DOCUMENT: Florida, Revolting

Cleanup In Aisle Three

Aided by SI issue, man pleasured self in Walmart

Brooklyn Decker

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Lewd Walmart Affidavit

SEPTEMBER 15--What kind of a guy goes into Walmart, takes a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from the magazine rack, heads to the store’s toy section, and proceeds to masturbate to completion in the aisle?

Meet William Tyler Black.

The 28-year-old Floridian, a substitute teacher, was arrested yesterday afternoon by Sarasota cops on battery and exposure of sexual organs charges, according to a probable cause affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here.

A store employee told cops that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” Employees reported that Black “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store.”

A police source told TSG that the toy in question was a lightsaber (apparently of the "Star Wars" variety), and that the magazine Black used was the 2010 SI swimsuit issue with model Brooklyn Decker on its cover. Though published in February, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue can still be found on sale months later at many retailers. [Update: Crime scene photos revealed that Black actually opted for SI's $11.99 "Swimsuit Portfolio," a bound volume also featuring Decker on its cover.]

When cops confronted Black, pictured in the above mug shot, he said he was in the store “shopping for a toy for his daughter.” He was hit with the battery on a child count since investigators concluded that a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.”

Click here for a photo of the scene of the alleged crime. (2 pages)

Comments (50)

What's going on in Florida there sure are a lot of freaks that are spawned there.
The little tadpoles were driving him crazy so he turned them loose in the toy section at Wal Mart. What's the big deal behind the mug shot? You only have so much room to segregate ages with. wanna see worse? checkout the dumpster behind the abortion clinic!!
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Of course it would be a Walmart shopper.
Well, at least he wasn"t in the dairy section of Winn Dixie or Publics..
You know, I was the cashier checking him out when the cop came and took him away after he finished his transaction. It would have been nice if they would have warned me about what had happened and perhaps given me a bleach bath. sheesh
Well HYBOOST at least a Republican can get it up !!! lol!!!!
Silly humans. Ever seen Idiocracy? "Thank you for coming to WalMart. I love you." Gives that scene a whole new meaning!
To Hunter10: Pardon my error, I should have called it a masturbatory "county," since North Port is in Sarasota County, as was Pee Wee's arrest, as is the setting of the show "Cougar Town." Don't get me wrong, I love living in Sarascrotum, I just find this hilarious and wholly appropriate for the entire SRQ county.
To Trickynek: This incident did not happen in your town of Sarasota. It happened in NORTH PORT, FL. North Port is NOT a geriatric, beachy, masturbatory town! Sarasota yes! North Port NO!
I live in Sarasota, and I've taken to calling it Sarascrotum lately. Now we know why.....So let it be known to all Cougar Town and Betty White fans, that I have officially coined the nickname for this geriatric, beachy, masturbatory town as "Sarascrotum". And oh yeah - this is where Pee Wee Herman got caught jacking off too.
For all you democrat bashers just be glad it wasn't picture of Palin. He would still be there because he couldn't finish what he started.
Frankly, I find it amusing enough to post on Facebook myself.'ve missed the point: this was a TEACHER! Better there than in your child's classroom. Or locker room. Under the bleachers. Do you know what YOUR child's teacher is "pleasuring" today? Long live the NEA!
Oh Goodie, more facebook fodder for idiots. I can imagine all the loser men out there that are putting this up on facebook walls thinking it's somewhat amusing. LOSERS.
trixie, In no way I find this story amusing enough to link it to faceboook. I do, however, find your bitter accusation here ALMOST funny enough to share, but I won't; you've wasted enough of my time! LOSERETTE!
Tenstrings, I am tickled that you find me amusing. As a matter of fact, feel free to use my humor where you see fit! In the meantime, make sure you have plenty of Keri lotion and tissue before you go and buy your SI bathing suit issue!
Ha Ha
Leave him alone. He was born like that. If you tell him it's wrong, you'll be denying him some cival right, I'm sure. Who doesn't love the swimsuit issue - hey, if it's love, maybe he could marry it too. Who cares if a kid sees him. That kid will see something like that eventually - why not sooner rather than later.
He acted stupidly
They caught him! Well that's a load off.
That's very bad, very funny but bad...
Typical moonbat behavior. Betcha this perv is a registered Democrat.
I bet your right. If he was a Republican he woulda been jerkin to a pic of a little boy.
Hmm. 2010 SI Swimsuit Edition. Good choice!
He was in the toy section "auditioning his finger puppet."
Now if Sarasota had not destroyed the Porn Theater Pee Wee was busted in this guy would have had a proper place to do that
Can you imagine walking up on that? Poor Barbie, to have to witness such a specticle or testicle whatever the case may be.
I hope his picture or act doesn't show up on "The People of Walmart" website.
Woody41......your mama!
I'm sure this is one of the democrats top aids or fundraisers or maybe just trying to be like Barney. I know he is a roll model for the democrats. He's a freak and that makes him a #1 democrat.
BUSH fan.
This guy is obviously disturbed. At least do it in the bathroom, in a stall.
@ hollywoodDon Well at least he would greet you with a smile l ;-)
Sometimes a fellow has to "get a hold of himself" to make it through the day.
Well said!
It's Bush's fault; this poor fellow never would have felt these suppressed urges if it hadn't been for Bush. When, oh, when will the scourge of Bush end?
The funny thing is that it was Officer Bush who dealt with this guy. Check the statement.
So he's a substitute teacher and has his own little child. This pathetic pervert should have his child removed from the house and NEVER allowed near kids.
Now that he's a sexual offender he will lose his job and possibly his kid.. Serves him right for being a perverted loser...
And I thought this was a free country! When they take away the right for a guy to spank his monkey in Wal Mart it's time to join a Tea Party or something.
if he was a real man, he'd have been in the tool section, rather than with the toys.
If convicted, he should do public service as a WalMart greeter
I wouldnt want to shake his hand!!!
Gosh! And George Michael is already in the slammer.
I f@#$%d a cute checker at Wal Mart during her break once.
The Swimsuit issue comes out in February. It's September. Why was he in Wal Mart with it NOW? Did he bring it in with him?
Oh, man! They redacted the best part: his explanation of why he was doing it! No fair. :-(