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    A Taco Bell worker was doused with bleach last night by a suspect who threw a cup of the chemical into the eatery’s drive-thru window, Florida cops say.

    According to a West Palm Beach Police Department report, an “unknown black female suspect” walked up to the drive-thru window and “threw a cup of bleach” onto employee Janaria Neeley.

    While the liquid damaged Neeley’s clothing, the 19-year-old was not injured in the 10:50 PM bleach attack.

    A police review of surveillance footage did not yield an image of the assailant, who witnesses reported was wearing a gray hoodie and sweatpants. Police have classified the incident as an aggravated battery, a felony.

    The motive for the bleach attack is unknown. Taco Bell workers told cops that they were unaware of any customers having expressed displeasure last night about their orders.

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    Florida police this morning responded to a 911 call reporting that, “a monkey was eating mail out of a mailbox.”

    Sanford Police Department officers found the suspect, named Zeek, wandering around the Hidden Lakes subdivision, where the monkey, a pigtail macaque, was shaking a traffic sign after alighting from a mailbox.

    “When we arrived to help the monkey,” cops noted, Zeek “decided to pull off molding from one of our patrol cars.” After distracting the escapee with a bottle of water, Zeek was corralled when his owner arrived on scene.

    It is unclear how the monkey escaped from its cage.

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    As she was being transported to jail, a Florida woman became “irate” and kicked another female detainee in the face after the victim “‘farted’ near her,” police allege.

    Jeanelle Callahan, 48, was busted Thursday afternoon after she punched her male roommate in the face, according to an arrest affidavit. Callahan, who was reportedly “highly intoxicated,” left the man with a bloody nose.

    Following that misdemeanor collar, Callahan was placed into a jail transport, where she encountered Virginia Turner, 60, who had been arrested for trespassing. Both women were handcuffed in the police vehicle.

    En route to the county lockup, “the suspect claimed that Virginia Turner ‘farted’ near her,” reported Officer Stephen Zulauf. Callahan became “irate” and attempted to strike Turner in the face with her elbow. Callahan then “raised her right leg and kicked Virginia Turner’s right side of her face.”

    Turner did not fight back during the attack, which was recorded by the vehicle’s camera system.

    Callahan, who was already facing a battery rap for punching her roomie, was hit with a second battery count for attacking Turner. She is locked up in the county jail on $1000 bond. Turner was released from custody Friday afternoon.

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    A Pennsylvania girl doused school security guards with gasoline and then attempted to light the victims on fire, according to investigators who have charged the teen with numerous felonies.

    In retaliation for a run-in last week with a guard, Imani Knight-Brantley, 16, returned Monday to her Pittsburgh-area high school carrying a two-liter Sprite bottle containing gasoline.

    According to police, Knight-Brantley was booted from Wilkinsburg High School Friday after being caught using a cell phone in class. She later returned to get food at an after-school program, but was again escorted from the building by guard Brandon Murray. As she was being removed the second time, Knight-Brantley threw a milk carton at Murray.

    As detailed in a criminal complaint, Knight-Brantley confronted Murray upon returning to the school Monday. Police allege that she splashed gasoline on Murray and a second security official. As the guards grappled with Knight-Brantley, she tried to ignite the gasoline with an outdoor grill lighter.

    After police arrived to arrest Knight-Brantley, students were evacuated due to the smell of gasoline throughout the school.

    According to court records, Knight-Brantley faces four counts of aggravated assault and causing or risking catastrophe, both felonies. She is also charged with misdemeanor weapons possession and reckless endangerment counts.

    Knight-Brantley, who has been charged as an adult, is being held in the Allegheny County jail in lieu of $100,000 bond.

    As seen in the above booking photo, the teen has the word “Love” tattooed on her neck. Pennsylvania law bars anyone under the age of 18 from being tattooed, unless the minor’s parent or guardian has consented to the inking (and is present for the tattooing).

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    A Connecticut man already facing multiple burglary charges has been arrested on new criminal counts after he was spotted wearing a stolen sweatshirt in a mug shot photo, police report.

    According to cops, a Glastonbury residence was burglarized in July 2014, but the probe of the crime was suspended after no leads were developed.

    However, two months ago, the victimized homeowner contacted cops to report seeing a booking photo of Derek Benson, 30, who was arrested late last year in connection with a series of burglaries during which expensive golf equipment was stolen.

    “In the photo, Benson was wearing the victim’s sweatshirt, which had been stolen during the burglary of his residence,” the Glastonbury Police Department reported.

    The stolen gray sweatshirt contains the logo for Coco Libre, the “pure organic coconut water.” The victim, a police spokesperson said, works for Coco Libre. Benson is seen in the above mug shot wearing the purloined garment.

    After being tipped by the homeowner, cops noted, “A subsequent investigation linked Benson to the burglary.” In addition to the sweatshirt, jewelry was stolen during last year’s burglary.

    Benson was arrested last week on burglary, larceny, and criminal mischief counts. He remains locked up in lieu of $125,000 bond.

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    Meet Mara Paradox.

    Cops in Lubbock, Texas yesterday morning arrested Paradox, 29, on a marijuana possession charge and booked her into the county jail, where the above mug shot was snapped. Paradox was released from custody early this morning.

    Paradox, who has undergone a gender transition, has worked at the Venice Beach Freakshow, where she was known to eat glass, hang hooks from her eyelids, and recline on a bed of machetes.

    Paradox--who also underwent a surname transition--has tattooed eyeballs, which provide her with a more corpselike mien.

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    A college freshman is facing a public intoxication charge after he opened the rear door of a police car, got in, and requested a ride to his University of Iowa dormitory, police report.

    John Louis Chapman, 18, was busted around 11 PM last night in downtown Iowa City, blocks from his Burge Hall residence, according to a criminal complaint.

    The tipsy Chapman allegedly approached a police cruiser stopped in traffic and asked cop Don Strong for a ride home. After the University of Iowa Public Safety officer told the student to return to the sidewalk, Chapman opened the squad car’s rear door and got into the vehicle.

    Chapman had “bloodshot, watery eyes, and smelled of digested alcohol,” Officer Strong noted. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded the minor’s blood alcohol content at .236, nearly three times the legal limit.

    Seen in the above mug shot, Chapman remains in custody this morning at the county jail on the misdemeanor charge.

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    This is a tip for anyone seeking to successfully hide their narcotics and drug paraphernalia from the police:

    Do not place your illegal items inside a Crown Royal bag. You are not fooling anyone.

    Though the iconic bag shows that you are a discerning consumer of blended Canadian whisky, cops know that your felt enclosure with the gold tasseled drawstring does not, in fact, contain booze.

    For example, as seen in the below police report excerpts (click to enlarge), here is what cops have found this month in Crown Royal bags, both purple and green:

    * Crystal meth:

    * Marijuana:

    * Crack cocaine pipes and drug paraphernalia:

    * More marijuana:

    * Unmarked pill bottle and a “commercial sized thermometer”:

    While stashing illegal items in a Crown Royal bag appears to be gaining in popularity, the practice of hiding rocks of crack cocaine inside empty Krazy Glue tubes remains the drug trade’s most frequently seen repurposing of a commercial product for concealment needs.

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    A woman clobbered her live-in boyfriend in the face with a “pooper scooper” during an early-morning confrontation in their apartment, according to Florida cops.

    Megan Smith, 27, was arrested for battery around 5 AM Monday when an argument about “living arrangements” with victim Alexander Buck allegedly “turned physical.”

    Police charge that Smith “picked up a pooper scooper and hit the victim in the face with it multiple times.” The pooper scooper strikes knocked Buck’s glasses off his face and left him with “multiple abrasions to his left eyebrow and forehead.”

    Buck, who fled the couple’s Bradenton home and called 911, subsequently declined treatment from an EMS team dispatched to the residence.

    During police questioning, Smith reportedly copped to striking Buck with the scooper, which is used to handle cat litter. “She stated she hit him because the victim would not stop arguing with her,” an investigator noted.

    Smith, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was released yesterday from the county jail after posting $500 bond. She is scheduled for an October 15 arraignment on the misdemeanor charge.

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    Does it get more Greek than this?

    An intoxicated sorority leader was arrested early Saturday night after she urinated on the floor of a frozen yogurt shop near the University of Iowa campus, police report.

    Cops were called to Yotopia--which bills itself as “Iowa City’s Original FroYo”--after a woman relieved herself inside the business around 7 PM.

    Officers identified the suspect as Jestine Rands, a 20-year-old University of Iowa student. Rands, cops reported, smelled of booze, was “slurring her speech,” and had “bloodshot watery eyes.” Rands, who had an empty flask that smelled of alcohol, allegedly gave cops false information, claiming that her driver’s license was actually that of a friend.

    Pictured at right, Rands, a Nebraska native, was arrested for public intoxication, a misdemeanor.

    When not attending classes and urinating in froyo joints, the college junior serves as “New Member Educator” for the Chi Omega sorority. Earlier this month, Rands helped organize the sorority’s “Bid Day,” which welcomed 61 new members to the Chi Omega chapter.

    Rands’s bust came a day after University of Iowa officials announced the suspension of the Alpha Phi sorority in light of its “Bid Day” performance of a song that refers to binge drinking. To the tune “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae),” the underage sorority sisters sang, “Now watch me chug/Now watch me shotgun, Now watch me chug, chug/Now watch me blackout.”

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    A Connecticut man on his way to court to “take care of a speeding ticket” was arrested yesterday after cops clocked his car going 112 miles an hour, according to police.

    Seth Tichenor, 33, was arrested Wednesday afternoon by Vermont State Police officers who stopped his car on Interstate 89.

    Tichenor, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was pulled over after other drivers called 911 to report a “vehicle traveling in excess of 100 mph and weaving in and out of traffic.”

    Cops subsequently clocked Tichenor’s car going nearly 50 miles above the road's 65 mph limit.

    Tichenor, who “was headed to traffic court to take care of a speeding ticket,” was busted for negligent driving and speeding, police reported. He is scheduled for an October 27 court appearance.

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    The notorious “Akron Pooper” appears to have been scared straight.

    It has been six months since the serial civic menace last defecated upon, or in, vehicles parked on the streets of Ohio’s fifth-largest city, according to police.

    Investigators believe that the suspect--a middle-aged white male--is responsible for the vile vandalizing of at least 20 autos since 2012. The “Akron Pooper” usually struck in the predawn hours in the city’s Castle Homes neighborhood.

    In early-March, cops circulated the above image of the suspect, which was snapped by a man whose daughter’s vehicle had been pooped on several times. The perpetrator was photographed with his pants at his knees as he hovered above the woman’s 2004 Dodge Neon.

    But since cops began publicizing the repulsive spree in a bid to get the public to help identify the man, the “Akron Pooper” has gone underground. Akron Police Department spokesperson Lt. Rick Edwards said no arrests have been made, “nor have we had any more incidents reported since the photos were released.”

    While investigators have received multiple tips on the pooper that have not panned out, citizens can still drop a dime to police at (330) 275-2552.

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    A shoplifter who wore a “Won’t Be Caught” t-shirt is being sought by cops who say that the woman and an accomplice stole handbags worth more than $700 from a Florida store.

    The suspect is seen above in an August 30 surveillance photo taken at a Marshall’s department store in Sanford.

    The two women were filmed “selecting multiple handbags and then passed all points of sale, making no attempt to pay for their selected merchandise,” according to police. The below photo shows the duo running from the store carrying the stolen loot.

    In March, a woman wearing a “Won’t Be Caught” t-shirt was recorded on a security camera after she and a female sidekick stole nearly $1500 worth of perfume and cologne from a beauty supply store in Tampa.

    In late-May, cops arrested Toccara Marlesha Huff in connection with the theft at the Ulta Beauty Supply store. Investigators identified the 33-year-old Huff--a convicted felon who has a rap sheet filled with dozens of arrests--as the woman wearing the “Won’t Be Caught” t-shirt.

    Huff was released on $4000 bond, but when she failed to show for subsequent court hearings, a judge issued an arrest warrant for her. Huff’s bond has been revoked, and the fugitive remains at large.

    It does not appear that the “Won’t Be Caught” thief seen in the August 30 surveillance photo is Huff. The Sanford department store is about 100 miles away from the Tampa beauty supply shop allegedly plundered by Huff and her cohort Ayanna Palacio, a convicted felon who is being held in the Hillsborough County jail.