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    After breaking into a home on Martha’s Vineyard, a Massachusetts man removed a four-month-old puppy from its crate and then doused the animal in purple paint, according to police who busted the man on a variety of criminal charges.

    Investigators allege that Felix Reagan burglarized a home in Oak Bluffs Saturday afternoon and later stole an automobile that he subsequently crashed.

    The burglary victim, Tamara Gemme-Crawford, said that a ground level window had been forced in and several items were taken from her residence. Additionally, cops noted, “the victim’s dog had been painted with purple paint.”

    In a Facebook post directed at Reagan, Gemme-Crawford wrote that, “you took my 4 mo. old puppy out of the safety of his crate where he was no threat to you and poured paint all over him, you put him outside in a strange area like a dirty shoe, and for That I will NEVER forgive you !!”

    When police received a description of the disheveled burglar from a neighbor, they immediately suspected Reagan, who was busted in June for a similar break-in. When cops located Reagan, he was in possession of “prescription pills, a driver’s license and credit cards” taken from the burglarized home.

    Reagan (seen at left) was charged with breaking and entering, auto theft, destruction of property, cruelty to animals, narcotics possession, and assault on a police officer.

    In her Facebook post, Gemme-Crawford called Reagan a “cruel low life animal abuser,” and pledged, “I will be there in the court to watch you cry like a baby when you are not allowed to go home!!!!” Gemme-Crawford's dog, a border collie named Grayson, is seen above.

    Gemme-Crawford told TSG that her puppy was in his crate in a closed, air-conditioned room. “He had water and his toys and he was not a threat to anyone,” she said.

    Gemme-Crawford surmised that the dog--who was not injured by the paint--was barking since Reagan appeared to have given the animal a bag of apple fritters before dousing him with paint found in a cabinet. Reagan, Gemme-Crawford added, then “threw him out the door.”

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    What’s not to love about a guy who decided to have “HOLLA!” tattooed on his forehead?

    So, meet Charles Easter.

    The 38-year-old Easter posed for the above mug shot early Tuesday morning following his 1:46 AM arrest for disorderly conduct. Police allege that Easter became unruly while visiting a friend who was being treated in the emergency room at a Fort Lauderdale hospital.

    While being escorted from the hospital by a cop, Easter yelled at a nurse, “Fuck off you cunt,” according to a complaint affidavit. Then, “in a fit of rage,” he “maliciously threw coffee over the floor and wall.”

    The complaint--which lists Easter’s address as “At Large, Fort Lauderdale, FL”--notes that he has the words “I Bet You Won’t” inked on his back and teardrops tattooed on his face.

    Easter, a Brooklyn native with a lengthy rap sheet, has been known to wear a pink bikini while performing sidewalk dance routines in search of gratuities.

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    Florida police have arrested Vladimir Putin for trespassing.

    Putin, 48, was collared last week after cops responded to a 911 call about a man causing a disturbance at a Publix supermarket in West Palm Beach.

    According to the store manager, Putin had "screamed at employees."

    Seen at right, Putin was subsequently arrested by police and charged with trespassing and obstructing officers without violence. After being handcuffed, he yelled "Venezuela!" several times while being led to a patrol car.

    Putin, who has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor counts, was freed early this afternoon from the Palm Beach county jail (where he was locked up in lieu of $1000 bond). A judge has ordered Putin to undergo a mental health assessment, according to court records.

    Putin is scheduled for a September 26 court appearance.

    A West Palm Beach Police Department report identifies the suspect as “John Doe,” so it appears that the "Putin" handle surfaced at some point post-arrest.

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    A U.S. Postal Service employee stashed nearly 50,000 pieces of undelivered mail in her California home, according to a criminal information filed against the worker.

    Federal investigators charge that Sherry Watanabe hid "approximately 48,288 pieces of United States mail" in her apartment. The mail was intended for delivery to customers along Watanabe’s route in Placentia, an Orange County city.

    Watanabe, 48, was named in a one-count felony criminal information filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. In a plea agreement with prosecutors, Watanabe has admitted to the mail hoarding.

    According to the plea agreement, Watanabe was hired as a mail carrier in June 2006, and she began collecting “large quantities of such mail” in her Placentia residence in 2011. While the undelivered mail was seized by law enforcement agents in late-2013, court filings do not indicate why more than two years passed before Watanabe was charged.

    Though Watanabe faces a statutory maximum of three years in custody, prosecutors have agreed to recommend that a term of imprisonment not exceed “the low end of the applicable Sentencing Guidelines range.”

    In similar previous prosecutions, mail carriers have claimed that the volume on their routes was so onerous that they opted to hide the mail instead of delivering it.

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    A burglar who broke into an Ohio adult novelty store through a ventilation pipe gathered up an assortment of sex toys and lubricant before departing with the upper half of a $2000 sex doll that he topped with a $46.99 blond wig, according to police.

    Investigators allege that Ellis Doyle, 26, broke into Cirilla’s, a shop in Elyria, around 2:45 AM Saturday and stole several items before leaving. Surveillance video shows the intruder then sought to re-enter the business through the front doors, but they had locked behind him.

    Doyle, cops say, came back into the building “through the roof and ceiling over the cash register.” During his second pass through the store, Doyle “walks around the store again and then walks over to the ‘Eva’ mannequin and strips the clothing off of it and takes the top half of the mannequin and takes a blond and burgundy wig off a display and places it on its head and walks out the front door.”

    Thanks to the surveillance video, police were able to identify Doyle, who was collared on a breaking and entering charge. Doyle, who was arraigned yesterday on the felony count, is free on $5000 bond.

    The owner of Cirilla’s, the business targeted, told police that the stolen goods were valued at about $2650. The most valuable item--the $2000 “Eva” mannequin--was found discarded outside a Red Roof Inn near Cirilla’s (which declares that it is “Where Fun & Fantasy Meet”).

    Doyle is scheduled for an August 29 preliminary hearing in Elyria Municipal Court.

    Ohio, sex toy
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    After issuing an appeal to the public, Ohio cops have identified the woman who allegedly threw a container of nacho cheese at a 7-Eleven owner who caught her stealing merchandise.

    In a Facebook post yesterday, the Toledo Police Department included three surveillance images of the suspect, who was wearing a Spiderman t-shirt, shorts, and blue socks with white stars.

    According to a police report, after being confronted by Jitendra Singh, 49, the woman attacked the 7-Eleven owner, tearing money from his hands before throwing "a container of nacho cheese" at him. The woman then “fled in a maroon Chevy with a black male.”

    Upon posting an “Attempt to identify” notice, cops determined that the suspect in the August 18 incident was Derrickka Dixon, a 28-year-old Toledo resident. In comments on the Toledo Police Department’s Facebook page, Dixon’s husband Tray, 33, claimed that the police account was “all wrong. She didn’t steal nothing.” He added that, “The media lie every day.”

    In addition to issuing a robbery arrest warrant for Dixon, cops are also seeking to collar her spouse, who allegedly threatened to kill Singh during the 7-Eleven incident (and was driving the Chevy). Dixon is seen below in a mug shot taken after an arrest last year.

    Singh was not injured by the airborne nacho cheese.

    The police reference to the liquid gold was met with glee by Facebook commenters, several of whom offered a variation on this remark: “He said hey give that cheese back. That NACHO CHEESE that NACHO CHEESE it my cheese.” One man appeared exasperated that the suspect used the nacho cheese container as a weapon: “Christ, what a world we live in.”

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    Meet Wise Intelligent Supreme God Allah.

    Belying his name, the 18-year-old Ohioan made the imprudent choice Thursday night to be carrying a loaded handgun while a passenger in a car traveling in Akron.

    During a police traffic stop, Allah was found with a Hi-Point .380 caliber handgun in the waistband of his pants. The Canton resident was arrested on felony weapons charges, according to Akron Municipal Court records.

    None of the four other occupants of the 2014 Kia were arrested during the stop, which occurred in front of a Taco Bell. An Akron Police Department report states that Allah and two women in the vehicle "has history of drugs and weapons."

    The accused pistolero--whose rap sheet includes a felony burglary conviction--was booked into the Summit County jail, where he remains locked up on $20,000 bond.

    According to court records, Allah’s residence is adjacent to a multi-county juvenile detention facility.

    Akron, gun, Ohio
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    Just when you think you have seen it all, a guy goes and allegedly tries to fornicate with a red van.

    On Tuesday evening, cops in Dayton, Ohio received a 911 call about a man "pulling his pants down and swinging on stop sign," according to a Dayton Police Department report.

    In a second 911 call, the witness told police that the suspect was attempting to have sex with the front grill of a parked vehicle.

    The 911 caller reported that during the autoerotic encounter the suspect was seen "sticking his genitals in the grill of a red van at this intersection." The man subsequently "laid down and possibly passed out" before rising to begin walking in circles "like he is on some type of drug."

    The victim was parked at the time, cops say.

    Responding officers came upon Michael Henson, 35, who "appeared under the influence of some type of narcotic" and was only wearing gym shorts and shoes. He was then arrested for public indecency and booked into the Montgomery County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $2500 bond.

    In a sidewalk interview, the woman who called 911 told police that she saw Henson pull down his shorts and expose his penis, which he then “placed...in the front grill of the van and began humping it as if he was having sex with the van.” Henson did this “for a while” before passing out in a neighboring yard, she added.

    Cops tracked down the owner of the "violated" van, but he told them he had not witnessed what investigators termed “the sex act.”

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    An Ohio entrepreneur has filed an application to trademark the name of Harambe, the gorilla who was shot to death after a three-year-old boy fell into the animal’s enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo.

    In a June 28 United States Patent and Trademark Office filing, Maxx Blank, 27, seeks to secure the trademark so he can use the late gorilla’s name on a variety of clothing items, including hats, t-shirts, sports bras, underwear, sweat pants, and skirts.

    Reached on his cell phone today, Blank said that, “I don’t want to discuss it publicly” when asked about his plans for the Harambe trademark. Blank’s $275 application, made in the name of the Aryeh Group, LLC, lists the firm’s address as Blank's home in Westerville, a Columbus suburb.

    Blank, a married father of two children, filed the trademark application a month after Harambe was shot to death inside the Gorilla World enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo. 

    Harambe, a 17-year-old lowland gorilla, was killed after a three-year-old boy fell into a moat inside the zoo habitat. Fearing that the animal could harm the child, a zoo worker killed Harambe with a single gunshot. In death, as Vox noted today, the gorilla “has become a superhero, a mega-meme, the internet’s gorilla.”

    According to his LinkedIn profile, Blank (seen at left) is an experienced marketer with a “depth of experience in the planning, custom craftsmanship, and implementation of digital experiences for beloved global brands, mission-driven nonprofits and thought leading institutions.”

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    When her boyfriend refused to have sex with her, a Florida woman repeatedly kicked him in the face, an attack that has landed her in jail for battery, cops say.

    According to an arrest affidavit, Jennifer Furguson, 34, sought a 6:30 AM tryst Wednesday with her beau inside the couple’s Port St. Lucie residence.

    The victim, who has been in a relationship with Furguson for two years, told police that “Jennifer became upset at him when he refused to have sex with her this morning.”

    After being rejected, Furguson began kicking her boyfriend in the face “while he was laying on the bed,” investigators charge. Responding officers noted that the man had “significant swelling to his right cheek bone and redness to his left cheek bone.”

    Pictured above, Furguson was arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge and booked into the county jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $500 bond.

    Furguson is scheduled to be arraigned on August 25, according to court records.

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    8/14 UPDATE: The “Guccifer 2.0” Twitter account has been restored. But his WordPress account has been stripped of the recently posted documents. A WordPress statement noted that the removal came “upon receipt of a valid complaint regarding the publication of private information.”

    8/13 UPDATE: The hacker’s Twitter account (@GUCCIFER_2) has been suspended in the wake of the latest document dump. However, his WordPress blog--to which “Guccifer 2.0” uploads his stolen goods--remains online.

    After disappearing for a couple of weeks, the hacker “Guccifer 2.0” returned late this afternoon to provide a new headache for Democrats.

    In a post to his WordPress blog, the vandal--who previously provided nearly 20,000 Democratic National Committee e-mails to Wikileaks--uploaded an Excel file that includes the cell phone numbers and private e-mail addresses of nearly every Democratic member of the House of Representatives.

    The Excel file also includes similar contact information for hundreds of congressional staff members (chiefs of staff, press secretaries, legislative directors, schedulers) and campaign personnel.

    In announcing the leak of the document, “Guccifer 2.0” reported that the spreadsheet was stolen during a hack of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. “As you see I wasn’t wasting my time! It was even easier than in the case of the DNC breach,” the hacker wrote.

    Along with the Excel file, “Guccifer 2.0” also uploaded documents that included the account names and passwords for an assortment of subscription services used by the DCCC, from Lexis-Nexis to Glenn Beck’s web site (password: nutbag).

    While “Guccifer 2.0” claims to be Romanian and an “unknown hacker with a laptop,” cybersecurity investigators have concluded that he is part of a Russian intelligence operation that has targeted the DNC, Hillary Clinton campaign staffers, and assorted Republicans, including John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and Michele Bachmann.

    In a message today, the hacker branded the U.S. presidential elections a “farce” that is “being settled behind the scenes as it was with Bernie Sanders.” He added, “I wonder what happened to the true democracy, to the equal opportunities, the things we love the United States for. The big money bags are fighting for power today. They are lying constantly and don’t keep their word. The MSM are producing tons of propaganda  hiding the real stuff behind it. But I do believe that people have right to know what’s going on inside the election process in fact.”

    “Guccifer 2.0” also invited reporters to contact him via Twitter direct message: “Dear journalists, you may send me a DM if you’re interested in exclusive materials from the DCCC, which I have plenty of.”

    The FBI is investigating the DNC and DCCC hacks along with attempts to compromise the Gmail accounts of Clinton campaign staffers through the use of “spear phishing” e-mails (as detailed in a TSG story published this morning).

    While the publication of the DCCC spreadsheet will, no doubt, unleash a torrent of prank calls, vulgar texts, and other mischief, its theft provided “Guccifer 2.0” and his cohorts with myriad additional hacking opportunities.

    Armed with the private, non-governmental e-mail addresses of members of Congress and their aides, the hackers likely used those addresses in malicious “spear phishing” attempts. If successful, the resulting breaches yield not only a compromised account’s e-mails and attachments, but can provide access to storage services like Google Drive. Additionally, hackers would also obtain the names and e-mail addresses of the individuals with whom the victim corresponded, further propelling a cascading wave of cyber intrusion.

    In a series of e-mail exchanges last month, "Guccifer 2.0" described himself as a committed "hacktivist" and bristled at TSG's portrayal of him as a thief. "Stop calling me the vandal," he wrote. "I'm not a criminal I'm a freedom fighter." While "Guccifer 2.0" claimed to be a foe of "all the illuminati and rich clans which try to rule the governments," cyber investigators theorize that he may actually just be serving as the media liaison for the Russian government hacking teams suspected of breaching the Democratic Party's computer systems.

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    Can it get more vile than this?

    A 72-year-old Ohio man was arrested yesterday for allegedly slipping into the residence of a 61-year-old woman and ejaculating into a bottle of orange juice that he then shook up and returned to a refrigerator shelf.

    Willis Gene Burdette has been charged with burglary and contaminating a substance for human consumption, according to court filings that detail his conduct Wednesday afternoon in a home in Massillon, a city outside Canton.

    Seen above, Burdette was released from jail last night after posting $50,000 bond.

    As detailed in felony complaints, Burdette entered the victim’s home at 12:10 PM Wednesday by “using a key located inside of her shed.” Upon gaining access to the residence, Burdette “began to masturbate inside a small tool room near the garage.”

    As a home security camera recorded his actions, Burdette “removed a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator and cum inside the bottle of orange juice.” He then proceeded to "shake the bottle" before returning it to the refrigerator.

    The court filings do not reveal whether Burdette knows the victim or if the tainted orange juice was consumed. Burdette lives about six miles from the woman’s home.

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    Meet Kadie Naumann and Kyla Cole.

    The South Carolina women are facing indecent exposure charges after a late-night skinny dipping session went sideways, police report.

    Responding to an 11 PM noise complaint Monday, cops found Naumann, 23, and Cole, 32, “completely nude” at the swimming pool of an apartment complex near Myrtle Beach.

    The women, guests of a resident, “did not have bathing suits with them so they decided to swim in the nude,” according to a Horry County Police Department report. The duo and two friends, police noted, appeared “highly intoxicated.”

    As cops sought to do a warrants check on the quartet, Naumann (seen above, at left) and Cole began to walk away, ignoring a police demand to remain in place. Naumann then became belligerent and allegedly delivered a “mule kick” to a male cop’s genitals.

    Both women were then arrested for indecent exposure, a misdemeanor. Naumann was also charged with assaulting a police officer. Naumann and Cole were released from jail Tuesday afternoon upon posting bond ($5000 for Naumann, $2500 for Cole).