MARCH 5--A stolen peanut butter sandwich has become a federal case. When Des Moines International Airport worker Christine Woods discovered that her lunch (valued at one dollar) had been pinched Monday, she actually called the police. After a brief investigation, Iowa cops filed the below report and forwarded the case to the federal Transportation Security Administration, which guards the nation's airports. "It would be a waste of police resources to interview 16 people over a peanut butter sandwich," police lieutenant David Huberty told TSG. (2 pages)

Busted: Give peace a chance, but not in our mall.

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