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    A Florida Man denied ownership of three syringes removed from his rectum during a 4:30 AM strip search at a county jail, according to a criminal complaint.

    Cops arrested Wesley Scott, 40, early Friday on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession. While being searched in the field, Scott denied having any illegal items concealed on (or in) his body.

    But when Scott, seen at right, arrived at the Pinellas County jail and was subjected to a strip search, he “removed three syringes from his rectum and provided them” to a jailer. Scott then claimed that he “found” the syringes and that "they were not his."

    This explanation did not stop officials from charging Scott with introducing contraband into a correctional facility, a felony. He is being held on a $5000 bond.

    The court filing does not reveal whether Scott named the purpoprted owner of the syringes that had been found in his rectum. Or whether that individual had consented to his works being stored in such a facility.

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    A Floridian who actually brought methamphetamine to a police station to have it tested is now a wanted man, according to court records.

    Douglas Kelly, 50, was arrested last year on a felony narcotics possession charge. After posting $2500 bond, he was freed from the Putnam County jail.

    But when he failed to show for subsequent court hearings, a judge issued an arrest warrant for Kelly, who told police he lived in Hawthorne, a city about 15 miles east of Gainesville.

    Pictured above, Kelly was arrested after calling cops to say that he believed a meth dealer had rooked him. Kelly told investigators that he wanted to “press charges” against the dealer if a test determined that he had “been given the wrong narcotics,” according to a police report.

    Kelly explained to a Putnam County Sheriff’s Office deputy that he had a “violent reaction” after smoking what he thought was “speed,” but now suspected was Flakka, the synthetic stimulant.

    After detailing his concerns, Kelly drove to the precinct "to have the illegal narcotics tested," deputies noted. Kelly provided cops with a piece of aluminum foil that contained a “clear, crystal-like substance” that tested positive for methamphetamine.

    When police catch up with Kelly, he will likely face a second felony rap for bail jumping.

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    A Florida Man tried to trade a bag of marijuana for food at a McDonald’s, but was rebuffed by a drive-thru worker who called 911 to report the unorthodox barter attempt.

    Cops allege that Anthony Gallagher, 23, ordered food at a McDonald’s in Port St. Lucie around 1:30 AM yesterday. When Gallagher pulled his Pontiac up to the drive-thru window, he allegedly “produced a clear plastic bag that contained a green leafy substance” and offered to provide “marijuana in exchange for the food that he ordered.”

    McDonald’s manager Ghassan Awad declined Gallagher’s request and called 911.

    By the time police arrived, Gallagher had left a McDonald’s parking lot. However, around 2:05 AM, Gallagher returned to the drive-thru line, where he was pointed out to police by Awad. Gallagher’s vehicle was hard to miss since it had a surfboard “protruding through the rear window,” cops noted.

    Police reported that Gallagher’s ride reeked of marijuana and that “loose cannabis” was found on the vehicle’s center console. A search of Gallagher turned up a bag of pot in his pants pocket. In addition to a possession rap, Gallagher was charged with driving under the influence.

    While an arrest affidavit does not detail Gallagher’s McDonald’s order, his “excessively dirty” auto offered clues to his fast food preferences. The floorboard, cops reported, “was littered with French fries and chicken nuggets, and molded chicken wings were found in the rear floorboard of his vehicle.”

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    A passenger who arrived in New York City on a flight from Guyana had 70 live birds hidden in a piece of luggage, according to federal agents.

    The smuggling attempt was thwarted Saturday when U. S. Customs and Border Protection agents inspected a black duffel bag being carried by a traveler who flew from Georgetown to John F. Kennedy International Airport.

    The traveler, a Guyanese citizen, was not arrested. Instead, he was not allowed entry into the U.S. and was returned to his home country.

    Agents found the finches stuffed inside individual plastic hair curlers. The birds are often used in “singing contests” popular among Caribbean immigrants. The smuggling of finches from Guyana has previously resulted in the arrest of multiple travelers.

    The seized finches were quarantined and subsequently turned over to Department of Agriculture officials.

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    Meet Alyssa Breanne Zebrasky.

    The 27-year-old Ohioan is being held in the Mahoning County jail following her arrest yesterday for theft and possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia.

    Zebrasky was busted after allegedly stealing merchandise from a Walmart. A subsequent police search of her purse turned up a hypodermic needle, methamphetamine, and Suboxone (which is prescribed to treat opioid addiction).

    Zebrasky is locked up in lieu of $6000 bond.

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    The self-described "World's Dumbest Criminal" pleaded guilty today to stealing a lawnmower and a weed trimmer from a Walmart in Florida, court records show.

    Michael Taber, 46, signed a plea agreement copping to a grand theft charge during an appearance in Circuit Court in Nassau County.

    Taber was arrested in late-April after he wheeled a shopping cart out of Walmart without paying for a $258 Snapper lawnmower and a $148 Murray weed trimmer. After driving away with the stolen goods, Taber was pulled over and arrested by a sheriff’s deputy.

    Seen above, Taber told the cop he planned to pawn the items, adding that “pain makes you do stupid things.” Taber claimed that he needed to shoplift in order to afford his medications. “Mr. Taber also said he is ‘the world’s dumbest criminal,’” a deputy reported.

    Taber, a Jacksonville resident, was booked this morning into the Nassau County jail following his plea. Online court records do not indicate whether Taber was sentenced upon entering his plea.

    Taber has recently been working at Willard’s BBQ in Jacksonville. In a character reference letter to the court, the eatery’s owner noted that Taber “takes his job serious and does it quite well.”

    Taber’s rap sheet includes a 2005 grand theft conviction for which he spent 15 months in state prison.

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    A South Carolina cop escaped injury Monday night when a deer, struck by another motorist, went airborne and crashed through a patrol car window, landing in the cruiser’s front seat.

    According to cops, a Dorchester County Sheriff's Office deputy spotted the deer approaching the road on a highway outside Charleston. As the deputy stopped his vehicle, another car hit the deer, sending the animal into the air.

    As seen in these police photos, the deer smashed through the cop car’s windshield, landing in the passenger seat.

    Neither the deputy or the other driver sustained serious injuries. The deer was killed in the collision.

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    A Florida Man arranged to receive oral sex from an undercover female cop “in exchange for a hamburger,” according to an arrest affidavit.

    Frank Caponi, 57, was collared Saturday afternoon after allegedly striking the burger-for-sex arrangement with a St. Petersburg cop. The affidavit does not indicate whether Caponi possessed the hamburger or was prepared to procure one pre-fellatio.

    When questioned by arresting officers, Caponi reportedly acknowledged that “he and the female spoke of sex.”

    Charged with a misdemeanor prostitution count, Caponi was booked into the county jail (from which he bonded out Saturday evening after posting $250).

    Caponi’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft and battery on a law enforcement officer. Cops noted that Caponi, who operates an auto body shop, has a Death Before Dishonor tattoo on his right arm and a grim reaper inked on his forearm.

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    An Iowa man was arrested today for allegedly exposing himself in an Uber car and telling the driver that he “liked to masturbate in front of Uber drivers,” according to a court complaint.

    Christopher Jensen, 27, was charged with a serious misdemeanor in connection with an incident several months ago in Iowa City.

    Police charge that Jensen, seen above, called for an Uber around 4:45 AM and got into the front seat when the vehicle arrived. During the ride, Jensen “took his penis out of his pants and began to masturbate in front of the driver.”

    After explaining that he enjoyed such illiicit activity, Jensen allegedly asked the driver, “Do you want to touch it?” The Uber driver, cops say, stopped the car and told Jensen to get out.

    Investigators, who identified Jensen through Uber records, noted that the suspect “acknowledged taking an Uber but stated he did not remember masturbating in the cab.”

    Jensen was released from the Johnson County jail this morning.

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    A Florida Man upset that his baked potato was undercooked allegedly stabbed a woman in the head with a fork in a domestic spud rage incident early this morning, cops report.

    Kenneth Crumpton, 36, was busted today on a felony aggravated battery with a weapon charge in connection with the 12:30 AM attack inside a Jacksonville-area residence. Crumpton, seen at right, is being held in the Nassau County jail in lieu of $25,000 bond.

    Investigators charge that Crumpton, displeased with the preparation of his potato, repeatedly stabbed the victim in the head with a fork. Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.

    During questioning, Crumpton told cops that he did not stab the woman. Instead, he claimed to have thrown the fork, which "glanced off her head."   

    The woman was not seriously injured and declined a police offer of medical assistance, according to an arrest report. Deputies seized the fork used in the attack and a bloody shirt as evidence.

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    A Pennsylvania mother drove two miles with her 12-year-son on the hood of her car, according to police who yesterday arrested the woman on a pair of endangerment charges.

    As alleged in a criminal complaint, Shaurice Jones and her son quarreled last week when she drove the boy to a local dentist. The child, cops say, refused to go into the office. Instead, he climbed atop his mother’s automobile.

    Jones, 36, responded to her son’s protest by getting into her car and driving two miles to a police precinct. The speed limit on the road Jones traveled is 40 mph.

    Upon arriving at the Colonial Regional Police Department, Jones admitted to officers that she had been driving with her son on the vehicle’s hood. It appears Jones went to the precinct in the hopes that cops would mediate the family dental dispute.

    Pictured above, Jones has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a felony, and reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor. She was freed from custody after posting $1000 bail and is next due in court on December 4 for a preliminary hearing.

    Court records show that Jones last year pleaded guilty to driving without a license. She was arrested in 2014 on the same charge, but that case was eventually withdrawn by prosecutors.

    Jones lives in Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.

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    An intoxicated Florida Woman plucked a live lobster from a tank at a Red Lobster and bolted from the St. Petersburg restaurant with the purloined crustacean, according to police.

    Kimberly Gabel, 42, was drunk and “causing a scene” Saturday at the eatery, prompting a manager to ask her to leave “for disturbing other customers.”

    Gabel, pictured at right, was cursing as she headed to the Red Lobster’s front door, an arrest affidavit notes. But before departing, Gabel “proceeded to reach into a water tank containing live lobster, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant.”

    Responding to a 911 call about the lobster heist, a sheriff’s deputy located Gabel, who smelled of booze and was slurring her word. Continuing to curse, Gabel denied knowledge of the pilfered lobster’s whereabouts. Gabel explained that since she was “blacked out drunk,” she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong” at Red Lobster (seen below).

    Busted for disorderly intoxication, Gabel was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count. She was subsequently released on $100 bond.

    Gabel’s lengthy rap sheet includes arrests for trespass; theft, drug possession; loitering; burglary; carrying an open container of alcohol; exposure of sexual organs; violating probation; domestic battery; defrauding an innkeeper; disorderly intoxication; drunk driving; and resisting an officer.

    Jailers have noted that Gabel has tattoos on her back of “Dragon and Koi fish.”

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    A Pennsylvania man was all smiles yesterday after he was arrested for allegedly threatening to shoot up a polling place after being told that he was not registered to vote.

    Police charge that Christopher Queen, 48, sought to cast a ballot Tuesday morning at the South Franklin Volunteer Fire Department in suburban Pittsburgh. But a check of voter rolls by election workers revealed that Queen was not registered.

    Upon learning that he would not be able to vote, Queen became irate and warned that he was going to get a gun and “shoot up” the polling site, cops allege.

    Queen, pictured above, then left the fire department, but was soon apprehended by police. He was charged with disorderly conduct and making terroristic threats, a felony, and booked into the Washington County Prison on $10,000 bail.

    According to court records, Queen’s rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving; harassment; reckless endangerment; disorderly conduct; and criminal mischief.