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    Meet Anthony Coleman-Hill.

    The 28-year-old Floridian was arrested this month for cocaine possession after police responded to a 911 call about a trespasser “acting erratic and doing drugs” outside a 7-Eleven in Orlando.

    Upon arriving at the convenience store, cops spotted Coleman-Hill “smoking what appeared to be illegal narcotics.” Coleman-Hill, who allegedly was “displaying signs of narcotics impairment,” reportedly said that he had been smoking “Molly.”

    A search of Coleman-Hill yielded a small bag of cocaine from a pants pocket, according to an arrest affidavit. Coleman-Hill was arrested on a felony drug possession charge and booked into the Orange County jail, where he remains locked up in lieu of $1000 bond.

    Coleman-Hill, police noted, was transported to the jail “without incident.” The arrest affidavit offers no insight as to why Coleman-Hill appears to have been doused in some kind of milky substance.

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    A Florida Man charged with indecent exposure offered cops a bizarre explanation as to why he was pleasuring himself in public, according to court records.

    Officers were dispatched Sunday morning to a Speedway convenience store in Vero Beach after a 911 caller “advised there was a naked white male screaming at a white female on the side of the road.”

    Upon arriving at the scene, officers encountered Jason Roach, with whom they were already familiar. The 40-year-old Roach, cops reported, had been questioned twice the prior evening in connection with alleged masturbation incidents at an Arby’s restaurant and a Wawa convenience store.

    In both instances, Roach “stopped and went on his way,” according to a court filing. The third time, however, was not the charm.

    A witness told police that Roach (seen above) “was naked and touching himself in the motion of masturbating” while near the Speedway around 6 AM.

    When questioned about his activities, Roach reportedly said that he “was having issues with his rectum and in order to get rid of that pain he has to ejaculate.” If Roach offered anything further about his purported maladies, a cop did not include those gory details in an arrest affidavit.

    Despite that compelling explanation, Roach was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Indian River county jail, where he is being held on $50,000 bond.

    Roach, who is scheduled for a May 2 arraignment, has previously been convicted of battery; petty theft; violating a protective order; burglary; grand theft; filing false documents; and resisting police.

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    Meet Destiny Simmone Morris.

    The 18-year-old is jailed on a felony charge after allegedly battering her 65-year-old boyfriend during a confrontation Sunday evening in their Florida residence.

    Police responded to the home after an unknown 911 caller reported that, “an elderly male was being beaten up.”

    According to cops, the victim said Morris “pulled his hair, punched him in the ribs and head, and threw him to the ground.” The alleged attack occurred inside the couple’s Clearwater home and in the property’s front yard, a criminal complaint reports.

    The victim, who “had an obvious laceration/abrasion to his left arm which was bleeding,” told police that he and Morris had been together for about four months and are “in an active romantic/sexual relationship.”

    Morris, seen above, reportedly made “spontaneous statements admitting to hitting the victim,” cops say.

    Charged with battery on a person aged 65 or older, Morris was booked into the county jail, where she is being held in lieu of $2500 bond. A judge has ordered Morris to have no contact with the victim. The teenager--who was convicted earlier this year of disorderly intoxication--has also been directed to stay away from the man’s home.

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    A Florida Man slapped his girlfriend in the face with a slice of pizza during an argument in their residence, according to cops who reported that the alleged crime scene was sauce splattered.

    Police were dispatched Friday afternoon to a residence in Marion County in response to a “911 hang-up.” Upon arriving at the home, officers encountered Ortelio Alfonso, 39, who said he had a “verbal altercation” with the victim, according to a probable cause affidavit.

    The woman, however, said the dispute turned violent, telling officers that Alfonso “grabbed a slice of pizza and slapped her in the left side of her face with it.” The woman said the couple had been arguing about the disciplining of their son.

    A cop noted that the woman had pizza sauce all over her shirt and the “remnants of pizza in her hair and ear area.” Additionally, the officer reported, “I observed there to be pizza sauce on the walls and the ceiling of the kitchen area which further corroborated the victim’s statement.”

    After being handcuffed and read his rights, Alfonso reportedly admitted striking the victim “with the slice of pizza in the face,” adding that he threw the pizza and “did not physically strike the victim with his hands, just with the pizza.”

    Pictured above, Alfonso was arrested on a misdemeanor battery count and booked into the county jail (from which he was released Saturday). Alfonso, who works for a landscaping firm and lives in an Ocala suburb, is scheduled for arraignment on March 29.

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    Meet Richard Quick.

    According to police, the 47-year-old Floridian was recently spotted walking into an Orlando roadway and “engaging with passing cars.” After initially ignoring demands that he show cops his hands and get on the ground, Quick was handcuffed and searched.

    Officers reported finding a pair of knives and a crack pipe in Quick’s pants pockets. As a result, he was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia and carrying a concealed weapon. Quick also faces a resisting police count.

    Quick is being held in the Orange County jail in lieu of $3000 on the three misdemeanors.

    While an arrest affidavit refers to Quick’s “face paint,” the document offers no insight into how or why the defendant was so pink. Quick’s rap sheet includes convictions for disorderly conduct, trespassing, battery, and theft.

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    A Florida Woman battered a convenience store clerk with a pair of Slim Jim beef sticks after being accused of shoplifting, police say.

    Cops allege that Kacey Breazeale, 40, was confronted Monday afternoon by the female victim at the exit doors to the store, which is adjacent to a Citgo gas station.

    Breazeale “pushed the victim to get past” and then struck the 34-year-old clerk “with 2 Slim Jim beef sticks she was stealing,” reported Officer Joshua Kokaisel of the Pinellas Park Police Department.

    The clerk was not injured in the Slim Jim attack (and police did not seize the beef sticks as evidence). Seen at right, Breazeale reportedly admitted to the battery after being read her rights.

    Charged with battery, theft, and resisting a merchant, Breazeale is being held in the county jail in lieu of $2650 bond.

    Breazeale, who is alternately described as a transient and a St. Petersburg resident in court records, has a lengthy rap sheet that includes several state prison stays and convictions for cocaine possession, burglary, trafficking in stolen property, and theft.

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    A 19-year-old motorist who admitted driving his Honda 120 mph on an Iowa interstate told cops that he floored the vehicle last night “because a good song came on his stereo,” according to a court complaint.

    After a witness called 911 to report a reckless driver was speeding and “swerving all over the road” a sheriff’s deputy spotted the suspect vehicle as it flew past him at 100 mph around 9:15 PM.

    When the car was subsequently pulled over more than two miles up Interstate 380, driver Nicholas Bernard reportedly “admitted to going 120 mph at one point.” Bernard, seen at right, explained that he reached the top speed “because a good song came on” the stereo in his 2006 Honda Accord EX.

    Bernard was only facing a speeding citation when he opened the glovebox to retrieve registration and insurance records. But then a deputy spotted a “large amount of marijuana” in plain view in the compartment. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up a smoking pipe and other drug paraphernalia, cops report.

    Bernard was charged with a pair of misdemeanor drug counts and booked into the Johnson County jail, from which he was released this morning.

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    A Grinch ransacked a nativity scene, stealing a baby Jesus figurine and other religious items which were replaced with a “tombstone-shaped Halloween decoration with the word ‘R.I.P.’ written on the front,” according to Ohio cops.

    A resident of South Euclid, a Cleveland suburb, contacted police Friday night to report that a thief had targeted the nativity scene in his front yard. Along with stealing baby Jesus, the perp swiped cow, donkey, and lamb figurines.

    Victim John Carlo, 39, told cops he found the “R.I.P.” tombstone where the figurines had been.

    Police are investigating the December 2 crèche incursion.

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    As store surveillance cameras recorded his felonious activity, a brazen shoplifter strolled out of a Burlington store in Florida on Black Friday with sacks of stolen goods and an array of purses and handbags that were daisy-chained and dragged out of the business.

    As first reported by WPLG, police in Hialeah, a city 10 miles from Miami, are hunting the thief, whose face, forearm tattoo, and vehicle were clearly recorded by store security cameras.

    Sergeant Jose Torres said that investigators are “currently in the process of identifying this individual,” though an arrest has yet to be made in connection with the 8 PM heist on November 25.

    It is unclear whether the male thief had accomplices.

    As he fled the department store with the $5000 in stolen loot, the man passed a sign intended for departing shoppers: “See you soon for your next treasure hunt!”

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    During an argument early Thanksgiving morning, a Florida Man threw a sex toy at his girlfriend, leaving the woman with a bruise on her torso, according to cops who noted that they did not confiscate the weapon used in the alleged domestic battery.

    Investigators say Christopher Pacitto, 45, and the 33-year-old victim were inside a room at the Sun Island Motel in St. Petersburg around 4:40 AM when a verbal argument turned violent.

    According to an arrest affidavit, Pacitto was packing his suitcase to leave the room when he “began throwing the victim’s items” out of the luggage. “During the process,” the woman told police, Pacitto (seen at right) “hit her with a sex toy on her torso, leaving a bruise.”

    When questioned by cops, Pacitto reportedly “admitted to throwing items but does not recall exactly what items.” The sex toy in question is not further described in the court affidavit.

    The 6’ 2”, 300-pound Pacitto--who cops say was under the influence of alcohol--was arrested for domestic battery. He bonded out of jail Friday after posting $1000 bond in the misdemeanor case. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the victim.

    Pacitto, a professional engineer, lives in Fort Myers, a city about 110 miles south of St. Petersburg.

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    After being arrested for stealing a wallet that a patron mistakenly left on a Waffle House counter, Kwanita Morton reportedly confessed to the theft and gave cops an explanation for her actions.

    “The money was calling to me,” Morton declared.

    According to Florida police, the victim paid their Waffle House tab early Monday morning, but “forgot their wallet on the counter.” The wallet contained credit cards and $2286 in cash.

    As recorded by a security camera, the 47-year-old Morton “was seen on video looking around, putting her hat on top of the victim’s wallet on the counter.” She then slid the hat and wallet into her hands “with discretion.”

    Morton then “quickly leaves the establishment while her husband and child are left inside the restaurant to pay.” Morton, who works at a nursing home, lives about eight miles from the Waffle House in St. Petersburg.

    Aided by the security footage, police subsequently identified Morton as the theft suspect. During questioning, police report, Morton admitted to swiping the wallet, claiming, “The money was calling to me.”

    Seen above, Morton was arrested on a felony grand theft charge and booked into the county jail. She was released from custody early yesterday after posting $2000 bond.

    Morton’s rap sheet includes four separate misdemeanor theft convictions.

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    A Halloween reveler dressed as a bottle of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky was arrested early today for drunken disorderly conduct, domestic battery, and several other charges, according to California jail records.

    Dominic Salazar, 31, was booked into the county lockup at 3:20 AM on an assortment of felony, misdemeanor, and vehicular counts. Salazar, who lives in Madera, a city in central California, is being held in lieu of $55,000 bond.

    As seen above, the 6', 293-pound Salazar was wearing his Halloween costume when photographed by jail personnel.

    The whisky outfit, which retails for about $45, is 100% polyester and “intended for adults of legal drinking age,” according to the Fireball website, which notes that, “Halloween is all about letting your wildest dreams come true, so this year, become a human-sized bottle of Fireball. You're welcome.”

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    For some unexplained reason, a wanted man was covered head-to-toe in black paint when California cops apprehended him last week.

    Investigators had been looking to arrest Rufus Barron, 35, on an outstanding warrant when his mother called police to report that her son was asleep in her home in Madera, a city in central California.

    When officers arrived at the residence around 1:30 AM on Tuesday, they discovered Barron, seen above, coated in black paint. Barron would not say how he came to be so covered, according to Madera Police Chief Dino Lawson.

    A search of Barron turned up a glass smoking pipe containing methamphetamine. Cops suspected that Barron had been on a “meth bender” (which could have prompted the paint application).

    Barron is being held in the county jail on multiple charges, including possession of a controlled substance, violating parole, and possession of drug paraphernalia.