Man Gives Police Worst Explanation Ever For Why He Has To Pleasure Himself In Public

A Florida Man charged with indecent exposure offered cops a bizarre explanation as to why he was pleasuring himself in public, according to court records.

Officers were dispatched Sunday morning to a Speedway convenience store in Vero Beach after a 911 caller “advised there was a naked white male screaming at a white female on the side of the road.”

Upon arriving at the scene, officers encountered Jason Roach, with whom they were already familiar. The 40-year-old Roach, cops reported, had been questioned twice the prior evening in connection with alleged masturbation incidents at an Arby’s restaurant and a Wawa convenience store.

In both instances, Roach “stopped and went on his way,” according to a court filing. The third time, however, was not the charm.

A witness told police that Roach (seen above) “was naked and touching himself in the motion of masturbating” while near the Speedway around 6 AM.

When questioned about his activities, Roach reportedly said that he “was having issues with his rectum and in order to get rid of that pain he has to ejaculate.” If Roach offered anything further about his purported maladies, a cop did not include those gory details in an arrest affidavit.

Despite that compelling explanation, Roach was arrested for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the Indian River county jail, where he is being held on $50,000 bond.

Roach, who is scheduled for a May 2 arraignment, has previously been convicted of battery; petty theft; violating a protective order; burglary; grand theft; filing false documents; and resisting police.