DOCUMENT: Florida, Stupid, Crime

Busted Dishwasher In Profane Gangsta Rant

"Yea, I hit that bitch," quoth Goethe to Florida cops

Ryan Goethe

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Ryan Goethe Arrest

OCTOBER 4--Meet Ryan Goethe.

The 25-year-old Floridian is a dishwasher at Peach’s restaurant in Bradenton, though he appears to harbor gangsta ambitions.

Goethe was arrested late Friday night for simple battery after allegedly smacking two teenage girls during a dispute over a cell phone he was accused of stealing.

Goethe is seen in the mug shot at left. His alleged victims--Whitney Hefner (left) and Carly Turner--are pictured at right.

As detailed in a marvelous Manatee County Sheriff’s Office report, Goethe had much to say before he was read a Miranda warning by Deputy Thomas Derouen. After first saying that he “never hit a girl in my life,” Goethe recalled having “slapped a girl once before when I got kicked in the nuts.”

Goethe explained, “If you don’t slap a girl back for hitting you in the nuts you ain’t a real nigga. You are a punk ass bitch if you don’t hit a girl back for hitting you in the nuts.” He added that, “You are a sorry ass bitch Oreo fucking cop if you don’t hit a girl back.”

After saying, “Yea, I hit that bitch,” Goethe told Derouen that his father is the “highest ranking lawyer in the state,” and that his parents volunteered at a soup kitchen. He also made sure to tell the sheriff’s deputy, “Fuck you cock motherfucking fucking prick. I hope you realized that you ain’t nothing but a douche bag you fucking motherfucking prick.”

He concluded by noting, “My motherfucking grandpa is a lawyer. You ain’t shit.” Goethe did not respond to a Facebook message seeking comment about his musings. (2 pages)

Comments (10)

Poor, misunderstood baby! He needs attention. NOT!!!
You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, mother fuceker The sad part is this is where I live and sadder still, There is quite a few attorneys with that last name, all in having there name as partners or owning the firm themselves, so sadly this wanna be gangsta, probably wasnt lying about his lawyered up family! With that in mind I hope some real gangsta's in the Port (local jail) hand him arse!
Nice looking come you homo's didn't comment ot them?
LOL what a dumbass. although his short rant is epic. I want it on a t-shirt.
He is about straight up Gangsta as Vanilla Ice
iz dont no why everbody beez a hatin,hes just being his gangtra self,iz been bangin and slangin mise whole life,people says you white,and iz sayz no im a Strait Up *** G,thats how iz got my name SUNG. keepi it real playerz,THUG LIFE.
I believe the word is gangsta white boy
One things for certain. If there isn't any black in him now, there will be after he gets to jail. About 8 inches of it.
Yeah he looks a bit inbred. Send his punk butt to prison and lets see just how "bad" he is.
i'm a firm believer in just being yourself. but these white kids that are so stupid that they think they're black, i don't know whether to feel sorry for them or laugh at them. i detest ignorance, laziness & the over - abundance of such foul language ! i would also bet money that he has no clue as to what a moral compass is !