Buster

A 56-year-old man who threatened to shoot a neighbor with whom he was quarreling apologized to police for his inartful choice of words, saying that he should have instead warned the man he would “bitch slap” him.

The confrontation Monday morning between Dennis Fredrick and Francis Lindbergh, 61, stemmed from a year-long feud that began with a dispute over payment for yard work outside their Florida homes.

When police arrived to interview the men, Fredrick admitted that he threatened to shoot Lindberg. But as reported by a sheriff’s deputy, “Dennis said he was sorry he used the wrong words, he should have told him he would bitch slap him.”

The man responsible for the tagging of the wall of Osama bin Laden’s Pakistan compound is a 56-year-old educator who advertised a “girls college” on the residence of an extremist who did not believe women were worth educating.

In a telephone interview from his Pakistan home, Iftikhar Ali Shah told TSG that two years ago he hired a sign painter to advertise Jamia Girls College, which he planned to open in Bilal Town, the Abbottabad neighborhood where the al Qaeda boss resided (until, of course, he was killed during a U.S. raid Sunday).

As seen above (and here), the sign painter stopped near the entrance to bin Laden’s compound and added an extensive pitch for the school, along with several contact numbers and a web address. Shah said that he did not believe his sign painter sought anyone’s permission to tag the 12-foot wall of the terrorist’s hiding place.

Shah said that he was eventually unable to open the college in Bilal Town because local government officials ruled that the school could not operate in a residential area. Shah, who said he holds a master’s degree, added that he continues to run a school he founded more than a decade ago and which has about 200 enrolled students.

Since he was unable to open Jamia Girls College, Shah said the school’s corresponding web site (jamiagirlscollege.com) was never built. But Shah added that he was pleased to learn that at least one of his painter’s signs had survived.

In the absence this morning of any stories about Charlie Sheen’s antics or Kim Kardashian’s jeggings, the gossip site TMZ has been directing its attention to Osama bin Laden and fallout from the terrorist’s killing.

To that end, the latest exclusive from the site--which, like Time, CNN, Fortune, People, and TSG itself is owned by Time Warner--focuses on the question of whether President Barack Obama had “victory sex” with his wife Michelle following last night’s announcement that bin Laden had been killed.

Because, as TMZ editor Harvey Levin, 60, wonders, “is there a more powerful aphrodisiac” than hunting down the planet’s most wanted man? Levin, a former television journalist, helpfully includes a yes/no poll asking, “Victory sex?”

While not privy to the inner workings of Levin’s successful checkbook journalism operation (or his carnal delights), we’d guess that he enjoys some “victory sex” after breaking another big story about Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband.

Thanks to the efforts of an elite team of American forces, Osama bin Laden will soon have criminal charges formally dismissed against him in federal court in New York City.

The al Qaeda leader was indicted in U.S. District Court in 1998 for his alleged role that year in a series of truck bombings at U.S. embassies in Africa (those attacks resulted in the death of more than 220 victims). An arrest warrant was first issued for bin Laden in November 1998, nearly three years before the September 11 terrorist attacks.

With bin Laden’s demise inside a walled compound outside the Pakistani capital of Islamabad, the Department of Justice will soon have to file a motion seeking dismissal of a mountain of felony charges against him.

There are better ways, of course, to beat a federal case.

This morning’s White House release of President Barack Obama’s long form birth certificate will, of course, do little to derail the “birther” movement, which will now analyze the document with the kind of verve previously directed toward those Texas Air National Guard memos faxed to CBS from that Kinko’s in Abilene.

So here’s a few nutty points about the birth certificate sure to be seized upon by the nonbelievers:

• If the original document was in a bound volume (as reflected by the curvature of the left hand side of the certificate), how can the green patterned background of the document's safety paper be so seamless?

• Why, if Obama was born on August 4, 1961, was the “Date Accepted by Local Reg.” four days later on August 8, 1961?

• What is the significance of the smudges in the box containing the name of the reported attendant?

• David A. Sinclair, the M.D. who purportedly signed the document, died nearly eight years ago at age 81. So he is conveniently unavailable to answer questions about Obama’s reported birth.

• In the “This Birth” box there are two mysterious Xs above “Twin” and “Triplet.” Is there a sibling or two unaccounted for?

• What is the significance of the mysterious numbers, seen vertically, on the document’s right side?

• Finally, the “Signature of Local Registrar” in box 21 may be a desperate attempt at establishing the document’s Hawaiian authenticity. Note to forgers: It is spelled “Ukulele.”

Meet Michael Podniestrzanski.

The Florida man, 23, was arrested last night after an argument over the new HBO fantasy show “Game of Thrones” turned violent.

As will happen during shows “based on medieval times,” Podniestrzanski and his cousin “got into a verbal altercation” over which of the cable program’s characters was going to win, according to a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report.

“Game of Thrones,” which premiered last Sunday night, is based on the first book in a series of “epic fantasy” novels written by George R.R. Martin.

With the argument between Podniestrzanski and Joshua Ross escalating, Podniestrzanski allegedly “took a swing at” his kin. After scuffling for a bit, Podniestrzanski’s cousin “ended up getting thrown in to the front window during the altercation.”

Podniestrzanski was arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery and transported to the county jail, where he is currently being held.