DOCUMENT: Revolting, Crime

Kilt-Wearing Texan, 60, Busted For Vile Acts

Cops: Man put store merchandise inside his rectum

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Close To The Vest


FEBRUARY 18--Mitchell Cooper Vest is 6’ 6” tall, weighs 250 pounds, and is known to wear a kilt.

Which made it easier for Texas business owners to identify Vest, 60, as the man who recently came into their antique stores and shoved various items up his rectum before placing them “back on the shelf for display,” according to Texas court records.

Police allege that Vest (pictured below) entered several shops in Spring, a Houston suburb, last week and engaged in criminal mischief, a misdemeanor.

Specifically, cops say, Vest first entered the “Antique Gallery of Houston” and placed a makeup brush and a “Restoration Hardware piece” in his anus before returning the merchandise, valued at $130, to the shelf.

Vest then showed up at “The Curiosity Shop,” which is located inside an antiques mall. The shop’s owner, Alisha Osborne, told police that Vest took an antique bottle opener and a “Tobacco Tent Can” (total value: $74) and “placed them into his anus under his green skirt/kilt, then returned the items to the shelf.”

In both instances, the merchandise handled by Vest had to be thrown away “due to feces on them.” As seen above, one store’s surveillance camera recorded Vest browsing.

After complainants identified Vest via a photo array, he was charged Thursday in connection with the vile February 10 incidents. Vest was freed on $100 bond and is scheduled for a February 23 court appearance.

With his wife, Vest owns a $600,000 home in The Woodlands, a community close to Spring. He is listed as retired in one court filing. (2 pages)