “I just had it,” adding that he tired of the balky computer’s “blue screen of death.” Hinch said that he whacked the computer with a 9mm Hi-Point pistol recently purchased from a Craigslist seller. The gun was seized by police, who left the computer behind.

    The late Dell XPS 410 model, seen in the above police evidence photo, is survived by a monitor and a keyboard.

    Hinch, pictured above right, clipped his computer behind the Colorado Springs residence he shares with his girlfriend (and from which the couple operates a homeopathic herb store). Hinch is scheduled for a May 11 court hearing on the misdemeanor charge.

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    A 70-year-old woman had four pounds of cocaine stashed in her girdles and underwear, according to federal agents who found the stash during a pat down at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York.

    Olive Fowler, a Guyana resident, arrived at JFK last Sunday on a Caribbean Airlines flight from Georgetown, Guyana. Traveling on a non-immigrant visitor’s visa, Fowler was selected for an examination by U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers, according to a criminal complaint.

    While agents examined her baggage, Fowler “was sweating profusely and avoiding eye contact with the officers,” an investigator reported. Suspicious agents then opted to peform a pat down search of Fowler.

    “CBP officers...felt a dense, hard material under the defendant’s clothes in the area of the defendant’s groin and buttocks,” the complaint notes. As it turned out, Fowler was wearing two pairs of compression shorts over her underwear, garments that held nearly two kilos of cocaine (which has a street value in excess of $73,000).

    The accused septuagenarian smuggler was then arrested on a felony narcotics charge. Locked up in Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center, Fowler is scheduled for an April 27 preliminary hearing in U.S. District Court.

    As seen above, CBP officials released evidence photos showing Fowler’s assorted undergarments, including a shot of one girdle that was cut open to reveal the cocaine hidden inside.

    While the brand of Fowler’s compression garments is unknown, that should not keep anyone from referring to her forthwith as the “Spanx Smuggler.”

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    The Georgia woman arrested for hosting an underage sex and drugs party lost custody of her children earlier this month after a judge found that she participated in a “multi-party bubble bath” with teenagers and regularly left her five offspring home alone overnight to be with her boyfriend, according to court records.

    A week before her arrest, Rachel Lehnardt, 35, appeared in court for a hearing triggered by an emergency motion filed by her husband James, a 37-year-old Iraq War veteran who is being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder.

    In February, Lehnardt (seen at right) filed for divorce from her husband, who she married in July 2000. The couple has been separated for more than six months.

    Lehnardt’s estranged spouse argued that she was unfit to share custody of the couple’s five children (aged eight to 16) due to a variety of “immoral and improper behavior.” For example, he alleged that an intoxicated Lehnardt engaged in "a game of nude twister and bubble bath" with the couple’s 16-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old boy, offered “advice to teenagers less than 17 years of age about oral, anal, and vaginal sex,” and transported “Truant 16 year olds” to a lake.

    Lehnardt also charged that his wife abused marijuana, abandoned their children, and is involved in a relationship with a man who claims to use marijuana and Ecstasy (and has said he has taken LSD). The allegations appear based on information provided by the couple’s four daughters and one son.

    During an April 7 court hearing, a Superior Court judge offered Lehnardt the opportunity to "undergo an analysis of her blood, urine, or hair follicles" to counter allegations of drug use. She declined, citing her privilege against self-incrimination. Similarly, Judge J. Wade Padgett wrote, Lehnardt refused to answer questions about the “circumstances surrounding a multi-party bubble bath” involving “teenage children” and whether she left her kids “alone at night for up to two and one-half weeks in each month to be with her boyfriend.”

    Padgett ruled that the drug, bubble bath, and abandonment charges leveled against Lehnardt were true, according to a court order. As for other claims about salacious--and illegal--conduct, Padgett noted that he was required by law to report them to police.

    It is unclear whether the jurist contacted the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office before Lehnardt’s Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor told deputies that Lehnardt had confided the details of her involvement in a recent teenage sex, drugs, and naked Twister party at her residence.

    Padgett awarded temporary custody of the couple’s five children to their paternal grandparents.

    In a court filing, James Lehnardt reported that he is “medically retired from the US Army with 100% disability” and is being treated for PTSD and “Anxiety/Depression Disorder.” Lehnardt also revealed that he is being treated for “sexual addiction to pornography,” but added that he “did not participate in any of the wife’s current behavior during the marriage.”

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    A Kentucky man is facing criminal charges for allegedly drunkenly “driving” a horse.

    According to the Kentucky State Police, troopers received a call Tuesday reporting that an intoxicated man was riding a horse in the town of Betsy Layne (pop. 688).

    Investigators subsequently made contact with suspect Michael Kimmel, but he fled on foot (apparently leaving behind his four-legged ride).  Kimmel, 40, was eventually corralled and charged with DUI and fleeing or evading police.

    Seen above, Kimmel posed for his booking photo through a plexiglass window (though it is still a better image than a prior mug shot).

    Kimmel, who has used the alias “Mike Bicycle,” is currently on probation for burglary. He is locked up in the Floyd County jail on $5000 cash bond.

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    From the Long Island high school that last year saw male students wear t-shirts spelling out the word “Rape,” comes two more underage idiots.

    The Commack High School duo--photographed while playing beer pong at a party--proudly displayed homemade t-shirts with a Nazi swastika and the word “Auschwitz.”

    While the photo was taken off school grounds, education officials are reportedly investigating the students, who could face disciplinary action.

    In a staement, school district brass noted that, “the actions of these students are not representative of the student body at Commack High School. We do not condone or permit any form of discrimination, bullying, or hateful messaging."