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    Meet Mohammed Abdullah Alabilan.

    The 27-year-old Pennsylvania man was arrested yesterday on a petty theft charge for allegedly stealing a lap dance.

    Alabilan, cops say, “was buying a service” from a woman inside a Florida strip club when he “refused to pay the $40 service fee.” Seen above, Alabilan sought to leave the Reign nightclub in Clearwater without paying for the 2:45 AM private dance.

    A deputy collared Alabilan after being told by a club manager that the patron “had not paid the $40.”

    Charged with misdemeanor theft, Alabilan was booked into the county jail, from which he was released last night after posting, of course, $40 bond. A judge has ordered him to stay away from Reign, which features 55 televisions, three full-liquor bars, 30 private dance rooms, and several VIP suites.

    Alabilan, seen above, received a bachelor’s degree earlier this year from Alvernia University, a private Franciscan school in Reading, Pennsylvania.

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    A Florida Man is behind bars after being charged with spaghetti a la battery, records show.

    Police say that Marquell Royal, 40, and his wife were arguing Sunday evening about Royal’s “abuse of alcohol” when the domestic dispute turned violent.

    Royal, who, cops report, appeared to be intoxicated, became “irate” and threw his bowl of spaghetti at his spouse of nine years. The noodles struck the 44-year-old woman on “the front of her body, on her stomach,” according to an arrest report.

    Upon arriving at the pair’s Largo residence, officers found the victim “covered in the spaghetti sauce.”

    Since Royal’s lengthy criminal history includes a 2018 conviction for battering his wife--with whom he has three children--he was charged with an enhanced felony battery count. His bond was set at $15,000 during a court hearing yesterday.

    Seen above, Royal remains locked up and has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with his wife. Royal’s rap sheet spans 20 years and includes 10 cocaine possession convictions, as well as other drug and firearms charges (for which he has served time in state prison).

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    Angry that her Domino’s pizza was delivered “cold and uncut,” a Florida Woman allegedly drove from her residence to the restaurant, where she quarreled with an employee, flung the pizza, and damaged the store’s telephone, according to an arrest report detailing the 1:30 AM altercation.

    Police early Saturday arrested Ricqui Holly, 22, for criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, following the alleged pizza rage incident.

    After spending the night in jail, Holly, seen at right, was released from custody on her own recognizance. A judge ordered the St. Petersburg resident to stay away from the Domino’s outlet, which is 1.4 miles from her home.

    The arrest report does not indicate what, if any, pizza toppings Holly requested (or if any stuffed cheesy bread was part of her order).

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    An Ohio woman stomped a cat to death before eating the animal, according to police.

    As alleged in Municipal Court complaints, Allexis Ferrell, 27, killed the cat by “stomping its head” outside the public housing complex in Canton where she resides.

    Police responding late Friday evening to the disturbing incident--which was witnessed by multiple individuals--found Ferrell squatting next to the dead feline. Ferrell, cops reported, had blood on her feet and hands, and fur on her lips.

    Court filings do not reveal who owned the cat.

    Seen at right, Ferrell was arrested on several felony and misdemeanor counts and booked into the county jail (where she is being held in lieu of $100,000 bond).

    Ferrell is scheduled for an August 26 preliminary hearing.

    According to court records, Ferrell’s rap sheet includes multiple theft convictions, as well as a 2023 felony conviction for child endangerment (for which she was sentenced to three years probation).

    Ferrell was sued for eviction earlier this year by the Stark County housing authority, but that case was subsequently dropped by the plaintiff.

    cat, cat killer, Ohio
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    Meet Cooper Conti.

    The 22-year-old Floridian was arrested this morning for driving under the influence.

    In that shirt.

    Conti was booked into jail around 5:30 AM on the misdemeanor count, for which bond has been set at $1000. He is scheduled to be arraigned this afternoon.

    After posing for the above mugshot, Conti would have been directed to change into a boring orange prison smock, thus denying fellow inmates a glimpse of his unique fashion sense.

    In related message t-shirt news, a few favorites from the TSG archive:

    * Drunk driver arrested in “Got Beer?” t-shirt

    * Man in “All My Friends Are Baked.” t-shirt busted for pot possession

    * Oklahoman in “I’m A Drunk” t-shirt nabbed for public drunkenness

    * Motorist in “Drunk As Shit” t-shirt popped for DUI

    * Father wearing “Greatest Dad” t-shirt jailed for child endangerment

    * Man in “Breaking Bad” t-shirt arrested for manufacturing meth

    * Man in “I Have A Drinking Problem” t-shirt pinched for drunk driving

    * “I Love Midget Porn”

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    “Library Girl” just got booked.

    Kendra Sunderland, whose solo exploits in an Oregon State University library helped launch her porn career, was arrested last week on a felony drug charge in Texas, records show.

    Sunderland, 29, was busted Thursday afternoon while driving on Interstate 45 in Willis, a city about 50 miles north of Houston. Sunderland was behind the wheel of a 2013 Lexus pulled over by a Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office deputy.

    According to a redacted incident report, Sunderland was nabbed for possession of a controlled substance (which apparently was marijuana). She was booked into the county jail, from which she was subsequently released.

    Sunderland, who is listed in police records as a Las Vegas resident, is pictured in the adjacent mug shot.

    Sunderland shot to fame in 2015 after filming a 31-minute webcam performance inside OSU’s Valley Library. The video--which found its way to the internet--showed Sunderland exposing her breasts and vagina, masturbating, and licking herself.

    While Sunderland had attended Oregon State, she was not currently registered for classes when she used the library’s WiFi connection to broadcast the webcam performance via her laptop.

    Charged with public indecency, Sunderland copped to the misdemeanor count and was fined $1000.

    Over the following years, Sunderland’s adult film career has blossomed and her social media accounts exploded--800,000 Instagram followers and 1.1 million followers on X/Twitter. Sunderland even has a signature model Fleshlight.

    In a recent Instagram post, Sunderland noted the ninth anniversary of the “Library Girl” video, the “day my life changed forever. Thank you to everyone who participated in getting me this far. I love you all!!”

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    A Sunday night spaghetti dinner turned violent when a 41-year-old man threw the pasta at his mother, striking the victim in the head with the starchy weapon and leaving her splattered with sauce, police allege.

    Investigators say Anthony Fiacco last evening had a “verbal argument with the victim that turned physical” in the Florida home where the victim, 61, resides with the accused.

    “The spaghetti made contact with the victim who had spaghetti sauce in her hair,” cops reported.

    Seen at right, Fiacco allegedly fled the home when officers arrived. After being spotted hiding behind a bush in the backyard, Fiacco sought to run away, but was quickly corralled by police.

    Fiacco was charged with domestic battery for the spaghetti incident, as well as resisting an officer. He was booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor counts. 

    No weapon was seized by police and it is unclear how long the Sunday gravy had been simmering.

    The 5’ 6”, 250-pound Fiacco appeared in court this morning, where a judge ordered him to have no contact with his mother. Fiacco will be allowed a one-time visit--in the presence of law enforcement--to retrieve personal belongings from his St. Petersburg residence.

    Fiacco, who also uses the surname “Edlin,” has prior convictions for battery, trespass, violating probation, and throwing a deadly missile into a building. The “missile” was a Heineken bottle he chucked at an apartment window after being asked to leave a party (flying glass hit several individuals).

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    If you would prefer the police not find your bag of drugs, perhaps consider placing the illegal narcotics into something other than a container marked “Bag of Drugs.”

    Cops report that Lauren Riley was a passenger in a car pulled over Saturday morning after the driver was spotted without a seatbelt. During the traffic stop, officers noticed Riley, 41, moving items around on the vehicle’s floorboard.

    When police peered into the auto, they allegedly spotted drug paraphernalia, which prompted a probable cause examination of the vehicle and its contents. The resulting search, cops report, turned up a bag inside Riley’s purse labeled “Bag of Drugs.”

    Inside the bag, cops allege, was a needle, straws, a metal spoon, four glass pipes, and plastic baggies with a white-colored residue. A bag inside the "Drugs" bag contained crack cocaine, powdered cocaine, crystal meth, Xanax pills, and other narcotics.

    The discovery of the “Bag of Drugs” resulted in Riley’s arrest on a variety of felony charges (and a misdemeanor paraphernalia count).

    Riley (seen above) is being held in a Florida county lockup. Her “Bag of Drugs” is being held in a police evidence locker.

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    A man drove three hours from Atlanta, Georgia to South Carolina, where he allegedly tried to remove a gigantic Confederate flag that flies on a property adjacent to Interstate 85, police charge.

    Cops responded Saturday night to a 911 call about a trespasser climbing a fence near the towering Spartanburg County flagpole (seen above), which looms over the busy nearby roadway and was erected by a local chapter of the Sons of Confederate Veterans.

    Police say they encountered James Daniel Blitch, 23, who was found carrying a Dremel and tool bits when he was arrested.

    Blitch reportedly told cops that he “did not agree with the confederate flag and wanted to lower it.” Asked about a reported vandalism the prior night near the flagpole, Blitch, who was described as "upfront and cooperative," denied involvement.

    Charged with two trespassing counts, Blitch spent a night in jail before being released from custody Sunday afternoon after posting $465 cash bond.

    Blitch, pictured at right, reportedly told cops that he had planned to drive back to Atlanta after lowering the flag. Blitch’s address is listed in court records as his family’s stately home in the upscale Buckhead neighborhood.

    Blitch’s parents are both lawyers: his father is a solo practitioner, while his mother is senior counsel at The Coca-Cola Company and a board member of the Georgia Justice Project, a criminal justice reform group.

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    JULY 9--An Ohio man who today allegedly burglarized a Petland store and set loose some animals was found with several hamsters stuffed in his pockets when cops discovered him sleeping--in a leopard-print onesie--outside a nearby business.

    Matthew Pancake, 31, was arrested this morning for breaking into several stores in Columbus, according to cops.

    When investigators arrived outside the pet store, they found dogs, birds, bunnies, and a hamster in the parking lot outside. Some other small animals were still unaccounted for late this morning.

    In addition to Petland, Pancake is accused of breaking the front door glass and entering a Roosters restaurant and a shoe store.

    Officers found Pancake--who has an extensive rap sheet--asleep near a Big Lots store. A police frisk turned up the purloined rodents.

    Charged with vandalism and breaking and entering, both felonies, Pancake was booked into the Franklin County jail after being treated at a local hospital for injuries he apparently suffered during the predawn break-ins.

    Pancake is scheduled for arraignment tomorrow in Franklin County Municipal Court.

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    An Iowa man has pleaded guilty to pleasuring himself outside a Kum & Go convenience store, according to court records.

    After completing the lewd activity, Kenneth Lee Kelly, 55, departed for his nearby Iowa City residence, police charged.

    In a written plea, Kelly, seen at right, recently copped to indecent exposure, a “serious misdemeanor.” A sentencing hearing has been set for August 15 at the Iowa City courthouse to “give the victim(s) the opportunity to attend and/or present a victim impact statement.”

    Kelly could face up to a year in jail.

    Kelly was busted last year after witnesses called 911 to report that “an unknown male had said sexual things to them and began masturbating in their presence” in front of the Kum & Go at 12:30 AM.

    When questioned by police, Kelly--whose rap sheet includes theft and narcotics convictions--“claimed he wasn’t exposing himself,” but instead was just “scratching his genitals,” cops said.

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    A woman is facing a domestic battery charge after striking her boyfriend in the head with a thrown Apple Watch, police allege.

    According to court records, a 1 AM argument yesterday about relationship issues turned violent when Kayleen Tresedder, 35, chucked her Apple device at the man (who had placed her clothing and belongings in bags).

    The watch hit the 35-year-old victim in the left ear, “causing a small cut which bled,” an arrest affidavit states. Cops also noted that the man’s “V-neck was stretched and torn by the defendant who grabbed him by the collar.”

    The alleged attack occurred in the couple’s Gulfport, Florida home (which Tresedder purchased in 2016 for $139,000). She and the victim are parents to three small children.

    Seen above, Tresedder was arrested on a misdemeanor count and booked into the county jail (from which she was released Monday afternoon on her own recognizance).

    Tresedder, who has previously been convicted of DUI and leaving the scene of an accident, was ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim, with the exception of exchanging texts “for the sole purpose of childcare.”

    The Apple Watch was not confiscated by police.

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    After matching with a man on a dating app, an Iowa woman exchanged texts with him before arranging to meet in person yesterday at her residence.

    But when Sumaya Thomas, 18, got “cold feet,” she dialed 911 in a remarkably harebrained bid to avoid an IRL interaction, according to cops.

    As detailed in a criminal complaint, Thomas, who lives in an Iowa City suburb, called police to report that her abusive ex-boyfriend had shown up outside her residence and was sending her threats via Snapchat to “hit, punch, kick, and stab her.”

    Thomas claimed that she “has known this man for two years and that she was pregnant with his baby.”

    Officers responding to Thomas’s residence encountered a “male leaving the scene” and began an “in depth investigation about the reports being made.” The man, who was detained by police, explained that he began speaking with Thomas “just over a week ago on a dating app,” and provided text messages that showed “he was being honest and he really did just meet this female.”

    After multiple interviews with police, Thomas (seen above) admitted she had been lying, claiming she “got cold feet on meeting him and no longer wanted to.” She fabricated her tales of abuse because she “didn’t think officers would help so she made up this call and the events that she described.”

    After being read her rights last night, Thomas, cops reported, explained she pulled the 911 gambit “because she didn’t want the male here and felt we wouldn’t be able to do anything if she just called normally.”

    Thomas, seen above, was arrested for placing a false 911 call and making a fake report of an indictable offense, both of which are misdemeanors. Thomas was released from the county jail earlier today following her initial court appearance.