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    A Florida Woman is facing an assault charge after throwing a Bible at her boyfriend’s head, according to police who say the victim “had to duck to avoid being hit with the Holy Book.”

    During an argument Sunday afternoon in the St. Petersburg home she shares with the man, Terry Slaughter “picked up a Bible and threw it at the victim, almost striking him in the head,” police charge.

    The man, cops say, “was in fear of being hit in the head with the Bible, and had to duck to avoid being hit with the Holy Book” tossed by the 51-year-old Slaughter (who is also accused of breaking her beau’s cell phone).

    Seen at right, Slaughter denied throwing the Bible, claiming that the victim was “making this up to get her in trouble.”

    Charged with assault and criminal mischief, both misdemeanors, Slaughter was booked into the county jail and released yesterday afternoon on her own recognizance. She was ordered by a judge to have no contact with the victim.

    Slaughter, however, returned to her residence and “confronted” the victim, cops say. During an ensuing argument, she allegedly “scratched the victim’s neck, causing a visible injury.” Slaughter was arrested for domestic battery and booked into the county jail, where she is being held in lieu of $5000 bond.

    Slaughter was freed from a Florida state prison in March 2018 after serving about 20 years for a second-degree murder conviction.

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    A homeless man was rescued from inside the hopper of a garbage truck after the dumpster he was sleeping in was emptied into the vehicle, South Carolina police report.

    According to Myrtle Beach cops, Mark Mencini, 62, yesterday morning “had been in a dumpster and when the truck picked up the dumpster, he had become trapped in the trash compartment.”

    Around 4:20 AM, officers responded to a 911 call from a witness who was near a T.J. Maxx store. The caller told police dispatchers that he “heard someone yelling for help from the truck’s trash compartment.”

    Police subsequently discovered Mencini inside the garbage truck. EMS workers transported Mencini--who complained of chest pain and hip injuries--to a local hospital for further treatment.

    Mencini told cops that he did not recall anything about the incident, and “only remembered being in the dumpster with his girlfriend.” A Myrtle Beach Police Department report only indicates that Mencini was expelled from the dumpster into the garbage truck.

    The report does not indicate how long Mencini was inside the garbage truck, or whether he was injured due to compacting or from falling from the dumpster.

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    The Florida Man arrested for using a front-end loader to dump a bucket of dirt on his girlfriend’s car has escaped with a judicial slap on the wrist, according to court records.

    Hunter Mills, who was scheduled for a January 6 trial for felony criminal mischief, recently struck a plea deal that resulted in a deferred prosecution agreement and his placement in a pretrial diversion program.

    If Mills, 20, successfully completes the program--which is afforded to some first-time offenders--the criminal charge will likely be dismissed. Most diversion programs last 12 months.

    Mills was arrested in August after he covered a 2010 Cadillac driven by his girlfriend in dirt. The woman had driven to meet Mills on a road adjacent to the headquarters of an excavation firm that sells top soil and landscaping materials. The dumping site was in Crestview, a city about 50 miles from Pensacola.

    According to an arrest report, when Mills’s girlfriend “refused to answer a question,” Mills--who arrived at the meeting site in a front-end loader--“dumped the dirt on the driver side half of the vehicle, causing scratches to the top, hood, and trunk. The window was down during the incident, which caused dirt to fill up the air vents, center console, and power windows.”

    The car’s owner estimated that his ride suffered $8000 in damages.

    When questioned by police, Mills admitted covering the car in dirt, but “stated that he did this in an attempt to get [the woman] to leave him alone.”

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    A workplace dispute over “recent world issues in Iraq/Iran” ended yesterday with the arrest of a Florida maintenance man who allegedly punched a coworker in the face after becoming “irate over issues he has with President Trump,” police say.

    According to an arrest affidavit, Armando Colon, 55, attacked Benjamin Martin “over an argument.” The men work together at On Top of the World, a 55-and-older condominium development in Clearwater.

    Martin and two witnesses told cops that Colon was “the only aggressor” during an argument Wednesday morning about Trump and international affairs.

    When Martin sought to “leave the area due to defendant’s attitude,” Colon allegedly attacked his fellow worker, striking him in the face with a punch that resulted in a small laceration. “The defendant became irate over issues he has with President Trump,” a cop reported.

    Colon, seen above, was arrested for battery. He was freed from the county jail early this morning after posting $500 on the misdemeanor count.

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    Chalk up another collar for the Geek Squad.

    A Florida middle school teacher is facing child porn charges after illicit images were found on a laptop that he dropped off for repair at a Best Buy near his Florida residence.

    William Crawford, 69, was arrested yesterday on ten counts of possession of child pornography. He subsequently resigned from his job at John Long Middle School, where he taught science.

    According to a criminal complaint, Crawford last year brought his Toshiba Satellite into a Tampa Bay-area Best Buy for repair. While working on the computer, a Geek Squad technician “observed images consistent with child pornography,” prompting store officials to alert cops.

    A police search of the computer revealed “numerous files that were in fact child pornography.” After being read his rights, Crawford reportedly “admitted to having illegal images on his computer.”

    Seen above, Crawford is scheduled to make an initial court appearance this morning.

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    A Florida Woman was arrested Saturday for allegedly tossing a bucket of human waste in the face her landlord, according to a charging affidavit that nobody needs to read.

    Joanne Mercader, 59, was collared following a confrontation in the mobile home she rents from the 65-year-old victim. Seen above, Mercader was busted for battery on a person 65 or older, a felony.

    The victim told sheriff’s deputies that she had previously arranged with Mercader to “check on broken items within the residence” in Osteen, a Volusia County community.

    When the victim received no response to her knocking, she opened the trailer door and was “met with a full bucket of human feces being thrown into her face.” The victim’s account of the vile incident was confirmed by two witnesses interviewed by police.

    When a deputy first encountered the landlord, she was “completely covered in feces that was dripping wet.”

    After initially claiming that the victim had attacked her, Mercader admitted to “throwing the bucket of feces on [the landlord] as soon as she entered the residence.” Mercader claimed she had intended to use a bucket of water, “but got the two buckets confused.”

    The court affidavit does not reveal why Mercader had a bucket of feces at her fingertips. Nor does the document address a motive for the alleged attack.

    Body camera footage shows that responding deputies were bewildered by the trailer scene. “Both of them are covered in crap,” one cop said, referring to Mercader and the landlord. “There is poop everywhere,” another deputy remarked.  

    Mercader was booked into the county jail Saturday evening and released from custody yesterday on her own recognizance. She has been ordered to have no contact with the victim.

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    A tipsy Florida Motorist whose blood alcohol content was measured at nearly three times the legal limit admitted consuming whiskey shots prior to driving, but assured cops, “I’m a professional drinker.”

    George Emmanuel, 54, was collared late Wednesday evening after a sheriff’s deputy spotted his vehicle speeding in a 35 mph zone.

    After being pulled over, Emmanuel--who was wobbly and had “watery and glassy” eyes--performed poorly on a series of field sobriety tests. Additionally, his blood alcohol contest was measured at .218 and .211 (.08 is the legal limit).

    After being read his rights, Emmanuel “admitted to consuming 1-2 shots of whiskey prior to driving,” according to an arrest affidavit. The Gulfport resident also reportedly declared, “I’m a professional drinker.”

    Seen above, Emmanuel was arrested on a misdemeanor DUI charge. He was released from the county jail early yesterday on his own recognizance.

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    An argument “over a Kelly Clarkson TV show” turned violent Monday afternoon when a Florida Couple allegedly exchaged punches, according to police who busted the duo for domestic battery.

    According to arrest affidavits, Linda Donahower, 61, and Ronald Meyer, 55, were in their Clearwater residence late Monday afternoon when they “engaged in a verbal argument” about the Clarkson show.

    Clarkson, who won the first season of “American Idol” in 2002, hosts “The Kelly Clarkson Show,” a weekday talk show on NBC. The 37-year-old singer’s hour-long program debuted in September. On her December 30 show, Clarkson looked back at favorite moments from the program’s first few months, which included appearances by Kobe Bryant, musician Blake Shelton, and actress Tracee Ellis Ross.

    Investigators charge that the quarrel between Donahower and Meyer turned physical when an annoyed Donahower punched Meyer “in the shoulder to get him to be quiet.” Meyer allegedly responded by jumping on Donahower and striking her in the face.

    Cops report that the couple have been in a “romantic relationship for approximately 14 years,” and that they were both “intoxicated causing inconsistencies in their statements.” Donahower and Meyer were both “taken into custody for a mutual battery,” cops say.

    The combatants were each booked into the county jail for domestic battery, a misdemeanor. Donahower and Meyer were released on their own recognizance yesterday afternoon, and a judge has ordered them to have no contact with each other.

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    A Louisiana woman is behind bars on a felony drug possession charge after police discovered her methamphetamine stash in a small plastic container that was helpfully labeled “Dope.”

    Cops responded Saturday night to a West Monroe residence after an unidentified complainant reported finding “suspected narcotics” inside the apartment, which is home to Candyce Neel, 41.

    According to a probable cause affidavit, through “further investigation,” an officer found the “Dope” container with “suspected methamphetamine inside.”

    Neel, cops say, left the apartment “prior to deputies speaking with her.” However, she was later arrested after being found hiding behind the residence. After being read her rights, Neel reportedly “admitted ownership of the suspected narcotics.”

    Seen at right, Neel was charged with possession of a controlled dangerous substance and booked into the local jail, where she is being held on $3000 bond.

    Neel’s rap sheet includes prior collars for possession of stolen goods, driving without a license, possession of methamphetamine with intent to distribute, and failure to appear in court.

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    Luckily, “The Pop-Tart did not strike the victim,” police report.

    During an argument Sunday evening, a Florida Man threw a Pop-Tart at his wife’s head, according to cops who say that while the toaster pastry missed its target, the victim was struck in the arm by her spouse’s follow-through motion.

    According to investigators, Brandon Sutherland, 36, and his wife were quarreling in their St. Petersburg residence when, according to the victim, Sutherland “became upset and intentionally threw a Pop-Tart at her head.”

    While the Pop-Tart did not strike the 29-year-old woman, she was hit on the arm by Sutherland’s left hand. A sheriff’s deputy reported observing a red mark on the woman’s arm.

    During police questioning, Sutherland (seen above) reportedly confessed to throwing the Pop-Tart, and that he “grazed the victim’s right arm with his left hand.”

    A deputy noted that he “observed the broken Pop-Tart on the floor of the residence.”

    Sutherland was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody late Monday afternoon. A judge has ordered Sutherland to have no contact with the victim.

    Described as a “disabled vet” in court filings, Sutherland was arrested last March for allegedly battering the same woman (who is identified as his girlfriend in a March 2018 arrest affidavit). Prosecutors subsequently declined to pursue the misdemeanor case against Sutherland.

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    In a plea deal, prosecutors dropped a phony ID charge filed against a tipsy Iowa collegian who was carrying a “fake Hawaii ID with the name ‘McLovin,’” in his wallet, court records show.

    Daniel Burleson, 20, was arrested in October during a 12:30 AM bar check at an Iowa City nightspot. The underage University of Iowa student, who smelled of booze and had slurred speech and bloodshot eyes, was escorted from the Airliner Bar and busted for public intoxication, being a minor in possession of alcohol, and being in a bar while underage.

    Burleson, seen at right, was hit with another charge when officers spotted what they described as the defendant’s “fake Hawaii ID with the name ‘McLovin’” and a June 1981 date of birth. According to an arrest report, Burleson told cops he purchased the ID “off of Amazon.”

    While the “McLovin” ID is a well known gag from “Superbad,” the 2007 comedy starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Seth Rogen, Iowa City cops apparently were not in on the joke. After actually contacting police dispatch--which “ran a query of the ID which returned no results”--cops cited Burleson for “possession of fictitious license, ID card or form.”

    After Burleson’s arrest was first reported in these pages, a bemused Rogen--who co-wrote “Superbad”--tweeted, “My work here is done.”

    During a recent court appearance, Burleson pleaded guilty to alcohol possession and being in a bar while underage. He was fined $265 by a District Court judge who dismissed the phony ID and public intoxication counts lodged against the business major.

    In a related development, Burleson turns 21 tomorrow. As for “McLovin,” he purportedly celebrated his 38th birthday on June 3.

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    A Florida felon has pleaded guilty to possessing the opioid fentanyl and Ecstasy pills in the shape of Donald Trump’s head, but he will avoid prison thanks to a generous plea deal, court records show.

    Brendan Dolan-King, 23, was sentenced last week to 18 months probation following guilty pleas to a pair of felony narcotics possession charges and a probation violation count. He was also ordered to pay about $1000 in fines and court fees.

    As part of Dolan-King’s plea deal, prosecutors dropped the top count lodged against him--felony possession of marijuana with intent to sell, manufacture, or deliver.

    Though Dolan-King faced a minimum of a year in custody, a judge cited his plea bargain and “treatment” as mitigating factors for a downward sentencing departure. Dolan-King is pictured above in a photo taken when his probation supervision began on December 2.

    Dolan-King was arrested in August after a search of his Clearwater apartment turned up drugs stashed inside an air vent. Police raided the residence because they suspected that Dolan-King “was possibly the person” who provided heroin to an overdose victim.

    As detailed in an arrest affidavit, police seized “five orange tablets in the shape of Donald Trump’s head marked Trump NL” and fentanyl powder. The seized Trump Ecstasy was similar in appearance to pills manufactured in Europe.

    At the time of his arrest, Dolan-King was on probation for a 2018 conviction for possessing cocaine and marijuana. His rap sheet also includes an earlier conviction for possessing cocaine, liquid THC, and MDMA pills (which were in the shape of Darth Vader).

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    During an argument yesterday morning, a Florida Woman took apart her family's artificial Christmas tree and proceeded to strike her longtime boyfriend with three sections of the fake fir, according to police.

    Responding to a call about a disturbance at a Clearwater property, cops made a forced entry into the home Krystall Graham, 38, and the victim share with two children. Upon entering the residence around 7 AM, Graham and the victim were “actively engaged in a physical altercation,” investigators reported.

    During a police interview, Graham said the couple began arguing “due to the victim setting the TV volume on too high while she was sleeping.” As a result, Graham said, she “squared up to the victim and was screaming in his face.”

    Seen above, Graham also reportedly admitted that she “took apart an artificial Christmas tree, and threw three sections of the tree” at the 38-year-old victim. As detailed in an arrest affidavit, cops noted that the victim had scratches and abrasions on his face, neck, and stomach.

    Graham’s two children--ages eight and two--were present during the confrontation. Graham and the victim, cops say, have been in a relationship for eight years and “have a child in common.”

    Charged with domestic battery, Graham was booked into the Pinellas County jail on the misdemeanor count. She was released from custody on her own recognizance early this morning.