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    There was no driver behind the wheel of a Tesla that last night crashed into a tree and burst into flames, costing the two occupants their lives, Texas police report.

    Investigators say the 2019 Tesla Model S was traveling at a high rate of speed when it approached a slight curve in Spring, a Houston suburb. Instead of navigating the bend, the fully-electric car drove straight off the road and struck a tree.

    Two men died in the crash. When their bodies were recovered from the Tesla wreckage (seen above), neither man was seated behind the wheel, cops say. One victim was in the front passenger seat, while the other was in the backseat.

    A police report identifies the victims as Everette Talbot, a 69-year-old engineer, and William Varner, a 59-year-old anesthesiologist who owned the Tesla.

    Investigators suspect that the vehicle was running in Tesla’s “Autopilot” mode, which the manufacturer says “enables your car to steer, accelerate, and brake automatically within its lane.” However, the feature does not make the car autonomous and requires “active driver supervision,” according to Tesla’s website.

    A preliminary investigation left police certain that the driver’s seat was unoccupied at the time of the 11:25 PM crash. The Tesla ran off the road a couple of blocks from the residence of Varner, whose body was found in a rear seat.

    Last year, a North Carolina motorist was watching a movie on his phone when his Tesla Model S, running in “Autopilot” mode, crashed into a police car that had stopped on a highway due to a prior accident. The Tesla owner, an emergency room doctor, was charged with a pair of vehicular law violations.

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    Who burglarizes a home and steals the resident’s used sex toys?

    That distinction, Pennsylvania cops say, goes to Michael Holden, 37, who is facing multiple charges in connection with a break-in last Tuesday in Tyrone, a borough 90 miles east of Pittsburgh.

    Investigators allege that Holden, seen at right, entered the 35-year-old victim’s home after she had fallen asleep on her couch. Holden, cops charge, stole $700 in cash, various bank cards, and the woman’s sex toys, which were valued at $160, according to a probable cause affidavit.

    A neighbor who had seen a man entering the woman’s home described the intruder, leading the victim to conclude that it was Haolden, an acquaintance of hers who lives a block away. When the woman and her boyfriend confronted Holden, he reportedly admitted being inside her residence and spotting money on the floor.

    Additionally, a neighbor’s surveillance camera recorded a man wearing glasses and a Pittsburgh Pirates cap entering the victim’s home. A cop who has had prior encounters with Holden noted in the affidavit that Holden was wearing “some sort of Pittsburgh Pirates headgear and glasses” each time.

    Holden has been charged with burglary, criminal trespass, and theft. His rap sheet includes convictions for assault, contempt, and criminal trespass, and he is facing disorderly conduct and public drunkenness charges stemming from an arrest last month.

    The affidavit does not indicate whether the sex toys or other stolen goods were recovered by police.

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    Two women left a four-year-old boy unattended in a car while they shopped Saturday evening at an adult novelty store in Connecticut, police report.

    A state trooper was dispatched around 8 PM to the Amazing Intimate Essentials Adult Store in North Stonington after a witness dialed 911 to report “a child alone in a vehicle,” according to an arrest report.

    The trooper subsequently located the boy alone in the auto, and determined that the child’s mother and her partner had been “inside the store for approximately 15 minutes purchasing items, while the child was left unsupervised in the vehicle.” Police then arrested Victoria Mortensen, the child’s 25-year-old mother, and Monae Blake, 28.

    Mortensen was charged with risk of injury to a child and leaving a child unsupervised in a motor vehicle. Blake was charged with leaving a child unsupervised in a motor vehicle.

    Mortensen (seen above left) and Blake, who live together in Utica, New York, are scheduled for a May 11 court appearance.

    The police report notes that Connecticut’s child welfare agency was notified of the duo's arrest.

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    While unaware that he was being recorded by a nursery camera, a Michigan home inspector pleasured himself with an Elmo doll, according to police.

    Kevin Wayne VanLuven, 59, was arraigned yesterday on a pair of misdemeanor charges stemming from an unsettling incident last month at a residence in Oxford Township, a Detroit suburb.

    Investigators say VanLuven had been hired by the home’s owners to inspect their property prior to a sale. The owners told police that they let VanLuven and the buyer’s real estate agent into the home, then departed the residence during the March 12 inspection.

    While away from the property, a 22-year-old female homeowner received an alert on her phone that a webcam had detected movement in the residence’s nursery. The woman then accessed the camera feed and saw VanLuven touching himself, cops report. The home inspector then picked up an Elmo doll and “appeared to be pleasuring himself with the doll,” police charge.

    VanLuven, with the furry Sesame Street character in his hand, is pictured above in a webcam still.

    After the homeowners called 911, sheriff’s deputies confronted VanLuven, who claimed to have only moved the doll to inspect an electrical outlet. But when cops told him that there was a camera in the nursery, VanLuven reportedly made incriminating statements and apologized for his actions.

    Charged with aggravated indecent exposure and malicious destruction of property under $200, VanLuven was booked into the Oakland County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $2500 bond. A judge has directed VanLuven to undergo a mental health evaluation, and has prohibited him from being alone in any residential property that he does not own. Additionally, he has been ordered to have no contact with the Oxford Township homeowners.

    If convicted of the indecent exposure charge, VanLuven faces up to two years in prison. The property destruction count carries a maximum penalty of about three months in jail.

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    When Louisiana cops yesterday found a “clear crystal like substance” inside a plastic Walmart bag in his pocket, John Combs did not, like some suspects, claim it was a laxative or sugar and corn starch to use in baking a cake.

    No, the 47-year-old Combs explained to police that the substance was “salt which he had to treat an in-grown toenail.”

    Turns out it was methamphetamine, according to a probable cause affidavit.

    After spotting Combs--who was carrying a large wooden stick--walking in the middle of a West Monroe roadway around 4:25 AM Tuesday, a cop asked Combs to put down the stick and then “patted him down for any more possible weapons.”

    During the frisk, Combs reportedly sought to keep the patrolman from searching a pants pocket (which held the crystalline substance).

    While home remedies for an ingrown toenail can include soaking the foot in a warm Epsom salt bath, the cop who examined Combs’s purported salt “identified the substance as methamphetamine.”

    Seen above, Combs was arrested for possession of a controlled dangerous substance. He was booked into the Ouachita Parish jail on the felony charge.

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    An upstate New York woman has been charged with animal cruelty after allegedly allowing a six-week-old puppy to ingest heroin, which killed the animal.

    According to police, Nicole Holland, 26, was arrested yesterday on a misdemeanor charge in connection with the death of the dog, a miniature Doberman Pinscher named “Champ” who weighed about two pounds when it died last month.

    A necropsy determined the puppy died from opioid intoxication, according to the New York State Police.

    Investigators allege that Holland, who lives in Fulton, a city 30 miles north of Syracuse, left a plate containing heroin on the floor of her home. After watching the puppy lick up some of the drug, Holland subsequently snorted the remaining heroin through a straw.

    Holland told cops she took a video of the stricken puppy, who had trouble walking after ingesting the powder. After police and animal welfare officials viewed the video on a social media site, an investigation of Holland was opened.

    Pictured above, Holland was busted Thursday and ordered to appear in court on April 6. Holland, cops say, said she was not seeking to harm the dog. It is unclear whether she owned "Champ."

    Holland, a mother of two young children, was not charged with any narcotics counts since her heroin use was not witnessed.

    Holland was arrested twice last month, first for larceny, and then for possession of a controlled substance and possession of a hypodermic instrument. Following a traffic stop last year, Holland was arrested for possession of a hypodermic instrument.

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    America’s favorite Florida Man™ was arrested this week for pulling a no-show at a court hearing, records show.

    Matthew Kyle Leatham was collared on a misdemeanor failure to appear charge in connection with a criminal traffic case filed earlier this year after the 22-year-old was found driving without a license.

    When Leatham did not appear for his initial court hearing, a judge last month issued an arrest warrant. Seen above, Leatham turned himself in Tuesday at the Pasco County jail, from which he was released after about two hours in custody.

    Leatham, who works as a cook, first appeared in these pages last month following his arrest for misuse of the 911 system and marijuana possession.

    As seen above in his latest booking photo, Leatham wears his allegiance to the Sunshine State on his forehead.

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    Some people do not like to pose for photos.

    Which is probably why Michael Gormley, 54, needed to be compelled during a mug shot session following his arrest Saturday in Norfolk, Virginia.

    Gormley was collared on several misdemeanor charges, including assault and battery and making a false report to police.

    Currently behind bars, Gormley is scheduled for a bond hearing tomorrow.

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    4/28 UPDATE: Woman sentenced to 10 years in state prison for gun smuggle

    A Missouri woman arrested last month on drug and weapons charges had a small revolver hidden in a body cavity that went undetected during a strip search and two pat downs, police report.

    The four-inch .22 caliber firearm--fully loaded with five rounds--was discovered yesterday by personnel at the Boone County Jail. The weapon, wrapped in plastic, was found among the personal belongings of Amy Natasha Wilhite, 39, who was booked into the facility on February 14 following her arrest by the Columbia Police Department.

    Wilhite was charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting arrest, unlawful possession of a firearm, and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was also booked for failing to appear in court in connection with prior collars for domestic assault and drunk driving.

    An initial search of Wilhite by Columbia cops failed to locate the 4.6 ounce North American Arms revolver. A “thorough pat search” at the jail was followed by a strip search before Wilhite joined other detainees in general population, according to cops.

    It was not until 17 days after Wilhite’s incarceration that jailers discovered the firearm. “An investigation immediately began, and probable cause was quickly developed to believe” Wilhite “was in possession of the firearm,” according to the Boone County Sheriff’s Office.

    Investigators believe that Wilhite (seen at left) had the gun concealed in her vagina upon entering the jail, and that she “removed the firearm from her body and concealed it within her personal belongings.”

    After being read her rights, Wilhite admitted to possessing the firearm, but claimed “she was only holding it for another female detainee,” according to a probable cause statement. Other inmates in Wilhite’s housing unit “all stated Amy was in possession of the firearm,” an investigator added.

    The discovery of the gun resulted in Wilhite being charged with another felony for allegedly introducing a weapon into a correctional facility.

    The recovered firearm is seen in the above police photo. A new version of the firearm retails for around $250 and features a half-moon sight and a “Rosewood Bird’s Head” grip.

    As previously reported in these pages, women in Tennessee, Illinois, and Oklahoma have been convicted of trying to enter a jail with a gun in their vagina. In fact, the Tennessee perp was packing the same firearm that Wilhite has been accused of possessing.  

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    2/22 UPDATE: Police today identified the DUI suspect as Nathan Danzuka, 28. Danzuka, pictured below, was arrested last year for DUI and reckless endangering, according to jail records.

    In what appears to be a new record for extreme DUI, a motorist’s blood alcohol content was measured at .77--more than nine times the legal limit--after he crashed his car following a short police chase Friday afternoon, Oregon cops report.

    According to investigators, the driver--who has not been named pending the filing of criminal charges--was involved in a hit-and-run in Madras, a city 125 miles southeast of Portland.

    Upon locating the suspect vehicle, a Ford Explorer, cops sought to pull over the driver, but he sped away. A short chase ended when the man, who cops described as “HIGHLY intoxicated,” lost control of his car and crashed into a concrete barrier.

    The driver was subsequently transported to a local hospital for a medical evaluation. A blood sample taken from the suspect was tested and showed his blood alcohol level was .778. The state’s legal limit is .08.

    Officers observed “several alcoholic beverage containers within the vehicle,” according to the Warm Springs Police Department.

    The motorist, who is facing multiple criminal charges, was driving on a suspended license due to a prior DUI conviction.

    Previously, the highest BACs reported in these pages were the .72 recorded by an Oregon woman in 2007 and the .708 recorded by a South Dakota woman in 2009.

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    A Florida Man arrested yesterday for indecent exposure told police that he was “protesting for civil rights by showing his penis to traffic,” according to a criminal complaint.

    Cops charge that Riley James Cushman, 23, was spotted alongside a roadway in Palm Harbor, a Tampa suburb, with “his pants down to his knees holding his penis while facing traffic in a vulgar manner.”

    Upon spotting a sheriff’s deputy around 3:30 PM, Cushman pulled up his pants and began walking away. When subsequently confronted by the cop, Cushman reportedly explained that he was “protesting for civil rights by showing his penis to traffic, but was now finished and wanted to go home.”

    Cushman’s display resulted in his arrest for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $150 bond. Cushman has pleaded not guilty to the indecency charge.

    According to state records, Cushman, seen in the above mug shot, is registered to vote from his family’s residence in Dunedin, about four miles from Palm Harbor. The civil rights protester is a registered Republican.

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    Meet Matthew Kyle Leatham, a 22-year-old Florida Man (as that forehead tattoo attests).

    Leatham was arrested around 4:45 AM Sunday after he twice “called 911 to find a ride home,” according to a court complaint which notes that the accused “cursed at the call taker during the call.”

    Since the police emergency line does not double as a taxi dispatcher, Leatham was charged with misuse of the 911 system. He was also hit with a marijuana possession charge after a cop found some pot on him during a post-arrest search.

    Leatham, who works as a cook at a Port Richey seafood restaurant, was released on his own recognizance last night from the Pasco County jail.

    Leatham was cited last month for reckless driving following a crash that caused an estimated $8500 in damages, according to a court filing.

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    A 65-year-old Connecticut woman--likely one of the country’s oldest graffiti artists--is facing a criminal rap in connection with a spate of anti-Joe Biden tagging, police report.

    Investigators charge that Emily Winters earlier this month defaced the exterior walls of a school, a TJ Maxx department store, and another property in Fairfield, the town where Winters resides.

    Cops say that Winters, charged with criminal mischief, confessed to the graffiti spree after turning herself in at police headquarters. She is scheduled for a February 12 appearance in Superior Court.

    According to police, Winters--armed with yellow and red spray paint--tagged private property with phrases like “Beijing Biden,” “Commie Kamala,” “Biden for Socialism,” and "United States of China."

    The hoodie-wearing Winters is pictured in the above mug shot. Two examples of her illegal street art are seen below in police evidence photos.