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    A Florida woman tried to pass off a mixture of Gatorade and warm water as a urine sample during a recent meeting with her probation officer, according to police reports.

    Tabatha Coulombe, 29, was jailed last week in connection with her alleged scheme to game the urine test, which is part of the probation requirements stemming from her 2013 sentencing for felony animal cruelty.

    In late-January, Coulombe met with her probation officer and provided a urine specimen. But due to “the abnormal color (blush)” and the “abnormal test result,” the officer questioned Coulombe about the sample’s source.

    “Coulombe admitted that she did defraud the test and...removed a plastic pill bottle that was concealed in her vagina,” according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report. Coulombe’s probation officer subsequently “discovered that the submitted solution was a combination of Gatorade and hot water.”

    While police records no not reveal the Gatorade flavor used by Coulombe, it appears likely that she opted for Lemon-Lime or Lemonade (as opposed to Orange, Fruit Punch, or Mango Xtremo).

    Three weeks before her attempted Gatorade ruse, Coulombe, seen at left, failed a urine test (amphetamines were detected in a sample she provided).  

    Coulombe, a Wendy’s employee, is scheduled for an April 12 arraignment on the probation violation charge.

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    A Michigan man who thought he was having a stroke was hospitalized this week after eating several pot brownies that were baked by his teenage daughter, police report.

    The 58-year-old victim consumed the brownies Wednesday night in his suburban Detroit home after finding the baked goods on a kitchen counter.

    The victim’s 17-year-old daughter told cops that she left the brownies out because she did not think anyone in her family would touch them (the girl was apparently unaware of the deep affinity middle-age men have to such unattended sweets).

    The brownies--which the teenager prepared with marijuana provided by a friend--were seized for analysis by Oakland County Sheriff’s Office deputies.

    Investigators are considering filing criminal charges againt the girl, a high school student whose name was not released by cops. Her father was treated at an area hospital and later released.

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    While browsing the adult toy section at a Spencer’s in Florida on a recent Monday morning, Oscar Gil’s female companion picked up a $12.99 vibrator and announced, “I want this.”

    Since Gil, 18, apparently was not in the position to actually purchase the sex toy, he allegedly “took the vibrator out of the package and concealed it in his right pocket,” according to an Indian River County Sheriff's Office report.

    As the store’s manager looked on, Gil hid the empty vibrator packaging behind some other merchadise and headed for the exit.

    But when Gil and his galpal sought to leave the Vero Beach business, they were confronted by the manager and escorted back into the gift shop to wait the arrival of police.

    During questioning, Gil told a cop that he entered the store with a “female friend” and swiped the sex toy “when she told him she wanted it.” The teenager added that there was no reason to take the item, adding that he was “stupid.”

    Pictured above, Gil was arrested for shoplifting and booked into the county jail (from which he was subsequently released after posting $500 bond). Gil is scheduled for an April 7 misdemeanor arraignment in Circuit Court.

    Gil’s companion was not charged in connection with the March 16 vibrator heist, nor was her age or identity included in police reports.

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    A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald’s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered.

    Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, was convicted of a felony firearms charge after only an hour of deliberations by the panel. Torres, seen at right, faces a minimum of two years in state prison when she is sentenced next month.

    Torres fired a single shot into the McDonald’s at 3:10 AM last February 10, according to Grand Rapids police. The gunplay came after Torres and another woman “complained that the order was incorrect,” cops noted.

    When a McDonald’s employee walked away from the drive-thru window, “one shot was fired from the suspect vehicle,” reported police, who added that the bullet entered the eatery at “head level” and “traveled through the window, across the dining room, and exited the restaurant through another window on the east side of the restaurant.”

    Shortly after the shooting--which did not result in any injuries--cops located Torres and recovered the 9mm Glock handgun used during the bacon rage incident.

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    An amorous couple is facing criminal charges after they were spotted having sex in front of a group of children near a Florida playground, according to cops.

    Danielle Stager, 26, and Shane Johnson, 38, were initially observed late Friday afternoon with their pants down while next to a tree near the playground in Greenacres, a city about 10 miles from Palm Beach.

    A quartet of youngsters--none of whom was older than 10--told police that they spotted the pantsless pair. 

    By the time cops responded to a call about the public sex, they discovered that Stager and Johnson had relocated to a nearby truck, where they were continuing to have sex (Stager’s feet were dangling out the driver’s side door while Johnson kneeled above her).

    Upon spotting the police, Stager announced, "Shane, we are going to jail."

    Seen in the above mug shots, Stager and Johnson were each charged with lewd and lascivious behavior and booked into the Palm Beach County jail on the misdemeanor count. Both were subsequently released from custody after posting bond.

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    A Florida man arrested for voyeurism told cops that he hid a video recorder inside a bathroom after he “saw a hot man” at the mini golf facility where he worked, according to a police report.

    Justin Lynn Barrett, 28, was busted Saturday night at Congo River Miniature Golf after a male patron spotted a cell phone propped up against the wall under a sink in the men’s bathroom.

    The phone was recording video while the man was urinating, according to a Pasco County Sheriff's Office report.

    After being called to the Port Richey business, a deputy questioned Barrett, who reportedly confessed, saying that he “put his cell phone in the bathroom because he saw a hot man.”

    Pictured above, Barrett--who has been fired from his job--was arrested for video voyeurism, a felony, and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody yesterday after posting $5000 bond.

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    The police need your help in apprehending the notorious "Akron Pooper."

    In a state that had already produced one “Poopgangsta,” Ohio cops are trying to identify the man for responsible for defecating on at least 20 vehicles since 2012.

    As seen here, the suspect was photographed Tuesday by an Akron city worker who set out to determine who had pooped on his 34-year-old daughter’s car seven times in the past four months.

    Police in Akron--previously best known as the birthplace of LeBron James--note that while the subject was photographed as he hovered over the hood of a 2004 Dodge Neon, he has also smeared excrement on door handles and even entered unlocked cars and pooped inside.

    In one of the earliest reported defecations, a victim reported that someone had--for the second time--pooped on the passenger door of his Toyota. Cops noted that while “The excrement did not cause any damage to the car,” the vile act “did cause a big mess.”

    A community Facebook page for the subdivision targeted by the suspect (who usually strikes between 5:30 AM and 6:30 AM) is filling with accounts from neighbors who have been victimized. The comments include, “3 times on my car!,” “He pooped on mine 2x's!,” and “There was Poop on the hood of my car this past summer!!!!” A new mother wrote, “What is wrong with people! He got my daughter's overnight nurse's car a few months ago.” Another woman advised a friend, “here's the guy who pooped on your daughters car lol.”

    Now that an image of the pasty suspect has been circulated, Akron cops have asked the public to phone tips into them at (330) 275-2552.

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    Police have arrested a suspect in the robbery of a North Carolina bank that was stuck up by a gunman wearing a lifelike silicone mask that made him appear to be an elderly white man.

    Benoit Constant, 28, was arrested following a traffic stop Sunday in Texas.

    Investigators allege that Constant wore the disguise during the December 29 robbery of the Carolinas Telco Federal Credit Union in Cornelius, a town about 20 miles north of Charlotte.

    Police probing the robbery traced the license plate of a minivan spotted outside the bank to a female relative of Constant. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up the silicone mask worn by the bank robber as well as the striped bag he carried.

    In addition to facing a pair of felony charges, Constant is also being held on a federal immigration detainer, according to jail records.

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    Izola Ware Curry, the “demented black woman” who nearly killed Martin Luther King, Jr. by plunging a steel letter opener into his chest, died Saturday at a New York City nursing home, The Smoking Gun has learned.

    The death of the 98-year-old Curry was confirmed by the New York City medical examiner’s office.

    After attacking King at a 1958 book signing--a decade before the civil rights leader would be assassinated by James Earl Ray--Curry lived for decades in virtual anonymity, first at the Matteawan State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, and then, upon her release from state custody, a series of group homes in Queens.

    Several years ago, Curry moved into the Hillside Manor nursing home in Jamaica, a no-frills 300-bed facility. Curry, who would have turned 99 in June, died at the home, where she lived in a small room that looked out onto a rear parking lot.

    Curry is pictured at right in a photo taken following her arrest.

    Last August, TSG published a story about the whereabouts of Curry, who was long thought to have been deceased. During a 30-minute visit with a reporter, Curry spoke haltingly and mumbled answers to questions. While she described her daily routine at the facility, Curry met inquiries about the King stabbing with a blank stare. At one point, she referred to 1958 as the year she was placed in a “hospital for the criminally insane.”  

    One of eight children born to sharecroppers in Georgia, Curry moved to New York City following the demise of her six-month marriage. According to court, police, and psychiatric records, Curry suffered from delusions, paranoia, and illogical thinking in the years leading up to her attempt to murder King. An October 1958 psychiatric report noted that Curry “believes she has been under constant surveillance and all her movements are known to the NAACP and Dr. King.”

    Convinced that King and NAACP leaders were monitoring her movements and conspiring to deny her employment, Curry approached the civil rights leader as he sat in a Harlem department store signing copies of his first book.

    Though she had a loaded pistol concealed in her bra, Curry instead reached into her purse and removed a seven-inch letter opener, which she plunged deep into the 29-year-old reverend’s chest. A New York Daily News photo shows King sitting with the letter opener in his upper chest while waiting for medical help.

    In a post-arrest interrogation, Curry explained to investigators, “Because after all if it wasn’t him it would have been me, he was going to kill me.”

    In a statement issued from Harlem Hospital, where King was recuperating, he said, “I feel no ill will toward Mrs. Izola Curry and know that thoughtful people will do all in their power to see that she gets the help she apparently needs if she is to become a free and constructive member of society.”

    In the decade between King’s stabbing and his assassination, the civil rights leader would often recall Curry’s attack, noting how close he came to dying that Saturday afternoon in Blumstein’s department store. During his “Promised Land” speech, delivered the day before he died, King referred to Curry.

    “You know, several years ago, I was in New York City autographing the first book that I had written. And while sitting there autographing books, a demented black woman came up,” King recalled. “Before I knew it, I had been stabbed by this demented woman. I was rushed to Harlem Hospital. It was a dark Saturday afternoon. That blade had gone through, and the X-rays revealed that the tip of the blade was on the edge of my aorta, the main artery. And once that's punctured, you drowned in your own blood, that's the end of you." King added, "It came out in The New York Times the next morning that if I had merely sneezed, I would have died."

    King then closed the final address of his life by saying that had he sneezed after being stabbed by Curry, he would have missed a decade’s worth of milestone events, including passage of the Civil Rights Act, the Selma marches, the Freedom Riders protests, and the March on Washington. Reflecting on what might not ever have been, King said, “I'm so happy that I didn't sneeze.”

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    The unarmed Wisconsin teenager who was shot to death last night during a confrontation with a Madison cop pleaded guilty last year to armed robbery and recently began serving a three-year probation term for that felony conviction, court records show.

    According to police, an officer responded Friday to a 911 call about a man who had assaulted a victim and was dodging cars in traffic. The cop followed the suspect into a nearby apartment, where the man allegedly struck the officer in the head, knocking him to the ground. During an ensuing struggle, patrolman Matt Kenny fatally shot the suspect.

    Family and friends have identified the victim as Anthony “Tony” Robinson, a 19-year-old Madison resident. “The initial finding at the scene did not reflect a gun or anything of that nature that would have been used by the subject," said Madison Police Chief Mike Koval.

    Robinson’s mother, Andrea Irwin, said that, “My son has never been a violent person. And to die in such a violent, violent way, it baffles me.”

    Robinson, pictured above, was arrested last April following an armed home invasion at a Madison residence, according to police records. Cops were called to the scene around 6 AM by a neighbor who “spotted several men, one of them armed with a long gun, entering an apartment building,” according to a police report.

    Police arrived at the home “just as the armed robbery was ending” and a group of suspects was fleeing “with electronics and other property.” Cops subsequently recovered a shotgun and a facsimile handgun used during the robbery, as well as some of the stolen property.

    Robinson was one of five suspects (each of whom was 18 at the time of their arrest) busted for the home invasion. In October, he pleaded guilty to armed robbery and was later sentenced to six months in jail, though a judge stayed the exection of the custodial term. Robinson was also placed on three years probation, which he began serving in late-December.

    Two of Robinson’s codefendants have also pleaded to armed robbery, while the felony cases against the remaining two defendants are pending.

    Robinson was also the defendant in a paternity action filed last year by a 24-year-old Madison woman. The civil matter ended with a paternity judgment being served on Robinson with regard to the child, a boy who just turned one. A judge ruled that, “parties will have joint legal custody; no placement order and no child support order entered as neither party appeared to provide info.”

    On his Twitter account, Robinson yesterday included a link to a story about the scathing Department of Justice probe into the Ferguson, Missouri police department. On Thursday, he tweeted, “I need a bae to take care of me when I'm off the drugs.” In other tweets, the teen--whose handle included the name “Tony Montana”--frequently referred to marijuana and described himself as a “Real nigga from the start till the casket shut.” Last June, Robinson made reference to the ankle monitor he was outfitted with after being released on bond in the armed robbery case. “Big bro wants me to come to new york and live with him after my bracelet comes off, hey why not,” he wrote.

    In posts this year to his Facebook page, Robinson appeared troubled, writing, “I hate my mind” and “I don’t need help im not crazy.” In a January 19 post, he declared, “My soul is dying.” In a series of messages on February 11, Robinson wrote, “You arent shit to your family when you grow up,” and “Iv been getting lied to my whole life… Mostly by famliy members.” In December, a day after linking to a video showing a police officer applying a chokehold to a man, Robinson wrote, “The only thing cops are getting trained for is to shoot first and ask questions later.”

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    A West Virginia man with the greatest alias ever is facing criminal charges for allegedly battering a cop after getting busted for huffing paint.

    Glenn Allen Casdorph, 26, was collared Sunday after being spotted in a grassy field huffing spray paint. “Mr. Casdorph was located with large amounts of gold spray paint on and around his nose and mouth and his breath smelled like fresh spray paint,” according to a Magistrate Court criminal complaint.

    Post-arrest, Casdorph allegedly kicked a Kanawha County Sheriff’s Office deputy and threatened the cop’s life. Seen in the above mug shot, Casdorph was charged with three misdemeanors.

    Now on the alias.

    As noted in the criminal complaint, the 6’ 5” Casdorph’s aka is “Casdorph The Destroyer.”

    While the origin of nickname remains unclear, a TSG tipster contends that Casdorph was previously known as “Squirrel,” a far less menacing and medieval handle (and one that Casdorph reportedly disliked).

    Previously, the best criminal alias was that of Stephen Sergio, a reputed New York mob associate known as “Sigmund the Sea Monster.”

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    In its report detailing why Officer Darren Wilson will not face federal civil rights charges for the killing of Michael Brown, the Department of Justice recounts an investigation that was marred by lying witnesses, none of whom apparently will face charges for their perjurious conduct.

    The parallel state and federal investigations into the August 2014 death of the 18-year-old Brown became Perjuryfest ’14, a free-for-all of fabricated claims, exaggerated accounts, and delusional tales.

    According to the DoJ report, federal investigators dismissed versions of the Brown-Wilson confrontation provided by 24 separate witnesses, who are identified in the document by a witness number and their respective ages, sex, and race. However, despite that limited information, some of the discredited witnesses are easy to identify.

    The testimony from these witnesses was alternately branded inconsistent, not credible, unreliable, incoherent, and based on rumor and hearsay.

    Federal agents declared that “material portions” of Brown sidekick Dorian Johnson’s account were found to “lack credibility.” Two women who gave a series of media interviews about the shooting--Piaget Crenshaw and Tiffany Mitchell--were deemed unreliable by federal officials. The 19-year-old Crenshaw’s account was “riddled with inconsistencies” and certain details she provided “lack credibility,” according to the report. A construction worker who was laying pipe with a coworker near the shooting site was branded “not credible.” The other worker refused to meet with federal investigators.

    Of the 24 individuals, several admitted lying during law enforcement interviews, with one teenager saying that he just “wanted to be a part of it.” After recanting her fabricated tale, a 23-year-old woman admitted that she “wanted to be involved from the outset” and be “part of something.”

    Five of the witnesses are convicted felons, with two having convictions for “crimes of dishonesty.” “Witness 137,” a 40-year-old convicted murderer, claimed that Wilson stood over Brown and “finished him off” with a shot to the head, “execution” style. The felon also claimed to have heard Brown tell Wilson, “Don’t shoot.” The man, who eventually recanted most of his claims, “was untruthful to the FBI during his initial interview,” noted federal investigators.  

    Two other witnesses--whose respective accounts were previously picked apart by TSG--were also dismissed as unreliable by Justice Department officials.

    “Witness 126,” a 53-year-old woman, was “admittedly untruthful to the FBI, suffered from memory loss” and gave federal agents an account that lacked credibility. The woman, who has “several felony arrests and a misdemeanor conviction,” is referred to as “Witness 41” in the grand jury transcripts previously released by state prosecutors.

    The most bizarre claim by “Witness 126” came after she finished her grand jury testimony. The woman told a prosecutor that she had recorded Brown’s shooting on her phone. Then she claimed to have dropped the phone in the toilet. As noted in the DoJ report, “When the state prosecutor told her that forensic experts may still be able to recover the data, Witness 126 stated that she got mad and threw the phone in the junk yard.”

    Witness Sandra McElroy, identified in the federal report as “Witness 140,” was branded “not reliable” since “large parts of her narrative have been admittedly fabricated from media accounts, and her bias in favor of Wilson is readily apparent.” As TSG reported in December, McElroy--known as “Witness 40” in the state transcripts--is a troubled, bipolar woman with two felony convictions and a history of making racist remarks. McElroy is pictured below.

    Remarkably, the cavalcade of lies continued up until days ago, nearly seven months after Brown’s killing. “Witness 148,” a 26-year-old woman, met with federal investigators in late-February and gave a vivid description of watching the deadly confrontation. Brown, she said, “looked scared and it’s not like he’s a giant or anything.” She “described Wilson as ‘possessed’ based on the ‘look in his eyes,’ as though ‘he wasn’t human,’” according to the federal report. The cop, “Witness 148” added, shot Brown while the teen was “surrendering.”

    When asked why she had not come forward sooner, “Witness 148” said that she feared the Ferguson Police Department. The woman, a convicted felon who participated in protests over the teenager’s killing, claimed to have recently met with Brown’s mother. “Witness 148 explained that as a mother herself, she wanted to share with Brown’s mother what happened to Brown,” according to the DoJ report.

    Like so many before her, “Witness 148” was dismissed as “inherently unreliable” by federal investigators.

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    A 21-year-old Nebraska motorist was arrested Saturday night after a cop discovered his marijuana stash inside a plastic container labeled “Not Weed,” police report.

    Jordan Meier was traveling with three passengers around 9 PM when a Lancaster County Sheriff’s Office deputy pulled over his 2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo on a Lincoln street for a traffic violation, according to a police report.

    Meier was subsequently “placed into custody for DUI,” investigators noted.

    During a post-arrest inventory search of Meier's vehicle, cops located a 16-ounce plastic container (which once held Land O’Lakes sour cream) under the front passenger seat.

    Meier claimed ownership of the container, which--as seen in the above evidence photo--had the words “Not Weed” written in marker on its lid.

    But when deputies opened the container, they found more than 11 grams of marijuana inside. As a result, Meier (seen at left) was also cited for pot possession.

    In an interview, Meier told TSG that he was on line at a drive-thru Saturday afternoon when he removed a Sharpie marker from his pocket and wrote on the plastic container. Asked why, he replied, “I don’t know…I thought I was being funny. Inside joke with myself, I suppose.” He added, “Never thinking it would be confiscated.”

    According to Meier’s Facebook page, he has attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and works at a Jimmy John’s sandwich shop.