You Know A Motorist Is Really, Really Impaired When...

After being pulled over for driving at night without her headlights on, a “fidgety” Florida woman exhibited several signs of intoxication, according to a recent police report.

The motorist failed a series of field sobriety tests. Since her blood alcohol content registered a .000, police suspected--correctly as it turned out--that the driver was impaired due to the ingestion of some kind of illegal narcotics.

But what likely convinced officers that the woman was driving under the influence was what happened when she was asked for her driver’s license. The subject, cops noted, "attempted to hand the officer a baseball card."

Sadly, the report does not indicate why the woman was carrying a baseball card. And while cops did not identify the player pictured on the card, we would like to think that it was Daniel Murphy, second baseman for the New York Mets.

Murphy, 30, is the current Employee of the Month for the Queens, New York-based New York Metropolitan Baseball Club, Inc.. Murphy is scheduled to lead the Mets to victory over the Kansas City Royals in the 2015 World Series, which begins tomorrow.