DOCUMENT: Florida, Funny

Suspect Denies Owning Cocaine In His Butt

But arrestee copped to pot cops found in his crack

Crack Baggie

View Document

Butt Crack Report

OCTOBER 1--A Florida man arrested Wednesday on drug charges told cops that a bag of cocaine found hidden inside his buttocks did not belong to him. Though the suspect did cop to ownership of a bag of marijuana hidden alongside the coke.

The narcotics were discovered by Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies after Raymond Roberts’s Hyundai was pulled over on a Bradenton street for speeding Wednesday morning. Investigators, who reported smelling a strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle, subsequently searched the 25-year-old Roberts and discovered his hidden stash.

During the search, when Deputy Sean Cappiello "felt a soft object in the crack of his buttocks," the suspect "began to tense up." Roberts volunteered to remove the item. “Let me get it, hold on” he said, and proceeded to place a "clear plastic baggie with a green leafy substance" on the car's hood. A subsequent test showed the substance to be marijuana, 4.5 grams worth, according to an amusing sheriff’s report. Or click here for an easy-to-read PDF of the document.

"I then asked him if that was it," wrote Cappiello, "and he stated 'yes.'"

But, as the deputy reported, "I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." This plastic bag, a test would later determine, contained 27 pieces of crack cocaine.

Roberts quickly disavowed ownership of the cocaine. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat. Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.

Pictured in the above mug shot, Roberts was charged with pot and cocaine possession. He was freed after posting $1120 bond. (2 pages)

Comments (50)

Woulda done better to say his friend left it on the driver's seat and he accidentally sat on it.
he might want his ass hoe blow smoke lmao
Butt officer, I dont do nuthin!
innocent until proven guilty...
this guy is *** stupid,thought the cocaine must've been rock-hard,sticking it up his ass must mean he's real determined to keep it
Smoking butt crack makes you feel like crap!!
Ohhh that...... thats just a coke fart officer.
Officer, I can't feel my butt!
The "war" on what employees of empire have determined that private citizens should be allowed to ingest has given rise to some of the most abhorrent violence and crime in history (on all sides of all borders). Politicians know this, however. They may be forced to "bite the bullet" and cease prohibiting Walgreen's, local head shops, etc., from marketing drug once the "dollar" finally collapses and they have to acknowledge a full scale and irreversible depression. That's how the laws against alcohol and the violence of the 1920's were finally resolved. Governments at all levels were broke and had to have means of increased theft from the citizenry very quickly to stay "in power". They could "tax" legal alcohol, so quit the silly "war" and get on with the theft. Sam.
Yeah, I'm sure he didn't know those rocks of crack were stuffed in his ass, next to his weed. That's an absolutely genius defense. This fellow is in line for a Darwin award.
Just a couple of things, first, I can see why the cops wear gloves! IN his butt crack? YUCK! Secondly, I wonder if this guy uses his crack to stash his dope regularly, do you think his dopey friends noticed the nice bouquet of ass when they were all getting stoned together? Did they ask him, " hey homie do you have the shiat?" Perhaps it brought up fond memories of their time in prison since they also stash the dope IN their ass to sneak it in to the joint? Criminals are not known for their exemplary intelligence, but they do make for some serious comic relief! LOL
This guy isn't as stupid as you think. He is mounting the Paris Hilton defense.
Crack cocaine + Assbutter = CrackButter , goes good on yo Bluntz
Possesing and owning are both illeagle. If you and a buddy are pulled over and when you are searched they find a bag of crack in your crack, you are charged with possession. Now if you say it's not yours it's your buddy's and your buddy admits that the crack found in your crack is his, your buddy is getting arrested as well. OWNING IS ILLEAGLE AS IS POSSESION!
SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!!! You just can't make this stuff up! Sir, have your been wearing this underwear all day or did you borrow it from someone else? Has you butt been with you all day or did you loan it to someone? Are therse you skidmarks or did someone else poop in your shorts, too? You aren't afraid to smoke this stuff after where it's been? How long has your butt been numb? Notice how there is a different tune when you break wind? Hey, this drug dog won't go near this stuff........................... Let the rookie pick it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His crack's on crack and he didn't know it?
Hey Sardoni!.Loved your post.Brightened my day or night but,what does [bada- bump] suppose to mean?.Been out of the loop .
This guy reminds me of the polish girl who wanted to have a abortion.When asked why,she said she didn't believe it was hers.
Why do you think they call it 'crack' cocaine.
I must say he is purty as we say down south....ass crack...pure and simple.
Nothing gets a party going like shiite covered and smelling crack rocks and weed....just anutha brutha......
Vehicle and Occupant Searches 101; smell of THC emanating from interior of vehicle on public Hwy gives police Probable Cause to believe crime is being committed, ie; use of THC by occupants. Everyone and vehicle interior gets searched which includes clothing, purses, etc. Cause for traffic stop, 36 in 30 mph zone sounds like possible profiling, but, legal. Not a defense against traffic stop. Who ever owes up to ownership of cocaine gets arrested and charged along with possessor. If no one admits ownership of drugs, gentleman with drugs in pants will most likely be charged and prosecuted. Stupidity, but, sadly and probably true. Good luck.
registration error. OOps.
All you wise guys here have missed the point: owning drugs is not a crime -- it's possession that's the crime. If he knew what it was in his butt he's guilty; doesn't matter he was "holding" for a friend who "owned" it. The law doesn't play games with "who owns" drugs. Nobody can own them anyway -- they're contraband.
Possesing and owning are both illeagle. If you and a buddy are pulled over and when you are searched they find a bag of coke in your crack, you are charged with possession. Now if you say it's not yours it's your buddy's and your buddy admits that the crack found in your crack is his, your buddy is getting arrested as well. OWNING IS ILEAGLE AS IS POSSESION!
And if he doesn't know it's in his butt, he's probably our president.
you people who are bashing the cops disgust me! I'm not here to argue making drugs legal or keeping them illegal. Moot point they are illegal and any if you scumbags who use illegal drugs have blood in your hands! Not just in this country but in Mexico, Afghanistan, etc. You are funding terrorist! Grow up!
Actually......all the people I know grow their own weed. I think all the good weed , Alcupoco Gold and Afgan Purple, disappeared sometime in the 70's. Coke comes from those places, I think. But on the subject of crack in the crack, thats disgusting
Sad That shiat happend in my Home town. Pulled for excessive speeding doing 36 in a 30 . Cops profile like a mofo here he was busted befor he was even pulled over. "Black male w/ dreds , Criminal." Even worse that he got cought with crack in his ass crack LOL that shiat is too funny. Possession is 9/10ths of the law u posses it u own it no matter what your story is. FYI bad stash spot , Every cop that searches you is going to try n butFark you reguardless They get a kick out of spreading your cheeks and violating you.
I don't think any cop wants to look for illegal substances in anyone's a$$, but just like training a monkey, if their experience is that blacks keep their stashes up their a$$, that's where they're going to look. Do blacks share their dope? You'd never get me to share someone's dope if I knew they kept it up their a$$.
OK, sorry I missed your comment before posting. You're very close, except possession is not 9/10 of the law, it's 100% when it comes to illegal drugs.
WTF! Let me get this straight, the dude hid crack in his crack? Heh, heh, heh.
"How is everybody tonight? Feelin' good? I am. Ya gotta be feelin' better than that poor schlub who was caught shlepping cocaine in the crack of his tuches! He said it wasn't his! Really! You saw this on Huntley-Brinkley, yes? Oy vey! What a klutz, huh? The lab report says it's crack. Meh, big deal! But we knew that already, right? We don't need some fancy-schmancy lab to tell us there was crack in that schwartzer's ass! (bada-bump) But really, how much crack could that skinny little man carry, huh? He's just a tiny man, no ass. Now, that Oprah, woof! She carries 50 pounds of crack everywhere she goes! (bada-bump) But I gotta give this guy the benefit of a little doubt. The cop in his report says that when he searched between his cheeks the guy "began to tense up" I'm serious! Now, I don't know where they get these goy cops...well, yeah I do: they just look in the gutter for some Irishmen! (bada-bump) But they act like it's a big deal this guy tenses up! Where I come from it would be a MUCH bigger deal if a guy DIDN'T tense up when somebody poked around in his ass! (bada-bump) Am I right? What did they expect this guy to do, moan and go all limp-like? (bada-bump) Where did they think they were? Fire Island? (bada-bump) Hey! That's it for me! You folks have been a simply wonderful audience! I'll be here all week!"..... Just too easy.
Great post, very refreshing.
Honest. I was just sitting on a toilet in a mens room at the airport, when a song started playing which I liked. I started tapping my toe to the music, and like that is the last thing I remember...
When he was trying to sell said crack to someone, he took it literally when the potential customer told him to shove it up his @ss!
Notice how the officer thought the driver was at a "high rate of speed." He was going 36 in a 30.
This gives new meaning to the term Boom Box!
He's lucky it was found. I bet there are all kinds of ill gotten goods stuffed up there......stolen jewelry, bicycles, furniture, electronics, ......etc.
BUTT the real question is....."Was it good SH*T ?"
He says it wasn't his. Were his lips moving>
See what can happen when you use those public restrooms.
He might as well have stuffed it up his bum for all the good it will do him.
Yeah, Trainspotting...Great film.
This is a lot like the way Democrats are claiming their actions and policies aren't responsible for the huge deficit and job losses that have occurred since they took complete control of Congress 44 months ago.
Since you made it political 630,000 jobshave been created since Jan 2010 and y'all baggers were'nt complaining when Bush racked up 3 tril in debt , where the hell does this belong on this story? Oh haha nevermind
Exposing someones Butt Crack is illegal in most states.....ain't it!?!
"Honest, officer, this isn't even my anus, I was just borrowing it!"
Unless he's a real good friend the true owner of the "Butt Coke" probably doesn't want it back, so it's apparently nobodies coke.
I would have to speculate that cramming them in your butt constitutes a claim.