Sorry, There Is No Actual 17-Year-Old Named Bennett Writing Those Purported "Texts From Bennett"

Those hilarious “Texts From Bennett” that this week took the Internet by storm are not, in fact, written by a dopey 17-year-old who works at an Amoco station and fashions himself a Midwest Crip.

“Bennett” is the creation of David Sheldon, the 30-year-old Kansas City rapper known as Mac Lethal (who had a bookend Internet hit this week with his speed rap version of a Chris Brown song). In the texts--which “Bennett” purportedly sent to Sheldon, his cousin--the author appears clueless as he opines on topics like birth control, hemorrhoids, lasagna, and the Illuminati.

While Sheldon has said that “Bennett” actually exists and the texts are “100% real,” the rapper’s own father today directly contradicted those claims.

Asked by TSG if his son had a 17-year-old cousin named Bennett, Sheldon’s father, also named David, laughed and said, “That’s what he says.”

The elder Sheldon went on to note that his son has a friend who is prone to "Yogi Berraisms" and that he uses some of these malaprops for the “Bennett” blog. The friend’s name, he said, “has been chaged to protect the innocent.”

“Mac writes them,” Sheldon said, “and puts it in the form of texts.”

In a subsequent interview, the younger Sheldon (pictured at left) continued to claim that “Bennett” existed and said that the reason a reporter could find no evidence of the teenager’s existence was that the “Bennett” was not his “legal name.”

Sheldon declined to disclose the true name of “Bennett,” and refused to provide any information to corroborate his claim that the texts are real. Claiming that his cousin is unaware that he is publishing the texts, Sheldon said that he would do nothing to risk alerting his kin. “He can’t ever know I do this at his expense,” he said.

Sheldon criticized a TSG reporter, saying, “You try to ruin the fun for everyone.” He then added, “We’re trying to protect the storyline.”