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    Meet Harrison McLain Eulett.

    By his own account, the 18-year-old Floridian “has a job and money,” but still likes to burglarize cars as a way to ease his boredom.

    Master Eulett was arrested early yesterday in connection with a recent series of thefts from autos parked in Palm Harbor, a community on the state’s west coast. During police questioning, Eulett reportedly copped to the 2 AM burglaries, saying that he and four friends drove around looking for “unlocked vehicles to get money.”

    Eulett also felt the need to say that he “has no remorse,” according to an arrest affidavit. Additionally, the teen noted that he “has a job and money and just does this because he is bored,” according to cops.

    Eulett made sure to add that, “These people got what they deserve,” apparently for leaving their vehicles unlocked.

    Eulett was charged with auto theft and four counts of burglary. He is locked up in lieu of $45,000 bond on the five felony charges.

    While court records offer no information on Eulett’s “job and money,” the teenager does have $164.16 in his jail commissary account.

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    Upon returning to his Florida home early Sunday, Edgar Chasen found his husband of three months “dancing around the house in a ‘G-String’” while cooking dinner and “making a mess.”

    For reasons not described in a police report, Chasen subsequently confronted spouse Michael Wilson “about looking at Homosexual porn, and talking to other Homosexual men in a chat room on his cell phone.”

    After Wilson, 37, denied perusing porn or talking to other guys, he allegedly got mad and pushed Chasen into a wall in the couple’s Sarasota home.

    While not injured, Chasen swore out a complaint against his husband, who was acting erratically and appeared to be “under the influence of alcohol and or drugs,” cops noted.

    After Wilson (seen above) was medically cleared at a local hospital, he was booked into the Manatee County jail on a misdemeanor battery charge. He was released from custody Monday and is scheduled for an April 14 court appearance.

    Chasen and Wilson are pictured below in merrier times.

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    Seattle police are seeking the public’s help in identifying a suspected serial masturbator who publicly pleasures himself while disguising his identity with a makeshift ninja outfit.

    Cops first learned of the masked pervert in January, after a woman called 911 to report that a man was “masturbating outside the front door of her home.” Cops responding to the scene were unable to locate the suspect.

    Last month, a night vision camera outside the woman’s residence recorded the suspect again pleasuring himself next to the front door. As seen above and below, the surveillance images--which captured the masked masturbator in the act--show him dressed head-to-toe in dark clothing (the night vision camera makes dark colors appear white).

    As seen above, the suspect was wearing a pair of rubberized five toe shoes.

    Residents of the targeted home are University of Washington students who say that they have “heard suspicious sounds outside their house on several occasions,” according to cops. Investigators believe that the masked masturbator may have been at the residence four times over the past several months.

    Anyone with information about the creepy nightcrawler is asked to contact police at (206) 684-5575.

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    A naked female motorist led New Mexico cops on a 100 mph chase Saturday morning that ended when she crashed the vehicle and then sought to run away from officers.

    After receiving 911 calls about a woman driving recklessly on Interstate 25 in Santa Fe, cops spotted Barbara Arellano, 51, behind the wheel of a Toyota Rav4 that was careening across the road.

    As she drove, Arellano was throwing items from the car, which topped 100 mph before it clipped a truck and crashed, according to a police report.

    Somehow, Arellano escaped from the vehicle unhurt and unburdened by clothes. As seen above, police dashcam footage shows the naked Arellano running through traffic (while doing this, she repeatedly yelled “Jehovah!”).

    Arellano, pictured at right, was subsequently taken to the ground by police who covered her in a blue tarp provided by a passing motorist.

    According to investigators, Arellano explained that she had “used heroin, took a bunch of pills and drank whisky just before driving.” As for her lack of garments, Arellano explained that she was hot.

    During a search of Arellano’s vehicle, cops found prescription pill bottles containing Tizanidine, a muscle relaxant, and Lorazepam, an anti-anxiety drug.

    Arellano was charged with drunk driving, battery on a peace officer, reckless driving, and fleeing from police. She was released from the Santa Fe lockup late Monday night after posting bond.

    Arellano’s rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession and disorderly conduct.

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    In advance of Donald Trump’s appearance this weekend at a Florida campaign rally, supporters of the Republican presidential candidate have complained to cops that they have been attacked while campaigning for the billionaire.

    With Trump scheduled to appear Saturday at the University of Central Florida, his supporters have been positioned on Orlando sidewalks urging people to attend the rally, as well as vote in advance of the state’s March 15 primary.

    On Monday, Louis Valls, a 65-year-old Trump volunteer, told police of a confrontation that occurred outside a public library where he had set up numerous campaign signs.

    Valls said that “two Hispanic males” exited the library and began taking his Trump signs out of the ground. When he went to confront the duo, Valls added, one of the men “purposely” ran into him and knocked him to the ground. “The males started laughing at Louis and continued to pull out more of his signs,” according to an Orange County Sheriff's Office report.

    Valls said that the suspects--who are between 18 and 22--ran off with eight signs, though he later recovered the discarded campaign items on a nearby street. The pair, added Valls, made their escape in a getaway car that was “already running and occupied.”

    The alleged offenses listed in the sheriff’s report are theft and battery on a victim over the age of 65.

    Another Trump volunteer told deputies that she was struck in the chest by a drink thrown from the window of a passing car.

    Irma Bashore, 44, yesterday was outside another Orlando library holding a Trump sign when she “felt an impact to her stomach.” Bashore initially thought she had been hit by a rock, but realized that “her shirt and pants were wet with from what appeared to be a drink from Panera, possibly a cold coffee.”

    Bashore said she thought her assailant was driving a “light gray or tan mini-van type vehicle.” A witness told cops that the male suspect threw the drink out the car's passenger window at Bashore, who was left with a welt on her stomach and complained that “the impact hurt.” The incident has been classified as an aggravated battery.

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    A Florida woman arrested for stealing a vibrating sex toy told cops that she swiped the item due to a troubled marriage, adding that, “I would rather do this than be unfaithful.”

    Ashton Barton, whose rap sheet includes multiple theft convictions, was spotted Friday morning concealing a Durex “Ring of Bliss” as she shopped in a CVS pharmacy in Largo, a city 25 miles west of Tampa.

    After a store employee alerted a patrolman, the officer approached Barton, 33, and began questioning her about the $15 “Ring of Bliss.” Barton, according to a criminal complaint, admitted taking the sex toy from its packaging and initially concealing the item.

    Barton said that when she spotted the Largo Police Department officer inside the store, she ditched the “Ring of Bliss.”

    Seen above, Barton reportedly claimed that she was driven to steal the vibrating sex toy because, “My husband doesn’t want to touch me anymore.” She added, “I would rather do this than be unfaithful.” According to Durex, the “Ring of Bliss” fits “on the base of the penis” and “enhances mutual pleasure with 20 minutes of vibration.”

    Charged with a felony due to her prior theft convictions, Barton was booked into the county jail, from which she was later released after posting $2000 bond. Barton’s rap sheet also includes collars for marijuana possession, forgery, and multiple bad check counts.

    In a Facebook post yesterday, Barton, a mother of four, wrote that, “I found true love and a husband who supports me in everything I do and want to do.” Barton, another post reports, has been married to her current spouse for two years.

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    In the shadow of the Academy Awards, an employee of the "Dr. Phil" show has agreed to plead guilty to a felony charge for illegally uploading a copy of “The Revenant” to a BitTorrent site where more than one million visitors downloaded a copy of the Oscar-nominated film starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

    According to a February 26 plea agreement, William Kyle Morarity obtained “screener” copies of “The Revenant” and “The Peanuts Movie” in mid-December. The 31-year-old Morarity had admitted taking the DVD discs “without authorization” while working for a TV production on a Hollywood studio lot.

    Morarity “made copies of the Copyrighted Films and transported them home on a portable USB drive,” reported prosecutors.

    While court records do not identify Morarity’s employer, TSG has learned that he worked as a production coordinator for the “Dr. Phil” show, which shoots on the Paramount lot. Morarity, a married father of two young children, told FBI agents that he uploaded the films to the Pass the Popcorn web site from his Los Angeles County home.

    Thanks to Morarity, “The Revenant” was available for peer-to-peer downloads a week before its initial opening in four theaters (and three weeks before its nationwide release).

    As detailed in the plea agreement, "over one million people" downloaded the version of “The Revenant” uploaded by Morarity. Prosecutors estimated that Twentieth Century Fox, the film’s distributor, suffered at least $1.12 million in losses due to the online piracy.

    Morarity (seen above) is scheduled to be arraigned next month on the copyright infringement count, which carries a maximum penalty of three years in prison.

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    A woman traveling from Jamaica to New York was arrested Sunday after federal agents discovered that she was smuggling half a pound of cocaine in her vagina.

    Shekira Thompson, a 21-year-old U.S. citizen, flew from Kingston to John F. Kennedy International Airport, where during questioning from Customs and Border Protection officers she reportedly “admitted to vaginally inserting a foreign body.”

    That foreign body, seen above, was a “vaginal insert” that weighed eight ounces and was filled with cocaine, according to federal officials who estimated the drug’s street value at $10,000.

    Charged with felony narcotics possession, Thompson is locked up in lieu of $50,000 bail. The accused smuggler, now being held on Rikers Island, is next due in court on March 9.

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    A uniformed South Carolina cop masturbated while watching pornography on his cell phone in a marked patrol car, according to court records.

    Investigators allege that Marshall Hardin, 41, was seen by a witness pleasuring himself in the cruiser in mid-December.

    Hardin, an officer with the Camden Police Department, was spotted at a park in Camden, a city about 35 miles from Columbia, the state capital.

    A criminal complaint alleges that Hardin “was watching adult pornography on his personal cell phone while rubbing his penis through his uniform pants.” Hardin subsequently exited the patrol car and exposed himself so that he could “stroke his penis two times.”

    The complaint adds that Hardin “put his penis back in his pants,” and “went into the restroom in the public park to finish ejaculating.”

    Hardin confessed to the illicit activity in a “sworn written statement,” the complaint notes.

    Pictured above, Hardin has been charged with misconduct in office, a felony carrying a maximum 10-year prison term. Hardin, who is free on bond, is no longer a member of the Camden police force.

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    Since there seems to still be some confusion as to whether Donald Trump donated money to any of the charities formed in the aftermath of the September 11 attacks, TSG would like to reiterate:

    The billionaire did not make a single contribution to any of the not-for-profit groups that were formed in the wake of the terror attack to provide aid to survivors, rescue workers, or the families of cops and firemen who died trying to save others. Just as we reported a few months ago.

    After our story was published, Trump campaign spokesperson Hope Hicks told the Daily Mail that the billionaire donated more than half a million dollars to “organizations as a result of the 9/11 tragedy.” She then cited $500,000 in donations made to the United Way of New York City, and unspecified contributions to the American Red Cross and the Marine Corps Law Enforcement Fund.

    As we have reported for 15 years, Trump’s pitiful philanthropy trickles through the Donald J. Trump Foundation. A review of the group’s IRS returns shows that the organization gave $250,000 to the United Way in both 2004 and 2006--three and five years, respectively, after the Twin Towers collapsed.

    In the days after the terror attack, the United Way of New York teamed with The New York Community Trust to form the September 11th Fund, which raised more than $500 million before it stopped accepting donations in January 2002 (the fund closed at the end of 2004 after giving away its last dollar).

    More than two million individuals, businesses, and foundations were moved to donate to the United Way's September 11th Fund in the four months after Osama bin Laden’s disciples struck.

    But Donald Trump was not among that group.

    Trump’s spokesperson also cited the Republican presidential candidate’s donations to the American Red Cross. But the Trump tax returns show that the foundation only began giving to the Red Cross in 2008, with the group’s largest donation, $100,000, coming in 2010.

    In 2013, Trump gave $5000 to the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation, which is not a September 11 charity. The group says it provides scholarships to “every child who loses a parent serving in the Marine Corps” or a federal law enforcement agency.

    The Republican presidential candidate, a son of New York City, claims he watched with his own eyes as victims jumped to their death from the upper floors of the World Trade Center. Trump has said he saw this horror unfold from his Fifth Avenue penthouse, five miles north of the attack site.

    So perhaps he was too traumatized to even search for his checkbook in the weeks after 2753 individuals perished in lower Manhattan.

    But what makes Trump’s cold shoulder to September 11 victims and their families even more galling is the fact that the tycoon put his hand out when government officials offered recovery money to small companies affected by the attacks.

    As reported by the New York Daily News in January 2006, the Trump firm that owns the office tower at 40 Wall Street applied for a grant from the Empire State Development Corporation (ESDC), the New York state agency that distributed federal money earmarked for small businesses.

    Trump’s company received a $150,000 check to cover losses incurred at the 72-story building, which is several blocks east of the World Trade Center site.   

    The News reported that Trump got the six-figure handout because the ESDC “ignored the federal definition of a small business and adopted a much looser standard” when it came to approving grants.

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    A Waffle House waitress spiked a co-worker’s drink with methamphetamine, leading to the victim’s hospitalization and the woman’s jailing this week on felony battery and narcotics charges.

    Georgia police allege that Sonserea Evans, 43, tampered with Brian Mikeals’s drink while the pair was working in late-December at a Waffle House in Dawsonville, a city about 55 miles north of Atlanta.

    Cops were summoned to the restaurant after Mikeals, 37, became stricken. He was transported to a local hospital in serious condition and later slipped into a coma (from which he has emerged). Mikeals, who remains hospitalized, has required a feeding tube and a ventilator to help him breathe.

    A police review of Waffle House surveillance video showed Evans taking Mikeals’s drink into a store bathroom. She then returned the beverage without Mikeals realizing it had been missing. Investigators allege that Evans spiked the drink with methamphetamine while inside the bathroom.

    Cops report that they have not discovered a motive for the poisoning.

    Evans, seen in the above Facebook photo, is being held without bond at the Dawson County jail on aggravated battery and possession of a controlled substance counts.

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    An Indiana man charged with punching his wife in the face during an argument over Valentine’s Day was wearing a t-shirt declaring, “I did not hit you, I high fived your face” when he was collared.

    Aaron Crowe, 30, was arrested early this morning on a misdemeanor domestic battery count after cops were dispatched to a Motel 6 in Evansville, where Crowe’s wife told officers that he pushed her and walloped her in the face.

    Crowe, whose wife had a bruise on her right cheek, told officers that the couple had been arguing about Valentine’s Day.

    Crowe was booked into the Vanderburgh County jail, where the adjacent mug shot was snapped. While the bottom half of Crowe’s t-shirt does not appear in the booking photo, the full garment can be seen below.

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    Meet Chao Gao.

    After discovering a dildo among her husband’s belongings during a move Wednesday night, the Florida woman attacked her spouse, leaving him with bruises and scratches on his face, according to cops who arrested Chao for domestic battery.

    As detailed in court records, the 48-year-old Gao and Joshua Sinclair, who have been married for just over a year, were driving to a new residence in Sarasota when Gao confronted Sinclair about the sex toy she discovered.

    In a police statement, Sinclair wrote that Gao became furious upon learning from him that “a dildo she found was actually for me to use.”

    An argument between the couple then allegedly turned physical. Sinclair charged that Gao--who was driving at the time--began to “beat and slap and pinch my face with her hand repeatedly” for about 30 minutes. The attack ended, Sinclair said, when the duo arrived at their new home (from which he dialed police).

    When a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy arrived in response to the 911 call, he found Sinclair with “injuries of bruising and scratching” to “the victim’s right eye, lip, nose, and forehead.” Gao “had no signs of injuries,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

    Gao, who operates a Sarasota day care facility, was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery count. She was released from custody yesterday and is scheduled for arraignment on March 15.