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    In an attempt to hide from police, a wanted Florida Man somehow folded himself into a small front-loading dryer, a feat of audacity and pliablility that was eventually thwarted.

    David Jackson, 31, was being sought by cops on felony assault and weapons charges when investigators received a tip that Jackson was inside a Pensacola residence.

    During a search Friday of the residence, deputies discovered Jackson inside the laundry room. Inside “a remarkably small dryer drum,” cops reported. Jackson, wearing a purple Star Wars t-shirt, was pulled from the appliance and arrested.

    Jackson, pictured in these police photos, is being held in the Escambia County lockup in lieu of $120,000 bond.

    TSG is endeavoring to determine Jackson’s height and weight. As well as the make and model of the dryer/bolthole.

    As reported in these pages, a man facing felony and misdemeanor narcotics charges was found earlier this year hiding inside a dryer in the kitchen of a Louisiana home.

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    An intoxicated motorist who was pulled over for driving erratically on an Iowa road provided police with a state ID card that “advised that the defendant was 8’ tall,” according to a criminal complaint.

    Investigators say that Joel Solorzano Villeda, 33, was behind the wheel of a 2016 Ford Focus that was “all over the road” Sunday as the vehicle traveled in the city of Rock Rapids.

    During a subsequent police stop, officers charge, Solorzano Villeda (seen at left) showed several signs of intoxication, had an open can of beer in his car, and possessed methamphetamine. A portable breath test returned an “over the per se limit” result.

    When asked for identification, Solorzano Villeda gave police a Minnesota ID card, the complaint alleges.

    A computer check of the name and number on the ID Solorzano Villeda provided turned up “no return.” Which probably came as little surprise to police who noticed that the phony ID “advised that the defendant was 8’ tall.”

    Solorzano Villeda--who is actually 5’ 8”--was arrested on several charges, including narcotics possession, operating a vehicle while intoxicated, and providing cops with a false ID. Additionally, a warrant check showed that he was wanted in another Iowa county for failure to appear in court on an earlier OWI rap.

    Solorzano Villeda, who lives in Little Rock, Iowa, is currently locked up in the Lyon County jail in advance of a May 23 court hearing.

    Iowa, tall tale
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    A handcuffed 73-year-old man somehow was able to “forcibly” throw a cheeseburger at a cop, leading to the suspect’s arrest on a felony battery charge, records show.

    Police responded Wednesday night to a Wawa convenience store in Fort Pierce, Florida “in reference to a subject being present who was previously trespassed.”

    Since the “trespass was still active,” police arrested Joseph Delancy and placed him in handcuffs. “During the detainment of Joseph, he was holding half of a cheeseburger,” an officer reported.

    “After being provided demands to drop said burger, he refused to do so,” according to an arrest report. “After the handcuffs were placed onto him, Joseph forcibly threw the burger into my right leg,” a cop added.

    The cheeseburger struck the patrolman, leaving behind burger “residue” on the thigh of the lawman (who survived the attack).

    Delancy was charged with trespassing, a misdemeanor, and battery on a law enforcement officer, a felony. He is locked up in lieu of $10,000 bond on the higher count.

    Delancy (seen at left) has a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for attempted murder, fraud, and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. He was arrested in 2022 for allegedly attempting to strike a cop with a metal pole.

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    The victim in the drive-by attack, cops say, was hit in the “arms, legs, and torso” by a road-raging Florida motorist.

    But the male escaped without injury because he was only struck by “pasta w/ sauce,” according to a police report.

    Cops allege that Nolan Goins, 46, was involved in a road rage incident “over glaring headlights” Thursday night while driving near his St. Petersburg residence.

    “The defendant threw food (pasta w/ sauce) from the passenger seat of his vehicle striking the victim through his open window as he operated his vehicle,” reported a sheriff’s deputy.

    Goins was “found with the same food stains on his right sleeve” as the male target of the pasta pelting.

    Seen at right, Goins was charged with battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. Goins, who was freed on $1000 bond, is a painting contractor whose rap sheet includes convictions for selling marijuana, obstruction, and battery (twice), as well as a multitude of traffic infractions.

    Investigators did not identify the kind of pasta or sauce used in the alleged attack. It is also unclear if Goins was transporting his dinner (or leftovers) home or whether he regularly travels so armed.

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    A Texas woman went on a cruise and left her children--an eight-year-old boy and a six-year-old girl--home alone in the family’s $3600-a-month apartment in Houston, police charge.

    According to a criminal complaint, neighbors of Lakesha Woods Williams, 29, spotted her departing the luxury McKinley Apartments on April 4 with “luggage and bags” and “never saw her return to the location.”

    Aware that children may have been left in the 21st floor apartment (which has a small balcony), a witness called police. Cops who visited the complex on April 9 discovered the two children in the apartment, which was “in complete disarray and had trash and left-over food all over the unit” and reeked of urine.

    The children told police that their mother “had left them since April 4, 2024, to go on vacation on a cruise and they did not know when she would return.” The boy used a phone to text his mother while she was vacationing, and cops found a webcam that Williams allegedly “was using to watch and talk to the children while she was away.”

    The children were examined by emergency service personnel and subsequently released to the custody of their aunt. When contacted by police, Williams (seen above) was uncooperative, refused to return to the residence, and “was switching up her story on her whereabouts,” according to the complaint and other court records.

    After an April 12 court hearing, a judge ordered Williams--who was busted on a felony child abandonment count--locked up in lieu of $25,000 bail, citing the “egregious nature of this offense” and witness accounts that “this is not the first time something like this has occurred.”

    Williams is scheduled for arraignment on June 11.

    According to a financial affidavit, Williams earns $6000 monthly working full-time for a nursing service. She has lived for the last year in a 1300-square-foot apartment with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. The McKinley complex features an outdoor pool, clubroom, library, fitness club, sports lounge, and private wine storage.

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    A Missouri man is facing a felony theft charge for allegedly swiping eight “luxury” vibrators from an adult toy store and then trying to fence them via Facebook Marketplace , according to court records.

    Christopher Michael Booth, 34, was named yesterday in a felony complaint charging him with stealing the vibrators--valued at a combined $1539.20--from a Hustler Hollywood outlet in Berkeley, a St. Louis suburb.

    The purloined sex toys, which retail for around $200 apiece, are manufactured by Lelo, a Swedish company that advertises itself as “one of the world’s leading designer brands for intimate lifestyle products.”

    Booth last month allegedly took the vibrators from a display, placed them in a white trash bag, and raced out of the store.

    Employees told police they recognized the suspect because he had been in the store a day earlier and had argued with them before being asked to leave. The man, workers also recalled, had the number “314” prominently tattooed on his neck (314 is the main St. Louis area code).

    Items “consistent with those stolen from the store” were later “offered for sale on Facebook Marketplace under defendant’s Facebook profile,” police allege.

    Booth’s rap sheet includes multiple theft convictions.

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    On Easter, the manager of a Walgreens store suffered a Bible belting “because she was being rude,” according to a customer who is now facing a felony battery charge.

    Police say Peter Owens, 35, went to the pharmacy Sunday evening to purchase a pair of headphones. While at the Clearwater, Florida business, Owens got into a “verbal altercation” with an employee over the headphones, according to a criminal complaint.

    When Nicole Merck, the 36-year-old store manager, approached Owens (seen at right) and asked him to leave the Walgreens, “Peter used the brown Bible in his hand and struck Nicole in the face one time before he exited the store.”

    After the alleged Bible battery, cops located Owens and took him into custody. After being read his rights, Owens reportedly admitted to striking Merck “in the face one time with his Bible because she was being rude to him.”

    “Peter stated he did not mean to hit her,” Officer Ryan Wall reported.

    The criminal charge against Owens was enhanced to a felony count since he has a 2020 conviction in Michigan for assault & battery (for which he was sentenced to a year’s probation).

    Owens was released from the county jail last night after posting $5000 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with Merck and he must stay away from the Walgreens outlet.

    According to his Facebook page, Owens works as a golf instructor and is a Wayne State University graduate. A Grosse Pointe, Michigan native, Owens now lives in Ellenton, a Gulf Coast city near Sarasota.

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    A Florida Woman has begun serving a prison sentence for a recent naked rampage at a convenience store that included a masturbation session conducted in front of police, records show.

    Celia Barrett, 35, pleaded guilty earlier this month to a variety of criminal charges stemming from her unclothed antics at a RaceTrac convenience store in late-January.

    Barrett was sentenced to 15 months in state prison after copping to aggravated assault, a felony, and four misdemeanors, including exposure of sexual organs and disorderly intoxication. Following her sentencing, Barrett was transferred on March 20 from the Pinellas County jail to the custody of the Florida Department of Corrections.

    Al alleged by police, a drunken Barrett threatened workers at a RaceTrac in St. Petersburg with a sharp-edged vegetable peeler and destroyed merchandise. Also, “The defendant prior to being taken into custody began masturbating in front of deputies, while still inside of the [store],” a cop noted.

    In addition to the prison term, Barrett--who has previously served time for battery and marijuana possession--was ordered to pay fines, fees, and court costs totaling around $1100.

    Barrett is pictured above in a Department of Corrections intake photo.

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    A Chipotle manager exposed himself and masturbated in the dining room of a Pennsylvania restaurant, according to police who say that a female victim “felt three squirts of liquid hit her jeans” when she got up to leave the table where the man had allegedly been pleasuring himself.

    Following the March 1 incident at the eatery in Camp Hill, a Harrisburg suburb, two women went to the local police station to “report a sexual assault,” according to a March 18 criminal complaint.

    The women--one of whom was a former Chipotle employee--detailed an encounter with Kyseem Ransome, the 26-year-old manager. The duo told cops they were seated at a communal table (seen below) talking with Ransome and other employees when Ransome began “doing something with his hands down his crotch.”

    One of the women said she saw Ransome “touching his penis outside his pants,” recalling that she was “in denial” and looked away. The woman added that Ransome “grabbed numerous napkins and placed them down by his penis” and subsequently “brought one napkin up from his crotch and placed it on the table. The napkin was sticking to itself.”

    The second woman reported noticing Ransome “moving his hands a lot down around his penis,” adding that she “could see him jacking off.”

    When the former Chipotle worker got up to leave the table, she “felt three squirts of liquid hit her jeans,” the complaint alleges.

    During police questioning, Ransome reportedly “confirmed the incident” in verbal and written statements. He was charged yesterday with multiple misdemeanors, including indecent assault, open lewdness, and indecent exposure.

    Ransome was suspended from Chipotle and, if he has not been already, is expected to be fired. Ransome is pictured above wearing his Chipotle uniform in a selfie apparently snapped in the restaurant’s bathroom.

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    Meet Layton Paul Nauman.

    The 60-year-old sound engineer went to the beach Saturday afternoon hoping to arrange a sexual encounter or “maybe just go home with someone’s phone number,” according to court records.

    While such goals may be commonplace, Nauman’s unusual tactics resulted in his arrest at Blind Creek Beach, a clothing optional spot in Jensen Beach, Florida.

    In response to prior complaints about lewd behavior occurring on beach pathways, a sheriff’s deputy was on foot patrol when he came upon a naked Nauman “seated in a recliner chair” with a hat over his face around 12:30 PM.

    An arrest report offers an explicit account of the “genital presentation” observed by the cop. Click here to read the document, with its description of multiple rings, a metal chain, and a note advising passerby to “Please feel free to investigate! Gently.”

    But you can read the document.

    While the beach allows nudity, police reported that the pathways are accidentally frequented by “parents with children as well as other beachgoers” and that Nauman’s “scenario” was “unacceptable at a public beach.”

    Seen above, Nauman was busted for indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. He was released later that day upon posting $500 bond.

    The officer’s “complete interaction” with Nauman on March 9 was recorded on a body worn camera, the report notes.

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    A Wisconsin man who legally changed his first name to “Deez-Nuts” has been arrested following a violent domestic confrontation, police report.

    Deez-Nuts Kroll, 42, was busted Tuesday night for battery and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, according to a criminal complaint which includes a Green Bay Police Department officer’s observation that, “Deez-Nuts appeared to be highly intoxicated.”

    Police allege that Kroll punched and shoved his daughter and tangled with her boyfriend at the E. Walnut Street residence where the trio resides. According to the complaint, Kroll accused his daughter of failing to do small household chores and care for their puppies.

    At one point, cops allege, Kroll--who was unencumbered by a shirt--pulled out a BB gun that resembled a pistol.

    Kroll was booked into the Brown County jail, from which he was released Wednesday after posting $1000 bond.

    Born with the first name Derrick, Kroll originally changed his name to “Dez-Nuts” in 2011, according to court records. Then, six years later, he successfully petitioned to add an “e” to his first name, making it Deez-Nuts. “It was not spelled right,” Kroll noted in a handwritten 2017 name change application.

    Pictured above, Kroll has stuck with the middle name “Lee.”

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    Meet Connor Litka.

    The 21-year-old last week walked into a Porsche dealership in Louisville, Kentucky and sought to purchase a car with a $78 million check.

    When told by employees at Blue Grass Motorsport that “they were not going to sell him the vehicle,” Litka allegedly walked to the parts department “looking for keys.”

    Litka (seen at right) ignored requests to leave the dealership “until he got his vehicle,” according to a police citation.

    Fearing that “something bad was going to happen because of [Litka’s] behavior,” a worker called cops, who arrested Litka after he again refused to depart the Porsche dealership.

    Charged with criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct, both misdemeanors, Litka is scheduled to appear this morning in District Court.

    A day before trying to pass the $78 million check, Litka attempted to purchase a vehicle from a nearby Land Rover dealership. He was only carrying a check for $12 million that day.

    The citation lists Litka’s residence as an apartment complex in Bloomington, Indiana, which is about 100 miles from Louisville. According to his LinkedIn page, Litka is a business student at Indiana University, where he enrolled in 2021.

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    Police report that a suspect made off with a 16-figure haul after burglarizing a Pennsylvania residence earlier this month.

    Investigators say that the Bedford home was broken into on February 6 by “an unknown individual” who made off with several pieces of jewelry, silver dollars worth $20, and 2,000,000,000,000,000 in currency.

    Zimbabwean currency.

    According to a police report, “twenty Zimbabwe 100 trillion dollar bills” were swiped by the burglar.

    For some reason, the report values the stolen currency as worth $1 million U.S.. However, the Zimbabwe bills--issued during a period of hyperinflation--are essentially worthless as currency. Instead, they are sold as a numismatic oddity for around $10 apiece.

    The burglar also escaped with $30 in loose change.