Note To Santa: There’s A 95-Year-Old Florida Guy Who Needs A Switchblade This Christmas

Complaining that a 95-year-old neighbor has been harassing him, a 75-year-old Florida man called police Monday to report that the nonagenarian twice pulled a pocket knife on him--but that the older man did not have the strength or dexterity to actually open the weapon.

Panama City police reported that the dispute between Charles Woolard and Joe Taylor dates back three years, when Taylor accused Woolard of stealing his walking cane. Since then, Woolard told a cop, Taylor has taken swings at him, but he has succeeded in blocking the blows.

The police report, which is excerpted here, mistakenly adds two years to Taylor’s age. He turns 96 in April. 

Woolard, who denied stealing the cane, said that Taylor, “pulled a closed pocket knife on him twice,” adding that the older man “tries to open the knife but can’t.” Woolard remarked that, while he is not afraid of Taylor, he is “concerned he might have to act if he actually get the knife open.”

Police made no arrests in connection with the pensioners’s dispute.