Buster

In a classic Masshole move, a Massachusetts native now living in Florida was arrested Saturday evening for allegedly battering a “partially disabled” victim who “disagreed with the defendant about liking teams from Boston.”

Police charge that Jeffrey Randall, 59, engaged the victim “in an argument about sports teams from Boston” while the men were inside Randall’s St. Petersburg residence Saturday evening.

When the victim disagreed with Randall “about liking teams from Boston,” Randall became “physically aggressive and pushed the victim twice in the chest,” according to an arrest affidavit.

“The victim is partially disabled and unable to defend himself,” a sheriff's deputy reported.

Randall, arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge, was released from the county jail yesterday morning on his own recognizance. Randall’s rap sheet includes convictions for theft; trespassing; disorderly intoxication; probation violation; and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Jail records list Massachusetts as Randall’s place of birth, while other records show that he has previously lived in and around Boston, as well as a Cape Cod town.

After being placed in shackles due to some alleged drunken dumbassery, a Florida collegian told cops that being restrained “gets me off,” and then requested someone “pinch my nipples,” according to an arrest report.

Cops allege that Joseph Lancaster, a 22-year-old University of South Florida student, caused a disturbance early Sunday after refusing to pay an $820 bill at a St. Petersburg nightspot.

After Lancaster argued with security guards, his friends stepped in and paid the bar tab. Lancaster, stumbling and slurring his words, then began shouting, “I am sorry none of you graduated high school, but fuck you.” Upon being detained by police, Lancaster’s belligerence did not cease. “Fuck you, pussy” and “Bro, this is fucked,” he shouted, cops noted.

When a police transport van arrived, Lancaster “even argued with the van driver,” the report states. “The defendant had to be placed in shackles and stated, ‘This gets me off.’ He also said ‘pinch my nipples.’”

Charged with disorderly intoxication, a misdemeanor, Lancaster was booked into the county jail (from which he was released this morning after posting $100 bond).

Pictured above, Lancaster was arrested in June for driving under the influence. He was freed on $500 bond in that pending misdemeanor case, which is scheduled for a December 11 hearing.

A defendant who threw two naked women out of his Florida home during a 2 AM altercation yesterday told police that the victims attacked him after he declined to engage in a sexual threesome, according to criminal complaints.

Responding to a 911 call about a disturbance at a Clearwater apartment building, cops interviewed Ciraya Rassasombath, 27, and Angelique Pavelec, 28, about an encounter with Rassasombath’s husband that allegedly turned violent.

According to arrest affidavits, Pavelec went to Rassasombath’s home to “hang out and drink.” While at the apartment, Pavelec said, “they had planned sexual arrangements with her friend’s husband,” Calvin Rassasombath, 33.

But before a threesome ensued, a verbal argument began, Pavelec reported, over the way Calvin was treating his wife. As the dispute escalated, Calvin allegedly choked both naked women before throwing them out of the residence. Ciraya told cops that the attack occurred “during a planned sexual arrangement.”

A Clearwater Police Department officer reported observing marks and bruising on the necks of both women.

After being read his rights, Calvin claimed that the women “wanted to have sex with him but he did not want to,” prompting them to attack him. Calvin added that he was “able to get them out of the residence and call law enforcement.”

Based on the statements given by the women and the evidence of the injuries they suffered, Calvin was arrested on felony and misdemeanor battery charges. After posting $5500 bond, he was released this morning from the county jail. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the women.

Calvin has previously been convicted of trespass and burglary (for which he spent time in state prison). He is pictured above, flanked by Pavelec (left) and Ciraya.

Angered that a burger joint “had no more lettuce for their sandwiches,” a Florida Man allegedly caused a disturbance late Wednesday that resulted in his arrest on a pair of criminal charges.

Police say that Henry Arce-Cabellero, 49, was beating on the windows of a Checkers restaurant in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. Arce-Cabelleo was melting down, cops charge, “because he was upset that the store had no more lettuce for their sandwiches.”

According to a criminal complaint, Arce-Cabellero was “yelling and screaming” at Checkers’s employees, causing them to “fear for their safety.”

When police arrived at the eatery around 11:30 PM, Arce-Cabellero, who was in his car, refused to identify himself, prompting an officer to remove him from the vehicle. “The defendant was uncooperative with me and denied the allegations,” a patrolman reported.

Arce-Cabellero was charged with disorderly conduct in an establishment and resisting an officer without violence, both misdemeanors. Arce-Cabelleo was released yesterday from the county jail on his own recognizance.

According to recent news reports, a national lettuce shortage has impacted restaurants across the country. Last month, for example, Chick-fil-A alerted customers that due to “industry wide challenges with lettuce supply, certain menu items, including salads, may be prepared differently or unavailable for the time being.”

A Florida Man is accused of striking his girlfriend with a pumpkin and its innards during a 2 AM confrontation yesterday in the couple’s apartment, police report.

According to a criminal complaint, Nathan Garisto, 26, was arrested Monday on a domestic battery charge. Garisto, free on $1000 bond, has been ordered to have no contact with the 29-year-old victim.

Police say that when they responded to the couple’s Largo residence, the victim was “covered in pumpkin seeds and pulp.” Garisto, cops noted, was “heavily intoxicated while engaged in a verbal argument with his girlfriend.”

After refusing his girlfriend’s requests to leave the home, Garisto allegedly “threw a pumpkin and all insides of the pumpkin at the subject,” the complaint alleges. When questioned by police, Garisto claimed that he only “threw the pumpkin at the sliding doors,” and not at the victim.

Seen above, Garisto has pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count. A judge yesterday ordered him to wear an alcohol monitor as part of his bond conditions. Court records show that Garisto’s rap sheet includes convictions for drunk driving, marijuana possession, careless driving, and probation violation.

A Florida Man slapped his girlfriend in the face with a slice of pizza, leaving her covered in “grease, red sauce, and food toppings,” according to police who arrested the accused batterer.

Responding Wednesday night to a call about a disturbance at an apartment building in Port Charlotte, cops were met by the 51-year-old victim, who said that Sean Metcalf, 59, had "smacked her in the face with a piece of pizza."

The woman said she was taking items to the trash when Metcalf became very angry and started to yell at her. Included in the material the woman planned on tossing was a pizza box she mistakenly thought was empty.

“Sean told her not to throw his things away and became very angry,” according to a probable cause affidavit. The victim responded by tossing the pizza box back into the residence, causing slices to escape containment.

Metcalf allegedly then approached his girlfriend, “picking up a slice of pizza and hitting the victim in the face and chest with it.”

When questioned by cops, Metcalf admitted losing his cool and yelling at the victim, but denied the dispute became physical. He also claimed to have “no idea how pizza got all over the victim.”

Seen above, Metcalf was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Charlotte County jail. He was released from custody Thursday after posting $2000 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the victim.