Buster

Responding to a 911 call about a domestic disturbance, a Florida cop discovered that the purported combatants were actually involved in a noisy “romantic situation with one another on the living room floor,” according to a police report.

When an officer arrived early Sunday morning at the Bradenton residence, the couple “came outside and were both smiling and adjusting their clothing,” noted Officer James Savaglio.

The duo explained that the home did not have air conditioning, so the windows were opened, which allowed confused neighbors to get an earful. “Neither party alleged anything physical other than the romance that took place.”

Before departing, the cop “asked the parties to keep the noise down.”

After stealing $600 worth of merchandise from Walmart, a Michigan woman made her getaway on one of the store’s motorized wheelchairs, according to cops who collared her two miles from the retailer.

Shirley Mae Mason, 46, was arrested Monday night and charged with the theft of the $1200 electric cart and six bags stuffed with clothing.

During questioning by police, Mason said that she decided to swipe the motorized cart after failing to secure a car ride from the store. Mason, according to a police report, said she just “didn’t feel like walking.”

Mason, seen above, was booked into the Muskegon County jail, from which she was later released after posting bond.

Last month, an 18-year-old New Mexico man was arrested for stealing a similar Walmart cart and driving it to a meeting with his probation officer at an Albuquerque courthouse.

A few days ago, we asked for input as to what was on this Florida inmate’s face.

Analysts were split on whether Arie Patterson, 36, was covered in paint; eggs; mustard; creamsicles; pudding; Velveeta cheese; or even Big Bird ejaculate.

According to cops, however, the theft suspect is covered in Sabre pepper foam, which Broward County jailers use to gain compliance from uncooperative inmates. According to Dani Moschella, a sheriff’s spokesperson, Patterson was sprayed three times when he tussled with deputies seeking to fingerprint and photograph him.

“The foam is similar to pepper spray, but it doesn’t shoot as far, which is useful in close quarters such as a jail,” noted Moschella.

After the foam blasting, Patterson became cooperative. But he refused to be decontaminated or treated by emergency medical personnel.

“In an effort to safely and quickly complete the fingerprint and mug shot process and return him to his cell, deputies took his photo immediately,” said Moschella, who added, “They later took a new photo.”

Frankly, we preferred the Big Bird theory.

A Florida woman arrested for setting her boyfriend on fire after dousing him with rubbing alcohol claimed that the victim had been participating in the so-called fire challenge when “things went awry,” police report.

According to cops, Marcos Fuentes suffered burns to twenty percent of his body early Sunday morning in the Bradenton home he shares with Necole Stephens, 35.

As Fuentes was being loaded into an emergency medical helicopter, he told Manatee County Sheriff’s Officer deputies that Stephens became jealous when she saw him texting on his phone. Fuentes added that Stephens “threw ‘medical’ alcohol all over him before igniting his clothes on fire with a lighter.”

Stephens, who was not home when cops arrived, was later contacted by phone by deputies, who reported that Stephens claimed Fuentes “was participating in the ‘alcohol challenge’ and things went awry.” Stephens added that she left the residence because she was “scared.”

Stephens, investigators noted, declined repeated requests to return to the home and provide “proof that she did nothing wrong.” She was subsequently located at another Bradenton residence and arrested. Stephens is locked up in lieu of $15,000 on a felony aggravated assault charge.

Fuentes suffered second-degree burns “on his left side from his shoulder down past his waist,” reported deputies. Stephens and Fuentes are pictured above in a Facebook photo uploaded to her page in late-June.

The “fire challenge,” which has been popularized by Facebook and YouTube videos, involves a participant pouring rubbing alcohol on their skin and then setting the liquid on fire. The flames are then supposed to be quickly extinguished. However, many individuals have suffered serious burns as a result of the dangerous online trend.

Two high school students arrested Saturday night for breaking into a Florida home told police they were not there to steal anything, but just planned to have sex in the owner’s bedroom.

Police were summoned to the Bradenton residence after a neighbor spotted the duo entering the home, whose owner currently resides in Michigan.

After entering the home via an unlocked door, a sheriff’s deputy with his gun drawn announced his presence in the residence. From behind a closed bedroom door, a “male offender replied ‘alright we are coming out.’”

As detailed in a police report, Allison Riddle and Evan Jones, both 18, emerged from the bedroom with their hands up. The couple was then detained and made to sit on a couch in the living room, where they “both admitted that they were not there to steal anything, they were there to have ‘sex.’”

A police examination of the residence showed nothing out of place or missing, though “a few things” had been “disturbed” inside the bedroom. Jones said he was provided the garage’s security code by a friend who cuts the homeowner’s lawn.

The owner “made it very clear” to deputies that he wanted to press charges against the teenagers. Riddle and Jones (pictured in the above mug shots) were then arrested for burglary and booked into the county jail. Jones was freed yesterday after posting $7500 bond, while Riddle remains in custody.

The Texas teacher arrested for giving a 15-year-old boy a “full contact lap dance” in front of her entire class has been sentenced to three years probation following her guilty plea to having an improper relationship with the student.

Felicia Smith, 42, copped a plea yesterday in connection with the late-February incident at Stovall Middle School. Smith, seen in the adjacent mug shot, no longer works at the Houston public school. She was named last month in a felony indictment charging her with touching the student’s genitals with her buttocks.

Smith claimed that she was coaxed into the four-minute dance by the boy’s classmates. According to a probable cause affidavit, the educator gave an energetic performance (which was videotaped by one student).

When the boy entered her classroom, Smith “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her desk,” investigators reported. With music playing, Smith sat on the teen’s lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis while she began to move back and forth.” Smith also “fondled him with her hands by touching him all over his body.” Cops noted that the assorted contact caused the boy to “have an erected penis.”

During a police interview, the teenager admitted that he “slapped Ms. Smith buttocks a few times.” At the dance’s conclusion, Smith “got on her two knees and placed her head between” the boy’s legs, police charged. As she hugged the birthday boy, Smith said, “I love you baby, Happy Birthday.”

While Smith remains licensed to teach English Language Arts and Reading in grades 4-8, Texas state records note that she is “currently under review” by the State Board for Educator Certification’s professional discipline unit.