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    Memo to Dominique Flower: Do not ask a question about your penis if you are not prepared to handle the answer.

    Flower, 30, was arrested last week for domestic battery after allegedly striking his wife in the face inside the couple’s St. Petersburg, Florida residence.

    According to a criminal complaint, Flower, seen at right, got mad at his spouse after he “asked her if he had a larger male part than her previous boyfriends.” While the complaint does not disclose the victim’s answer to that query, it seems likely the word “no” figured prominently in her response.

    Police charge that the 6' 2", 220-pound Flower “did strike the victim in the face causing visible swelling to her left eye.”

    Flower was released on his own recognizance after being booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor charge.

    Flower’s rap sheet includes multiple arrests for marijuana possession, as well as collars for domestic battery, driving with a suspended or revoked license, and failure to appear in court.

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    “Go fucking cook my burrito, bitch!”

    On Saturday, an aggrieved Donald Trump supporter delivered that line--which seemed to have originally been written for Jesse Pinkman--and other rhetorical gems while screaming at individuals gathered on a Phoenix street corner to protest the multimillionaire’s appearance at the nearby Veterans Memorial Coliseum.

    In a video shot by journalist Eric Rosenwald, the Trump backer is seen telling protesters, “I fucked your whole fucking family with my big cock.” He then moved on to domestic policy matters, announcing that he was a “proud fucking American, made in USA, bitch.”

    [NOTE: Rosenwald’s video, seen above, is filled with similar NSFW language.]

    After referring to the preparation of his burrito, the muscled rage machine then demanded that Trump detractors “Go fucking make my tortilla, motherfuckers. And build that fucking wall. For me! Trump! I love Trump!”

    Before taking his leave, the man noted, “I’ll fuck, like, at least 10 of you up in one fucking sitting, you fucking pussy. You’re lucky all these cops are here.”

    So who is this street corner surrogate, a guy who deserves the kind of cable TV time now being hogged by low-energy Trump surrogates like Andy Dean and Kayleigh McEnany?

    Meet Zackary Fisher.

    The 31-year-old Fisher lives in Mesa, a city 20 miles outside Phoenix, and works as a lab technician for Fikes Brace & Limb, a firm owned by his stepfather. The company, which fabricates prosthetics and orthotics, also employs Fisher’s mother and brother. [Update: While the business this morning scrubbed its web site to remove Fisher’s name, a screenshot of the original "Staff" page can be found here.]

    When not loudly lecturing others about tortillas, burritos, and the size of his penis, Fisher enjoys working out at LA Fitness, hiking, and spending time with his pit bull. He owns a red Ford Mustang SVT Cobra with vanity plates (“KEPH8N”) and an assortment of weapons. Fisher has also fought in MMA matches, but it appears his career in the cage was derailed by injury.

    In a pair of recent Instagram videos, Fisher is seen firing his AR-15 rifle into some Arizona brush and aiming at targets with his Glock handgun.

    Fisher is also proud of his grueling workout regimen and the numerous tattoos adorning his chiseled physique. Along with tribal ink decorations, Fisher has a representation of the Arizona state flag on his back and the words “Never Trust A Bitch” on his side. While not visible until he lifts his arm, Fisher also has the number 43 tattooed beneath his left armpit. According to the Anti-Defamation League, the number “is used by members of the racist skinhead group Supreme White Alliance.”

    [A Fisher acquaintance contends that the “43” tattoo is a tribute to a longtime friend, Elijah “Dough Boy” Schmidt, who died last year at age 35. Schmidt was serving an eight-year prison sentence for narcotics trafficking at the time of his September 2015 death. The number reportedly was assigned to Schmidt, a fellow MMA devotee, at the gym where he trained with Fisher.]

    Before tangling with the protesters, Fisher was ecstatic when he ran into Paul Griffin, an acquaintance and fellow Trump supporter. Fisher bro hugged Griffin and appeared elated that his friend had decided to wear a “FUCK ISLAM!” t-shirt to the Trump event (Griffin was escorted from the rally after refusing security’s request to turn his shirt inside out). Fisher proudly showed Griffin his “Make America Great” campaign sign, noting that, “I got fucking Donald’s autograph.”

    Though Fisher has made his Instagram account private, his Facebook page remains online. However, he has made a couple of revisions in the last several hours.

    After posting Rosenwald’s video of him screaming, Fisher deleted the clip. He also removed a post (seen below) defending his actions. “DO NOT BRING YOUR MEXICAN FLAGS TO AMERICAN RALLYS when there is not a single Mexican running for president,” Fisher wrote. “THIS IS AMERICA HERE not Mexico! If you’re not PROUD of this flag GO back to MEXICO.”

    Court records show that Fisher’s rap sheet includes a 2004 marijuana possession charge, which was dismissed after he successfully completed a diversion program. He posed for the below mug shot, which was snapped back in the days before he was introduced to tattoos and creatine shakes.

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    Orlando gunman Omar Mateen was fired from his position as a Florida Department of Corrections trainee after asking a fellow recruit if he would tell anyone “if he was to bring a gun to school,” according to state records.

    In moving to terminate Mateen in late-April 2007, the warden of the Martin Correctional Institute wrote that, “In light of recent tragic events at Virginia Tech, Officer Mateen’s inquiry about bringing a weapon to class is at best extremely disturbing.”

    On April 16, 2007, a gunman shot and killed 32 people on the Virginia Tech campus. Until Mateen murdered 49 individuals at the Pulse nightclub, the Virginia Tech massacre was the country’s deadliest mass shooting.

    In addition to Mateen’s question about bringing a gun to class, he was also cited for sleeping in class and at a firearms range and leaving class without permission.

    Documents relating to Mateen’s dismissal from the Florida Corrections Academy after six months as a recruit were released late this afternoon by state corrections officials.

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    A man already facing an indecent exposure charge allegedly pulled his pants down to his ankles and burst into an Arkansas courtroom, where he announced to the judge and others present that, “Court is back in session!”

    As detailed in a Jonesboro Police Department report, Derrick Thomas, 18, was hit with several new charges following the bizarre incident Wednesday morning in District Court.

    Thomas, seen above, has been in custody since his arrest last month for lying naked on a Jonesboro sidewalk.

    Thomas was in court Wednesday on that charge when an officer allowed him to get a drink from a bathroom sink adjacent to a set of holding cells. As Officer Jamie Seaborn was dealing with another inmate, Thomas emerged from the bathroom and “pulled his pants down around his ankles and took his shirt off.”

    The teen then ran into the courtroom, where Judge Keith Blackman was on the bench. Thomas proceeded to hold up his hands and yelled, "Court is back in session!" Blackman, the report notes, “had to stop court and everyone was looking at” the naked defendant.

    Thomas was corralled by police and brought back to the holding cells, where he laughed and told another inmate, “I told you that I would do it.” Seaborn reported that Thomas also remarked that, “They will put on his tomb stone that he was the one that was naked in the courtroom.”

    Thomas was subsequently returned to the Craighead County jail, where his docket now includes new charges for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and obstructing governmental operations.

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    An Iowa man threatened to “shoot up” a Domino’s restaurant in retaliation for workers botching his pizza order, police allege.

    Dusten Kemp, 30, is locked up on $8500 bond following his arrest last night on harassment and assault charges.

    According to cops, Kemp placed a delivery order Tuesday evening and subsequently complained that what he received “was wrong.” When Kemp phoned in an order late last night, workers agreed to send him two free pizzas as a make-good.

    When a Domino’s employee arrived at Kemp’s home in Coralville, an Iowa City suburb, he was “drunk and took his clothes off.” Kemp, seen above, grabbed the worker’s arm and “made several threats about them messing up his order,” according to a court filing.

    Kemp, police charge, then warned that he was going to “come down to Domino’s” and “shoot up the place with a .45.”

    During police questioning Kemp denied making threats against Domino’s, though he admitted that a delivery driver had been at his residence.

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    A neighbor’s surveillance camera captured an Arizona woman driving straight into her bicycle-riding boyfriend, a collision that seriously injured the victim and resulted in the woman’s arrest for attempted murder.

    Seen above, the video shows Misty Lee Wilke, 44, slamming into the victim on a Phoenix street. The impact sends the man over the hood of Wilke’s 2012 Ford Mustang.

    [NOTE: Mute the video to avoid the bouncy audio track added by the home surveillance company who released the surveillance clip.]

    Investigators allege that Wilke targeted the victim after learning that he was HIV positive. The April 29 incident left the man with head trauma and a fractured vertebrae.

    Wilke, seen at right, told police that she had “recently become involved in a sexual relationship” with the victim, adding that the couple argued after she learned of the man’s HIV status. “He was laughing at her and Misty admitted to pushing the victim,” according to a probable cause statement.

    Wilke, who has been jailed since her arrest, was indicted last month for attempted murder and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. As part of the police investigation, cops last month executed a search warrant on Wilke’s vehicle.

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    Meet Sam Tulley.

    The 21-year-old New Hampshire resident was busted Sunday on a criminal mischief charge by Londonderry Police Department officers.

    While being booked on the misdemeanor rap, Tulley put his best face forward when his mug shot was snapped.

    Now free on $1000 bail, Tulley and his tongue are next due in District Court on July 19.

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    A Florida woman arrested for prowling was hit with additional narcotics charges after jailers retrieved “a glass crack pipe...located deep in the crevasse of her buttocks.”

    The recovery yesterday of drug paraphernalia from the “crevasse” of Laurie Shank, 53, did not require crampons or axes, according to a criminal complaint.

    Instead, the crack pipe was discovered by sheriff’s deputies during a "detailed search" of Shank as she was being booked into the Pinellas County jail around 2:45 AM.

    Seen above, Shank declined to speak with investigators after the pipe, which contained traces of crack cocaine, was retrieved.

    Shank is being held in lieu of $2750 on three criminal counts, including a felony rap for introducing contraband into a detention facility.

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    Vexed by a perpetrator who has been painting penises in public for several months, Connecticut police today sought the public’s help in identifying the male vandal.

    According to New Haven cops, the suspect--armed with spray paint--has been drawing penises across the city, home to Yale University. In some instances, he has included the word “penis” next to his crude artwork.

    On Wednesday, a surveillance camera at the Beth El-Keser Israel synagogue captured the vandal in the act. At one point, the man sprayed paint at a surveillance camera (seen below).

    Police report that the suspect painted six penises during his travels Wednesday evening. Investigators have described the wanted man as a “member-marking-mischief-maker.”

    Anyone recognizing the penis painter is asked to contact cops at (203) 946-6316.

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    Meet Zayma Flores.

    Upon learning that her teenage son had found and then sold a bag of marijuana she had stashed in the family’s Florida home, Flores burned the boy’s hands over the kitchen stove, police charge. 

    Flores’s husband told Orlando cops that last week he “noticed a bag of weed was missing from under the master bathroom sink.” In short order, Armando Flores determined that his 15-year-old stepson had removed the pot and gave it to a friend.

    When Armando told his wife about the boy taking the pot, she responded with a punishment that resulted in her arrest Sunday on a felony child abuse charge (and the removal of her children from the family’s residence). According to an arrest affidavit, the boy suffered burns to his palms after “putting his hands on the kitchen stove.”

    It appears that the teen mistakenly believed that the marijuana was his sister’s and that he decided to take the pot so that she “would not use it.”

    Pictured above, Flores was released on bond yesterday from the Orange County jail. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with her son, who is living with his sister at a relative’s home.

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    A health-conscious Florida man is facing theft charges after police arrested him for stealing kale, the reigning Vegetable of the Year.

    Shane Stahl, 33, was nabbed Friday in connection with the theft of the chewy green from a Walmart Supercenter in Palm Harbor, a community 25 miles west of Tampa.

    Stahl, seen above, is also accused of nicking croutons and “salad,” according to a criminal complaint alleging that he pushed a shopping cart out of the store without paying for the produce.

    Stahl, a Tarpon Springs resident, is being held in the Pinellas County jail on retail theft charges (cops allege that he has targeted Walmart on multiple occasions).

    The popularity of kale, a cabbage relative, is a puzzlement to many due to its bitter taste and the need for recipes to "make it taste good."

    However, unlike competing vegetables, kale has achieved pop culture prominence due to the ubiquitous t-shirts and sweatshirts bearing its name (in the Yale University typeface). Additionally, in her 2014 video for the song "7/11," Beyonce is seen gyrating on a hotel balcony while wearing a "KALE" sweatshirt.

    kale, theft, Walmart
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    A horned Arizona man is facing a felony assault charge for allegedly slashing his wife with an eight-inch knife after he accused her of infidelity during an argument Sunday.

    According to Glendale police, Juan Vargas Rodriguez, 53, began quarreling with his wife when she returned home from work. At one point, cops say, Rodriguez demanded that his spouse sleep in a closet.

    When the woman rejected that request, Rodriguez allegedly responded by pulling out a knife and threatening her life. Rodriguez then slashed the victim in the left arm and left breast, investigators charge. The woman also sustained cuts on a hand when she tried to wrestle the knife from Rodriguez.

    The attack ended when Rodriguez’s adult daughter disarmed him and separated her father from the screaming victim.

    During police questioning, Rodriguez claimed not to recall details of the confrontation, saying he “kind of blacked out with rage.” The victim was not seriously injured during the attack.

    Rodriguez was arrested for aggravated assault and booked into the Maricopa County jail, where the above mug shot was taken. In addition to his subdermal implant horns, Rodriguez appears to have replaced his eyebrows with a series of tattooed dots.

    Rodriguez is scheduled for a June 6 Superior Court appearance.

    In July 2000, a horned Oklahoma man was arrested for allegedly trying to run down his landlord with a car. But the felony assault charge against Jesse Thornhill, seen below, was later dropped when the alleged victim testified that the incident was just a misunderstanding.

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    A Utah man arrested yesterday for running around naked with bells attached to his genitals explained to police that his lewd display was done to prompt a reaction from witnesses.

    Kenneth Allen Beck, 64, was collared Thursday by Utah County Sheriff’s Office deputies responding to a report of a naked man near the Diamond Fork Canyon hot springs in Spanish Fork, a city about 10 miles south of Provo.

    According to cops, several underage witnesses described Beck’s naked gallivanting.

    When deputies confronted Beck near the trailhead’s parking lot, he was dressed. However, Beck did not deny the accounts of the minors and said that he “just likes doing what witnesses described to see their reaction,” cops noted.

    Seen above, Beck was cited for lewdness involving a child, a misdemeanor. Beck’s rap sheet includes a 2005 conviction for exposing himself to a female restaurant employee while ordering food.

    It is unknown whether police confiscated Beck’s bells as evidence.