DOCUMENT: Florida, Stupid, Crime

Meet America’s Dopiest Convicted Drug Dealer

Florida felon wore crack cocaine sweatshirt to court

JANUARY 9--The accused drug trafficker who showed up for court wearing a sweatshirt imprinted with a cartoon-like recipe for producing crack is a convicted felon with a lengthy rap sheet who has served prison time for cocaine possession and is currently facing charges for distributing the painkiller oxycodone.

Christopher Patterson, 25, appeared last Friday in a Fort Lauderdale courtroom for a hearing in his felony narcotics case. As seen in the adjacent photo snapped by a lawyer who alerted to his wardrobe choice, Patterson’s colorful sweatshirt carried the slogan “Stack Paper Say Nothing” and included drawings--baking soda, spoons, an open flame--indicating the procedure to cook up a batch of crack (which results, of course, in a stack of bills).

Patterson is pictured in the below mug shot (one of 15 on file with the Broward Sheriff’s Office). The crack sweatshirt, pictured here, is produced by a firm calling itself Stash House. The garment--click here for a closeup--recently caused community outrage in Houston after a TV reporter noted that the item was being sold at a discount department store.

According to court records, Patterson’s January 6 Circuit Court appearance stems from his December 2010 arrest for allegedly trafficking Oxycodone. Busted by Hallandale police, Patterson is free on $30,000 bond and has his movements monitored by a GPS device.

Patterson and a codefendant were arrested during a buy-and-bust operation. An undercover cop arranged to purchase 50 oxycodone tablets from Jerry Smith, who said that his “source” would deliver the painkillers to the buy location, a probable cause affidavit notes. After Patterson arrived with the pills--and the undercover handed over $500--both men were arrested.

Patterson’s lawyer, Joshua Rydell, declined to answer questions about his client’s narcotics case or his choice of court attire (which came with a zipper pull in the shape of a handgun).

Florida Department of Law Enforcement records show that Patterson’s rap sheet dates back to June 2004 and includes collars for larceny, resisting arrest, marijuana possession, probation violations, and failure to appear in court.

Patterson also has several convictions for cocaine possession, which have resulted in varying terms of custody (the longest of which was a year and a day). In December 2008, Patterson was arrested for cocaine distribution, but pleaded out to a reduced possession count. In 2009, he copped to a cocaine distribution charge, for which he was sentenced to four months in the Broward County jail. (2 pages)