DOCUMENT: Stupid, Crime

Man Stabs Wife With Fork After Burrito Assault

Taco Bell customers face domestic battery raps

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Burrito Battery

MARCH 24--After his wife clobbered him in the head with a half-eaten Taco Bell Burrito Supreme, a Florida man retaliated by jamming a fork into her hand, according to cops who arrested the couple for domestic violence.

Responding to a disturbance call early Tuesday, officers encountered Suzanne Hurlvert, 51, in the Crestview home she shares with Carl Owen Smith, 66.

Hurlvert, cops noted, had a fork protruding from her right hand, but was still “relatively calm and in good spirits.” Hurlvert told investigators that she and Smith had argued about his drinking, and that the dispute turned physical.

As the couple quarreled, Hurlvert allegedly hit Smith in the back of the head with the Taco Bell burrito. Cops noted that burrito remnants were “located on the floor, scattered on the sofa, and on a lamp shade.”

After being hit with the Burrito Supreme, Smith allegedly plunged a fork into his wife’s hand (Smith had been using the utensil to consume a Taco Bell pizza). The tines were so deeply embedded in Hurlvert’s hand that the fork had to be removed at a local hospital.

Smith, who was arrested at a nearby bar, and Hurlvert were each charged with felony battery counts. They are both free on $1000 bond, according to jail records. (3 pages)