While it took "The Sopranos" to finally get TSG to pony up for HBO, we've quickly become devoted fans of the cable channel's "Arliss," "Sex and the City," Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and "Oz," the gritty prison drama. With television populated with phony toughs like Andy Sipowicz, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Barbara Walters, those "Oz" inmates are a truly scary lot.

Our favorite jailbird is the muscled gangster Chucky Pancamo, played by Chuck Zito (Charles A. Zito, Jr. to his friends). This season, Pancamo wants to clip his own mob superior--who's tested HIV positive and been shipped to the prison's AIDS ward--because the wiseguy is penning a tell-all book.

On the tube, Zito appears sullen and dangerous, not the type of guy you'd cast as a missionary worker or guidance counselor (that soft stuff is for wimpy actors like Ben Stiller and Tom Hanks). As these documents show, Chuck didn't learn his tough guy pose at Stella Adler.

Soon after joining the Hells Angels in 1979, Zito opened a tragically-named bodyguard business that watched over stars like Sylvester Stallone and Liza Minnelli. By then, Zito's rap sheet included convictions for weapons possession (cops found a loaded pistol, ammo, and brass knuckles in his car), criminal possession of a controlled substance (Quaaludes), and disorderly conduct. Plus, FBI agents were closely monitoring Zito's meteoric rise in the motorcycle club.

According to government sources, Chuck made his Angels bones by attempting to kill a Queens man who had shot a biker comrade. Cooperating witness (and ex-Angel) John Miller gave the FBI this account of Zito's alleged--not to mention ingenious--remote control activity. While not charged with the bombing, Zito was nailed for conspiring to manufacture and distribute methamphetamine with fellow Hells Angels (codefendants included Jerry the Cowboy, Cochise, Anthony Good Humor, Flash, and One Eyed Bert). In late-1986, Chuck pleaded guilty to one felony drug count and was hit with a ten-year prison term (in 1988, Zito's sentence was reduced to seven years).

TSG suggests that casting agents just read this marvelous sentencing memorandum prepared by federal prosecutors handling the Hells Angels case. Whether it's bombings, crank sales, arson, or assorted other mayhem, Zito makes guys like Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro look like pikers. Give our man Chuck any role he wants, capeesh? The guy's a freakin' natural!